“No Bra Day” Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is “No Bra Day.” Oh my!
But just ONE braless day? Won’t comply
With the custom of binding
Our breasts. I’m not minding
Those rules. I declare, “Let them fly!”
UPDATE: In addition to being celebrated on July 9th, No Bra Day is also celebrated on October 13.
(For more bra humor, here’s my Wonderbra Song Parody.)
Are you planning to celebrate National Underwear Day on August 5th? Hint: It involves going out in public wearing just underwear.
Before you do anything rash, you should probably read this limerick:
Limerick Ode To The Thong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you think you look good in a thong,
Double-check — throngs are certain you’re wrong.
Take a look from all sides.
Please use mirrors as guides.
You still think so? That bong must be strong!
Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.
I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:
Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!
Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.
We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.
Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.
This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.
(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)
Just when you think a problem is unsolvable, a creative company comes up with a solution. I’m referring, of course, to Smarter Socks which, we’re told, “makes sorting socks child’s play” through “interaction between the socks with a communication button, the Sock Sorter and an iPhone app.”
What would Seinfeld have to say about this?
There’s An App For WHAT??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you find that your socks keep cavorting
And consorting with strangers, your sorting
Can be helped with an app:
Smarter Socks fill the gap
When your laundering skills need supporting.
UPDATE: Alternatively, you could ditch the app and celebrate No Socks Day 365 days a year.
You know it’s the Christmas season, when you read about a Black Friday brawl breaking out over panties at Victoria’s Secret. This mall melee at the Roseville Galleria Mall in California was all captured on video.
Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Pantie shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.
While we’re on the subject of undie shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Secret Shopper is an old humor column about shopping for panties with my late mother. (It was her favorite column featuring her antics.)
Here’s some cool news! I entered the 2012 Saline (MI) Celtic Festival Limerick Contest with my “Limerick Ode to a Kilt-Wearing Man.” Well it turns out that I won first prize in the Master Class (over 25) category.
I couldn’t attend the festival, but it sure sounds like a fun yearly event.
Here’s my winning limerick:
Limerick Ode to a Kilt-Wearing Man
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was very well built,
Was naked except for his kilt.
He was flouting the regs,
As he flaunted his legs,
And willed certain parts not to wilt.
Acrostic Limericks In Vogue?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Very stylish young gals were out walking
On the streets of Manhattan, while talking.
Guys were tempted to cheer:
Undergarments were clear.
Even women who saw them were gawking.
UPDATE: I just realized I’ve written seven acrostic limericks in the last couple of months. Perhaps I can postpone senility, after all.
Facebook pal and Limerick-Off regular Peter Metrinko pointed me to this article about a fashion breakthrough — underwear for left-handed men. Needless to say, I felt compelled to celebrate southpaw undies with a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Left-Handed Underwear
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You left-handed men, there’s good news:
Southpaw undies — much handier to use.
When you visit the loo
There’s a bit less to do.
But please don’t the priv’lege abuse.
UPDATE: August 13th is Left Hander’s Day. Enjoy!
“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”
My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.
She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
