Archive for the ‘Congress Humor’ Category

Et Tu, Dennis?

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Big news on the health reform front: Dennis Kucinich caved. “Something is better than nothing,” the Ohio Congressman explained.

I’m not at all sure I buy the half a loaf theory because I have zero faith in Obama and his fellow Dems. I just don’t believe Democrats will ever manage to improve their health reform recipe.

Et Tu, Dennis? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama takes lib’rals for granted,
And with Dennis’s “no” vote recanted,
It appears that he’s right:
Lib’ral pols have no fight!
Count this lib’ral as quite disenchanted.

Related Post: Dear Obama, Enough With The Voltaire!

I proud to say that this post is mentioned in the excellent
Health Wonk Review: Special Edition On Health Reform.

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

It’s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican “trash and cash” Recovery Act hypocrisy. But Steve Benen has a stimulus hypocrisy update, and I have a limerick:

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The stim bill was bad. Voted no,
Cuz it won’t the economy grow.”
That’s the GOP rant
As they privately chant,
“Now give me more stimulus dough.”

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats

Monday, January 25th, 2010

In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies.

Any minute now (I tell myself) Dems under Obama’s leadership will call a halt to the futile act of making nice with Republicans (and Blue Dogs) and will start pursuing a truly progressive agenda.

But, alas, Democrats seem to have learned exactly the wrong lesson from losing Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat to a Republican.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama and co are you nuts?
Or did someone abscond with your guts?
If you act like you’re weak
All your power will leak,
Hurling Dems out of town on their butts.

     

********

Some related posts from Think Progress, Common Dreams, Susie Madrak, and Steve Benen.

Stupak Stupidity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion.

Let me try to explain, even though the effort may make my brain explode. “Money is fungible,” say proponents of the Stupak abortion-coverage ban. And under “Stupak logic,” if your insurance policy doesn’t cover abortions, but your insurer issues abortion coverage to other people, your premiums are part of a pool of baby-killing cash.

This brings us back to the RNC whose health insurance policy, until roughly five minute ago, covered elective abortions and has done so since 1991.

So what inspired the sudden change? The RNC’s hypocritical abortion coverage got some headlines, embarrassing Chairman Michael Steele into sending its carrier an opt-out notice — something the RNC could have done any time during the last eighteen years.

End of story, right? Well, not exactly. Because the RNC hasn’t stopped paying health insurance premiums to Cigna. And Cigna still issues abortion insurance to other organizations. So under “Stupak logic,” the RNC and its donors are still subsidizing abortion and killing those babies.

Shame on the RNC! And shame also on Focus on the Family, which has its own fungible money problem. It’s insured by Principal, yet another abortion-covering carrier.

The RNC and Focus on the Family have earned themselves a limerick, don’t you think?

Stupak Stupidity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The folks behind Stupak are clear:
All money is fungible. Hear?
So how odd that they chose
To pay money to cos
That finance abortions each year.

Related Post: Stewing Over Stupak

Public Figures Behaving Badly

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

Here’s the transcript of the Joe Wilson (R-SC) Congressional Resolution that would reprimand him for his “You lie!” outburst at Obama during last week’s joint session of Congress.

And speaking of badly behaved public figures, I’ve written an Ode To Incivility on my other blog. It features the 3 W’s — Joe Wilson, Kanye West, and Serena Williams.

UPDATE: The Resolution rebuking Joe Wilson passed 240 to 179. Called a “resolution of disapproval,” it was supported by only seven Republicans and opposed by twelve Democrats.

Tantrum Politics

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion?

Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you’re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. And the only thing you’re likely to learn is that it’s frustrating and possibly dangerous to be a Democratic Congressperson.

Here’s my limerick about the right-wing scheme to stifle intelligent discussion of the issues by inciting angry mobs to shout down these meetings.

Tantrum Politics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If reform can’t be fought using facts,
Simply give civil discourse the ax.
Block discussion with mobs
Packed with morons like Dobbs.
That’s the path of Republican hacks.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Waterloo Lies

The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

Republicans are truly gifted at changing the subject, and the media falls for it every time. Take CIA torture, for instance. Is the media focusing on who in the Bush administration broke the law and ordered torture? Of course not! Instead, the topic’s morphed into whether Nancy Pelosi is lying when she says the CIA misled Congress about torture.

Following Republican logic is never an easy task. But from what I can gather, here’s the Republican position: Bush’s CIA did nothing wrong, & Pelosi could have and should have stopped them.

In honor of the Republicans tortured position on torture, I’ve written them a theme song to the tune of Stephen Foster’s Camptown Races:

The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The CIA did nothing wrong.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew and went along.
Oh, de doo-da day.

Torture is always right.
Torture can make our day.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
She could have got in the way.

Interrogation must be tough.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew we got too rough.
Oh, de doo-da day.

Never did break no laws.
Torture? Who, us? No way!
Pelosi’s nothing but a lying hag.
Nancy would lead you astray.

The CIA protects us all.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
It’s time Pelosi took the fall.
Oh, de doo-da day.

Torture was never done.
Torture is lots of fun.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
Nancy Pelosi should pay.

My Homage To Feigned Outrage

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Republicans (and Joe Lieberman) have been staging yet another temper tantrum. What’s their grievance du jour? Speaker Nancy Pelosi said CIA leaders misled Congress about interrogation techniques.

My Homage To Feigned Outrage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The CIA’s under attack
By the Speaker who gave it a smack.
She accused it of lying.
The GOP’s crying:
She’s mean and must take it all back.

They Only Have Themselves To Blame

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

On Thursday, Obama sent the filibuster-happy Republicans a message: Their zero-vote obstructionism has consequences. More specifically, Obama plans to use the budget reconciliation process to enact health care reform and student loan legislation if the GOP fails to mend its obstructionist ways.

I thought I’d celebrate Obama’s filibuster-proofing plans with a double limerick:

They Only Have Themselves To Blame
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bipartisanship had a chance.
But the GOP zero-vote stance
Was very instructive.
Their actions obstructive
Derailed any two-party dance.

They’ve clearly expressed their intent,
So as much as they scream and they vent,
We should screw the minority.
Let the majority
Govern how money is spent.

Republican Road To Remedial Math

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans’ number-free budget. And I’m looking forward to the expanded version they’ve promised for next week — the one that won’t have any letters in it either.

Republican Road To Remedial Math (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The purported Republican budget
Has no numbers, so how can we judge it?
There’s no dollars or sense
In this PR offense.
It appears they decided to fudge it.

Ode To Roland Burris

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

The (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn’t he? So I thought I’d join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick:

Ode To Roland Burris
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Roland, you ought to resign,
And impeachment’s your due, so don’t whine.
But the news ain’t all bad:
Though you lied, you can add
Your short Senator stint to your shrine.

The Bully Pulpit Isn’t Enough, When You’re Dealing With Bullies

Monday, February 9th, 2009

I never thought Barack Obama’s post-partisan unity shtick would work. So I’m not surprised that no matter how much Obama reaches out to Republicans, they abuse the privilege.

So, is Obama finally wising up? The good news is he’s beginning to make more aggressive use of the presidential bully pulpit to promote the fiscal stimulus bill.

On the other hand, Obama seems to be in triangulation mode, apparently buying into GOP “centrists'” proposed tax and spending cuts.

Somebody please clue the President into this fundamental precept:

     Give Republicans an inch and they’ll take you — hard.

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves! (Updated)

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill passed in the House.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves?

Find out if they’re bluffing. Make them work for all those concessions. Let the American public see GOP venality and obstructionism in action!

And that brings me to my latest verse:

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, stop all your bluster—
Your obstructionist taunt: “Filibuster!”
Just go through with your threat.
Dems, please make these guys sweat,
And we’ll see what support they can muster.

I am betting they don’t have the numbers,
That they’re bluffing. (Dems let them — the bumblers.)
But majority rules
When they don’t act like fools.
Dems, we need a good bill. Don’t be fumblers!

(Updated first paragraph for clarity.)

No Quid? No Quo!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I was glad to see that at least some House and Senate Democrats want to take back the economic stimulus package concessions they gave Republicans in return for what turned out to be a grand total of zero votes. After all, as my latest limerick says, “No Quid? No Quo!”

No Quid? No Quo!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stimulus bill was jam-packed
With concessions the GOP backed.
Yet the whole GOP
Nixed the bill. Seems to me
That the Dems should those changes redact.

Who Needs Oversight, When You’re Spending Money You Don’t Have?

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

According to the GAO, TARP (the gazillion dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program) is seriously lacking in oversight. Why? Because of a single Senator’s anonymous block on the program’s IG (Inspector General) nominee.

Sen. Max Baucus, the fellow who made sure the TARP bill provided for an IG, isn’t too pleased. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

I’m never a person to carp,
But nobody oversees TARP.
One anonymous “hold”
Stopped the process out cold
Of confirming an IG who’s sharp.

Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex?

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes?  Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented:

Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When Republicans get in a scrape,
Having said something bad their “escape”
Is to blithely deny
That they said it and lie.
Someone please tell these liars, there’s tape.

An Ode To Crybaby Republicans

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

Even The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill:

House Republicans share the blame, and not only because they opposed the bill by about two-to-one, 133-65. Their immediate response was to say that many of their Members turned against the bill at the last minute because Ms. Pelosi gave her nasty speech. So they are saying that Republicans chose to oppose something they think is in the national interest merely because of a partisan slight. Thank heaven these guys weren’t at Valley Forge.

An Ode To Crybaby Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican leaders assert
That the plan that attempts to avert
A depression just failed
Cuz Pelosi’s speech nailed
Bush’s failures — their feelings were hurt.

They are patriots first, they proclaim,
But when action’s a must they hurl blame,
Rushing out to condemn
“Hurtful” words from a Dem.
They treat critical bills like a game.

Democrats Make Elephants Of Themselves

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Avedon Carol is furious and so am I.  What are we mad about? Avedon’s must-read “Spitting Nails” sums it up much better than I could:

I gotta tell ya, I was pretty much speechless when I came home last night and discovered that 22 Democrats who didn’t have time to fight long and hard for our Constitutional rights, or to impose strong oversight and timelines on funding bills (or simply refuse to pass them), or even for our troops in the field to get reasonable breaks, were nevertheless willing to sign on to the GOP resolution to condemn MoveOn.org for telling the truth about David Petreaus. …

The New York Times isn’t impressed by the Dems either,
lambasting Democrats in this excellent editorial:

If you were one of the Americans waiting for Congress, under Democratic control, to show leadership on the war in Iraq, the message from the Senate is clear: “Nevermind.” The same goes for those waiting for lawmakers to fix the damage done to civil liberties by six years of President Bush and a rubber-stamp Republican Congress.

The Democrats don’t have, or can’t summon, the political strength to make sure Congress does what it is supposed to do: debate profound issues like these and take a stand. …

(Though something tells me the New York Times isn’t quite angry enough to print this ad.) 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Democrats Make Elephants Of Themselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I keep waiting for Dems to unite
And fin’ly put up a good fight.
But they kowtow to Bush
And kiss GOP tush
Cuz, alas, they’re Republican-lite.

=========

Some links, for your reading and viewing pleasure:
* The Stranger’s angry too, and Digby explains why only Republicans are allowed to employ plays on words.
* Emmy Awards Show clips and quotables, courtesy of About.com’s Political Humor.
* The always funny Don Davis on Your Top Ten Headlines In Larry Craig’s Return To The Senate.
* My good pal skippy isn’t impressed with Bush’s “poetic metaphors.”
* Steve Bates, my favorite doggerelist, penned a thoughtful post about the much maligned MoveOn ad and free speech.
* Cartoonist Mr. Fish on John Kerry’s lame reaction to the tasering incident. (via OneGoodMove)
* Carnival Of Satire
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life [tags]Democrats Symbol, Republicans Symbol, Elephant And Donkey, Dems Humor, Republican Lite[/tags]

Bush Growls; Dems Kowtow (Limerick and Poll)

Sunday, August 5th, 2007

I finally dare to fantasize that the Democrats may have gotten their act together, and they pull a cowardly stunt like this:

Just when the Dems at least are talking tough (even if they aren’t acting tough), they let Bush and Cheney intimidate them into giving them more spying powers. …

Can’t the Democrats just say “no,” as in “Sorry, you have proven that you can’t be trusted with increased spying powers, in fact you are still failing to fully inform Congress and the American people about the illegal spying you have conducted in the past and are still, apparently, conducting”?…

Unfortunately, my January 2006 limerick, George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool, remains valid.  But that certainly won’t prevent me from writing another one:

Bush Growls; Dems Kowtow
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Dems disappoint us again,
Backing Bush in his eavesdropping yen.
We need Dems to defend us
From Bush bills horrendous.
When will Dems turn from mice into men?

And now it’s time for a new poll, though my Bush impeachment poll remains open for business: 

{democracy:7}

(You can find lots of my privacy, technology, and computer humor columns, song parodies and verse here.) [tags]Democratic Cowards, Bush Eavesdropping, Eavesdropping Poll, Bush Spying, Gonzales Eavesdropping[/tags]

Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

Alberto Gonzales is but one of the Bushie liars and Bush enablers whose Congressional hearing testimony can be summarized by this limerick: 

Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t recall, don’t remember, can’t say
What I did or I said on that day.
But I happily swear
On the life of ma mère,
I did nothing that’s wrongful.  No way!”

(You can find more of my Gonzales satire here, my legal humor here, and my limericks and other satirical verse here.)

UPDATE: Don’t forget to vote in my Bush Impeachment Poll! [tags]Bushies, Liars, Congressional Testimony, Senate Testimony, House Testimony, Senate Hearings, House Hearings, Deposition Humor, Subpoena Satire, Bush Cheney Administration, Bush Enablers, Convenient Memory, Alberto Gonzales, Gonzo, Liars[/tags]