Posts Tagged ‘Will T. Laughlin’
Sunday, December 1st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to John Lawrence Ramos, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A colonial thief took a fall
When caught with a big sphagnum haul.
He was trying to clear
A large debt to Revere.
In short, he robbed peat to pay Paul.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
On a dark, dreary midnight one fall,
He awoke to a scavenger’s call.
But wouldn’t you know it,
That second-rate poet
Never heard, “Nevermore!” Not at all!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, John Lawrence Ramos, Will T. Laughlin, Chris Doyle, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
I’ve been seeing this girl since last fall.
In the bedroom, she sure does it all!
I’m one testicle shy
But I still can’t deny
That this gal is the Belle of the Ball.
John Lawrence Ramos:
A progressive young man took a fall
When he tripped on a curb at the mall.
He felt like a cad,
For he hated to add
To the problem of more urban sprawl.
Will T. Laughlin:
The Knowledge that came from the Fall
Was not what’s reported at all.
‘Twasn’t Evil and Good;
Rather, both understood
Adam’s penis was laughably small.
Chris Doyle:
A great deli has had a great fall,
Serving meats now that truly appall.
Their pastrami, paté,
And corned beef all dismay.
And their wurst? It’s the worst of them all!
Craig Dykstra:
When the debutante took a bad fall,
The resulting unladylike sprawl
Made it clear in a flash
That the “belle” of that bash
Wasn’t even a lady at all!
Will T. Laughlin:
A boy had a terrible fall –
In the fountain he fell in a sprawl
(For this is what comes
From doing one’s sums
While walking on top of a wall).
Whatever the future may bring,
We’ve now seen a marvelous thing:
I think you’ll agree
How rare it must be
For a summer to fall in the spring!
Johanna Richmond:
Submissions on holidays fall,
While you geniuses shop at the mall.
Just WATCH how I slip in
And give you a whippin’.
You can’t put a price on sheer gall.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Johanna Richmond, John Ramos, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, November 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Ann Martin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A dad who just planned to relax
Didn’t have all the relevant facts;
When his daughter named Lizzie
Said “Dad, are you busy?”
He said, “No, dear, but why do you ax?”
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Her compliance with rules was so lax,
That Mad gave her lim’rick the ax.
With mission aborted
And craftiness thwarted,
Would syntax require a sin tax?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Chris Doyle, John Lawrence Ramos, Sue Dulley, Kevin Ahern, Will T. Laughlin, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
Seeking breast augmentation? Relax!
I give cougars like you some great stacks.
So the young men you seek
Will go weak with one peek –
And I call my shop “Oedipus Racks.”
Chris Doyle:
The far right says: “The U.S. is lax,
Letting immigrants slip through the cracks.
Line the border with moats
Filled with crocs big as boats,
And we’ll stop our Hispanic attacks!”
John Lawrence Ramos:
The neighborhood children were lax
In sidestepping boulevard cracks;
By the end of the day,
When they wrapped up their play,
They’d broken twelve mothers’ poor backs.
Sue Dulley:
Once weekly we sit and relax
With a bowlful of buttery snacks.
It is just me and thee
Watching Public TV:
Last Tango in … (wait!) Halifax.
Kevin Ahern:
Marie Antoinette was quite lax,
So the public made HER face the facts.
Her biggest mistake
Was talking of cake,
And for this, they just gave her the ax.
Will T. Laughlin:
To the concert I went, to relax;
But the orchestra’s made up of hacks.
They murdered the fragile
First bars of “Tintagel,”
So I shot ’em all in the Bax.
David Lefkovits:
The Weight Watchers CFO’s lax
In responding to shareholder FAQs.
When a fat guy complains
Of unwanted gains,
He asks: “Is that net or pretax?”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, John Ramos, Kathy El-Assal, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Sunday, November 10th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who frequently strips
In CGI video clips
Will steal all your cache,
And your hard drive will crash
From her implanted silicon chips.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A nimble ecdysiast strips,
Crosses hands as she bends at the hips,
Grabs her feet, and then hears
The topologists’ cheers
At the Möbius championships.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Jamie Hutchinson, Chris Doyle, Ira Bloom, Will T. Laughlin, Craig Dykstra, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
Said a woman who frequently strips
To a man who tried fondling her nips:
“When my clothing I doff
You just keep your hands off!”
With that concept he can’t come to grips.
Jamie Hutchinson:
My bathroom needs anti-skid strips,
A safety mat, grab bars, and grips.
Gotta write down that list
Because — you get the gist —
My other head’s memory slips.
Chris Doyle:
A young nymphomaniac strips
As her therapist watches, then quips,
“See that couch over there?
Go lie down and prepare
For your very first Freudian’s lips.”
Ira Bloom:
A mohel, while pealing some strips,
During bris, is well known for his quips:
“For cheap circumcision,
There’s lots of derision.
I mostly just work for the tips.”
Will T. Laughlin:
I know of a rose bush that strips
Each night for the aphids and thrips.
You’ll say, “Will’s lost his mind;
Bushes can’t bump and grind!”
Well, rose bushes can. They’ve got hips.
Craig Dykstra:
She seeks men at the club where she strips,
To indulge her asphyxiate trips.
She says “Here’s what you do:
Grasp my throat ’til I’m blue.”
Yes, she really likes coming to grips.
David Lefkovits:
A woman who frequently strips
Was a dancer for stock market tips.
While she’d shake and she’d shimmy,
A trader named Jimmy
Would say what to buy on the dips.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 3rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Ah’m a-huntin’ for deer in my truck,
But this air rifle’s brung me no luck.
Grab a shotgun instead,
Shoot a twelve-pointer dead.
Get a little more bang for my buck.
Congratulations to Bruce Niedt, who wins the Special Halloween-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“A Halloween full moon is neat,”
Thought the werewolf, “I’ll go trick-or-treat!
They’ll think it’s a mask,
So they won’t even ask–
I’ll come home with a bag full of meat!”
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
She hired Two Men And A Truck
When her marriage had run all amok.
As they set up her bed,
To the movers she said,
“Would you under the covers me…tuck?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Jamie Hutchinson, Steve Whitred, Chris Doyle, John Ramos, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Will T. Laughlin:
The immigrant hid in a truck
And over the border he snuck,
Lured by promise of wealth
And good care for his health.
You guessed it. He’s now a Canuck.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A croc said that she’d have no truck
With a toothless old muckety-muck:
“When the waterfowl light
And the time’s right to bite
A good bull puts his rows in a duck.”
Steve Whitred:
Being born in the back of a truck
Up in Canada isn’t bad luck:
In the fall they haul hay.
In the snow, they’re our sleigh.
And in summertime that’s where we … (I’m not writing that word on Mad’s blog.)
Chris Doyle:
“Try the brownies out back in my truck.
They’re the bomb; you’ve no need for Cold Duck,”
Said the host with a wink
To a gal with a drink.
“There’s a reason this party’s potluck.”
John Ramos:
A positive thinker named Steve
Stalked his victims on All Hallows’ Eve;
“To you, it’s an ax,”
He explained between whacks,
“But to me, it’s a goal to achieve.”
Kathy El-Assal:
For Halloween, at her new school,
Should she dress as a zombie or ghoul?
A vampire, a ghost?
Or maybe just boast,
“I’m Coultergeist, Tea Party tool!”
Kirk Miller:
“Anonymous writers don’t like
The wages they’re offered,” said Mike.
“If they don’t get more green,
Then on this Halloween
The ghost writers threaten to strike.”
Craig Dykstra:
I got cookies from guys dressed like genies,
And some Snickers® from girls in bikinis.
But I didn’t want food
From that politics dude–
Carlos Danger was handing out weenies.
Kirk Miller:
I’m spreading the Halloween news
Concerning which party to choose.
Mine’s bound to be dandy
With free food and candy,
But people should bring their own boos.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, John Ramos, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, October 27th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Said a butcher in France slicing ham
For a woman: “I’ll throw in some lamb
And pastrami for free
If with me you agree
To play hide the salami, madame.”
And congratulations to Chris Doyle yet again, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for a second limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
I’ll be frank: where’s the sugar-cured ham?
I’ll be blunt: where’s the glaze on this yam?
I’ll be forthright: this beet
Needs a coating that’s sweet.
(It’s no secret how candied I am.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Phyllis LaVietes, Kathy El-Assal, Tom Harris, Will T. Laughlin, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
My gramps is forever a ham.
He drops trou and rocks out to a jam.
So last night he’s on Skype
(And I don’t mean to gripe)
But he maybe should turn off his cam.
Phyllis LaVietes:
A woman was roasting a ham
Made of soy. She said, “Yes, it’s a sham,
But I’d feel like a dork
If I were to eat pork.
I am vegan – I yam what I yam!”
Kathy El-Assal:
“You are cured,” said the chef to the ham.
“Now it’s time for that patient young lamb.”
While he nursed his red wine,
Chef looked forward to dine
On paella he’d doctored with clam.
Tom Harris:
The man was a terrible ham,
Whose movie career was a sham.
But he did get one part.
His role: Cut a fart.
He stunk, but went out with a blam!
Will T. Laughlin:
Mr. Cruz: Both your Green Eggs and Ham
Down your mis’rable throat I should cram
For making a game
Of my credit and name.
Respectfully yours… Uncle Sam.
Tim James:
A woman was roasting a ham
When her gas stove went off with a blam!
With a flash and a roar
She got blown through a door.
Now she’s caught in a bit of a jamb.
Will T. Laughlin:
Said the Chef, “I’ve a very large ham
Which I’m anxious to show you, Madame.
Though I’m most at my best
With a plump bit of breast,
And I do like to chowder a clam!”
Now, the Chef was a very nice guy.
‘Twas a meal that he meant, and no lie.
He was truly bereft
When she slapped him and left,
And he still doesn’t understand why.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Filed under Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest
Tags: Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis LaVietes, Tim James, Tom Harris, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, September 22nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Mick Jagger’s indeed in a fix
When St. Peter looks up and says “Nix!”
And the next thing Mick knows
He’s in Hell, where he rows
For eternity playing the Styx.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My cat often gets in a fix;
He got crushed by a pile of bricks,
He got burned in a fire,
And squished by a tire –
I think his nine lives are at six.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS
Pig One’s in a terrible fix:
Lost his home (made of hay-and-straw mix)
When a Wolf wandered by
With a gleam in his eye,
And blew the house down just for kicks.
Pig Two had no time to affix
The mezuzah to *his* house (of sticks)
When the Wolf came to town
And he blew the house down…
(He was up to his usual tricks).
Said the Third Pig, “This problem I’ll fix
By building my house out of bricks.”
But the Wolf (Bad and Big)
Just foreclosed on the pig
And moved on to Pigs Four, Five and Six.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, and Hogarth Hippolyte. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A man who demands a quick fix
(We’re talking down south in the sticks)
May ask for a “Hoover” —
A tricky maneuver —
Sounds cleaner than what it depicts.
Craig Dykstra:
A daredevil got in a fix
Because breakfast and highways don’t mix.
Now the poor guy is dead
And his epitaph read:
“Got his Kix® out on Route 66.”
Jamie Hutchinson:
A matchmaker needed a fix
When the matches she made didn’t mix.
So she set up online
And now business is fine:
Every match is a couple that clicks.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Bernanke is trying to fix
The economy, which he predicts
Will keep going sideways
Unless they provide ways
To goose it with stimulus tricks.
Will T. Laughlin:
Roger Ailes cried, “Please somebody, fix
This FAX machine. Something there sticks.”
You can fix the Fox FAX,
But a much better tack’s
To fix the faux facts that Fox picks.
Colleen Murphy:
A fellow got into a fix;
He was due home for dinner at six,
But he got home at eight,
Says his work made him late.
Then his wife saw the Instagram pics.
Hogarth Hippolyte:
A woman who needed a fix
Decided to fund it with tricks.
She went on the street
Hoping Johns she would meet,
But scored with a couple of Knicks.
Will T. Laughlin:
Cried the madam, “Well, we’re in a fix:
Of eight clients, you’ve scared away six.
You pull a live bunny
Right out of your… Honey,
You’re turning the wrong kind of tricks!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Hogarth Hippolyte, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, September 15th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Dear Boss: as your ears and your eyes,
I’m one of the best of your spies.
Still… unless ficus trees
Are expected to sneeze,
They may have seen through my disguise.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Manhattan has opened my eyes
To a deli where bread is the prize.
It’s chewy, nutritious,
And truly delicious!
Try Katz’s — the site for sour ryes.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Ira Bloom, Gary Hallock, Sue Dulley, Chris Doyle, Kevin Ahern, and Bill Klein. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A nympho with beautiful eyes
Treated men to a flash of her thighs.
With a wink and a leer
She’d say “What I’ve got here
Is a thing you should try on for sighs.”
Ira Bloom:
A woman with stars in her eyes,
Said “My art I will not compromise.
I can sing, dance and act,
A young Garbo, in fact.
By the way, would you like that with fries?”
Gary Hallock:
The vote from young men is all “ayes”
When a pole dancer gyrates her thighs.
I also should mention
They’ll stand at attention
Although, from their seats, they don’t rise.
Sue Dulley:
A woman with near-perfect eyes
On contacts and glasses relies,
The former for schmoozing,
The latter for boozing,
And specs when she wants to look wise.
Chris Doyle:
She was not, by the look in her eyes,
All that pleased by my biceps and thighs.
I got very low scores
Till she checked in my drawers
And said, “Whoa, that’s economy-size!”
Kevin Ahern:
To parents all rolling their eyes
At the questions their children devise,
Please, do not get weary;
For every query
“Because” is a word to the whys.
Bill Klein:
A woman with nearsighted eyes
Felt the moisture that dampened her thighs.
Her man, with alarm,
Said “You’re sucking my arm,”
Which cut her mood back down to size.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Gary Hallock, Ira Bloom, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 1st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
After punning, I’m left all alone
‘Cause I make people grimace and moan.
If you think they’re bad now,
Then imagine just how
Bad they’ll be when my puns are full groan.
Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Geology students alone
At exams will collectively groan:
The grading is picky
And questions are tricky
Cuz answers are written in stone.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Cyn, Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Fred Bortz, Tom Hale, Bob Dvorak, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Cyn:
I tend to think better alone
And prefer to solve things on my own.
Even so, one can dream
Of how easy it’d seem,
If I were as smart as my phone.
Craig Dykstra:
“So when can I get you alone?”
Said her butcher, who called on the phone.
Seems he misunderstood
When she asked if he could,
With her meat order, give her a bone.
Tim James:
A guy should have taken a loan
Ere he took out a girl on his own.
His full bill for their date
Was a buck ninety-eight.
But he *did* let her choose cup or cone.
Fred Bortz:
The bagpiper marches alone.
What he wears neath his kilt is unknown.
But it kinnae be borin’:
When watchin’ his sporran,
It rises and falls with his drone.
Tom Hale:
The Queen bellowed, “Leave me alone!
First, bring me my pipe of homegrown!”
The Page said, “I can’t,
Your Highness, I shan’t
Condone a stoned crone on a throne!”
Bob Dvorak:
A woman who needed a loan
Asked a banker to throw her a bone.
“My cred’s in the tank,
But there’s cash in your bank.
In exchange, I can foment a moan.”
Will T. Laughlin:
To a brothel he goes, all alone,
In the city’s most dangerous zone;
He’s disguised as a john
For a story he’s on,
But he’s hoping his cover gets blown.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Cyn, Fred Bortz, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Tom Hale, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 4th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Neal Pattison, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A heel and a ho tried to hie,
But fell in a hole by and by.
The heel dug with a hoe.
The ho climbed heel-and-toe,
And soon they were both high and dry.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes:”
The first time I ever got high
My limerick skills went awry.
My opening rhyme
Seemed OK at the time
But then, like, dude … I was all … whoa …
Congratulations to Fred Bortz and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Fred Bortz:
The goy in the shul would say “Hi,”
No matter how hard he would try.
He struggled no doubt,
But no “ch” would come out.
For “L’chaim” his throat was too dry.
Will T. Laughlin:
Unless he’s a Scot, I defy ‘im
To manage the ח in: לְחַיִים –
Plus, I’m willing to bet
That the goy’s name is “Chet”
Which explains why the lesson goes by ‘im.
On the other hand (that is, right-to-left)…
hgih si noisufnoc ,miyog su roF
…yrt a werbeH evig ot og ew nehW
,*eh* decnuonorp s’”ehs” roF
,*em* si “ohw” ,*ohw* si “eH”
!*ianoda* decnuonorp s’HVHY dnA
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Puzzle Award, occasionally given to a very clever puzzle in limerick form:
If you hike on a hill and aren’t high
You might give my new puzzle a try,
And for those who don’t walk
Well, you still needn’t balk
On your lateral skills you’ll rely.
From the base of the hill ‘till you’re high
It’s a day trip. I mean to imply
If you start off at 8
You can vary your gait
And reach summit as ev’ning is nigh.
From the camp that you make, up on high
You’ll return the next day, (don’t ask why)
Down the same path you used
So you shan’t be confused
Leave at 8, don’t be late, do or die.
Back at base, the sun’s no longer high.
Now, for bluster and bragging rights vie.
Take a pencil or pen
All you women and men.
Here’s the question I want you to try:
Is the likelihood mid, low, or high
On your trips up and down, bye and bye
You were at the same place
Though you varied your pace
At the same time, on climb and reply.
Since the difficult rating is high
And to show I don’t mean to be sly
“Is it likely or not
You stood on the same spot
On both day’s at Time X and Place Y?”
And congratulations to the two people who managed to solve Steve’s puzzle. Craig Dykstra solved it first, soon followed by Sue Dulley. Here’s Craig’s solution:
To Steve Whitred, I wave and say “Hi.”
And applaud this most challenging guy.
But the answer is clear
And I’ll spell it out here
In the hopes you will understand why.
Steve asked if it’s low, mid or high.
How likely it was that this guy
Would pass the same rock
The same time on the clock
As the previous day he walked by.
The answer is “pretty damn high.”
It’s 100%, and here’s why:
Instead of one man
Let’s use two, Dan and Stan
To identical rules they comply.
At eight, Dan starts low, Stan starts high.
To the other end both guys will fly.
At exactly one place
They must meet face to face
Unless they can logic defy.
So unless you’re exceedingly high,
You can see that both hikes by ONE guy
Must cross the same way
But just off by one day –
Now my work here is done, so good bye.
And here’s Sue’s solution:
The day I hike down from up high
My twin who’s as sluggish as I
Will, at the same time,
Duplicate my ‘up’ climb –
We’ll meet somewhere, at some time, oh my.
The one place, not terribly high
Where we meet on the trail, on the fly,
Determines in space
The one “same-time-same-place”
That Steve’s asking about – would I lie?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Kevin Ahern, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
My five-year old tried to say hi
To a man in a suit and a tie.
When the stuck-up man shunned him
He Taser gun stunned him.
He’s grounded, but what a good-bye!
Sue Dulley:
I knew it was priced way too high,
This silk that I just had to buy.
Cloth collecting’s my sin,
I know I can’t win,
Just hope it ends up in a tie.
Kevin Ahern:
A frog looking up at things high
Thinks the time for philosophy nigh.
His attitude smug,
He’d just caught a bug
And says, “Times fun when you’re having fly.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A prostitute always said, “Hi!”
When trying to pick up a guy.
They thought her so nice,
But SHE meant her price,
So most of the men said, Bye, bye.”
Steve Whitred:
The pirates were all pretty high
When the one with the patch went awry.
He had heard the command
To “deliver and stand”
But acknowledged with only one “aye.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 7 Comments »
Sunday, July 28th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Bill Klein, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow would frequently play
The field, to his girlfriend’s dismay.
So she got him a date
With a transvestite mate,
And thus made him a queen, for a day.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
To do the Lord’s work while they play,
The ministers gardened all day.
It was hard to decide
On the right pesticide,
‘Til they found the one called Lettuce Spray.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Craig Dykstra, Alan Hochbaum, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A bay horse suspected foul play
When someone kept eating his hay.
It could be the bull,
Who always looked full,
Cause when asked, other horses said, “Neigh!”
Kevin Ahern:
Some people at golf when they play
Think cheating on scores is OK.
These devious folks,
Reducing their strokes,
See NO need to play the fairway.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who wanted to play
With a woman who lived down the way
Was wasting his time,
For she said to him: “I’m
An actual Gay Divorcée.”
Craig Dykstra:
Janet Jackson got hired to play.
Justin Timberlake joined her that day.
But then with a rip
Came the slip of a nip –
Now the Super Bowl’s shown on delay.
Alan Hochbaum:
A woman suspected foul play
In the death of her donkey Don K.
At the funeral service
Her pastor, most nervous
Said “Everyone bow heads and bray.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Some farmers are charged with fowl play:
They strangled their hens, so they say.
And why in the dickens
Would men choke their chickens?
They just couldn’t get a good lay.
David Lefkovits:
An athlete who wanted to play
Met a girl who would lead him astray.
Said he to the ho:
“Yes I’d like to go pro,
But I really just meant NBA.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alan Hochbaum, Bill Klein, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Sunday, July 21st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
She gave the poor doctor a kick
That laid him out flat as a brick.
She completely forgot
He was giving a shot
When he said, “You may feel a small prick.”
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
There’s nothing like feeling her kick
Or hearing her little heart tick.
I am glowing with pride
As she’s growing inside
And I think of the name I will pick.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Ailsa McKillop, Don Wilkie, Raphael Harris, Fred Bortz, Colleen Murphy, and Craig Dykstra.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
We college boys all get a kick
Out of Penthouse’s sexy and slick
Pix of women undressed.
The centerfold’s best–
She’s the chick on the pages that stick.
Ailsa McKillop:
A woman was battling to kick
Her craving for cheeseburgers (thick)
With fries on the side.
Too great the divide
Between that, and a celery stick.
Don Wilkie:
The Jabberwock hunter’s new kick
Is a diet: “Lose twenty pounds quick!”
He gave up all his snacks;
Now when Jabby attacks,
His vorpal blade only goes “snick.”
Raphael Harris:
There once was a fellow named Kick,
Who had an extremely small dick.
The girls called him ‘Mrs.’,
But after some kisses,
It grew to the size of a tick.
Fred Bortz:
I have gone on a limerick kick
Since encount’ring Mad Kane and her clique.
My humor, once gaudy,
Ascended to bawdy,
And will soon reach the summit of schtick.
Colleen Murphy:
The habit I swear I will kick
Is the one where I’m turning a trick,
Cause at aged ninety-one
It’s just not any fun.
No more Thomas or Harry or Dick.
Craig Dykstra:
Miss Lewinsky’s career was a kick,
‘Til the tryst with an Arkansas hick.
It then ended quite soon–
Like a children’s balloon,
It was done in by one little prick.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Don Wilkie, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Raphael Harris, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, July 7th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
You could plead, if you sat on the board
Of GM or Chrysler or Ford,
That they set as their bar
A dependable car,
But you never would reach an Accord.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
As a bride, Mrs Milton was bored.
To her dear husband John she implored:
“You wrote Paradise Lost.”
Then her legs she uncrossed.
“Now find paradise yet unexplored.”
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
One day, when King Alfred was bored,
He put down his scepter and sword.
Forthwith the King called
To Bard Bertram the Bald:
“Soothe my soul with a comforting chord!”
The Bard began singing his song,
And the comforted King hummed along…
‘Til a jealous vizier
Whispered into his ear,
“Oh, Your Majesty! Something is wrong!”
“A rumor I’ve heard — a humdinger –
Says that Bertram is really a ringer!”
He continued, “I’ve heard
In his beard is a bird,
And the bird (not the Bard) is the singer!”
Cried King Alfred, “How thoroughly weird…
A Bard with a bird in his beard!”
So he gave a command
To the men close at hand
That the Bard should be taken and sheared.
Poor Bertram. It soon came to pass
That they shaved his face smoother than glass.
But the story absurd
Of the bearded Bard’s bird
Was just so much chin-music, alas.
Once Bertram was shaven, the King
Knew he’d done a regrettable thing.
The King had been careless,
And Bertram (the Hairless)
Was never again heard to sing.
So here is the moral, milord:
It’s a lesson that can’t be ignored.
If your Bard has a bird
In his beard, mum’s the word…
Or you’ll end up eternally bored.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, Ailsa McKillop, Sue Dulley, and Madeleine Sara Maddocks. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
The newlyweds never got bored.
The bride often found herself floored.
And sofa’d, and bedded,
And dining room setted,
And once got mahogany doored.
Fred Bortz:
He insists, “No, my dear, I’m not bored.
In fact, I would say that I scored.”
She replies, “I’ve concluded
You must be deluded.
In less than a minute, you snored.”
Will T. Laughlin:
One day, when Jehovah was bored,
Deep shit on his servant he poured.
Cried Job, in his pain,
“I don’t mean to complain,
But you need a new hobby, O Lord!”
Colleen Murphy:
The newlywed said he was bored.
His statement could not be ignored.
The fellow, in truth,
Had wed Dr. Ruth.
She preached what she could not accord.
Ailsa McKillop:
Oh, I was so heartily bored!
As each actor received their award,
Such thespian gush
Heard in reverent hush—
Take me now, if it pleases you, Lord!
Sue Dulley:
In England, “I’m bawd” means they’re bored,
And when the tea’s “pawed” it’s been poured.
They only say R’s
That aren’t there (Mar and Pa’s).
If you told them that’s flawed, they’d be floored.
Madeleine Maddocks:
A woman felt terribly bored
By each conquest she entered and scored.
On a scale one to ten,
She would judge all her men
With a zero for any who snored!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Saturday, June 29th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A peeping Venetian was fined,
So he hired a lawyer who whined:
“Your honor, that maid
Had adjusted her shade–
In effect, the Venetian was blind!”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying to find
Why bigots can be so unkind.
It doesn’t take glasses
To see those big asses
Are more than a little behind.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a Limerick Saga Award:
Mr. Rencible came home to find
His wife and his best friend entwined–
Man’s Best Friend, I should say,
An enormous Shar-Pei–
And the sight of it troubled his mind.
“Please stop it,” cried poor Mr. Rencible;
“Bestiality’s quite indefensible.
Oh, why go to hell
For a sin you can’t spell?
My darling, it just isn’t sensible!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Ailsa McKillop, Steve Whitred,
Tim James, and Danielle Nowlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
I frequently wish I could find
The thoughts I have stored in my mind,
But when I hit play
Each thought’s gone away.
What I need is a stop and rewind.
Craig Dykstra:
“You got banned from the dance club and fined?
For tardiness? Why would they mind?”
“No, you misunderstand me–
I said that they banned me
For feeling a little behind.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A woman was thrilled with her find–
A skirt of pure silk, fully lined!
In the thrift shop—dirt cheap!
But oh, she could weep–
‘Twas unflatt’ring, when viewed from behind.
Steve Whitred:
Quite often her fingers would find
There’s a spot where the sun rarely shined,
And she might have got blisters
If not that the sisters
Had warned her, “It makes you go blind.”
Tim James:
A woman was angered to find
When driving, and hit from behind,
That the shock of the bump
Made her breast implants jump.
So now her front end’s misaligned.
Danielle Nowlin:
A girl on an airplane did find
She was feeling quite tightly confined.
She asked, “Sir, could you sit
With your seat up a bit?”
Said he rudely, “I’m not too inclined.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Danielle Nowlin, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, June 16th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman quite often arose
In wrath at her sisters and bros.
They arranged her blind dates
With prospective soul mates.
So her life was all butt-ins and beaux.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
From “The Vacuum,” The Cosmos arose,
As every good physicist knows.
I’d explain in this verse,
But the form is too terse.
The Big Bang requires Big Prose.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Magnificently, he arose,
He’s a Greek god right down to his toes…
His serpent allures;
To say he endures
Is to liken the phoenix to crows.
I look up — in his teeth there’s a rose;
What he holds in his hand damn near glows;
Let me die by this stake…
Crap, that’s Ralph: “You awake?
I don’t know where this old flashlight goes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Jane Shelton Hoffman, J Cosmo Newbery, Steve Whitred, Scott Crowder, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
With fabric, a pale shade of rose,
She made up some curtains and throws.
They didn’t look smart
So she took them apart–
It’s sad when she rips what she sews.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who frequently rows
Never tells his wife just where he goes.
And her brother’s wife, Sue,
Often disappears too.
A family affair we suppose.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A woman was holding a rose
And the prize that it won in the shows.
And no-one suspected
Her win was connected
With the spot where she buried her beaux.
Steve Whitred:
His first tattoo says “I Love Rose.”
But another says “Bros before Hoes.”
So, his new girl, Inez
Wears a T-shirt that says,
“I’m with stupid”, wherever she goes.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was poked by a rose
And sent into orgasmic throes.
If one little prick,
Can do such a trick,
There’s hope for me too, I suppose.
Will T. Laughlin:
Rose planted her roses in rows,
Her garden to fully enclose.
Rose’s rosy rows rose,
And now nobody knows
When she goes through the rows with her beaux.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 9th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Robert Schechter, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In Montana, a man with a suit
Is laughed at. They think he’s a hoot!
And they holler with glee
If by chance they should see
That he’s wearing a necktie to Butte.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My neighbor was filing a suit,
Claimed I’d sealed up the holes in his flute.
So I entered a plea,
“With the charge I agree,
But it sounds so much better on mute.”
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick. (Here’s some info about the case Steve’s describing in his limerick.)
My fav’rite Nebraskan filed suit
Against God, with intent to impute
That he caused to transpire
Floods, earthquakes and fire.
For his part, the Yahweh was mute.
The judge promptly threw out the suit,
Saying God had no street or rur’l route,
And the bench then observed
Though the lord must be served,
“We’ve no viable means of pursuit.”
So the plaintiff’s appealing the suit,
Says “The grounds for dismissal are moot.
We’re subpoena foregoing.
Jehovah’s all knowing.
We shouldn’t his presence dispute.”
Then the high court vacated his suit,
Though the brief they reviewed was astute.
Now he’s known as the hater
Who sued the Creator
From Oshkosh to Lincoln to Butte.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
If you see me dressed up in a suit
And looking refined and astute,
With pants neatly creased,
I must be deceased,
In which case I won’t give a hoot.
Colleen Murphy:
A tomato was filing a suit,
Claimed the farmer had called him a “Fruit.”
The judge said, “True ref’rence,
Though not as to pref’rence.
The point of the matter is moot.”
Johanna Richmond:
No matter the price of the suit;
When that back-talking Maximus (Glute)
Throws his cares to the wind,
Rich and poor are chagrined.
Mighty mouth of the south, I salute.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A Senator wearing a suit
Was a right wing, religious old coot.
He’d profess, “Guns don’t kill!
But if you’ve got some skill,
When a thug comes around, you should shoot!”
Sue Dulley:
A man all dressed up in a suit
Caught the train for his morning commute.
His outfit, so formal,
Was looked on as normal
By others who took the same route.
Robert Schechter:
Said a man who was hit by a suit:
“I suppose I was far from astute.
I taunted, ‘So sue me!’
He did. Now I’m gloomy.
It’s wiser, at times, to stand mute.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Our limerick rhyme-word is “suit”:
Here’s the worst one — and that’s absolute.
It’s intended in fun,
So I beg: when I’m done,
Would you kindly not hurl rotten fruit?
I’m told that some Hollywood suit
Pitched a biopic: “Hawley and Smoot”.
Smoot never would bend
To the Hollywood trend,
But Hawley would. Ain’t THAT a beaut?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, May 26th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ANN MARTIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A philosopher covered in ink
Claimed “I know I exist ’cause I think,”
But René was so grubby
His wife told her hubby,
“I know you exist, ’cause you stink.”
Ann Martin’s philosophy limerick is also in a tie with this funny limerick by SUE DULLEY to jointly win the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
My fountain pen’s run out of ink,
My VCR’s gone on the blink.
I think one fine day
I’ll just sail away
And pray that my raft doesn’t sink.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
We’re anxiously watching the ink
In hopes it confirms what we think.
We erupt into cheers
When the plus sign appears.
Now’s the question of blue or of pink.
Will T. Laughlin:
I’m changing my name to “Will, Inc.”
As a corporate person, I think
I can do as I please:
Pay no taxes or fees,
And take dumps in the water you drink.
Fred Bortz:
A limerick written in ink
Requires the writer to think.
If instead, he just scribbles
There’s bound to be quibbles:
Both meter and rhyming will stink.
Johanna Richmond:
I devoted today’s bit of ink
To that well-endowed, trash-tweeting fink
Who, OK, likes to sext,
But maintains he’s the next
Mayor Koch (squeeze an “r” in, wink, wink).
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to ink
A diet to make people shrink.
But this was a dream
For her love of ice cream
Meant without it she just could not think!
Tim James:
The GOP gets lots of ink
As they try with great effort to link
The prez to a scandal
(A job they can’t handle).
Who’s running this crew? Colonel Klink?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, May 19th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Cap’n Richard, the yacht racing buff,
Courts the ladies with confidence bluff.
But his shame, when he fails,
Takes the wind from his sails…
That’s the trouble with falling in luff.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fanatical fairy tale buff
Was told by his wife, “That’s enough!
I have played as Snow White,
Even Gretel at night,
But I won’t be a billy goat gruff!
Congratulations to Diane Groothuis and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Diane Groothuis:
The Oxford Shakespearean buff
Thought things in the old times were tough
It seems rather queer
To lend one your ear
Just to bury a king in a huff.
Will T. Laughlin:
What Antony ought to have said
Was: “Please keep your ears on your head.
Digging graves with your ears
Would take days, if not years…
Romans, lend me your shovels instead!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Tim James, Colleen Murphy, Steve Whitred, Robert Schechter,
Fred Bortz, Carolyn Henly, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A wedding night spent in the buff
Turned out for one guy to be rough.
His bride, not well knowing
The concept of “blowing,”
Passed out after one giant puff.
Colleen Murphy:
My pop was a Civil War buff
Who’d dress in his Civil War stuff.
He’d scare ev’ry neighbor
When armed with his saber,
And bringing in boyfriends was tough!
Steve Whitred:
A woman who’d swim in the buff
With the witches, Macbeth, and Macduff,
Felt it just wasn’t cool
With a dog in the pool
And said “Out damn Spot, ‘nough is enough.”
Robert Schechter:
A woman who cooked in the buff
Should have stopped with one cannabis puff.
“The turkey, or me?”
She asked. “Let me see . . .”
Then she chose the wrong creature to stuff.
Fred Bortz:
My bod, which has never been buff,
Or brawny, or sexy, or tough,
Would be a great pain
Were I hopelessly vain,
But I strive and I thrive. That’s enough.
Carolyn Henly:
A pseudo-Shakespearean buff
Found that learning his lines was quite rough.
He got fired one day
From the old Scottish play
‘Cuz he kept saying “Lead on, Macduff!”
David Lefkovits:
When opting to swim in the buff,
One confronts a decision so tough:
Would it be more obscene
To shave oneself clean
Or fearlessly feature one’s fluff?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, May 5th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The party was starting to hum
On a fishing boat well-stocked with rum,
Till the captain’s friend, drunk,
With the sharks took a dunk.
Now he’s known as the skipper’s best chum.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Someone’s limerick made me go hummm…
When I think of a frown on a bum,
My mind goes to farce —
Painted lips on an arse
And a mouth ill-equipped to chew gum.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Puzzle/Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, which begins with Steve’s puzzle in multi-verse limerick form and ends with Will’s solution, also in multi-verse limerick form:
Steve Whitred:
So this week when the rhyme word is hum
And I’ve o’er used ‘cum’, ‘dum’, ‘thumb’, and ‘bum’.
A conundrum I’ll pose.
Will you solve it, who knows?
I suspect though, it’s too tough for some.
Now the gears in my head start to hum,
As the clues for this puzzle forth come.
You’ve got 12 coins of gold,
But there’s one that is old.
It’s weight’s off from the rest, by a crumb.
You’ve a scale (not of music to hum).
It’s two pans on a chain, and it’s plumb.
With this scale weigh the gold
‘Till at last you behold
The coin others are different from.
If at this point you’re all thinking hummm…,
Here’s a clue to begin, don’t be glum.
Place some coins in each pan.
If they balance you can
Safely say that it’s not in that scrum.
Since you now see this isn’t ho-hum,
One more thing, please don’t think I’m a bum.
The odd coin may be light
Or just overweight, slight.
And three weighing’s the goal. Good luck chum.
Will T. Laughlin:
Here’s the method that I would employ:
Choose *any* two coins, Steve my boy…
Take one coin (your choice),
Weigh it avoirdupois,
And then measure the other in troy.
No, no: please don’t give me a beating.
I know that this method is cheating.
If you’d rather instead,
I’ll try using my head…
(Quite a change from my usual bleating).
– ahem –
Put six and six pieces of eight
On the scales, and determine their weight.
You’ll notice one side
Slightly higher will ride:
That’s the side we’ll be working with. Great:
Take the coins from the light side, and see
How they measure up, weighed three and three.
Once again you’ll behold
That there’s one tray of gold
Slightly lighter, comparatively.
Now the answer’s so clear it could bite one:
The lighter half must have the right one.
So compare one and one.
If they’re equal, you’re done;
If they’re not, then you just choose the light one.
(You can read Steve’s solution to his own puzzle here in prose form.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Colleen Murphy, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, Sue Dulley, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
Beethoven first started to hum
As a child when he still sucked his thumb.
As he crawled on the floor,
He’d come up with a score.
His FIRST tune was “Dot dot dot dum.”
Colleen Murphy:
My brother would constantly hum,
Crack knuckles, blow bubbles, and drum.
Then wonder why dating
Was so darned deflating,
As girlfriends would leave when he’d come.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Just as things were beginning to hum,
Along came a fellow so dumb:
He chose a fine cello
With tone sweet and mellow.
With pick he then started to strum.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow would constantly hum
The chorus from “Under My Thumb.”
He said, with a swagger,
“My moves are like Jagger;
Just see how I’m shaking my bum.”
Johanna Richmond:
To the dentist who’d constantly hum
While poking and prodding her gum:
She cried, “Hate to sound sore
But just how much more
Anesthesia would make my ears numb?”
Sue Dulley:
The lobby was starting to hum.
Reporters closed in for the scrum.
But soon all were vexed
When “No comment” and “Next?”
Were the closest to answers they’d come.
Robert Schechter:
My girlfriend would constantly hum
During sex, and it bothered me some.
One day I asked why,
And she said with a sigh,
“I’ll sing you the words when I come.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 28th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Les a/k/a Colonialist, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
An artist who often made scenes
Would paint them on flimsiest screens.
When backdrops were rent,
Cast would then, through the vent,
Cast aspersions while venting their spleens.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An artist was drawing some scenes
Of the countryside down in Orleans.
As he sketched and he drew
He kept sipping some brew,
Which explains why his last subject leans.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins a special Limerick Quiz Award, for creating a fun Limerick Movie Quiz out of his series of limericks. (You can find the answers to David’s quiz right after the list of Honorable Mention winning limericks, upside down … just to keep everybody honest.)
This week, when the keyword is “scenes”,
I wanted to break from routines.
Each verse I will use
To throw out some clues;
Try guessing what each of them means!
This silent is loaded with scenes
Of man in the thrall of machines,
And the mystical muse
Who changes the views
Of a rebel who’s born of great means.
This actor was noted for scenes
Of angst-ridden young men and teens.
If he had lived long,
He might have gone on
To become one of Hollywood’s deans.
In this mob movie’s earliest scenes
The specter of lust intervenes
With a gangster whose shlong
Is a few inches long;
In fact, it may be in the teens.
One of the funniest scenes
To blaze across Hollywood screens
Ends up with a din
Like trumpets and wind
And begins with a pot full of beans.
There’s a musical noted for scenes
Of dancing by killer chorines,
Who know of a spot
Where the music is hot,
And the lyrics are not for preteens.
In this movie, two ladies have scenes
Making one of the world’s great cuisines,
But the younger one’s thrown
By Beef Bourguignon,
And breaks down amid her tureens.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Steve Whitred, Bob Dvorak, Ira Bloom, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Will T. Laughlin:
An Irishman likes to make scenes
While wooing the village colleens.
But the girls understand
That his gestures so grand
Mean there’s nothing at all in his jeans.
Steve Whitred:
In Bogey films there are some scenes
Where his shortness of height intervenes,
Like the time when he quipped,
“Ingrid let’s change the script
To a ‘hill’, from a ‘mountain’ of beans.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who often made scenes
In the buff, to be seen on big screens,
Can’t act. When a guy
Out of work asked him why,
He retorted, “It’s all in the genes.”
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who often makes scenes,
As he drinks, stumbles, trips and careens,
With few inhibitions,
Makes rude propositions.
A good thing his wife intervenes.
Sue Dulley:
A youth leader takes in some scenes
With “her girls”, a small group of young teens.
She’s known to have stated,
“No, they’re not related,
Although they all have the same jeans”.
And now, returning to David Lefkovits’ Limerick Movie Quiz, here’s the answer key:
˙ɐıןnɾ & ǝıןnɾ ‘oƃɐɔıɥɔ ‘sǝןppɐs ƃuızɐןq ‘ɹǝɥʇɐɟpoƃ ǝɥʇ ‘uɐǝp sǝɯɐɾ ‘sıןodoɹʇǝɯ
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Colonialist, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 14 Comments »
Sunday, April 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The ardent date’s blowing his stack
Cuz his signals were all out of whack.
He said “What can I do
That will satisfy you?”
So she asked, “Can you fix me a snack?”
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A reader was offered a stack
Of books going several years back.
A few were hard cover
Like “Lady C’s Lover,”
While some were soft porn (paperback).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Sue Dulley, and Will T. Laughlin
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Diane Groothuis:
A woman was blowing her stack,
Cuz her husband did not have the knack
Of withholding the gas
He’d repeatedly pass,
And she said “If I want it I’ll frack”.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A plumber was blowing her stack
At a fellow who thought her a quack:
“The proof’s in my work!
And anatomy, jerk,
Is the reason you can’t see my crack!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was blowing her stack:
“I want my virginity back!
After only one squeeze,
He spilled his valdez.
That romeo isn’t worth jack!”
Craig Dykstra:
To his wife, the ex-Gov blew his stack
‘Cause their two-person costume was whack.
He gave her the front
And said “Hate to be blunt
But I’m Ahnuld and so … I’ll be back.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A woman was blowing her stack
When she heard that her stalker was back.
“When I get up each morn
I go garden my corn.
I will cut off his stalk with a whack!”
Sue Dulley:
A glamorous gal has a stack
Of nightgowns, short, silky and black.
But her beau (he’s confessed)
Likes her burlap-bag dressed.
Why? “Because she’s the best in the sack.”
Will T. Laughlin:
A fellow was trying to stack
His triplets, each one on its back,
Saving trouble and toil
For the visiting mohel–
Circumcising all three in one whack.
(There once was a klutz of a mohel
Who sneezed in the midst of his tohel.
He peered down at the boy,
Then turned pale, and said: “Oy,
Mrs. Greenbaum? You now have a gohel.”)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
