Trump actually said (on ‘Fox and Friends’) “I have a very thick skin.” Wow! I feel a limerick coming:
When Trump feels disparaged, he’s quick
To behave like a bullying prick.
Yet he keeps a straight face,
While making the case
That the skin on his bod’s “very thick.”
Yet another headline that begs for a limerick:
“Donald Trump is creating a field day for the 1%.”
While running, Trump promised to lead
A revolt v. elitists. But heed
Donald’s affluent picks;
Mostly rich, gilt-edged pricks.
His flimflam’s revolting, indeed.
Although Trump has circulated a bullet point outline of tomorrow night’s speech, here’s what I’m expecting:
Please get ready for Donald to speak
Before Congress on Tuesday this week,
Where he’ll beef about press
And he’ll shriek “We’re a mess,
Only I can address!” (That’s my “leak.”)
Have you noticed Trump’s habit of picking random fights with allies? Even France is rightfully peeved at the Donald for Trump’s Paris rant, which included this gem:
“Paris? I don’t go there anymore. Paris is no longer Paris,” Trump quoted his friend as saying.
Donald thoughtlessly tends to digress
Into statements that cause allies stress.
Watch his Cabinet Secs
As they turn into wrecks,
While attempting to clean up each mess.
Is Trump too cowardly to attend the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner? So it appears, and nobody’s shedding tears.
White House journalists gather each year
To dine on political cheer,
Where the President jests
And is mocked by some guests.
But Trump’s chicken! He’s bailed — won’t appear.
Today’s Washington Post headline cries out for a limerick:
Donald Trump’s streak of falsehoods now stands at 33 days
Donald Trump has been president for all or part of 33 days. He has averaged four falsehoods or misleading statements a day(!) in that time. There hasn’t been a single day of Trump’s presidency in which he has said nothing false or misleading.
As Donald spouts stats that ain’t real,
Here’s one grounded in fact Trump won’t feel
Any impulse to tout:
Daily lies from the lout
Av’rage four — Donald’s Artifice Deal.
A “fine-tuned machine” — that’s how Trump
Says his White House is running. That shlump
Lies as much as he breathes,
As with venom he’s seethes,
While rebranding the White House: “Trump’s Sump.”
A headline like this cries out for a limerick:
Russian lawmakers rush to the defense of Trump’s ex-national security adviser
Flynn’s out, but he still has his backers–
Russian leaders, who mock his attackers;
Fear of Russia’s to blame.
For his ouster, they claim.
If they think that helps Flynn, they are crackers!
Will Conway be punished? Don’t curse,
When I tell you that life is perverse;
Her Ivanka commercial
That’s so controversial
Is fine with her boss … who’s done worse.
Though Nordstrom’s a much-adored store,
I’ve forsworn it cuz shopping’s a chore.
But there’s tailor-made news;
Nordstrom fashion and shoes
Dropped Ivanka! Who’s up for a tour?
Trump exhibits his madness with ease,
Via speeches and tweet-tantrum sprees.
Donald’s saneness is wee
And he’s vain as can be.
It’s as plain as his gold Trump marquees.
My 4-verse limerick was inspired by this Politico article, headlined:
Trump vexed by challenges, scale of government
The new president’s allies say he has been surprised that government can’t be run like his business.
About running the gov, Trump knows nought.
It’s much harder than #FumblingTrump thought,
Though supporters were told
That this CEO, bold,
Was equipped for the job that he sought.
It seems Trump and his voters believe
That all that it takes to achieve
What he wants is to say:
“Make it so! Find a way!”
And it’s done, at a magic wand’s heave.
But instead, Trump encounters delay;
Many lawmakers stand in his way,
Also bureaucrat drudges
And treacherous judges.
So he vows that he’ll soon make them pay.
Donald stews and he bitches and rails
And keeps posting his tweet-storming wails.
Yes, our nation’s now run
By a son of a gun —
A madman who only knows sales.
In the last couple of days, Trump’s been tweet-storming complaints about Senators McCain and Blumenthal, as well as Nordstrom.
So, what’s Trump outraged about (besides the media and the courts?)
1) Sen. McCain criticized Trump’s disastrous Yemen raid.
2) Sen. Blumenthal accurately quoted Judge Gorsuch’s relatively mild criticism of Trump’s anti-judge tweets.
3) Nordstrom dropped Ivanka’s clothing and shoe lines because they aren’t selling well.
How dare they!
Meanwhile, where’s Trump’s outrage at Kellyanne Conway over her blatant violation of federal ethics regulations? Where’s the angry Trump tweet condemning Conway for illegally hawking Ivanka’s products from the White House on a Fox News interview?
Conway’s breach was so egregious, that it was even strongly condemned by Republican Chairman of the House Oversight Committee Jason Chaffetz:
“That was wrong, wrong, wrong,” Chaffetz told NBC News’ Alex Moe. “It is wholly unacceptable — no if, ands or buts about it.” Chaffetz said that he was drafting a bipartisan letter with his Democratic counterpart Elijah Cummings demanding an explanation from the White House.
Yet all we’ve gotten so far is a namby-pamby statement by Sean Spicer, that Trump Counselor Conway “has been counseled.”
John McCain’s raid-remarks made Trump mad.
So did Blumenthal’s Gorsuch quotes. Sad!
Yet Donald seems fine
When his aides cross the line,
As with Conway’s Ivanka-brand ad.
Donald’s reign is a journalist’s dream;
It’s so sievelike — it leaks in a stream.
But the White House so leaky
Fills Trump with such pique, he
Keeps bleating his stale, “fake news” theme.
In the Trumpian mindset, when stuff
Goes terribly wrong, then he’ll huff
And he’ll puff, placing fault
On others (facts “alt.”)
Ducking blame is Trump’s concept of “tough.”
There is NO Muslim ban, and Dem tears
Are fake and deserve all our sneers!
And how dare they deplore such
A great guy as Gorsuch!
If they block him, I’ll nuke their careers!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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