Posts Tagged ‘Sue Dulley’
Sunday, May 26th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ANN MARTIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A philosopher covered in ink
Claimed “I know I exist ’cause I think,”
But René was so grubby
His wife told her hubby,
“I know you exist, ’cause you stink.”
Ann Martin’s philosophy limerick is also in a tie with this funny limerick by SUE DULLEY to jointly win the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
My fountain pen’s run out of ink,
My VCR’s gone on the blink.
I think one fine day
I’ll just sail away
And pray that my raft doesn’t sink.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
We’re anxiously watching the ink
In hopes it confirms what we think.
We erupt into cheers
When the plus sign appears.
Now’s the question of blue or of pink.
Will T. Laughlin:
I’m changing my name to “Will, Inc.”
As a corporate person, I think
I can do as I please:
Pay no taxes or fees,
And take dumps in the water you drink.
Fred Bortz:
A limerick written in ink
Requires the writer to think.
If instead, he just scribbles
There’s bound to be quibbles:
Both meter and rhyming will stink.
Johanna Richmond:
I devoted today’s bit of ink
To that well-endowed, trash-tweeting fink
Who, OK, likes to sext,
But maintains he’s the next
Mayor Koch (squeeze an “r” in, wink, wink).
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to ink
A diet to make people shrink.
But this was a dream
For her love of ice cream
Meant without it she just could not think!
Tim James:
The GOP gets lots of ink
As they try with great effort to link
The prez to a scandal
(A job they can’t handle).
Who’s running this crew? Colonel Klink?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Saturday, May 11th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Peter dates an old lady who trips
When she hears Gladys Knight and the Pips;
And knowing he’s scored
When she shouts “All aboard!”
Peter prays that her Poligrip grips.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who win the Special Mother’s Day-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
On Mom’s Day she’ll act mild and meek,
But I know that before I can speak
She’ll say “Thanks for the call.”
Then she’ll make me feel small
With “Your brother phones two times a week.”
Congratulations to Mike Moulton, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A hippie who took lots of trips
With reality came not to grips,
As the acid he tried
Left his brain nearly fried
And subject to memory slips.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Puzzle Award, occasionally given to a very clever puzzle in limerick form:
Here’s a puzzle for taking on trips:
At a fork, the path rises or dips.
Pick the one you should take
To arrive at the lake.
In verse two I’ll supply you with tips.
There’s two guides, but be careful, one trips.
Only lies ever come from her lips.
Th’ other guide in the booth
Always tells you the truth.
Which is which? You don’t know, and that rips.
But with guilt, on me, don’t lay your trips.
Both guides know which path’s right and which gyps.
Since these girls are both sibs,
They know which of them fibs
And which sis tells the truth in her quips.
To arrive at the lake on these trips,
It’s now time that we all come to grips.
What’s the question to pose
To one guide, so it shows
Down which path to be pointing your hips?
(Steve provides the answer to his fun puzzle here.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
My career lets me take lots of trips.
I tend bar on some cruise-liner ships.
I like it a lot
‘Cause there’s nothing so hot
As a drunk girl with really big tips.
Fred Bortz:
The astronomer’s too frequent trips
To savor Miss Moonbeam’s sweet lips
Were the proximate cause:
He forgot Kepler’s Laws
And was late for the solar eclipse.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A fellow who took many trips
To clubs where a young lady strips
Got the fright of his life
Recognizing his wife
Both dancing and pulling large tips.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A writer would take frequent trips
To research how each country strips.
“Geisha girls drop their fans.
French nudes do can-cans.
And Middle East girls show their lips.”
Sue Dulley
A comet makes regular trips
Round its orbit, a long thin ellipse.
What to do on the day
Our earth gets in its way?
We’ll need some apocalypse tips.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mike Moulton, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, May 5th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The party was starting to hum
On a fishing boat well-stocked with rum,
Till the captain’s friend, drunk,
With the sharks took a dunk.
Now he’s known as the skipper’s best chum.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Someone’s limerick made me go hummm…
When I think of a frown on a bum,
My mind goes to farce —
Painted lips on an arse
And a mouth ill-equipped to chew gum.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Puzzle/Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, which begins with Steve’s puzzle in multi-verse limerick form and ends with Will’s solution, also in multi-verse limerick form:
Steve Whitred:
So this week when the rhyme word is hum
And I’ve o’er used ‘cum’, ‘dum’, ‘thumb’, and ‘bum’.
A conundrum I’ll pose.
Will you solve it, who knows?
I suspect though, it’s too tough for some.
Now the gears in my head start to hum,
As the clues for this puzzle forth come.
You’ve got 12 coins of gold,
But there’s one that is old.
It’s weight’s off from the rest, by a crumb.
You’ve a scale (not of music to hum).
It’s two pans on a chain, and it’s plumb.
With this scale weigh the gold
‘Till at last you behold
The coin others are different from.
If at this point you’re all thinking hummm…,
Here’s a clue to begin, don’t be glum.
Place some coins in each pan.
If they balance you can
Safely say that it’s not in that scrum.
Since you now see this isn’t ho-hum,
One more thing, please don’t think I’m a bum.
The odd coin may be light
Or just overweight, slight.
And three weighing’s the goal. Good luck chum.
Will T. Laughlin:
Here’s the method that I would employ:
Choose *any* two coins, Steve my boy…
Take one coin (your choice),
Weigh it avoirdupois,
And then measure the other in troy.
No, no: please don’t give me a beating.
I know that this method is cheating.
If you’d rather instead,
I’ll try using my head…
(Quite a change from my usual bleating).
– ahem –
Put six and six pieces of eight
On the scales, and determine their weight.
You’ll notice one side
Slightly higher will ride:
That’s the side we’ll be working with. Great:
Take the coins from the light side, and see
How they measure up, weighed three and three.
Once again you’ll behold
That there’s one tray of gold
Slightly lighter, comparatively.
Now the answer’s so clear it could bite one:
The lighter half must have the right one.
So compare one and one.
If they’re equal, you’re done;
If they’re not, then you just choose the light one.
(You can read Steve’s solution to his own puzzle here in prose form.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Colleen Murphy, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, Sue Dulley, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
Beethoven first started to hum
As a child when he still sucked his thumb.
As he crawled on the floor,
He’d come up with a score.
His FIRST tune was “Dot dot dot dum.”
Colleen Murphy:
My brother would constantly hum,
Crack knuckles, blow bubbles, and drum.
Then wonder why dating
Was so darned deflating,
As girlfriends would leave when he’d come.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Just as things were beginning to hum,
Along came a fellow so dumb:
He chose a fine cello
With tone sweet and mellow.
With pick he then started to strum.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow would constantly hum
The chorus from “Under My Thumb.”
He said, with a swagger,
“My moves are like Jagger;
Just see how I’m shaking my bum.”
Johanna Richmond:
To the dentist who’d constantly hum
While poking and prodding her gum:
She cried, “Hate to sound sore
But just how much more
Anesthesia would make my ears numb?”
Sue Dulley:
The lobby was starting to hum.
Reporters closed in for the scrum.
But soon all were vexed
When “No comment” and “Next?”
Were the closest to answers they’d come.
Robert Schechter:
My girlfriend would constantly hum
During sex, and it bothered me some.
One day I asked why,
And she said with a sigh,
“I’ll sing you the words when I come.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 28th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Les a/k/a Colonialist, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
An artist who often made scenes
Would paint them on flimsiest screens.
When backdrops were rent,
Cast would then, through the vent,
Cast aspersions while venting their spleens.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An artist was drawing some scenes
Of the countryside down in Orleans.
As he sketched and he drew
He kept sipping some brew,
Which explains why his last subject leans.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins a special Limerick Quiz Award, for creating a fun Limerick Movie Quiz out of his series of limericks. (You can find the answers to David’s quiz right after the list of Honorable Mention winning limericks, upside down … just to keep everybody honest.)
This week, when the keyword is “scenes”,
I wanted to break from routines.
Each verse I will use
To throw out some clues;
Try guessing what each of them means!
This silent is loaded with scenes
Of man in the thrall of machines,
And the mystical muse
Who changes the views
Of a rebel who’s born of great means.
This actor was noted for scenes
Of angst-ridden young men and teens.
If he had lived long,
He might have gone on
To become one of Hollywood’s deans.
In this mob movie’s earliest scenes
The specter of lust intervenes
With a gangster whose shlong
Is a few inches long;
In fact, it may be in the teens.
One of the funniest scenes
To blaze across Hollywood screens
Ends up with a din
Like trumpets and wind
And begins with a pot full of beans.
There’s a musical noted for scenes
Of dancing by killer chorines,
Who know of a spot
Where the music is hot,
And the lyrics are not for preteens.
In this movie, two ladies have scenes
Making one of the world’s great cuisines,
But the younger one’s thrown
By Beef Bourguignon,
And breaks down amid her tureens.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Steve Whitred, Bob Dvorak, Ira Bloom, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Will T. Laughlin:
An Irishman likes to make scenes
While wooing the village colleens.
But the girls understand
That his gestures so grand
Mean there’s nothing at all in his jeans.
Steve Whitred:
In Bogey films there are some scenes
Where his shortness of height intervenes,
Like the time when he quipped,
“Ingrid let’s change the script
To a ‘hill’, from a ‘mountain’ of beans.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who often made scenes
In the buff, to be seen on big screens,
Can’t act. When a guy
Out of work asked him why,
He retorted, “It’s all in the genes.”
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who often makes scenes,
As he drinks, stumbles, trips and careens,
With few inhibitions,
Makes rude propositions.
A good thing his wife intervenes.
Sue Dulley:
A youth leader takes in some scenes
With “her girls”, a small group of young teens.
She’s known to have stated,
“No, they’re not related,
Although they all have the same jeans”.
And now, returning to David Lefkovits’ Limerick Movie Quiz, here’s the answer key:
˙ɐıןnɾ & ǝıןnɾ ‘oƃɐɔıɥɔ ‘sǝןppɐs ƃuızɐןq ‘ɹǝɥʇɐɟpoƃ ǝɥʇ ‘uɐǝp sǝɯɐɾ ‘sıןodoɹʇǝɯ
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Colonialist, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 14 Comments »
Sunday, April 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The ardent date’s blowing his stack
Cuz his signals were all out of whack.
He said “What can I do
That will satisfy you?”
So she asked, “Can you fix me a snack?”
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A reader was offered a stack
Of books going several years back.
A few were hard cover
Like “Lady C’s Lover,”
While some were soft porn (paperback).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Sue Dulley, and Will T. Laughlin
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Diane Groothuis:
A woman was blowing her stack,
Cuz her husband did not have the knack
Of withholding the gas
He’d repeatedly pass,
And she said “If I want it I’ll frack”.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A plumber was blowing her stack
At a fellow who thought her a quack:
“The proof’s in my work!
And anatomy, jerk,
Is the reason you can’t see my crack!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was blowing her stack:
“I want my virginity back!
After only one squeeze,
He spilled his valdez.
That romeo isn’t worth jack!”
Craig Dykstra:
To his wife, the ex-Gov blew his stack
‘Cause their two-person costume was whack.
He gave her the front
And said “Hate to be blunt
But I’m Ahnuld and so … I’ll be back.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A woman was blowing her stack
When she heard that her stalker was back.
“When I get up each morn
I go garden my corn.
I will cut off his stalk with a whack!”
Sue Dulley:
A glamorous gal has a stack
Of nightgowns, short, silky and black.
But her beau (he’s confessed)
Likes her burlap-bag dressed.
Why? “Because she’s the best in the sack.”
Will T. Laughlin:
A fellow was trying to stack
His triplets, each one on its back,
Saving trouble and toil
For the visiting mohel–
Circumcising all three in one whack.
(There once was a klutz of a mohel
Who sneezed in the midst of his tohel.
He peered down at the boy,
Then turned pale, and said: “Oy,
Mrs. Greenbaum? You now have a gohel.”)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 7th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A baker I met buying bread
Must love how I treat him in bed:
Has “Fredrico Fellini”
Tattooed on his weenie,
But his wife thinks it only says Fred.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Do lim’ricks attract the ill-bred?
I can only infer from Craig’s spread:
If your reader can’t chew it
Tattoo it or screw it,
Forget it, you ain’t got no cred.
Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Sue Dulley:
A guy from the States, not ill-bred,
To a person from Canada said:
If you must pronounce Zee
Like it’s spelt Z-E-D,
Then why not say “A-Bed-Ced-Ded?”
Will T. Laughlin:
Dear Sue: In the U.S. we’re bred
To say ‘zee’ where all others say ‘zed’:
“A-Bed-Ced” is absurd,
Or our hymn would be heard
At the ball game: “Oh, say, can you said?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) RJ Clarken, Fred Bortz, Jim Gallagher Stephen Gold, Will T. Laughlin, Bone, Steve Whitred, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Rj Clarken:
A gal who was rather ill-bred
Sought lessons, since she was unread.
So with rain found in Spain
She became more urbane,
‘Though the song is still stuck in her head.
Fred Bortz:
A limerick contest on bread
Hurts this Pesach observer’s poor head.
Let’s revolt against Kane
For causing such pain
And write some on matzo instead.
Jim Gallagher:
He wryly de-floured her bread,
Then kneaded her sweet rolls instead.
He started to tickle
Her sweet pumpernickel,
Carawaying her right into bed.
Stephen Gold:
A man who was rather ill-bred
Told his girl he would love to be wed.
When she sighed,”I would too,”
He replied, “Not to you!”
And went off with her sister instead.
Will T. Laughlin:
They woke up their roommate ill-bred:
“Get up! Carpe diem!” they said.
He replied, “Carpe NOCTEM,”
Rolled over, and shocked ‘em:
Their girlfriends were with him in bed!
Bone:
A fellow who liked to bake bread
Was suddenly filled with great dread.
His wife’s yeast infection
Cause great circumspection.
Now he uses self-rising instead.
Steve Whitred:
A woman who liked to bake bread
Met a pottery artist named Ted.
Now he butters her rolls
And she fondles his bowls,
While his kiln and her oven glow red.
Sue Dulley:
Some people lived mostly on bread
And much of the time went unfed.
They appealed to ‘la reine’
To help with their pain.
All she told them was, eat cake instead.
I went to the Safeway for bread.
It made sense what Marie A. had said!
The pound cake cost less
Than a loaf, so I guess…
No more toast, I’ll make trifle instead.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bone, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Stephen Gold, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, March 31st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A bell-ringer, lusty and bold,
Wished a lass in his arms to enfold.
But a bell made of brass
Fell and flattened his ass:
Said the girl, “Now his tail has been tolled!”
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who win the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Spring is sprung, can the snow now please vanish,
And sunshine our discontent banish?
As of now it makes sense
To get ourselves hence
Somewhere warm where the people speak Spanish.
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was terribly bold,
Catching looks on the street as she strolled.
She made some eyes pop
In a skimpy crop-top,
With her jeans hanging low and be-holed.
Congratulations again to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
PRINTER’S DEVIL (A typographical soap opera)
There once was a Courier Bold
Who was, at Times, Roamin’, I’m told;
For he had that Type Face
That led gals to disgrace,
And his Serifs? A joy to behold.
At the end of the line, smooth as talcum,
He’d find Widows and Orphans, and stalcum.
Then he’d woo them a while
In a Goudy Old Style,
‘Til at home he was no longer walcum.
His wife Arial, sick with frustration,
Was burning with humiliation.
“I’ll Gill him!” she cried,
And went flush on each side
(For she knew she had Justification).
Her husband soon learned to beware her,
And went all italic in terror.
Claimed he, “What you’ve heard
Is completely absurd:
It’s a mere typographical error!”
But his wife cried, “Too late! I don’t care if
You deny it, or call for the sheriff!”
Her fury still burning,
She tightened his kerning…
(Her husband is now a Sans-Serif).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond, Robert Schwarztrauber, Tom Hale, Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy, and Jared Wright. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kathy El-Assal:
Old Man Winter’s been blust’ry and bold,
Causing many complaints about cold:
“We miss seeing green
So stop being mean
And let global warming unfold!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Spring flutters in, fabulous flirt,
Flicks winter’s last snows from her skirt.
Released from storm’s prison,
Our garden hopes risen,
We neighbors are sharing the dirt.
Johanna Richmond:
As metaphors go, this one’s bold,
But it’s time, guys, our story is told.
You want your gal peaking?
Hold off headline seeking –
The best news is under the fold.
Robert Schwarztrauber:
A girl who was terribly bold,
Picked the pockets of men as she strolled.
The men were all pleased
When their butt cheek got squeezed,
‘Til they found later on they’d been rolled.
Tom Hale:
A woman who frequently bowled,
Got frostbitten fingers—that’s cold.
Said, “I ain’t defeated:
My toes were well heated!”
And boldly with tootsies she rolled.
Charley Simmons:
A man who was terribly bold
Rolled nine strikes in a row, I’ve been told.
He leaped in the air,
With arrogant flair,
Racked his balls, now his game is on hold.
Colleen Murphy:
The first time I went out and bowled
My strike count, it tallied ten-fold.
My shocked friends inquired
Just what had transpired.
I answered, “Well, that’s how I rolled!”
Jared Wright:
A Catholic terribly bold
One day from the pulpit extolled
The Jacks and the Jills
Who didn’t use pills
Affirming their births uncontrolled.
“And condoms one ought to refuse,”
He added, expounding his views.
“Leave sex ‘open-ended’
The way God intended,
Don’t ‘cover your head’ like the Jews!”
But some of the women who heard
Considered the teachings absurd.
So when their brave knights
Sought conjugal rights,
The womenfolk boldly demurred.
Still as we all know God endows
The menfolk whom women espouse
With failures to purge
Themselves of the urge,
Or add celibacy to their vows.
So one may behold the effects
Of following @pontifex:
As sure as my nose
The Cath’lic Church grows
When billions of faithful have sex!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy, Jared Wright, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schwarztrauber, Sue Dulley, Tom Hale, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, March 24th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Jeff Davis was angered to read
Not so much that the slaves had been freed,
But that Unionists were
On the To-line—O slur!—
And secessionists only cc’d.
Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Marty McCullen, who tied to win this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Sue Dulley:
A student, while trying to read
In the bathroom (the book was “Candide”)
Heard “Come play this game
Testing balance and aim!”
So he put down his novel and Wii’d.
Marty McCullen:
A fellow was trying to read
The Bio of great Sammy Snead,
But he would just stutter
When using the putter.
At best he was fit to be teed.
Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
A fellow was trying to read
And make sense of instructions decreed
In the cookbook: “With glove on
“Take joint from the oven.
“To now baste the meat you will need.”
At your peril true meaning ignore.
Do not do what he did, I implore!
At the critical point
He took out the joint
And a rolling pin out of the drawer.
With common sense no more than fleeting
And eager to improve on the eating,
In mistaken belief
This would tenderize beef,
He gave it an out-and-out beating!
So there is the beef, on its platter
Misshapen, askew (and much flatter.)
He should at this point
With its juices anoint
The roast dinner – to “baste”, not to “batter”!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Will T. Laughlin, Sue Dulley, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Nelderini. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to read
Of a man who was trying to breed
On someone’s behalf
(and here you can laugh)
Intercede? Yes indeed. Enter seed.
Will T. Laughlin:
The Bishop was trying to read
The words of the Catholic Creed.
But the words “unum Deum”
Came out, “Iam Gayum” –
A stunning confession indeed.
Sue Dulley:
In a joke I once happened to read:
Descartes and a friend drank some mead.
Said the friend: “One more, eh?”
“I think not,” said René,
Then vanished with infinite speed.
Colleen Murphy:
My stepson was wanting to read,
An abnormal desire indeed,
Until I discovered
The girls were uncovered.
Seems his “book” met a less learned need.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow was trying to read
The book “What to Do When You’re Treed.”
He looked down at the bear
And he thought, “Do I dare
Ask HIM for the glasses I need?”
Johanna Richmond, who sends a “get well” limerick to our friend and fellow Limerick-Offer, Steve Whitred:
Dear Steve, I’m so sorry to read
You’ve been ill — that’s a pity indeed.
Wishing speedy relief;
Hope your absence is brief
Or our lim’rick-off might go to seed!
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A farmer was trying to read
Of hybrids, a skill he might need.
“Two plants get together
But will I know whether
Each seed will be glad to con-seed?”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was trying to read
The stocks that may lag or may lead.
Said she: “I don’t care
For the bull or the bear,
As long as I’m in the stampede.”
Nelderini:
A woman was trying to read
The number of caplets she’d need
To clear her congestion.
“‘How bany?’s da question
To stob wit da cough an’ da sneed!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty McCullen, Nelderini, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 10 Comments »
Sunday, March 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins both Limerick of the Week and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny verse:
A farmer was trying to raise
The volume of what his hen lays.
He read via Twitter
To feed the gal glitter.
Now the poor thing just lays Fabergés!
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who win the Special Anniversary-Themed Limerick Award for her lovely limerick celebrating 104 Limericks of the Week:
Well, it’s magical: one hundred four —
2 times fifty-two, four and five score!
As for me, I keep time
Working lim’rick-off rhyme
After rhyme till I can’t rhyme no more.
And that brings me to my presentation:
Though I happened here sans invitation,
‘Twas like finding a home
Where the funny folk roam
When the funny farm goes on vacation.
I spent years, Mad, before you, in truth,
Sitting ‘round, growing long in the tooth.
So I thank you, Ms. Kane,
For, through you, once again,
I’m the fun-loving me of my youth!
Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Sue Dulley:
My veggie consumption to raise,
I sometimes eat out at buffets.
There’s red meat of course,
Which I hope isn’t horse,
But I’m there for the greens and the graze.
Will T. Laughlin:
Oh, Sue? when you go to buffets,
The meat that you see in the trays
Doesn’t come from a horse.
There’s a much cheaper source:
It’s employees who asked for a raise!
Sue Dulley:
Will T, are you trying to raise
My hopes when I go to buffets?
Not sure if I’d rather
Not-eat someone’s father
Or not-eat a beastie who neighs.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Kevin Ahern, Bob Dvorak, Nelderini, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Carolyn Henly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A gal who was catching some rays
Doffed her pants and lay prone on her chaise.
She displayed herself vainly.
We have to speak plainly:
She moons. (It may just be a phase.)
Kevin Ahern:
A woman was catching some rays
As part of a new diet craze.
Her face turned to pale
When she got on the scale
Cuz it worked in mysterious weighs.
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who wanted a raise
Worked long nights and still longer long days.
‘Til his boss, late one night,
Said, “Your wish I’ll requite.”
Then she added, “Let’s find other ways.”
Nelderini:
A fellow who wanted a raise
Scanned the want ads in kind of a daze.
He moaned with a sob,
“I could find a new job–
Just not one that actually pays!”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
Some goldfish were catching the rays
In a garden well-known as Monet’s.
“We’ve tried to be part
Of impressionist art,
But his sight isn’t that good these days.”
Carolyn Henly’s Ode to Spring Training
A fellow who wanted to raise
The crowd to its feet between plays
Hollered: “Come on, you guys,
Lift your hands toward the skies
And shout out those Y-M-C-A’s!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions and for helping to making this such a fun two Limerick-Off years!
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nelderini, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, March 3rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Ira Bloom, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gay fellow often will drone,
How his Android, on ‘vibe,’ makes him groan.
“As in ‘moan?'” asks his guys,
“Also ‘large'” he replies.
“‘Groan’ and ‘grown;’ it’s a fab homophone.”
Congratulations to Tim James and Sue Dulley, who jointly win the Special Oscar-Themed Limerick Award for their respective funny limericks:
Tim James:
Though “Lincoln” showed craft and élan,
And by critics was much smiled upon,
Despite all the spinning
Its chances of winning
Argoing, Argoing, Argone.
Sue Dulley:
The nominees, spruced up and styled,
Past red carpet cam’ras have filed.
They sit in their places
With faux-serene faces,
While the audience goes Oscar-wild.
Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick.
A fellow would constantly drone
On and on in the same monotone.
And to make matters worse,
He would do it in verse
In the voice of Sylvester Stallone.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) SisterAE, Jim Gallagher, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Robert Schwarztrauber, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sister AE:
A fellow who’d constantly drone
On the bagpipes when he was alone,
Had offended his girl
With the squeak and the skirl.
But he now tries his best to atone.
Jim Gallagher:
The airman maneuvered the drone
At his desk in an office, alone.
He struck them all dead
In an impulse of dread,
While he ordered Chinese on the phone.
Craig Dykstra:
Met this prig who just tended to drone
About surveys that “clearly have shown”
True New Yorkers have class,
But this wannabe ass
Really drives in each day from Bayonne.
Jamie Hutchinson:
Bend an ear to the paperclip drone:
By hook or by crook there’s a tone.
Those hairpins are bound
To report with some sound.
Why else would the French say “trombone”?
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who’d constantly drone
Of all the wild seeds he had sown
Increasingly found
That, as an old hound,
It’s harder to dig up a bone.
Robert Schwarztrauber:
A fellow who felt like a drone,
Rang the President up on the phone.
Said he wanted to spy
On his neighbor from high
When she’s out by the pool all alone.
Steve Whitred:
A woman would constantly drone
To her sis “Get a beau of your own”
Because, if she arose
To go powder her nose,
She’d return, and her date would be blown.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Jim Gallagher, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schwarztrauber, Sister AE, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 16 Comments »
Sunday, February 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Found my dog in her pretty bow tie
Fast asleep near a half-eaten pie.
I said “Fifi, confess!
It was you made this mess!”
But you know how those sleeping dogs lie.
Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins the Special Valentine’s Day-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I don’t have a Valentine card,
Though I searched on the whole boulevard.
There were none on the shelf,
So I wrote this myself
And I’m hoping I won’t be dis-bard.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was wearing a tie
Thought he looked good enough to get by.
He got taken away
By the ol’ TSA
“’Cause you’re not wearing pants, sir – that’s why.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Edmund Conti, Lois Douthitt, Ira Bloom, Bob Dvorak, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
A tourist was wearing a tie.
She wanted to look like a guy.
So why did we fail
To see her as male?
She asked for directions, that’s why.
David Lefkovits:
A man who was wearing a tie
Remarked, with a gleam in his eye:
“Although I’m well-dressed,
I’m not as repressed
As these regiment stripes would imply.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was wearing a Thai
Round his neck and was wondering why.
Can it be that all these
Unrestrained Siamese
Have trouble just saying “Good-bye”?
Lois Douthitt:
As the pirate was trying to tie
Up his wench, she refused to comply.
“Prone again on the bed?
I want face-up instead!
We will—arrgh!—never see aye-to-aye.”
Ira Bloom:
A jarhead, while wearing a tie,
Put his hand on a young lady’s thigh.
He was somewhat a louse,
As she wasn’t his spouse:
“Always ready” but not “semper fi.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was wearing a tie:
Very long, it ran down to his fly.
Ask him why, he just sighs
And then gently replies,
“Comes in handy, to wipe her mouth dry.”
Craig Dykstra:
I got asked by a guy in a tie
Where my sexual preferences lie.
Was I straight? Was I gay?
“Well I guess I would say
That I do just enough to get bi.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lois Douthitt, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 10th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who’d been recently canned
Was steamed to be dealt a bad hand.
After stewing inside,
He went out & got fried,
And ended up pickled as planned.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred who wins the Special Super Bowl-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The Super Bowl’s finally here.
Seems the hype has been building all year.
And while some think the game
Is exceedingly lame,
They’ll use any excuse to drink beer.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was recently canned
Had squeezed a gal’s mammary gland.
He’d tried to insist
That he had just missed.
“I thought I was shaking her hand.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Elaine Spall, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Steve Whitred, Bruce Niedt, Sue Dulley, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jim Gallagher:
My cat cannot bear food that’s canned,
Out of season, unseasoned or bland.
She won’t have a nibble
Or soupçon of kibble.
But gophers are gruesomely grand.
Johanna Richmond:
A senior home worker was canned
For thoughtfully lending a hand
To the ladies — their files
He kept in two piles:
“Still stressed” and “sufficiently manned.”
Elaine Spall:
Chef Ramsay, when served something canned
In a rest’rant he once thought was grand,
Showed his utter disdain
Using words quite profane.
Both the language and food should be banned.
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was recently canned
For being too high paid a hand.
And as he was fired,
A new man was hired.
And that’s how a Walmart is manned.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A limericker recently canned
As a stock clerk had one last demand:
She said she would need her
Handheld barcode reader
To ensure that her poetry scanned.
Steve Whitred:
To paraphrase Donald, “You’re canned!”
Pointing finger, mock pistol in hand.
It’s no TV show lout
That he’s talking about,
But his face in the mirror all tanned.
Bruce Niedt:
Says Charlie, who’s recently canned,
“It’s a fate that I do understand,
Though my hour is darkest,
I once worked for Star-Kist —
We tuna are much in demand.”
Sue Dulley:
A gambler was recently canned
And banned from the MGM Grand.
He made all his wins
Masquerading as twins,
While holding a queen in each hand.
Diane Groothuis:
An elephant had to be canned
For refusing to go on the stand.
He embarrassed the clown,
Disappointed the town,
And squirted green slime at the band.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, February 3rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A mother steps out in the hall
As she breast-feeds her teenager Paul.
Well aware of the glares
And disparaging stares,
She declares, “Hey, you can’t wean ’em all!”
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for a different limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
If a specter is haunting your hall
Or a wraith has you climbing the wall,
There’s a Ghostbuster crew
With a liquified goo
That will dampen your spirits—just call!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jamie Hutchinson, Chris Doyle, Tim James, Ann Martin, Johanna Richmond, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A young thief was attempting to haul
The loot he’d obtained at the mall.
But he wasn’t too wise
Cause police know that guys
Won’t be pregnant and wearing a shawl.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Said a corpulent fellow named Hall,
Who was portlier than he was tall:
“It’s a myst’ry to me
How I came by E.D.;
In fact, I can’t grasp it at all.”
Jamie Hutchinson:
The mayor was out in the hall,
Getting high on his back by the wall.
“To judge from his manner,”
Suggested the planner,
“He won’t try to stop herb-and-sprawl.”
Chris Doyle:
A chorine who performs in a hall
In Paree has no booty at all.
She’s a kicking machine
And a dancer who’s lean.
(In the can can, your can can be small.)
Tim James:
Larry Craig entered Congress’s hall,
Backing right-wing designs above all.
But it stopped his advance
When he took a wide stance.
His career then went into a stall.
Ann Martin:
A student stepped into the hall
For he claimed he must heed Nature’s call;
But he whipped out his cell,
Phoned a friend: “Can you tell
The precise date of dear old Rome’s fall?”
Johanna Richmond:
An elderly bride in the hall
Married “Stretchy Tri-testicle Saul.”
’Twas her last day — they say
One went down the wrong way;
Well, at least she died having a ball.
Sue Dulley:
I’ve given up pacing the hall
And now I’ll just stare at the wall.
I have no Aleve
To help me conceive
A verse fit to share with you all.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Chris Doyle, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, January 20th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“There’s a raven that’s dead down below,”
Said the vulture. The eagle said, “No,
You are wrong as can be.”
So they flew down to see,
And the vulture was forced to eat crow.
(Please note that Kirk’s limerick technically violates my rules, by using my first line as his last line. But I liked his limerick so much, I chose it anyway.)
Congratulations to Robert Basler, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick:
A woman refused to eat crow
Or haggis, or broiled escargot.
The quite picky maven
Said, “Once I ate raven,
But never again! Never-mo!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Chris Doyle, Kathy El-Assal, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Steve Earp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
A baker refused to eat crow
For letting her business run low:
The bread wouldn’t rise
To a suitable size
Cuz the banker had frozen her dough.
Chris Doyle:
A caterer never ate crow
Though she served an hors d’oeuvre that caused woe.
Her “caviar emptor”
Was ruled to exempt her
If customers upchucked the roe.
Kathy El-Assal:
Ann Coulter refused to eat crow,
Finding left-wing critique oh-so-faux.
She just doubled down,
Knowing Fox News renown
Was the source from whence fortune would flow.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A blowhard who wouldn’t eat crow
Was convinced he was someone you’d know—
So much that he coughed
An objection (though soft)
When the coroner tagged him “John Doe.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman would frequently crow:
“Plastic surgery’s THE way to go.”
But her skin was so tight
She could not smile or bite.
And when folks saw her breasts, they’d say, “Whoa!”
Steve Earp:
A raven was mocked by a crow:
“You don’t know Mark Twain from van Gogh.”
But the crow could have cried
When the raven replied,
“Have you been the subject of Poe?”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Steve Earp, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
