Posts Tagged ‘Scott Crowder’
Sunday, January 12th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Our captain appears to be out
Of the closet, without any doubt.
From high up in the rigging,
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy coming about.
Congratulations to SUE DULLEY and SCOTT CROWDER, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award.
Sue Dulley:
Time was: “If you’d like to go out,
Pick the phone up and give me a shout.”
Then came email, and next
“Just snd me a txt” —
Soon telepathy’s coming, no doubt.
Scott Crowder:
A woman is throwing things out —
Leftovers forgotten about:
A strange purple treat,
Old mystery meat,
And something that’s started to sprout.
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award for her clever multi-verse limerick about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s press conference concerning the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal:
“I’m too trusting — my secret is out —
And too genuine, lovable, stout…
But a bully? Vindictive?
My wounded heart fictive?
That’s not what Chris Christie’s about!
“I am sad and so very depressed;
Tell me, how could I EVER have guessed
That my dep chief of staff
Would have made such a gaffe.
I cut loose that dead weight — thought it best.
“As you know, folks, I don’t blow my cork.
To the fellow who differs: Hey dork,
If you think you felt pain
When I shut down your lane
You should see what I do with a fork!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Tim James, Byron Ives, Aparna Ray, Johanna Richmond, Daisy Mae Simon, Will T. Laughlin, and Sharon L. Smatusek Harris. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
In my youth I had cause to go out
With a gal with a merciless pout.
Those lips she would purse
In a manner so terse,
To this day, I can’t look at a trout.
Tim James:
A Congressman liked to make out
With the gals in his office, the lout,
‘Til one day when he met
The girls’ boyfriends. I’ll bet
That he’s learned a new meaning of “clout.”
Byron Ives:
This gal had it all figured it out–
Her sex life had long been a drought:
“I’ll visit a tavern,
“Find meat for my cavern,
“But probably settle for trout.”
Aparna Ray:
A woman was throwing things out:
Belongings, her boyfriend’s (a lout.)
“I’m declutt’ring”, said she,
“Getting rid of debris,
And that sure includes him, without doubt.”
Johanna Richmond, inspired by this news item:
A new natural Prozac’s come out,
One your men-friends are likely to tout.
And you won’t go bone dry
If you blow your supply;
It’s renewable — rarely a drought.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A woman would often go out
With a man with an extra large snout.
And though people would stare,
She just didn’t care
‘Cause in bed she would squeal from its clout.
Will T. Laughlin:
Well, I’m glad that my daughter goes out
With a man who is truly devout.
I looked in on them: He’s
Got her down on her knees…
“God! Oh, God!” I keep hearing him shout.
Sharon L. Smatusek Harris:
As a 60ish woman with clout,
It is not worth my while to go out.
Each “grandpa” expects
That a coffee buys sex
Even though there’s no “spring in his sprout.”
(While Sharon’s limerick uses “out” in line 2 instead of line 1, it made me laugh so much I just had to include it.)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Aparna Ray, Byron Ives, Byron Miller, Daisy Mae Simon, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Sharon L. Smatusek Harris, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, December 22nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Found a cup at some joker’s yard sale;
Pewter — pierced, so it seemed, by a nail.
When I offered to dicker
He said, read the sticker:
“This goblet’s a real holey grail.”
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
There’s a call girl whose love is for sale
And a jokester who’s hot on her trail.
It’s considered the case
Of the wit and the chase:
He’s the wag who is dogging the tail.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Scott Crowder, John Lawrence Ramos, Fred Bortz, Sancho Panza, Jesse Levy, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A rich guy who’d frequently sail
Lost it all in a stock market fail.
Though it isn’t his wish,
He now guts and cleans fish.
And his sal’ry? He’s working for scale.
Scott Crowder:
A woman went out for a sail
With a fine and appreciative male.
They jibed fore and aft
On the deck and life raft.
His dinghy, she knows in detail.
John Lawrence Ramos:
Ahab Junior, had no urge to sail,
But instead roamed his yard with a pail.
“My old man died at sea,”
He remarked, “but not me—
I’m hunting a tiny white snail.”
Fred Bortz:
Don’t allow Jewish guilt to assail
When your muse moves you outside the pale.
No topic’s off base
Or should cause you disgrace,
Except if your limerick’s stale.
Sancho Panza:
A lady went out for a sail
With a handsome and seafaring male.
She returned on the tide
With the semen inside—
A humpback is more than a whale.
Jesse Levy:
A fellow was pleased with the sale
To a Sheik of his wife in a veil.
Now she can bug him
To go to the gym
And eat dinners made only of kale!
Will T. Laughlin:
The Cap’n decided to sail
Straight into the worst of the gale;
Sighed the mate, “This’ll hap’n
Each time that the Cap’n
Gets into the cargo of ale.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jesse Levy, John Ramos, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sancho Panza, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, November 10th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who frequently strips
In CGI video clips
Will steal all your cache,
And your hard drive will crash
From her implanted silicon chips.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A nimble ecdysiast strips,
Crosses hands as she bends at the hips,
Grabs her feet, and then hears
The topologists’ cheers
At the Möbius championships.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Jamie Hutchinson, Chris Doyle, Ira Bloom, Will T. Laughlin, Craig Dykstra, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
Said a woman who frequently strips
To a man who tried fondling her nips:
“When my clothing I doff
You just keep your hands off!”
With that concept he can’t come to grips.
Jamie Hutchinson:
My bathroom needs anti-skid strips,
A safety mat, grab bars, and grips.
Gotta write down that list
Because — you get the gist —
My other head’s memory slips.
Chris Doyle:
A young nymphomaniac strips
As her therapist watches, then quips,
“See that couch over there?
Go lie down and prepare
For your very first Freudian’s lips.”
Ira Bloom:
A mohel, while pealing some strips,
During bris, is well known for his quips:
“For cheap circumcision,
There’s lots of derision.
I mostly just work for the tips.”
Will T. Laughlin:
I know of a rose bush that strips
Each night for the aphids and thrips.
You’ll say, “Will’s lost his mind;
Bushes can’t bump and grind!”
Well, rose bushes can. They’ve got hips.
Craig Dykstra:
She seeks men at the club where she strips,
To indulge her asphyxiate trips.
She says “Here’s what you do:
Grasp my throat ’til I’m blue.”
Yes, she really likes coming to grips.
David Lefkovits:
A woman who frequently strips
Was a dancer for stock market tips.
While she’d shake and she’d shimmy,
A trader named Jimmy
Would say what to buy on the dips.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, September 8th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The young actress was pretty indeed.
(And the men she seduced all agreed.)
Though she read from the heart,
She did not get the part.
But she did, I am told, get the lead.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, and Mark Kane who are in a three-way tie for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
Colleen Murphy:
The bloke did a dastardly deed
When he laced Henry’s cupcakes with weed.
“I wanted the fellow
To feel a bit mellow.
Be grateful it wasn’t with speed!”
Konrad Schwoerke:
The daft Duke did a dangerous deed.
’Twas ungraciously gauche most agreed,
An unthinkable thing
In the court of a king.
Not the place I’d’ve picked to have peed!
Mark Kane:
A baker had done a good deed.
Turned a young man away from his greed:
“Sure you’re chasing the bread,
But don’t be mislead,
You just might find you’ll get what you knead.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine, a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Cyn. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
“Which one of you dogs did this deed?”
Bess barks out in a well-rehearsed screed.
But she sits when ears wilt
In confederate guilt—
Bassets know how to make your heart bleed.
Scott Crowder:
I was late to the party indeed,
Yet decided to join the stampede.
So I watched Breaking Bad,
Found it dreadful and sad—
I’ve never been quite up to Speed.
Patrice of the ManyCats:
Oh yes, he had just done the deed;
He heeded “the call” and he peed.
“Another disaster!
Bud, can’t you learn faster?”
Remember, your puppy can’t read.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
“Damascus is guilty indeed,”
Says Kerry to those who would heed,
While Obama, in Sweden,
Is beggin’ and pleadin’
For those who would follow his lead.
Cyn:
A teen told her father, “Indeed,
You texted me. That I’ll concede.
But I’ve not the skill
Of texting while still—
I have to be driving to read.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Cyn, David Lefkovits, Johanna Richmond, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Patrice Stewart, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 25th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The pressure was taking its toll.
I had neither a bong, nor a bowl,
And was sick to my heart
When my joint fell apart.
Regrettably, that’s how I roll.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The golf course had taken its toll
On a fellow whose lover was droll:
“You missed every green
And got drunk on nineteen.
Now you’ve bogeyed the twentieth hole.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Tim James, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Steve Whitred:
Swimming circles was taking its toll,
Round and round in the same silly bowl.
She had only one wish:
To escape from her dish.
What she had was a clear bold fish goal.
David Lefkovits:
The Koreans may put in a toll
On the highway from Pyongyang to Seoul.
If the south side you’re on,
You could pay it in won;
In the north you can barter with coal.
Tim James:
There are some things I just have to thole:
When Mad’s rhyme words imbue me with dole.
(To decode: I must bear
Awful grief and despair.
Pompous speech here’s my primary goal.)
Colleen Murphy:
Too much smoking and sun take a toll.
Ask my girlfriend from Queens, bless her soul.
She was born a real cutie,
Turned into a beauty,
And now she resembles a troll.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CRAIG DYKSTRA, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“I am telling you, Brother Jabbar,
As a terrorist you will go far.
Simply put on this vest,
We’ll take care of the rest.”
They found bits of Jabbar in Qatar.
Congratulations to both IRA BLOOM and EDMUND CONTI, who in a tie, each win a Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, given to limericks receiving the most Facebook “likes.”
Ira Bloom:
A pirate walked into a bar,
After pillaging towns near and far.
“Are you here for a raid?”
Asked a buxom barmaid.
“Nay, me wench,” he said, “just arrr and arrr.”
Edmund Conti:
A rabbi walks into a bar
With a priest and an old commissar,
A Hindu, of course,
Plus a man on a horse–
Damn! There goes my whole repertoire.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Jim Delaney, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A fellow who works at a bar
Has proved himself quite under par.
He doesn’t know Jack,
His White Russians are black,
And he thinks Cabernet is a car.
Jim Delaney:
This young fellow, though called to the bar,
As an advocate isn’t a star.
In the courtroom he stands
In his wig and his bands,
While his clients wear feathers and tar.
Colleen Murphy:
A man bellied up to the bar,
But could push in his stool just so far.
From a lifetime of beers,
The man’s belly appears
Like the roof of a Volkswagen car.
Jon Gearhart:
A dancer who stretched at the barre,
Once stretched just a little too far.
You can tell cause he walks
With a limp, and he talks
Twice higher than Pat Benatar.
Tim James:
A waitress who worked in a bar
With drunken old letches would spar.
She said, “This is so not
What I planned when I got
My art hist’ry degree from Bryn Mawr.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jim Delaney, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Saturday, June 29th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A peeping Venetian was fined,
So he hired a lawyer who whined:
“Your honor, that maid
Had adjusted her shade–
In effect, the Venetian was blind!”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying to find
Why bigots can be so unkind.
It doesn’t take glasses
To see those big asses
Are more than a little behind.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a Limerick Saga Award:
Mr. Rencible came home to find
His wife and his best friend entwined–
Man’s Best Friend, I should say,
An enormous Shar-Pei–
And the sight of it troubled his mind.
“Please stop it,” cried poor Mr. Rencible;
“Bestiality’s quite indefensible.
Oh, why go to hell
For a sin you can’t spell?
My darling, it just isn’t sensible!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Ailsa McKillop, Steve Whitred,
Tim James, and Danielle Nowlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
I frequently wish I could find
The thoughts I have stored in my mind,
But when I hit play
Each thought’s gone away.
What I need is a stop and rewind.
Craig Dykstra:
“You got banned from the dance club and fined?
For tardiness? Why would they mind?”
“No, you misunderstand me–
I said that they banned me
For feeling a little behind.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A woman was thrilled with her find–
A skirt of pure silk, fully lined!
In the thrift shop—dirt cheap!
But oh, she could weep–
‘Twas unflatt’ring, when viewed from behind.
Steve Whitred:
Quite often her fingers would find
There’s a spot where the sun rarely shined,
And she might have got blisters
If not that the sisters
Had warned her, “It makes you go blind.”
Tim James:
A woman was angered to find
When driving, and hit from behind,
That the shock of the bump
Made her breast implants jump.
So now her front end’s misaligned.
Danielle Nowlin:
A girl on an airplane did find
She was feeling quite tightly confined.
She asked, “Sir, could you sit
With your seat up a bit?”
Said he rudely, “I’m not too inclined.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Danielle Nowlin, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, June 16th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman quite often arose
In wrath at her sisters and bros.
They arranged her blind dates
With prospective soul mates.
So her life was all butt-ins and beaux.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
From “The Vacuum,” The Cosmos arose,
As every good physicist knows.
I’d explain in this verse,
But the form is too terse.
The Big Bang requires Big Prose.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Magnificently, he arose,
He’s a Greek god right down to his toes…
His serpent allures;
To say he endures
Is to liken the phoenix to crows.
I look up — in his teeth there’s a rose;
What he holds in his hand damn near glows;
Let me die by this stake…
Crap, that’s Ralph: “You awake?
I don’t know where this old flashlight goes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Jane Shelton Hoffman, J Cosmo Newbery, Steve Whitred, Scott Crowder, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
With fabric, a pale shade of rose,
She made up some curtains and throws.
They didn’t look smart
So she took them apart–
It’s sad when she rips what she sews.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who frequently rows
Never tells his wife just where he goes.
And her brother’s wife, Sue,
Often disappears too.
A family affair we suppose.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A woman was holding a rose
And the prize that it won in the shows.
And no-one suspected
Her win was connected
With the spot where she buried her beaux.
Steve Whitred:
His first tattoo says “I Love Rose.”
But another says “Bros before Hoes.”
So, his new girl, Inez
Wears a T-shirt that says,
“I’m with stupid”, wherever she goes.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was poked by a rose
And sent into orgasmic throes.
If one little prick,
Can do such a trick,
There’s hope for me too, I suppose.
Will T. Laughlin:
Rose planted her roses in rows,
Her garden to fully enclose.
Rose’s rosy rows rose,
And now nobody knows
When she goes through the rows with her beaux.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 9th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Robert Schechter, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In Montana, a man with a suit
Is laughed at. They think he’s a hoot!
And they holler with glee
If by chance they should see
That he’s wearing a necktie to Butte.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My neighbor was filing a suit,
Claimed I’d sealed up the holes in his flute.
So I entered a plea,
“With the charge I agree,
But it sounds so much better on mute.”
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick. (Here’s some info about the case Steve’s describing in his limerick.)
My fav’rite Nebraskan filed suit
Against God, with intent to impute
That he caused to transpire
Floods, earthquakes and fire.
For his part, the Yahweh was mute.
The judge promptly threw out the suit,
Saying God had no street or rur’l route,
And the bench then observed
Though the lord must be served,
“We’ve no viable means of pursuit.”
So the plaintiff’s appealing the suit,
Says “The grounds for dismissal are moot.
We’re subpoena foregoing.
Jehovah’s all knowing.
We shouldn’t his presence dispute.”
Then the high court vacated his suit,
Though the brief they reviewed was astute.
Now he’s known as the hater
Who sued the Creator
From Oshkosh to Lincoln to Butte.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
If you see me dressed up in a suit
And looking refined and astute,
With pants neatly creased,
I must be deceased,
In which case I won’t give a hoot.
Colleen Murphy:
A tomato was filing a suit,
Claimed the farmer had called him a “Fruit.”
The judge said, “True ref’rence,
Though not as to pref’rence.
The point of the matter is moot.”
Johanna Richmond:
No matter the price of the suit;
When that back-talking Maximus (Glute)
Throws his cares to the wind,
Rich and poor are chagrined.
Mighty mouth of the south, I salute.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A Senator wearing a suit
Was a right wing, religious old coot.
He’d profess, “Guns don’t kill!
But if you’ve got some skill,
When a thug comes around, you should shoot!”
Sue Dulley:
A man all dressed up in a suit
Caught the train for his morning commute.
His outfit, so formal,
Was looked on as normal
By others who took the same route.
Robert Schechter:
Said a man who was hit by a suit:
“I suppose I was far from astute.
I taunted, ‘So sue me!’
He did. Now I’m gloomy.
It’s wiser, at times, to stand mute.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Our limerick rhyme-word is “suit”:
Here’s the worst one — and that’s absolute.
It’s intended in fun,
So I beg: when I’m done,
Would you kindly not hurl rotten fruit?
I’m told that some Hollywood suit
Pitched a biopic: “Hawley and Smoot”.
Smoot never would bend
To the Hollywood trend,
But Hawley would. Ain’t THAT a beaut?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
As you age you may feel rather ill,
But your life needn’t lack for a thrill.
Here’s a message that’s true:
Just remember that you
Pick up speed when you’re going down hill.
Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A gal who was feeling quite ill
Said bravely, “I just have a chill.”
But the cause of malaise
Was one Nature obeys
When a woman forgets just one Pill.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Sue Dulley, Scott Crowder, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Colleen Murphy, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A man who was frequently ill
Was told to eat plenty of krill
Which his doctor, a shark,
Had prescribed as a lark,
Then sent him a whale of a bill.
Byron Miller:
Tis a good wind which blows one no ill
That will swirl ‘neath girls’ dresses and thrill
Passing gents with a peek
At the regions they seek,
Lifting hopes which they long to fulfill.
Sue Dulley:
North Koreans once had Kim Jong-il
Rule their land with his powerful will.
Now it falls to his son,
Who is named Kim Jong-un,
His father’s large flip-flops to fill.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was feeling quite ill
At the thought of that five dollar bill
In the crack of her butt;
She becomes such a slut
When Tequila determines her will.
Fred Bortz:
The mallard was feeling quite ill
So the duck doctor gave him a pill.
But the bird blew his stack,
‘Cause the doc was a quack
And charged him a wing and a bill.
John Peter Larkin:
A gal was convinced she was ill
After eating an off-tasting dill.
She asked her poor spouse
Why he’s still in the house
And not fetching a curative pill.
Colleen Murphy:
A drunkard was feeling quite ill
After reading his credit card bill.
“On the first of September
The flight I remember,
But not where I spent half a mil!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was suddenly ill
When she glanced at the theater’s playbill,
And found it quite odd;
She’d reserved Sweeney Todd,
But the Barber was now in Seville.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Kirk Miller, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest Filed under Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, January 27th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would always come clean
With the truth to the men she had seen:
“I’ll say Yes but—don’t hate me—
The best way to date me
Is to measure my carbon 14.”
Congratulations to Bob Dvorak, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman who hated to clean
Checked the room of her typical teen,
Where she found seven plates,
Peanuts, walnuts, and dates,
And some ham, biologically green.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Chris Doyle, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Kirk Miller, Steve Whitred, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A president chose to come clean
In a red, white and very blue scene,
And the subtext was this:
Here’s my rear for a kiss,
GOP, if you think I’m still green.
Scott Crowder:
A woman who hated to clean,
Was a sex-hungry, lovin’ machine.
And the men she’d been dating,
Are anxiously waiting
For someone to find a vaccine.
Chris Doyle:
A leatherneck never comes clean
When he romps around town as a queen
In a dress and high heels
Getting liquored-up SEALs
To unwittingly do a marine.
Kathy El-Assal:
A librarian liked her books clean,
Preferring her pages pristine.
As for S&M porn,
She only had scorn
Fifty shades of bad writing? Obscene!
Edmund Conti:
Said a fellow who hated to clean
The gunk off his new guillotine,
“It’s a pain in the neck
Cleaning all of this dreck
Just to peel a small ripe tangerine.
Kirk Miller:
A comedian planned to come clean
In his stand-up. “My future routine
Won’t have cussing from me
‘Cause my humor,” said he,
“Unlike kids, should be heard, not obscene.”
Steve Whitred:
A fellow who hated to clean
Has created a washing routine.
Now he schedules each bath
Using log’rithmic math
So they’re fewer and farther between.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A young actress who wished to be “clean”
Was embarrassed to read on the screen
That it rated an X
Just because she had sex
In a scene that was seen as obscene!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Chris Doyle, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, January 13th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
At beriths, Rabbi Cohen would claim,
“I’m not in this for fortune or fame.
Though a mohel takes joy
In each circumcised boy,
It’s the kid who has skin in the game.”
Congratulations to Boysan Faletusi, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow would frequently claim,
“I’m hung and you’re not, what a shame.”
His friend said, “Don’t brag,
Your hag is a ‘drag,’
And mine is a fine-lookin’ dame!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Bill Klein, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman would piously claim
That her husband was easy to tame.
No more Internet porn
Or gambling he’d sworn,
But he kept it up using her name.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A hunter would frequently claim
“Always making clean kills is my game.”
As a kid, a pet kitten
He’d grievously smitten–
Since then, he has been anti-maim.
Bill Klein:
A woman would loudly exclaim
At great volume whenever she came.
But her man was a fool
Who thought her a jewel
‘Til that night she cried out the wrong name.
Colleen Murphy:
My three-year old often would claim
He tinkled with accurate aim.
When asked why the potty
Was always so spotty,
He said that his dad was to blame.
Scott Crowder:
A woman would frequently claim.
Her husband was lazy and lame.
I’m sorry, my dear,
Now fetch me a beer,
And let me get back to the game.
Steve Whitred:
A fellow would frequently claim
That all women he knew were the same.
Always early, he’d wait
With concern for each date,
And thank god if they finally came.
Tim James:
Some athletes would frequently claim,
“I’d never use steroids! That’s lame!”
They resembled in bulk
The Incredible Hulk.
Too bad there’s no Drug Hall of Fame.
David Lefkovits:
Mr. Christie had put in a claim
For a hurricane (Sandy, by name),
Which his buddy, the Speaker,
Delayed by a week or
A month, to his evident shame.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Our mother would frequently claim
That my brother and I were to blame.
“You boys broke what encloses
My painting of roses.”
Together we cried: “It’s a frame!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Boysan Faletusi, Byron Miller, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, December 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In our chimney, old Santa was blue.
He was stuck, and not sure what to do.
My son, filled with dread
Asked “Is Santa Claus dead?”
“No, he just has a bad case of flue.”
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal. who wins a Special Limerick Award for her limerick about the Newtown massacre:
Founding Fathers just couldn’t foretell
That “militias” might lead to this Hell.
Though to laws we defer,
We plainly prefer
The “right to bare arms” like Michelle.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Our forefathers roll in their grave
When they see how our people behave.
Their doctrine amended
Was never intended
To murder our youth, but to save.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
A gazelle is alone, feeling blue,
As he paces his pen at the zoo.
He’s been wondering if he
Will get up a stiffy
And ever go wooing a gnu.
Scott Crowder:
A woman who always wore blue
Didn’t manage to get to the loo,
And now can be seen
Wearing panties of green,
As blue mixed with yellow will do.
Craig Dykstra:
The sign on the door was in blue:
“Shoes and shirts, or we cannot serve you.”
But that waitress looked pissed
So I’m thinkin’ that list
Maybe shoulda had “pants” on it, too.
Jamie Hutchinson:
The regatta announcer felt blue
And his face turned a scarlet-tinged hue
When he slipped: “Team One’s sloop
Is the best of the group,
But as sailors go, I like Two’s crew.”
And a 2-verse limerick from Johanna Richmond:
Ain’t it lovely when out of the blue,
Someone’s kindhearted words pull you through?
How you all make me laugh!
That and half a carafe,
And I’m suddenly feeling brand new.
But truly, you masters of jest
Have brightened my world –you’re the best.
Should have known all the while
Where to go for a smile –
Love you all! Now I’ll give it a rest.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, December 2nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Was talking while sleeping last night,
‘Til his wife yelled “You Cad!
Who the hell is Miss Mad?
And why must your meter feel right?”
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
And he answered with pride,
“K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Beth Parsons, Johanna Richmond, Tim O’N., and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
Take them both for a spin.
She said “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two Wongs make a right.
Robert Schechter:
A vampire who wasn’t too bright
Confused early morning for night.
He went from undead
To dead-dead instead
When he stepped out in dawn’s early light.
Kirk Miller:
Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
They’re depressed, and why not?
In despair they are caught,
Because always the end is in sight.
Beth Parsons:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Said her red state would surely vote ‘right.’
When she picked up the papers
She swooned from the vapors:
Her state had turned blue overnight.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow maliciously bright
Found a new way to act on his spite.
He was simply an ass
Till his wife wanted sass;
Then he smilingly switched to polite.
Tim O’N.:
‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
That’s the view that you have of me, right?
Well, you’d best think again
When you see that Mad Kane
Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.
Tim James:
A woman who isn’t too bright
Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
There’s a lyrical thing
About thoughts taking wing.
With Snooki, they canceled that flight.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Beth Parsons, Craig Dykstra, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Tim O'N., Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 18th, 2012
I found reading your entries a treat
And picking the winners a feat.
But judge them I must,
Or I’m bound to be trussed
Up for failing to pick the elite.
And so … it’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
A settler who died in the heat.
The one who would win
Got the head to the shin,
While the loser accepted de feet.
And congratulations once again to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Jamie Hutchinson, Mark Mironer, Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves,
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to an ironing feat.
He would start at the dawn;
All day long he’d “press” on.
He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
As he started to chew
The snap-crackle-pop goo,
The abstract became the concrete.
Mark Mironer:
A woman would frequently treat
Dave Petraeus to sex in his suite.
But his penchant for play
Meant goodbye, CIA
When he had to give up on deceit.
Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva:
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a meal of fine meat.
One time on a dare
He took his lamb rare,
But gagged when it started to bleat!
Johanna Richmond:
Said the man while preparing a treat
For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
“To make things enticing
Let’s first spread the icing.
Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”
David McCormick:
A woman would frequently treat
E D in her men with red meat;
Then she’d strip to the waist …
Sorry folks, for good taste,
This limerick must stay incomplete.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman would frequently treat
Human “friends” as the friends to delete.
Frequent trips to the vet’s
Showed her preference for pets,
And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently treat,
Himself to the odd and off-beat.
This Renaissance man
Liked his wine in a can,
And his favorite Beatle was Pete.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David McCormick, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Hawes, Johanna Richmond, Judging Humor, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Mironer, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (88)
Sunday, November 11th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Daniel Ari, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A farmer would frequently quote
Romantic Age poets of note.
He’d whisper sweet verses
In ears large as purses
Whenever seducing his shoat.
Congratulations to Daisy Mae Simon, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An atheist needed a quote
For her lovemaking joy to connote.
“Oh God” didn’t work.
‘Twas a term she did shirk.
But “Oh Science” felt far too remote.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Johanna Richmond, Jesse Levy, Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
Downtown there’s a guy who would quote
From the bible – he’d preach and emote.
He’d still be there today
But they took him away
Since he had on no pants ‘neath his coat.
Scott Crowder
A fellow would frequently quote
A line he remembered by rote.
To the girls he would quip,
“I’ll go down with the ship,
Or at least with the man in the boat.”
Johanna Richmond:
It’s hard not to sound off and quote
All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
Or to shout,”You unsightly
Extremist nuts, bite me!”
But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.
Jesse Levy:
A fellow would frequently quote
A bird with a shiny black coat.
After tapping the door
He would say, “Nevermore.”
Twas the best poem Poe ever wrote.
Colleen Murphy:
A hooker would frequently quote
Her regular rate and she’d gloat:
“I charge a top dollar
To make a man holler.
It’s extra for rocking his boat!”
Tim James:
On the TV the pollsters all quote
Statistics regarding the vote.
It’s not that I’d rather
Give heed to their blather;
It’s just I can’t find the remote.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A pastor would constantly quote
From a textbook that he himself wrote
And just happened to sell.
“It will save you from hell!”
Even better it paid for his boat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
“I’m on deadline, just gimme a quote,”
Wasn’t said to a person of note
By a writer of news,
But instead to the muse
By a poet who couldn’t emote.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Daisy Mae Simon, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, October 28th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes.
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats,
And the parts in between simply froze.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The nudists would frequently pose
In group shots without any clothes.
But the photos they’d crop,
Leave the waist to the top
To hide any parts that arose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Reinhard, Jazzbumpa, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Craig Dykstra:
So this model is striking a pose.
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently pose,
For wifey, without any clothes.
And to make him look hung,
As when he was young,
She’d zoom in as far as it goes.
Phyllis Reinhard:
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question — what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
JazzBumpa:
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jazzbumpa, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Reinhard, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 30th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A Quaker gal just wouldn’t whine
When a fellow behaved like a swine.
There was no anger flaring
And — goodness! — no swearing
Though she murmured, quite clearly, “Up thine.”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who tended to whine
To his wife if the house didn’t shine
Pushed her over the edge.
Now his breath smells like Pledge,
And his ass has a fresh scent of pine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Mike Dinicola a/k/a Mr. Lim, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily:
A fellow who tended to whine
Hooked a rather big fish on his line.
But he groaned to his rod
That it’s only a scrod
And wasn’t precooked in white wine.
Mike Dinicola a/k/a Mr. Lim:
A fellow who tended to whine
Remarked while astride the Date Line,
“What happens to ‘when’
If I’m here ‘now’ and ‘then’
And will yester-today e’er combine?”
Johanna Richmond:
An accountant who tended to whine
Claimed she only liked sex while supine.
Her turnover rate
Deflated her mate
Whose dream was a tight bottom line.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Johanna Richmond, Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mike Dinicola a/k/a Mr. Lim, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, September 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At teaching his dog a command.
But he slurred just a bit,
And when he said “Sit,”
He got a bit more than he planned.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Brendan Beary, Richard Diakun, Carolyn Henly, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.
Tim James:
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires
For clients’ desires;
Supply was outstripped by demand.
Brendan Beary:
A fellow was trying his hand
On the Tokyo stage, but was canned —
The director yelled, “Cut!”
Then reproached him with, “What
Part of Noh do you not understand?”
Richard Diakun:
The lady again played her hand,
And this time the pot was a grand.
She got quite a rush
As she showed off her flush.
Her cleavage distracted as planned.
Carolyn Henly:
A poet was trying her hand
At a lim’rick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was trying his hand
At making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell
To know I can grow on-demand.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Beary, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, August 26th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was very obsessed
With being a tidy houseguest.
She was not asked agin,
Though as neat as a pin,
For she’d cleaned out their medicine chest!
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Scott Crowder, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Craig Dykstra:
Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
That her negligee should have been pressed:
“Are you try’na be cruel
You near-sighted old fool?
I have already gotten undressed!”
Scott Crowder:
A fellow was very obsessed,
And he just couldn’t get any rest,
‘Til the meter was right,
The rhyming was tight,
And the syllables properly stressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jim Delaney, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was very obsessed
With the size of the feminine breast.
When he’d speak with a lady
His glance was so shady
“Up here!” was the oft-heard request.
Bill Klein:
A fellow was very obsessed
With funds he had chanced to invest.
But alas, Facebook stock
Promptly dropped like a rock.
Thus, so did the egg from his nest.
Bruce Niedt:
A father was very obsessed
With the way that his teenage girl dressed:
“You inveterate flirt,
That’s a belt, not a skirt,
And your blouse reveals most of your chest!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A fellow was very obsessed
With a very old house he possessed
On the Oregon coast,
Even had its own ghost.
It’s the spirit that settled the West!
Jim Delaney:
A woman was very obsessed
With her health, as she later confessed.
Scared of losing her wits,
She kept checking her tits
To make sure she was keeping abreast.
Colleen Murphy:
“My poodle is very obsessed
With mating,” his owner confessed,
“The Great Dane next door.
But prospects are poor
‘Cause he’s barely a foot high at best.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
