Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s “add some words in parentheses” to a song title contest:
Let It Snow (Somewhere Else)
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (That Don’t Require A Restraining Order)
The Tide is High (Because You Over-Filled The Washing Machine)
(Optometrists Warn Us) Don’t Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes
(Why The Heck Would You Garnish My Martini With A) Peppermint Twist
(I Didn’t Say I Like You) Just the Way You Are (I Said I Like You Just The Way You Were)
I’ll Dance at Your Wedding (If You Guarantee Tips)
(Message) I Care
Guitar Polka (Has To Be Better Than Accordion Polka)
Bridge Over Troubled Water (In New Jersey)
It’s Time to Pay the Fiddler (Cuz He’s Threatening To Strike)
Livin’ on a Prayer (Cuz My Food Stamps Were Cut)
(I Have A Headache, So Don’t) Play that Funky Music
(How I Wish Our House Came With A) Handyman
On Second Thought (I Don’t Take You To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife)
He’ll Have to Go (To The Bathroom)
Accentuate the Positive (If You Can Find Any)
(I’m Going To Hold My Breath) Until You Come Back to Me (That’s What I’m Gonna Do)
One Bad Apple (Will Ruin Your Pie)
Remember The Time (Our Wedding Is Supposed To Start)
What’s She Doing Now (And How Much Has She Had To Drink)
(You Don’t Deserve A) Good Hearted Woman
To All The girls I’ve Loved Before (I Have Some Really Bad News)
(Pay Your Movie Streaming Bill Or) Get Off Of My Cloud
One Way Or Another (I’ll Win This Contest)
You can find the entertaining winners list (which doesn’t include me) here.
