It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I heard my love let out a wail
And knew she was fast turning pale.
I’d heard it before
And told her once more:
“My dear, stay away from the scale.”
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special Dog and/or Cat-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
One day my Maltese caught a whiff
Of a bitch and then said with a sniff,
“She’s not of my breed
But I know what I need:
A great dame that will make my mast stiff.”
Congratulations to both J COSMO NEWBERY and MARK KANE, who in a tie each win the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks that received the most Facebook “likes.”
J Cosmo Newbery:
The response of the typical male
Is turning the palest of pale
When informed by his wife,
The love of his life,
How much she has saved at the sale.
Mark Kane:
At the nude beach the regulars rail
At the newbies who follow their trail.
They’ll claim that they go
Very often, although
Certain parts are suspiciously pale.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Dave Johnson, Suzanne Heymann, Valerie Grzegorczyk, Kirk Miller, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PALE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DOG and/or CAT LIMERICKS)
Marty Gerendasy
When it rains cats and dogs mixed with hail,
You’ll be smart if you look for a pail.
If you can’t find a real one,
Just go out and steal one.
I’ll be happy to put up your bail.
Brian Allgar:
Our puppy would try to impale
Every creature possessing a tail.
This libidinous habit,
When tried with a rabbit,
Anatomically just had to fail.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PALE” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
He got stopped by a cop. Turning pale,
He attempted a bribe to dodge jail.
But it didn’t quite work
‘Cause the poor, clueless jerk
Didn’t notice the doughnuts were stale.
Will T. Laughlin:
In my youth, I was thin as a rail,
But today I resemble a whale.
I attribute my size
Less to burgers and fries
Than “small” sodas that come in a pail.
Dave Johnson:
For Henry, the night was a fail,
Spent chasing and trying to nail
A pretty young thing
Who noticed his ring
Left a circle that’s narrow and pale.
Suzanne Heymann:
A showerhead ordered by mail
Consists of white bucket and nail.
Hang it up like a wreath
And poke holes underneath.
That is how you impale a pale pail.
Valerie Grzegorczyk:
The mail order bride wore a veil.
When ’twas lifted, the groom turned quite pale.
From pale he turned green;
She’d arrived sight unseen.
He shipped her back C.O.D. mail.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOG and/or CAT LIMERICK DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
Out in Texas, a cowpoke named Sid
Took to heart words from songs as a kid.
Bought a dachshund one day
’Cause the lyrics did say:
“Get a long little doggie.” He did.
Will T. Laughlin:
If your puppy-dog constantly chews
Through one of each pair of your shoes,
He’s just taking care
That your feet should be bare
When you step into one of his poos.
Konrad Schwoerke:
My dog, though he’s quick, ain’t a greyhound,
And he’s not, without training, a stay hound,
But he thinks that his job
Is to fetch what I lob,
Which, of course, makes him ace as a play hound.
Marty Gerendasy:
When your cats or dogs jump on your bed
And start doing a dance on your head,
You may think that they’re playing,
But what they are saying
Is “Get up, we wanna be fed!”
Will T. Laughlin, who also wins The Limerick Saga Award for this touching tale:
At times, when the going was tough –
When I felt that enough was enough,
And I’d want to give up –
I would look at my pup…
And my pup looked at me, and said, “Wuff.”When my patience was truly worn through,
And I just didn’t know what to do,
In my fuddle and fog
I would turn to my dog,
And my pup, looking up, said, “Aroo.”In the midst of an awful kerfuffle,
When rest was as rare as a truffle
And no peace could be found,
I would turn to my hound,
And my dog turned to me, and said, “Wuffle.”And should I confront the abyss –
When it seemed my whole life was amiss,
And I wanted to bawl –
She’d say nothing at all:
Just come over, and give me a kiss.My dog has long since passed away.
But after a terrible day
When troubles betide me,
She’s still here beside me,
And still knows the right thing to say.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
