Pre-Election Jitters (audio version)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I am feeling freaked out and may weep
Cuz I fear a Republican sweep.
I’m bracing for news
That’s so awful my views
Said in verse will require a bleep.
(If you’d like to hear me recite this limerick, click here for Pre-Election-Jitters.)
By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”
That brings me to my latest Limerick:
Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.
(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)
Talk about your faux controversies! Taegan Goddard posted a debate video of Democrat Rep. Ed Perlmutter and Republican challenger Ryan Frazier along with this comment: “Note to candidates: No matter how annoying your opponent may be, don’t slap them.”
So I click on the video, expecting to see an actual slap. Instead I see two men in a heated debate, both of whom are gesticulating wildly and invading each other’s space, and one of whom (Frazier) is being incredibly annoying.
Physical contact was inevitable the way both men were moving their arms and hands. And so at one point, Perlmutter’s hand brushed Frazier’s hand, and Frazier actually said: “Ed, don’t hit me man, come on!” Then Perlmutter, who certainly hadn’t hit Frazier, got all milk-toasty, saying: “Sorry. Sorry. You’re right. Sorry. You’re right.”
So now Permutter’s getting a slaphappy rep, and everyone’s arguing about nonsense, instead of the issues. Even Ann Althouse finds the whole thing silly.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
When Is A Slap Not A Slap?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This motion described as a slap
Was barely the teeniest tap:
A mere touch — nothing more,
Cuz each man moved galore.
They should each keep their hands on their lap.
Republican Ken Buck debated Sen. Michael Bennet (D) during Sunday’s Meet the Press Colorado Senate debate, and things didn’t go well for him. When host David Gregory asked whether being gay is a choice, Buck said yes, and added: “I think that birth has an influence…like alcoholism and some other things, but I think that basically, you have a choice.”
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mr. Buck spewed some anti-gay bunk:
Compared gayness to being a drunk,
Then went on to say gays
Choose their gay life-style ways.
Please don’t vote for that gay-bashing punk.
Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Christine, so I see that your pitch
Is to claim that you aren’t a witch.
It’s not witches I mind,
But your viewpoints unkind:
Anti-gay! Anti-feminist! Bitch!
I’m a liberal New York Democrat, and I’ll say one thing for Carl Paladino — the guy has chutzpah. After his bizarre, near-violent attack on the New York Post’s Fred Dicker last week, he had the audacity to describe gubernatorial opponent Andrew Cuomo as “out of control.”
Apparently this is how an in-control candidate behaves:
1. Accuses his opponent (Andrew Cuomo) of cheating on wife.
2. Accuses Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post of bias because it didn’t ask Cuomo about wife-cheating.
3. Menaces and comes dangerously close to physically harming the old, frail-looking Fred Dicker because Dicker had the audacity to ask if he had any evidence that Cuomo cheated on his wife.
4. Promises to produce wife-cheating evidence at the appropriate time.
5. Denies that he promised to produce wife-cheating evidence.
6. After a video of his bullying, abusive, and near-violent attack on Dicker draws a negative response and a loose cannon perception, even among Republicans, tells the Wall Street Journal he wants to focus on the issues.
Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Paladino is always irate,
Spreading venom and anger and hate.
He claims to be able,
But seems quite unstable.
If he wins, we are screwed — no debate.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the Mad Kane’s Political Madness blog archives for October, 2010.
An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
Thursday, October 28th, 2010As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.
What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:
There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:
An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.
No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.
Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, GOP Humor, Kentucky, Mitch McConnell, National Journal, Obama Verse, Partisan Politics, Republican Humor, Senate Satire, Voting Limerick
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