“Let’s not eat here,” said Brad. “It’s for nerds.
And I’ve heard that the food tastes like turds.”
But Brad’s meal-mate insisted
And raved: “Can’t resist it!”
Brad ended up eating his words.
Posts Tagged ‘Restaurant Humor’
Dickering Over Dining (Limerick)
Saturday, December 16th, 2023Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CATCH or CATCHES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 9, 2023)
Saturday, November 11th, 2023It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CATCH or CATCHES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MISTAKES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MISTAKE-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 10, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 9, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my CATCH/CATCHES-Rhyme Limerick:
Said a woman who’d just married Irv,
“Many friends tried to stop me. What nerve!
Do I love the guy? Natch!
He’s a wonderful catch…
Though I’m keeping divorce in reserve.”
And here’s my MISTAKE-Themed Limerick:
A thickheaded fellow named Fred
Had dreamed of becoming a Fed.
But it wasn’t to be;
In an interview, he
Kept confusing “dead drop” with “drop dead.”
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
“This table is sticky. Please clean it,”
Said a restaurant patron. “I mean it!”
“I’ll be glad to,” the server
Replied with great fervor.
“But I can’t find my rag. Have you seen it?
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Dissatisfied Patron (Limerick)
Sunday, October 22nd, 2023“Chef, your food has a terrible taste!
Take it back! You prepared it in haste,”
Griped a large, nasty man.
The reply, said deadpan:
“Well at least it won’t go to your waist.”
Hail To The Chef (Limerick)
Friday, October 20th, 2023The chef was a world-famous man,
Whose cuisine had its roots in Spokane.
But his famed bistro failed
And his customers bailed.
Seems success was a flash in the pan.
(International Chefs Day falls on October 20th.)
The Negotiation (Limerick)
Thursday, September 21st, 2023“Your masala’s delicious! Great flavor,”
Raved a customer, currying favor.
Then she added, “But please
Make it hotter. Don’t tease!”
Said the chef, “Fine, but first sign this waiver!”
A Knotty Problem (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2022This limerick is a very compressed version of a necktie adventure with hubby Mark. And I can’t think of a better way to celebrate “International Necktie Day.”
“You MUST wear a necktie to enter,”
Mark was told. He’s a necktie dissenter,
But he re-tied his tie
Till our drinks were dropped by,
Then removed it — my waitress tormenter.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 11, 2021)
Saturday, November 27th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CRIME, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CRIME-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 12, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 11, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my CRUDE/CREWED/ACCRUED-rhyme limerick:
A comic was starting to freak
Cuz his comedy future looked bleak.
He turned morbid and crude
And increasingly lewd,
And was panned cuz he joked a blue streak.
And here’s my CRIME-themed limerick:
Said the sous-chef, “Don’t make me relive
The attack that killed chef/owner Viv.
I’m exhausted and drained,
And my recall has waned…
Cuz my mem’ry is much like a sieve.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Shiftless Chef (Limerick)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2021The restaurateur was irate
Cuz his chef was, as usual, late.
“You must clean up your act,
Or expect to be sacked.
It’s time you step up to the plate!”
An Idiom To Chew On (Limerick)
Saturday, August 28th, 2021A French restaurant, once upper crust,
Got a rotten review and went bust:
“Their food can’t be chewed,”
Wrote the prominent dude.
Two weeks later, the place bit the dust.
Dear Chef (Limerick)
Thursday, August 19th, 2021I’ve written my “Dear Chef” limerick to celebrate “National Hot And Spicy Food Day.” (August 19)
I like food that is spicy and hot.
Serve it bland? It’s returned on the spot.
Don’t assume you know best;
Second-guessing a guest
Means you’ve failed at your quest by a lot.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 4, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)
Saturday, June 20th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEAPONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WEAPON-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 5, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 4, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SOLE/SOUL-rhyme limerick:
When I ordered a French Dover sole,
My fish-dish arrived in a bowl.
“What’s THIS? Why no PLATE?”
I shouted, irate.
(My new rating is “Dinnerware Troll.”)
And here’s my WEAPONS-themed limerick:
What’s my weapon of choice? It is words.
Guns and rifles and knives? For the birds!
Kill or maim? Not my aim.
(Please don’t make me shoot game!)
I’m just one of those bookwormy nerds.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
No Longer Tied To Ties (Limerick)
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015Guys who despise ties (and who doesn’t?) will love New York City’s new gender discrimination rule banning restaurants from requiring ties for male diners only.
A male-only necktie demand
In Big Apple rest’rants is banned.
This new rule now protects
Our poor fellows’ sore necks.
How grand that such sexism’s panned!
How NOT To Butter Up Your Waiter (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 25th, 2015How NOT To Butter Up Your Waiter (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When given some butter — a dollop,
She said “More, and don’t loll! Hurry! Lollop!”
On the waiter’s return
With a butter-filled urn,
She threw the urn, earning a wallop.
Strained Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, April 12th, 2014NOTE: THIS IS A TWO-WEEK LIMERICK-OFF. LIMERICK SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
Please note that due to the holidays, this Limerick-Off will run for two weeks, instead of one. So I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner two weeks from today, on April 27, 2014, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full two weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 26, 2014 at 11 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
And since you’ll have two weeks, I’m offering you a topical alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to any April holiday, using any first line. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge, I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose budget was strained…*
or
A singer whose voice sounded strained…*
or
A fellow had struggled and strained…*
or
A woman whose mood was restrained…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Strained Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chef who had struggled and strained
To serve noteworthy food appeared drained:
“I’m losing my shirt,”
He said, scarfing dessert.
Seems his rep (and his shirt) had been stained.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: July 25th is National Culinarians’ Day.
Crabby Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, December 1st, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a crab…*
or
A woman enjoying some crab…*
or
A fellow who’d frequently crab…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Crabby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A crabby young man eating crab
Claimed “This tastes like it came from a lab.
It’s fishy indeed
That you’d try to mislead
With faux food, so I’m chucking this tab.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Dishing Dirt (Limerick)
Monday, January 28th, 2013I enjoy unearthing oddball news items and celebrating their weirdness in verse. For instance, energy bars made from crickets. But a restaurant whose recipe ingredient-list touts dirt? That’s a bit too much to digest.
So, I won’t be going to Tokyo’s French restaurant Ne Quittez Pas any time soon, even if their dirt is “special black soil from Kanuma, Tochigi Prefecture.”
Dishing Dirt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear restaurant, please don’t feel hurt
If I spurn you, including dessert.
I have very good grounds:
Word is making the rounds
That your food features soil — that’s the dirt.
Dining Out (Limerick)
Saturday, October 6th, 2012Claudia over at DVerse prompts us to write food-related poetry.
Dining Out (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are rest’rants that set a good mood
And are great at adjusting your tude.
They’ll charm and beguile
With a great sense of style.
Now if only they served decent food.
