Michael Kinsley is amused by the Republicans’ conflicting complaints about Democrats. So am I.
Limerick Ode To Republican Whiners
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Since Dems are so often maligned
As wimpy, I’m startled to find
A new GOP gripe:
Dems are meanies, they snipe.
Please Republicans, make up your mind.
I won’t be visiting Jay Laze’s pizza place any time soon:
A Virginia Beach pizza shop owner is showing his support for firearm rights by giving gun owners a 15 percent discount.
The discount is given to anyone who brings a gun or concealed handgun permit to All Around Pizzas and Deli.
The Right To Bear Arms … And Eat Cheap Pizza (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This news from Virginia’s alarming,
Although some may consider it charming:
Bring your gun to Jay’s shop.
Watch your pizza price drop.
I do NOT find this fellow disarming.
Here’s a Chris Christie quote that may come back to haunt him: “I’m not much different from Andrew Cuomo. I probably agree with him on 98% of the issues.”
Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Chris, if the Oval’s your goal,
Then you’re digging yourself a deep hole:
You have said that your views
Are like Cuomo’s — bad news!
To your party each Dem is a troll.
Michelle Obama addressed the burning question of her bangs on the Rachael Ray Show:
“This is my midlife crisis, the bangs. I couldn’t get a sports car,” she told Ray about the inspiration for her trendy new look. “They won’t let me bungee jump. So instead, I cut my bangs.”
“Midlife Crisis” FLOTUS-Style (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“How dare you get bangs,” they harangue.
Michelle laughs at the Sturm and the Drang:
Bungee jumping was out.
So’s a sports car, no doubt.
So she changed up her “do” with a bang.
I’ve been mystified by the general reaction to Sen. Marco Rubio’s delivery of the GOP response to the State of the Union address.
Yes, his desperate lunge for water looked awkward. Nonetheless, his performance just doesn’t deserve the mockery it’s been getting. In fact, Marco Rubio is the one Republican who worries me.
I find Rubio alarmingly likeable. And I was struck by his ability to lie so convincingly and charmingly.
But I was starting to doubt my own instincts when I came across these comments from Van Jones in response to questioning from CNN anchor Carol Costello:
“Rubio is dangerous for Democrats,” Jones said. “I’m so glad we’re talking about him and we’re joking about him because right when he reached for that water bottle, he was reaching an emotional part of the speech which he stepped on.”
Jones said the while Florida’s junior senator “has an extreme record,” Rubio’s political skill shone through in the last 90 seconds of his speech, which Jones said was “extremely powerful.”
“(Rubio) is to the heart what Paul Ryan is to the head,” Jones said. “This man can connect emotionally.”
Marco’s Dangerous, Mark My Words (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Although Rubio’s drinking looked gawky,
I’m begging you Dems, don’t get cocky:
He lies better than Ryan
And charm’s underlyin’
His falsehoods. So things could get rocky.
As Obama’s State of the Union address draws nearer, the press (thanks to GOP prodding) has become obsessed with one question: Why the focus on a liberal agenda, instead of jobs and the economy?
Open Limerick To The Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Where’s your focus on jobs?” asks the press,
As Obama contends with a mess
Of issues galore,
Cuz his job at its core
Is to many dilemmas address.
So dear media, try this new task:
Press Republicans: Tough questions ask!
Like “Just what have THEY done
About jobs. Name just one
Thing they do besides block, bitch, and bask.”
Here’s a headline I could have done without: “Bill would define abortion as murder.”
State Rep. Rob Bacon believes abortion is murder and he wants the Iowa Code to reflect that.
Bacon, R-Slater, and eight other Republicans introduced such a bill in the Iowa House Wednesday. It would alter the definition of a person in murder cases to “an individual human being, without regard to age of development, from the moment of conception, when a zygote is formed, until natural death.”
Those charged with murder, under the bill, would include a mother who takes abortion-inducing drugs or a doctor who performs an abortion. It also grants no exceptions for rape, incest or to protect the life of the mother.
Bacon’s Crusade Ain’t Kosher (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If an Iowa Rep has his way
Women’s rights will yet further decay.
Zygote-rights will be greater
Than gals’, as pols cater
To nuts. Will he fail? Let us pray.
You don’t have to be a “recovering lawyer” like me to know that such a lawsuit would be frivolous:
During a guest appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last month, Maher quipped that Trump must be “the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan” (Exhibit A: his orange hair). In a riff off of Trump’s own offer to give $5 million to the charity of Barack Obama’s choice if the President released his college paperwork, Maher said he would do the same for Trump if the real estate mogul supplied proof that he is not descended from an ape.
Trump, who apparently was able to prove he wasn’t fathered by an orangutan, has announced on Fox & Friends that he’s suing for the $5 million.
Trumped Up Lawsuit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who I’d rather not mention
Is relentlessly seeking attention:
With his Birther schtick stale,
He is desp’rate to nail
Lots of cov’rage through lawsuit dissension.
Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose reputation hasn’t recovered from his presidential campaign debacle, is trying to bolster his right-wing cred with an attack on gays. Perry, an Eagle Scout, “said emphatically Saturday that the Boy Scouts of America should not soften its strict policy barring gay members, and dismissed the idea of bending the organization to the whims of ‘popular culture.’”
Eagle Scout Perry’s Bald Wingnut Pander (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new policy may be conferred
By the Boy Scouts. At least, that’s the word.
But Eagle Scout Rick
Thinks this change would be sick:
He’d keep flipping gay Boy Scouts the bird.
Rest In Peace, Edward Koch. ( December 12, 1924 – February 1, 2013)
Limerick Ode To Ed Koch
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Ed Koch sure was one of a kind:
Got my city right out of its bind.
“How’m I doing?” he’d ask.
Praise would flow, and he’d bask.
We shall miss his New York state of mind.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the Mad Kane’s Political Madness blog archives for February, 2013.
That’s ONE Dick Gone (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013The housecleaning over at Fox News didn’t stop with Sarah Palin: Dick Morris has been cast out, as well.
That’s ONE Dick Gone (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Say goodbye to the Dick Morris snarl.
Dick (like Palin) can no longer gnarl
All his poisonous spews,
Perched at Fox Cable News.
But alas, Fox is still keeping Karl.
Tags: Dick Morris, Fox News, Karl Rove, Media Humor, Political Commentator, Sarah Palin
Posted in Fox News Humor, Karl Rove, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts | 4 Comments »