Posts Tagged ‘Tom Hale’

Limerick of the Week (129)

Sunday, September 1st, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

After punning, I’m left all alone
‘Cause I make people grimace and moan.
If you think they’re bad now,
Then imagine just how
Bad they’ll be when my puns are full groan.

Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Geology students alone
At exams will collectively groan:
The grading is picky
And questions are tricky
Cuz answers are written in stone.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Cyn, Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Fred Bortz, Tom Hale, Bob Dvorak, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Cyn:

I tend to think better alone
And prefer to solve things on my own.
Even so, one can dream
Of how easy it’d seem,
If I were as smart as my phone.

Craig Dykstra:

“So when can I get you alone?”
Said her butcher, who called on the phone.
Seems he misunderstood
When she asked if he could,
With her meat order, give her a bone.

Tim James:

A guy should have taken a loan
Ere he took out a girl on his own.
His full bill for their date
Was a buck ninety-eight.
But he *did* let her choose cup or cone.

Fred Bortz:

The bagpiper marches alone.
What he wears neath his kilt is unknown.
But it kinnae be borin’:
When watchin’ his sporran,
It rises and falls with his drone.

Tom Hale:

The Queen bellowed, “Leave me alone!
First, bring me my pipe of homegrown!”
The Page said, “I can’t,
Your Highness, I shan’t
Condone a stoned crone on a throne!”

Bob Dvorak:

A woman who needed a loan
Asked a banker to throw her a bone.
“My cred’s in the tank,
But there’s cash in your bank.
In exchange, I can foment a moan.”

Will T. Laughlin:

To a brothel he goes, all alone,
In the city’s most dangerous zone;
He’s disguised as a john
For a story he’s on,
But he’s hoping his cover gets blown.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (107) (Updated)

Sunday, March 31st, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A bell-ringer, lusty and bold,
Wished a lass in his arms to enfold.
But a bell made of brass
Fell and flattened his ass:
Said the girl, “Now his tail has been tolled!”

Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who win the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Spring is sprung, can the snow now please vanish,
And sunshine our discontent banish?
As of now it makes sense
To get ourselves hence
Somewhere warm where the people speak Spanish.

Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was terribly bold,
Catching looks on the street as she strolled.
She made some eyes pop
In a skimpy crop-top,
With her jeans hanging low and be-holed.

Congratulations again to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

PRINTER’S DEVIL (A typographical soap opera)

There once was a Courier Bold
Who was, at Times, Roamin’, I’m told;
For he had that Type Face
That led gals to disgrace,
And his Serifs? A joy to behold.

At the end of the line, smooth as talcum,
He’d find Widows and Orphans, and stalcum.
Then he’d woo them a while
In a Goudy Old Style,
‘Til at home he was no longer walcum.

His wife Arial, sick with frustration,
Was burning with humiliation.
“I’ll Gill him!” she cried,
And went flush on each side
(For she knew she had Justification).

Her husband soon learned to beware her,
And went all italic in terror.
Claimed he, “What you’ve heard
Is completely absurd:
It’s a mere typographical error!”

But his wife cried, “Too late! I don’t care if
You deny it, or call for the sheriff!”
Her fury still burning,
She tightened his kerning…
(Her husband is now a Sans-Serif).

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond, Robert Schwarztrauber, Tom Hale, Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy, and Jared Wright. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kathy El-Assal:

Old Man Winter’s been blust’ry and bold,
Causing many complaints about cold:
“We miss seeing green
So stop being mean
And let global warming unfold!”

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

Spring flutters in, fabulous flirt,
Flicks winter’s last snows from her skirt.
Released from storm’s prison,
Our garden hopes risen,
We neighbors are sharing the dirt.

Johanna Richmond:

As metaphors go, this one’s bold,
But it’s time, guys, our story is told.
You want your gal peaking?
Hold off headline seeking –
The best news is under the fold.

Robert Schwarztrauber:

A girl who was terribly bold,
Picked the pockets of men as she strolled.
The men were all pleased
When their butt cheek got squeezed,
‘Til they found later on they’d been rolled.

Tom Hale:

A woman who frequently bowled,
Got frostbitten fingers—that’s cold.
Said, “I ain’t defeated:
My toes were well heated!”
And boldly with tootsies she rolled.

Charley Simmons:

A man who was terribly bold
Rolled nine strikes in a row, I’ve been told.
He leaped in the air,
With arrogant flair,
Racked his balls, now his game is on hold.

Colleen Murphy:

The first time I went out and bowled
My strike count, it tallied ten-fold.
My shocked friends inquired
Just what had transpired.
I answered, “Well, that’s how I rolled!”

Jared Wright:

A Catholic terribly bold
One day from the pulpit extolled
The Jacks and the Jills
Who didn’t use pills
Affirming their births uncontrolled.

“And condoms one ought to refuse,”
He added, expounding his views.
“Leave sex ‘open-ended’
The way God intended,
Don’t ‘cover your head’ like the Jews!”

But some of the women who heard
Considered the teachings absurd.
So when their brave knights
Sought conjugal rights,
The womenfolk boldly demurred.

Still as we all know God endows
The menfolk whom women espouse
With failures to purge
Themselves of the urge,
Or add celibacy to their vows.

So one may behold the effects
Of following @pontifex:
As sure as my nose
The Cath’lic Church grows
When billions of faithful have sex!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!