The Donald faults China and trade.
“Huge tariffs,” he cries, “must be paid.”
“They steal jobs from our nation,”
He rants to ovation.
But THAT’s where Trump’s Bibles are made.
No, I am NOT making this up. Here’s a quote from CBS News:
“Thousands of Donald Trump’s “God Bless the USA” Bibles — sold for $59.99 each — were printed in a country that the former president has frequently accused of engaging in unfair trade practices and stealing American jobs: China.”
Headline: “Trump Just Committed More High Crimes on the White House Lawn”
For his upcoming ’20 campaign,
Trump solicited help from Ukraine.
China too, as we’ve seen
Right in public! Trump’s keen
To flout laws for his personal gain.
Donald Trump likes to brag and enthrall,
By claiming his tariffs are all
Paid by China — a LIE
That his base seems to buy…
Just like Mexico’s paid for the wall.
Headline: “Mitch McConnell: Trump’s Tariffs Are a ‘Slippery Slope’”
Donald’s tariffs? A “slippery slope,”
Says McConnell. But follow-through? Nope!
Though his warnings are dour,
He won’t use his power
To curb him; that coward can’t cope.
The Donald heaps praise upon strongmen;
Evil despots quite clearly the wrong men
To admire or laud.
Trump’s a terrified fraud;
Naught but one of those cowed “get along” men.
Guess who just got preliminary approval for 38 new trademarks in China — applications green-lighted with unusual speed, according to a Hong Kong intellectual property consultant.
Chinese trademarks that Donald has sought
Were approved. Seems high office has bought
Trump the branding he’s seeking–
Emolument-reeking!
But to cronies, alas, it means mean naught.
How Trump Will Save Our Nation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It seems Trump is a very tough cat.
He’ll whip China and Mexico stat
And exact retribution.
His magic solution?
Calling “mean” countries “ugly” and “fat.”
It turns out that Mark Kirk’s problems with the truth go well beyond exaggerating his military resume. As the Chicago Sun-Times reports, the Illinois Republican nominee for U.S. Senate has a habit of telling international tall tales about Iranian oil imports, France’s handling of pirates, and the China-drilling-for-oil-off-the-Cuban-coast fable.
Are these deliberate lies? Or is Mark Kirk woefully ill-informed? I’m not sure, but neither explanation would speak well of a would-be senator who’s ostensibly an expert in foreign affairs.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Kirk’s “Factual” Quirks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mark Kirk is astoundingly lax
When he spouts international “facts.”
Be it China or France
Or Iranian rants,
He’s deceptive and wrong to the max.
I was a bit grossed out to learn that “The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues… .” Such creative marketing cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Chinese Exports — The Real Poop
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Did that Chinese-made gift make you whoop?
I must warn you — they may have used poop.
I mean panda dung. Yuck!
Don’t want giftware that’s muck?
Well, at least they don’t use it for soup.
(You can find more of my animal related poems and humor here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the China Humor category.
