I couldn’t possibly resist a title like this: “London firefighters urge ‘common sense’ after penis freed from toaster.”
Without Common Sense, We’re Toast (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When devising some bedroom delights,
It ain’t right to try reaching new heights
With devices like toasters
And blenders and roasters,
Else your privates might need their last rites.
Though I’m never safe,
his arms always comfort me,
and that must suffice.
*****
Ballroom dancing class—
learning creative ways to
defeat the rumba.
*****
Morning legs dangle
off the bed, as antique joints
brace for their touch down.
*****
Feeling elated—
great, yet dampened by knowing
what’s soon to follow.
*****
Poised atop mirage
of a career, gazing down
at life left behind.
*****
(I wrote the 1st haiku for We Write Poems’ safe prompt; the 4th haiku for Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s elation prompt; and the 5th haiku for One Single Impression’s top prompt and Haiku Heights’ mirage prompt.)
My versifying friend Gerald Bosacker has been writing a series of Poetic Headstones — safety hints in limerick form, which he refers to as “limerbituaries.” When he challenged me to write one, I just had to give it a try:
If your doc says, “Go under the knife.
Only surgery’s saving your life.”
Kindly check out his rep.
Mel did not, the poor schlepp.
So Mel is now missed by his wife.
From there, I moved on to something a bit more warped — not exactly a safety hint, but a “limerbituary,” nonetheless:
Just why is this poor fellow dead?
Well mainly he’s missing his head.
He dined with a bad man,
A head-chopping madman,
And that’s the last time he was fed.
Thanks for the inspiration, Gerald.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
