Archive for September, 2007

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns

Friday, September 28th, 2007

I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls.

Firearms shops in the US are stocking pink rifles and shotguns to encourage girls to get into shooting. …

They include a Remington 20-gauge shotgun with a pink and black stock emblazoned with the slogan: “Shoot like a girl if you can!” …

“Females want to shoot guns, but they want them to look pretty, too,” he said. “Guys could give a rat’s butt what their gun looks like.”

I think it’s time to take aim at those guns with a limerick:

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like your young daughter to shoot?
Simply buy her a shotgun that’s cute.
But be sure that it’s pink.
It’s so pretty, she’ll think.
Breeding killers—a stylish pursuit.

(You can find more of my feminist humor here, my family humor here, and my outdoor sports humor here.)

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Posted in Feminism Humor, Firearms & Guns Humor, Political Limericks, Social Satire | 34 Comments »

Etiquette Advice For Rudy Giuliani, Courtesy Of Miss Madness

Monday, September 24th, 2007

Dear Rudy,

You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.

You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family.  (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech?  Your secretary?  Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?

In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop.  Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.

Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.

Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address?  Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)

Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.

Bye for now, Rudy.  But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you. 

Sincerely,

Miss Madness

P.S.  I practice divorce law too.

(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.)  [tags]Rudy Giuliani Rudeness, Cell Phone Etiquette, Rudy & Judi, NRA Speech, Rudy V. Hillary, Henpecked Humor, Presidential Campaign, Election Satire,[/tags]

Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Etiquette Humor, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, New York Mayors, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 9 Comments »

Democrats Make Elephants Of Themselves

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Avedon Carol is furious and so am I.  What are we mad about? Avedon’s must-read “Spitting Nails” sums it up much better than I could:

I gotta tell ya, I was pretty much speechless when I came home last night and discovered that 22 Democrats who didn’t have time to fight long and hard for our Constitutional rights, or to impose strong oversight and timelines on funding bills (or simply refuse to pass them), or even for our troops in the field to get reasonable breaks, were nevertheless willing to sign on to the GOP resolution to condemn MoveOn.org for telling the truth about David Petreaus. …

The New York Times isn’t impressed by the Dems either,
lambasting Democrats in this excellent editorial:

If you were one of the Americans waiting for Congress, under Democratic control, to show leadership on the war in Iraq, the message from the Senate is clear: “Nevermind.” The same goes for those waiting for lawmakers to fix the damage done to civil liberties by six years of President Bush and a rubber-stamp Republican Congress.

The Democrats don’t have, or can’t summon, the political strength to make sure Congress does what it is supposed to do: debate profound issues like these and take a stand. …

(Though something tells me the New York Times isn’t quite angry enough to print this ad.) 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Democrats Make Elephants Of Themselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I keep waiting for Dems to unite
And fin’ly put up a good fight.
But they kowtow to Bush
And kiss GOP tush
Cuz, alas, they’re Republican-lite.

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Some links, for your reading and viewing pleasure:
* The Stranger’s angry too, and Digby explains why only Republicans are allowed to employ plays on words.
* Emmy Awards Show clips and quotables, courtesy of About.com’s Political Humor.
* The always funny Don Davis on Your Top Ten Headlines In Larry Craig’s Return To The Senate.
* My good pal skippy isn’t impressed with Bush’s “poetic metaphors.”
* Steve Bates, my favorite doggerelist, penned a thoughtful post about the much maligned MoveOn ad and free speech.
* Cartoonist Mr. Fish on John Kerry’s lame reaction to the tasering incident. (via OneGoodMove)
* Carnival Of Satire
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life [tags]Democrats Symbol, Republicans Symbol, Elephant And Donkey, Dems Humor, Republican Lite[/tags]

Posted in Congress Humor, Constitution Humor, Democrats Satire, Donkeys & Elephants, General Petraeus, MoveOn.org, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Senate Satire | 9 Comments »

Rudy Giuliani: Bald Ego

Thursday, September 20th, 2007

I don’t mean to cast aspersions on short people.  (I’m only five foot zero myself.)  But I have a totally unsubstantiated theory, and here it is: Republican politicians are, on average, shorter than Democratic politicians.  (Can you think of a better explanation for the over-compensating machismo and braggadocio that run rampant throughout the Republican party?)

Case in point: Rudy “Bald Ego” Giuliani, who out-did himself Wednesday during his European tour: 

LONDON – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani bragged about his international celebrity Wednesday on a trans-Atlantic campaign trip in which he schmoozed with conservative idol Margaret Thatcher.

“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world,” Giuliani told a small group of reporters at a posh London hotel as onlookers gathered in the lobby to gawk at actor Dustin Hoffman who was on a separate visit.

And that leads me to my latest haiku:

The Rudy Complex
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Giuliani brags
About how famous he is.
Like Napoleon?

So who’s ready to fund my “Are Republicans Shorter Than Democrats” study?  Nobody?  How about my “Are Republicans Balder Than Democrats” study?  [tags]GOP Braggart, Mayor Rudy Guiliani, Overcompensation, Republican Humor, Height, Macho Politicians[/tags]

Posted in Appearance Humor, GOP Humor, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 2 Comments »

Fox on Bush

Monday, September 17th, 2007

In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush:

The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.

I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear. [tags]Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope[/tags]

Posted in Appearance Humor, Books, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Mexico Humor, Mission Accomplished, Political Books, White House | 4 Comments »

Curb Your “Age Of Turbulence” Enthusiasm

Sunday, September 16th, 2007

Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.

Oh … wait. Never mind!

So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence? There’s really no need to, because I’ve summed up the former Federal Reserve Chairman’s new book in a single haiku:

Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status. [tags]Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor[/tags]  

Posted in Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve, Fiscal Policy, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Books, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Tax & Budget Humor, White House | 13 Comments »

Headlines From The “New Things To Worry About” Department

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

I don’t know about you, but I’m sufficiently nervous about GWB destroying the world as we know it. So I really don’t need new scary things to worry about:

* Being autopsied while still, technically, alive. 

* Swimming in hot lakes causes amoeba-related deaths.

* “Computers could mimic human speech so perfectly that vocal terrorism could be a new threat in 10-15 years’ time…” (We’re already getting enough vocal terrorism from Bush — thank you very much!)[tags]Autopsied Alive, Computerized Vocal Terrorism, Hot Lakes, Killer Amoeba, President Bush[/tags]

Posted in George Bush Satire, Scary News | Comments Off on Headlines From The “New Things To Worry About” Department

Mad Kane’s Gone Mobile and So Can You

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

There’s good news for the on-the-run multitasker: Mad Kane’s gone mobile, so both of my blogs can be read on cell phones.

And there’s even more good news  — it’s easy to set up.  How?  I’ll tell you where to go … but first, a limerick: 

Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!

If you’d like to subscribe to my Political Madness mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar. And don’t forget to subscribe to my non-political humor blog’s mobile feed too.

Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. [tags]Mobile Browser, Mobile Web, FeedM8, Mobile Device, Feed-Enabled Websites, Mobile Blogs, Mobile Phone, Cellular, Cell Phone, Mobilize, Mobile Verse, Mobile Web Humor, Mobile Blog Feeds, Mobile Satire [/tags]

Posted in Hi Tech Humor, Non-Political Humor, Technology Humor | 1 Comment »

Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation

Monday, September 10th, 2007

I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume’s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker “about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.” What’s the matter — wasn’t Hannity available?

Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gen. Petraeus and Crocker on Fox
(Not exactly the school of hard knocks)
Where they weave and they spin
And avow “We must win,”
While Brit Hume bows and kisses their socks.

And now a quick haiku about the purported Iraq violence reduction:

Reducing violence
In Iraq is quite easy:
Redefine violence.

(You can find more of my Petraeus humor here and my previous Brit Hume humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* ‘Old Navy” Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld as CEO
* About.com’s Political Humor on Bush’s Gaffes
* Hit it: morrrrrre…than the greatest polls the worrrrrld has known…
* Digby’s Overplaying Their Hand
* Exclusive! — The Patraeus testimony In advance! (Dick Polman)
* Larry Johnson on Dave Petraeus and Iraq Kabuki
* The Very Polite Matt Bai On Giuliani
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Sunday Funnies
* Carnival of Principled Government

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Posted in Brit Hume, Foreign Policy, General Petraeus, Iraq War Humor, Media Satire, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire | 4 Comments »

Bush Gaffes Used To Make Me Laugh

Sunday, September 9th, 2007

These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn’t resist this great headline: Bush backs ‘Austrian troops’ at ‘OPEC’.

You say APEC, and Bush says OPEC.
You say Australian, and Bush says Austrian.
APEC,
OPEC,
Australian,
Austrian:
Let’s call the Bush term off.

(My apologies to the Gershwin brothers.) [tags]Bush Gaffes, Bushisms, APEC, OPEC, Australian, Austrian, Gershwin[/tags]

Posted in Bushisms, George Bush Satire, Politics Satire, Song Parodies, White House | 6 Comments »

Mustachioed Men — Downtrodden Minority Group? (Updated — Limerick Revised)

Saturday, September 1st, 2007

Is  the American Mustache Institute (AMI) for real? When I first read about it, I figured it must surely be fictitious.  Either that  … or John Bolton’s new employer. But the AMI, a sort of mustache anti-defamation league, apparently does exist, with this as its stated goal:

To battle negative stereotyping that has accompanied the mustache since those glory years of the 1970s – the peak of mustache acceptance – fighting to create a climate of acceptance, understanding, flavor saving, and upper lip warmth for all mustached Americans alike.

I think the American Mustache Institute deserves a limerick don’t you?

Ode to Mustached Men, The Forgotten Minority
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ending prejudice—that’s the group’s aim.
“Don’t be bigots!” its members exclaim.
What’s the bias they face?
Not their age, faith or race—
Anti-mustache behavior’s to blame.

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Posted in Appearance Humor, Constitution Humor, Minority Rights Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Polls, Social Satire | 6 Comments »

Recently On My Other (Non-Political Humor) Blog

Saturday, September 1st, 2007

Here’s what you’ve missed lately, if you haven’t been reading my other blog:

* No Butt-Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts

* Bulletproof Backpacks … In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing

* This Doesn’t Pass The Smell Test

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Political Cartoons of the Week
* Administration, Trying To Protect GOP, Seeks Funding Cuts For Airport Bathroom Security
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival Of Satire
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* This Is Not My Country
* Carnival of Political Punditry [tags]Miscellaneous Humor[/tags]

Posted in General Humor | Comments Off on Recently On My Other (Non-Political Humor) Blog