Posts Tagged ‘Phyllis Sterling Smith’
Saturday, August 15th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Down in Sydney, a chef thought he knew
How to add to some soup, kangaroo.
But it spoiled the soup;
’Twas too thick; to recoup
He renamed it mar-soup-ial stew.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Ian Graham, Tim James, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
When the weather outside turns one blue
And it’s barren where veggies once grew,
There’s nothing so neat
As to turn up the heat
And serve chili instead of bland stew.
Brian Allgar:
He was painting the whole of Peru
In the purest cerulean blue,
But the paint got confused
With his lunch-pail (he’d boozed),
So now Lima’s the color of stew.
Dave Johnson:
All the others continued to stew
When The Donald was finally through.
He had left Megyn fuming
And now he’s assuming
He’ll fire the rest of them too.
Ian Graham:
“His heart,” in her old mother’s view,
“Will be melted by serving him stew.”
A ragout made of mutton
Seemed right on the button
When he dreamily sighed “I love ewe.”
Tim James:
The gourmet served his signature stew
Made from wombat and spiced kangaroo.
Not to seem impolite,
I consumed ev’ry bite.
Now excuse me. I must find the loo.
Suzanne Heymann:
I once had some gnarly beef stew.
The stuff was just too hard to chew–
So tasteless and dry.
I soon found out why;
It was made from my grandfather’s shoe!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Ian Graham, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, August 8th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to PEDRO POITEVIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Having nervously downed our Bordeaux,
We faced off: “You go first.” “No, you go.”
But she said: “Don’t be dunces,
Two fellows at once is
So much better than two in a row.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Judith H. Block, Andy Bassett, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Adam Stern, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Allen Wilcox, and David Reddekopp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Judith H. Block:
The bowling pins lined in a row,
I beam with a warm, hopeful glow.
Then I curse and I mutter–
Balls land in the gutter.
But at least they have spared my big toe!
Andy Bassett:
Maid Marian was out for a row
With her man (Robin Hood, don’t you know)
When the Sheriff of Nottingham
Started potshotting ’em.
She was saved by her arrow and beau.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
I like to eat fresh salmon roe
From the currents that here about flow,
But to all males astride
Of the stream, side to side,
Please don’t yield to the urge to let go.
Adam Stern:
Arnold Schoenberg endeavored to show
(With recruits Berg and Webern in tow)
That one COULD bid adieu
To C major, in lieu
Of a systematized twelve-tone row.
His creations were critically flayed
And left listeners vexed and dismayed,
Prompting Schoenberg to vow,
“If my rows cause a row,
“It’s not THEIR fault – they’re shoddily played!”
Tim James:
Cute Joanna, a Sigma Pi Rho,
Gave a frat boy the ol’ to-and-fro.
But she drank too much beer,
Left behind her brassiere.
So the guy woke to two cups of Jo.
Dave Johnson:
A muscular fellow named Roe
Had a body he wanted to show.
At a nudist resort,
He’s proud to report
His willy left Millie aglow.
Kirk Miller:
At the river, I think you should know
There are preschoolers lurking below.
They are probably not
What you think, if you thought
They are children, because they are roe.
Allen Wilcox:
A lesson, for any new pro,
You should follow wherever you go —
To not hear the words,
“Your plan’s for the birds,”
Your should get all your ducks in a row.
David Reddekopp:
Some enjoy Henry David Thoreau
Or Dickinson, Whitman, or Poe.
I’m also a poet
Though they’ll never know it.
Did THEY compose limericks? No!
Take your sorry-ass stanzas and go,
If you can’t post five lines in a row
That follow this scheme
Whatever the theme,
But these bards set the bar way too low.
Hey Thoreau, don’t you think that you owe
Us a limerick? It’s apropos,
And they could’ve been spawned
At your famed Walden Pond
While you struggled through seaweed and roe.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Adam Stern, Allen Wilcox, Andy Bassett, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Judith H. Block, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Pedro Poitevin, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, June 27th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Astronomers once had the gall
To proclaim, “The world’s round, like a ball.”
But soon findings empirical
Proved it non-spherical;
Slightly deflating them all.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, Will T. Laughlin, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Dave Johnson, Jon Gearhart, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Fred Bortz:
The cannibals started a brawl
Over who got what portion of Paul.
They battled for dibs
On the meatiest ribs,
While the chieftain was having a ball.
Kirk Miller:
When making some holes rather small,
A leather punch started to bawl.
“We’re stuck in this job,”
It said with a sob,
“And that is the fate of us awl.”
Brian Allgar:
She was wearing a costly mink shawl,
And the bimbo explained to them all:
“It’s a gift from a guy
Who just wanted to cry,
Cuz he said to me, “Baby, let’s bawl.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Oh, please don’t disturb Doctor Hall.
Cutting gonads in slices so small
May yet give the answer
To testicle cancer,
And right now, he’s halving a ball.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
When Sally slipped down in a fall
She really had reason to bawl.
But balling for Sally
Is right up her alley
For Sally has no shame at all.
Dave Johnson:
Scalia and Thomas will bawl
“This week has been no fun at all.
Our cadre of five
Did no longer strive
To answer the G.O.P.’s call.”
Jon Gearhart:
Found her name in a men’s bathroom stall
And decided I’d give her a call,
But I feel quite misled
By these words that I read:
“Call Caitlyn and you’ll have a ball!”
Allen Wilcox:
A WEEK OF BALLS, WITH REFRAIN
We’re having a civil rights ball.
The Confederate flag has to fall.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
And then? – the Obamacare ball
With Roberts explaining it all.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
And then? – well, the gay marriage ball
With Kennedy telling it all.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, May 30th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Most lumberjacks, some say, are brutes,
Built for power from abs, pecs, and glutes.
But in math they do well.
Yes they truly excel.
Cutting logs, they compute all nth roots.
NOTE: I enjoyed the line 5 wordplay so much, that I violated my own general rule against limericks that may need an explanation. So if math humor makes you loggy, here’s Fred’s explanation:
For those who have forgotten or never learned logarithms, you can compute a square root by dividing the log of a number by two then finding the antilog of the result. Cube roots involve dividing the log by three. And in general, you can find the nth root by dividing the log by n.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Stephen Fleming, Kathy El-Assal, Kaye Roberts, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
Ten sailors were all in cahoots;
When on leave from their sea-going routes,
They would meet her to bang
As a nautical gang,
And they’d give her their ten-gun salutes.
Scott Crowder:
She never has colored her roots
Or toned-up her once perky fruits.
She’s more than okay
With her hair turning gray
And tucking her tits in her boots.
Colleen Murphy:
Said a carrot to tropical fruits,
“For sight we’re the favored recruits.”
But the kiwi replied,
“We’ve got C on our side.
So there! Now go back to your roots!”
Stephen Fleming:
I question a voter who roots
For the tally of feculent fruits
On the elephant ticket–
A baffling thicket
Of blustering arrogant suits.
Kathy El-Assal:
In Bayside, Mad put down her roots,
Then switched to word play from law suits.
Now Mark and his wife
Live a Queens-style life
With peons who bear pun-ish fruits.
Kaye Roberts:
A weight-lifter worked on his glutes.
His sinews were ropy, like roots.
Once skinny and fragile,
He’s not very agile,
But a mugger just looks, and then scoots.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A Scotsman named Ian McKloots
Played bagpipes that skirled squawky toots.
Until one day at last,
With kilt at half-mast,
He disclosed all his Manly McRoots.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Kathy El-Assal, Kaye Roberts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Stephen Fleming, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, May 24th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Robert Schechter:
Said the fiddler who’d broken his bow,
“Have no fear! I’m a consummate pro!
I’ll do what I gotta
With pure pizzicata,
And with pluck I will finish the show!”
Congratulations to KEVIN AHERN and SCOTT CROWDER, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Kevin Ahern:
As he tied up his art with a bow,
The artist declared “I don’t know
How I’ll get to the Louvre
Because I can’t move.
I wish I could make my van Gogh.”
Scott Crowder:
A woman broke up with her beau,
The banker who had lotsa dough,
And gave her gold rings
With other nice things,
Yet nary a single big O.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Ailsa McKillop, Brian Allgar, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Will T. Laughlin, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
“The hooker’s gone aft!” hollers Beau
As the yacht sinks. Says Jeff, “Let her go.
We have only one oar
In the dinghy. What’s more,
Daddy swore she’s a hard ho to row.”
Colleen Murphy:
I once tried to shoot with a bow,
Then I searched for my shaft to and fro.
I could tell I was not
William Tell when my shot
Found its mark in my neighbor kid’s toe.
Ailsa McKillop:
I undid the ribbon and bow
Of the chess program gift from my bro.
By computer outclassed
I was checkmated fast!
But I won the next match — taekwondo.
Brian Allgar:
Oh, Lenore!” cried her heartbroken beau,
“Shall I see you again?” Poor old Poe
Heard a tap at the door,
And a voice: “Nevermore!”
Thus the raven continued to crow.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
The President’s dog is named Bo,
And whenever he’s planning to go
And do something good
Like all doggies should,
The Republican dogs all bark, “NO!!!!!”
Will T. Laughlin:
A woman got dumped by her beau.
“But… why?” she demanded to know.
“To be honest,” he said,
“You’ve no talent for head.”
(Now they’ve BOTH had a terrible blow.)
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A musician was buying a bow
For which instrument he didn’t know.
“If I’m feeling mellow
It might be a cello
But fiddling’s my failing. Let’s go!”
Val Fish:
A woman broke up with her beau
Whose assets were woefully low.
She waved him goodbye
For a far sweeter guy;
Sugar daddy with truck-loads more dough.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Val Fish, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
As you age you may feel rather ill,
But your life needn’t lack for a thrill.
Here’s a message that’s true:
Just remember that you
Pick up speed when you’re going down hill.
Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A gal who was feeling quite ill
Said bravely, “I just have a chill.”
But the cause of malaise
Was one Nature obeys
When a woman forgets just one Pill.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Sue Dulley, Scott Crowder, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Colleen Murphy, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A man who was frequently ill
Was told to eat plenty of krill
Which his doctor, a shark,
Had prescribed as a lark,
Then sent him a whale of a bill.
Byron Miller:
Tis a good wind which blows one no ill
That will swirl ‘neath girls’ dresses and thrill
Passing gents with a peek
At the regions they seek,
Lifting hopes which they long to fulfill.
Sue Dulley:
North Koreans once had Kim Jong-il
Rule their land with his powerful will.
Now it falls to his son,
Who is named Kim Jong-un,
His father’s large flip-flops to fill.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was feeling quite ill
At the thought of that five dollar bill
In the crack of her butt;
She becomes such a slut
When Tequila determines her will.
Fred Bortz:
The mallard was feeling quite ill
So the duck doctor gave him a pill.
But the bird blew his stack,
‘Cause the doc was a quack
And charged him a wing and a bill.
John Peter Larkin:
A gal was convinced she was ill
After eating an off-tasting dill.
She asked her poor spouse
Why he’s still in the house
And not fetching a curative pill.
Colleen Murphy:
A drunkard was feeling quite ill
After reading his credit card bill.
“On the first of September
The flight I remember,
But not where I spent half a mil!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was suddenly ill
When she glanced at the theater’s playbill,
And found it quite odd;
She’d reserved Sweeney Todd,
But the Barber was now in Seville.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Kirk Miller, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest Filed under Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, May 5th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The party was starting to hum
On a fishing boat well-stocked with rum,
Till the captain’s friend, drunk,
With the sharks took a dunk.
Now he’s known as the skipper’s best chum.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Someone’s limerick made me go hummm…
When I think of a frown on a bum,
My mind goes to farce —
Painted lips on an arse
And a mouth ill-equipped to chew gum.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Puzzle/Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, which begins with Steve’s puzzle in multi-verse limerick form and ends with Will’s solution, also in multi-verse limerick form:
Steve Whitred:
So this week when the rhyme word is hum
And I’ve o’er used ‘cum’, ‘dum’, ‘thumb’, and ‘bum’.
A conundrum I’ll pose.
Will you solve it, who knows?
I suspect though, it’s too tough for some.
Now the gears in my head start to hum,
As the clues for this puzzle forth come.
You’ve got 12 coins of gold,
But there’s one that is old.
It’s weight’s off from the rest, by a crumb.
You’ve a scale (not of music to hum).
It’s two pans on a chain, and it’s plumb.
With this scale weigh the gold
‘Till at last you behold
The coin others are different from.
If at this point you’re all thinking hummm…,
Here’s a clue to begin, don’t be glum.
Place some coins in each pan.
If they balance you can
Safely say that it’s not in that scrum.
Since you now see this isn’t ho-hum,
One more thing, please don’t think I’m a bum.
The odd coin may be light
Or just overweight, slight.
And three weighing’s the goal. Good luck chum.
Will T. Laughlin:
Here’s the method that I would employ:
Choose *any* two coins, Steve my boy…
Take one coin (your choice),
Weigh it avoirdupois,
And then measure the other in troy.
No, no: please don’t give me a beating.
I know that this method is cheating.
If you’d rather instead,
I’ll try using my head…
(Quite a change from my usual bleating).
– ahem –
Put six and six pieces of eight
On the scales, and determine their weight.
You’ll notice one side
Slightly higher will ride:
That’s the side we’ll be working with. Great:
Take the coins from the light side, and see
How they measure up, weighed three and three.
Once again you’ll behold
That there’s one tray of gold
Slightly lighter, comparatively.
Now the answer’s so clear it could bite one:
The lighter half must have the right one.
So compare one and one.
If they’re equal, you’re done;
If they’re not, then you just choose the light one.
(You can read Steve’s solution to his own puzzle here in prose form.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Colleen Murphy, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, Sue Dulley, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
Beethoven first started to hum
As a child when he still sucked his thumb.
As he crawled on the floor,
He’d come up with a score.
His FIRST tune was “Dot dot dot dum.”
Colleen Murphy:
My brother would constantly hum,
Crack knuckles, blow bubbles, and drum.
Then wonder why dating
Was so darned deflating,
As girlfriends would leave when he’d come.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Just as things were beginning to hum,
Along came a fellow so dumb:
He chose a fine cello
With tone sweet and mellow.
With pick he then started to strum.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow would constantly hum
The chorus from “Under My Thumb.”
He said, with a swagger,
“My moves are like Jagger;
Just see how I’m shaking my bum.”
Johanna Richmond:
To the dentist who’d constantly hum
While poking and prodding her gum:
She cried, “Hate to sound sore
But just how much more
Anesthesia would make my ears numb?”
Sue Dulley:
The lobby was starting to hum.
Reporters closed in for the scrum.
But soon all were vexed
When “No comment” and “Next?”
Were the closest to answers they’d come.
Robert Schechter:
My girlfriend would constantly hum
During sex, and it bothered me some.
One day I asked why,
And she said with a sigh,
“I’ll sing you the words when I come.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 21st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A chicken quite frequently stews
About stews that to her are bad news:
“There went sister and mother.
I WON’T be another!
If I’m called to be served, I’ll refuse!”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An actor I know often stews
That his videos don’t get more views.
Then he did a drunk dance,
But forgot to wear pants–
Now he’s featured on CNN News.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Kevin Ahern, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, Colleen Murphy, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Fred Bortz:
A restaurant served only stews
With many odd flavors to choose.
But business went down
When folks in the town
Discovered their zoo’s down two gnus.
Kevin Ahern:
A creator of books about stews
Went to Sicily partly to schmooze.
This lazy ass bum
Thought he might become
An author they couldn’t refuse.
Craig Dykstra:
Two French painters, but one often stews.
To the other he offers his views:
“Oh Monsieur Lautrec
All I paint is such dreck!
I fear I’ve got nothing, Toulouse.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A gourmand who likes to eat stews
Posed the question, “What meat did you use?”
Since the menu director
Was Hannibal Lecter,
Missing persons list might give some clues.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who comes when he stews,
Makes a point to date nothing but shrews.
Asked if he could abide
With a nun he replied:
“I don’t mind, if she has a short fuse.”
Colleen Murphy:
I’ve a girlfriend who frequently stews,
Says her son’s in the terrible twos.
I, a witness, attest,
He’s a toddler possessed,
And a reason I’ll birth control use!
Steve Whitred:
A fellow who likes to make stews,
Using chuck steak and horse meat and ewes,
Serves his hash on a raft
With a micro-brew draft
And he calls his place ‘Cruise, Booze, and Chews’
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The ardent date’s blowing his stack
Cuz his signals were all out of whack.
He said “What can I do
That will satisfy you?”
So she asked, “Can you fix me a snack?”
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A reader was offered a stack
Of books going several years back.
A few were hard cover
Like “Lady C’s Lover,”
While some were soft porn (paperback).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Sue Dulley, and Will T. Laughlin
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Diane Groothuis:
A woman was blowing her stack,
Cuz her husband did not have the knack
Of withholding the gas
He’d repeatedly pass,
And she said “If I want it I’ll frack”.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A plumber was blowing her stack
At a fellow who thought her a quack:
“The proof’s in my work!
And anatomy, jerk,
Is the reason you can’t see my crack!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was blowing her stack:
“I want my virginity back!
After only one squeeze,
He spilled his valdez.
That romeo isn’t worth jack!”
Craig Dykstra:
To his wife, the ex-Gov blew his stack
‘Cause their two-person costume was whack.
He gave her the front
And said “Hate to be blunt
But I’m Ahnuld and so … I’ll be back.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A woman was blowing her stack
When she heard that her stalker was back.
“When I get up each morn
I go garden my corn.
I will cut off his stalk with a whack!”
Sue Dulley:
A glamorous gal has a stack
Of nightgowns, short, silky and black.
But her beau (he’s confessed)
Likes her burlap-bag dressed.
Why? “Because she’s the best in the sack.”
Will T. Laughlin:
A fellow was trying to stack
His triplets, each one on its back,
Saving trouble and toil
For the visiting mohel–
Circumcising all three in one whack.
(There once was a klutz of a mohel
Who sneezed in the midst of his tohel.
He peered down at the boy,
Then turned pale, and said: “Oy,
Mrs. Greenbaum? You now have a gohel.”)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, March 31st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A bell-ringer, lusty and bold,
Wished a lass in his arms to enfold.
But a bell made of brass
Fell and flattened his ass:
Said the girl, “Now his tail has been tolled!”
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who win the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Spring is sprung, can the snow now please vanish,
And sunshine our discontent banish?
As of now it makes sense
To get ourselves hence
Somewhere warm where the people speak Spanish.
Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was terribly bold,
Catching looks on the street as she strolled.
She made some eyes pop
In a skimpy crop-top,
With her jeans hanging low and be-holed.
Congratulations again to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
PRINTER’S DEVIL (A typographical soap opera)
There once was a Courier Bold
Who was, at Times, Roamin’, I’m told;
For he had that Type Face
That led gals to disgrace,
And his Serifs? A joy to behold.
At the end of the line, smooth as talcum,
He’d find Widows and Orphans, and stalcum.
Then he’d woo them a while
In a Goudy Old Style,
‘Til at home he was no longer walcum.
His wife Arial, sick with frustration,
Was burning with humiliation.
“I’ll Gill him!” she cried,
And went flush on each side
(For she knew she had Justification).
Her husband soon learned to beware her,
And went all italic in terror.
Claimed he, “What you’ve heard
Is completely absurd:
It’s a mere typographical error!”
But his wife cried, “Too late! I don’t care if
You deny it, or call for the sheriff!”
Her fury still burning,
She tightened his kerning…
(Her husband is now a Sans-Serif).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond, Robert Schwarztrauber, Tom Hale, Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy, and Jared Wright. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kathy El-Assal:
Old Man Winter’s been blust’ry and bold,
Causing many complaints about cold:
“We miss seeing green
So stop being mean
And let global warming unfold!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Spring flutters in, fabulous flirt,
Flicks winter’s last snows from her skirt.
Released from storm’s prison,
Our garden hopes risen,
We neighbors are sharing the dirt.
Johanna Richmond:
As metaphors go, this one’s bold,
But it’s time, guys, our story is told.
You want your gal peaking?
Hold off headline seeking –
The best news is under the fold.
Robert Schwarztrauber:
A girl who was terribly bold,
Picked the pockets of men as she strolled.
The men were all pleased
When their butt cheek got squeezed,
‘Til they found later on they’d been rolled.
Tom Hale:
A woman who frequently bowled,
Got frostbitten fingers—that’s cold.
Said, “I ain’t defeated:
My toes were well heated!”
And boldly with tootsies she rolled.
Charley Simmons:
A man who was terribly bold
Rolled nine strikes in a row, I’ve been told.
He leaped in the air,
With arrogant flair,
Racked his balls, now his game is on hold.
Colleen Murphy:
The first time I went out and bowled
My strike count, it tallied ten-fold.
My shocked friends inquired
Just what had transpired.
I answered, “Well, that’s how I rolled!”
Jared Wright:
A Catholic terribly bold
One day from the pulpit extolled
The Jacks and the Jills
Who didn’t use pills
Affirming their births uncontrolled.
“And condoms one ought to refuse,”
He added, expounding his views.
“Leave sex ‘open-ended’
The way God intended,
Don’t ‘cover your head’ like the Jews!”
But some of the women who heard
Considered the teachings absurd.
So when their brave knights
Sought conjugal rights,
The womenfolk boldly demurred.
Still as we all know God endows
The menfolk whom women espouse
With failures to purge
Themselves of the urge,
Or add celibacy to their vows.
So one may behold the effects
Of following @pontifex:
As sure as my nose
The Cath’lic Church grows
When billions of faithful have sex!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy, Jared Wright, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schwarztrauber, Sue Dulley, Tom Hale, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, March 24th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Jeff Davis was angered to read
Not so much that the slaves had been freed,
But that Unionists were
On the To-line—O slur!—
And secessionists only cc’d.
Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Marty McCullen, who tied to win this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Sue Dulley:
A student, while trying to read
In the bathroom (the book was “Candide”)
Heard “Come play this game
Testing balance and aim!”
So he put down his novel and Wii’d.
Marty McCullen:
A fellow was trying to read
The Bio of great Sammy Snead,
But he would just stutter
When using the putter.
At best he was fit to be teed.
Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
A fellow was trying to read
And make sense of instructions decreed
In the cookbook: “With glove on
“Take joint from the oven.
“To now baste the meat you will need.”
At your peril true meaning ignore.
Do not do what he did, I implore!
At the critical point
He took out the joint
And a rolling pin out of the drawer.
With common sense no more than fleeting
And eager to improve on the eating,
In mistaken belief
This would tenderize beef,
He gave it an out-and-out beating!
So there is the beef, on its platter
Misshapen, askew (and much flatter.)
He should at this point
With its juices anoint
The roast dinner – to “baste”, not to “batter”!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Will T. Laughlin, Sue Dulley, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Nelderini. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to read
Of a man who was trying to breed
On someone’s behalf
(and here you can laugh)
Intercede? Yes indeed. Enter seed.
Will T. Laughlin:
The Bishop was trying to read
The words of the Catholic Creed.
But the words “unum Deum”
Came out, “Iam Gayum” –
A stunning confession indeed.
Sue Dulley:
In a joke I once happened to read:
Descartes and a friend drank some mead.
Said the friend: “One more, eh?”
“I think not,” said René,
Then vanished with infinite speed.
Colleen Murphy:
My stepson was wanting to read,
An abnormal desire indeed,
Until I discovered
The girls were uncovered.
Seems his “book” met a less learned need.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow was trying to read
The book “What to Do When You’re Treed.”
He looked down at the bear
And he thought, “Do I dare
Ask HIM for the glasses I need?”
Johanna Richmond, who sends a “get well” limerick to our friend and fellow Limerick-Offer, Steve Whitred:
Dear Steve, I’m so sorry to read
You’ve been ill — that’s a pity indeed.
Wishing speedy relief;
Hope your absence is brief
Or our lim’rick-off might go to seed!
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A farmer was trying to read
Of hybrids, a skill he might need.
“Two plants get together
But will I know whether
Each seed will be glad to con-seed?”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was trying to read
The stocks that may lag or may lead.
Said she: “I don’t care
For the bull or the bear,
As long as I’m in the stampede.”
Nelderini:
A woman was trying to read
The number of caplets she’d need
To clear her congestion.
“‘How bany?’s da question
To stob wit da cough an’ da sneed!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty McCullen, Nelderini, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 10 Comments »
Sunday, February 24th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal:
At least spare every frame.
But their team had no name,
So we don’t know for whom the Tells bowl.
Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman is playing a role.
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal.
The simple idea:
Advance her Korea,
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul.
And congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Johanna Richmond, who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for their limerick exchange:
Craig Dykstra:
I just couldn’t get on a roll.
This week I fell short of my goal,
Which is: “Be so damn funny
That Mad gives me money.”
(Or at least get the ol’ gal to LOL.)
Johanna Richmond:
Craig D says he’s not on a roll,
But be careful, Craig, show some control:
Might get only *one win*
For committing the sin
Of calling our lovely host ol’!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Gary Hallock, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, John Peter Larkin, and David McCormick.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Gary Hallock:
A woman frets over her roll:
“Fine dining,” she says, “took its toll.
Over par at each course,
For I eat like a horse.
Now I look like I’m ready to foal.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was playing a role
Of being a merry old soul,
But found he’s not very
Inspired as merry
And asked, “Would you settle for droll?”
Jamie Hutchinson:
Some fossil requested a roll
Of film from a digital soul,
A green little brat,
Who said, “Batt’ry with that?
Or’s your camera powered by coal?”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman tossed in a fresh roll
When she hadn’t the change for her toll.
It jammed the machine.
She was chased from the scene,
But she then buttered up the patrol.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
An actor was playing the role
Of nasty pugnacious old troll
By shaking his spear
At everyone near
With Shakespeare his ultimate goal.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was eating a roll
While trying to pay a bridge toll.
The car hit a bump,
Which made his arm jump,
And that’s why he swallowed it whole.
David McCormick:
When a singer’s rehearsing a role,
“Know every song backwards!” he’s tol’.
That is why tenors hunger
For “Springtime Than Younger”
And basses for “River Man Ol’.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David McCormick, Edmund Conti, Gary Hallock, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, January 27th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would always come clean
With the truth to the men she had seen:
“I’ll say Yes but—don’t hate me—
The best way to date me
Is to measure my carbon 14.”
Congratulations to Bob Dvorak, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman who hated to clean
Checked the room of her typical teen,
Where she found seven plates,
Peanuts, walnuts, and dates,
And some ham, biologically green.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Chris Doyle, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Kirk Miller, Steve Whitred, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A president chose to come clean
In a red, white and very blue scene,
And the subtext was this:
Here’s my rear for a kiss,
GOP, if you think I’m still green.
Scott Crowder:
A woman who hated to clean,
Was a sex-hungry, lovin’ machine.
And the men she’d been dating,
Are anxiously waiting
For someone to find a vaccine.
Chris Doyle:
A leatherneck never comes clean
When he romps around town as a queen
In a dress and high heels
Getting liquored-up SEALs
To unwittingly do a marine.
Kathy El-Assal:
A librarian liked her books clean,
Preferring her pages pristine.
As for S&M porn,
She only had scorn
Fifty shades of bad writing? Obscene!
Edmund Conti:
Said a fellow who hated to clean
The gunk off his new guillotine,
“It’s a pain in the neck
Cleaning all of this dreck
Just to peel a small ripe tangerine.
Kirk Miller:
A comedian planned to come clean
In his stand-up. “My future routine
Won’t have cussing from me
‘Cause my humor,” said he,
“Unlike kids, should be heard, not obscene.”
Steve Whitred:
A fellow who hated to clean
Has created a washing routine.
Now he schedules each bath
Using log’rithmic math
So they’re fewer and farther between.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A young actress who wished to be “clean”
Was embarrassed to read on the screen
That it rated an X
Just because she had sex
In a scene that was seen as obscene!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Chris Doyle, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, December 9th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A king who was rather urbane
Decreed that, throughout his domain,
The marching brigades
Must practice their trades
If they want to parade on his reign.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My accountant is smart and urbane.
He knows tricks that can hide any gain.
His skills are so clear
That he’s known around here
As the Master of Ledger-demain.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Bob Dvorak, Jamie Hutchinson, Kirk Miller, and KC Browncoat Sloan. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A baker from France, so urbane,
Decided to open a chain
Of stores selling bread,
But it sounded instead
Like he sold S&M: “Au Bon Pain.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
My dog who is rather urbane
Thinks trips to the woods are a pain,
Just tree trunks and bugs
with NO hydrant plugs.
He lifts up his leg in disdain.
Colleen Murphy:
The British folk, mostly urbane
Thought England’s Prince Harry inane
For clearly not knowing
The parts he was showing
Would not just in Vegas remain.
Kathy El-Assal:
There once was an artist urbane,
Avant-guard in the past, now mundane.
To reignite interest,
He posted on Pinterest
A shock-value, cock weathervane.
Bob Dvorak:
A man who was rather urbane
Thought his lim’ricks did better in Spain.
But sea air wouldn’t do,
So to Paris he flew.
In the end they just found him… in Seine.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A rancher who’s very urbane
Gives his cattle a sip of champagne
From a glass, not a trough,
Before sending them off
To the slaughter by passenger train.
Kirk Miller:
A man who is rather urbane
Is balding and wants to attain
More hair on his head.
A sculler friend said:
The elegant method: Row-gain.
KC Browncoat Sloan:
A man who was rather urbane,
From drinking would often abstain.
When friends asked him why,
He would say, with a sigh,
“Well, the shakes make me spill my cocaine.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Kathy El-Assal, KC Browncoat Sloan, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, December 2nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Was talking while sleeping last night,
‘Til his wife yelled “You Cad!
Who the hell is Miss Mad?
And why must your meter feel right?”
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
And he answered with pride,
“K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Beth Parsons, Johanna Richmond, Tim O’N., and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
Take them both for a spin.
She said “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two Wongs make a right.
Robert Schechter:
A vampire who wasn’t too bright
Confused early morning for night.
He went from undead
To dead-dead instead
When he stepped out in dawn’s early light.
Kirk Miller:
Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
They’re depressed, and why not?
In despair they are caught,
Because always the end is in sight.
Beth Parsons:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Said her red state would surely vote ‘right.’
When she picked up the papers
She swooned from the vapors:
Her state had turned blue overnight.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow maliciously bright
Found a new way to act on his spite.
He was simply an ass
Till his wife wanted sass;
Then he smilingly switched to polite.
Tim O’N.:
‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
That’s the view that you have of me, right?
Well, you’d best think again
When you see that Mad Kane
Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.
Tim James:
A woman who isn’t too bright
Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
There’s a lyrical thing
About thoughts taking wing.
With Snooki, they canceled that flight.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Beth Parsons, Craig Dykstra, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Tim O'N., Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 18th, 2012
I found reading your entries a treat
And picking the winners a feat.
But judge them I must,
Or I’m bound to be trussed
Up for failing to pick the elite.
And so … it’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
A settler who died in the heat.
The one who would win
Got the head to the shin,
While the loser accepted de feet.
And congratulations once again to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Jamie Hutchinson, Mark Mironer, Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves,
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to an ironing feat.
He would start at the dawn;
All day long he’d “press” on.
He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
As he started to chew
The snap-crackle-pop goo,
The abstract became the concrete.
Mark Mironer:
A woman would frequently treat
Dave Petraeus to sex in his suite.
But his penchant for play
Meant goodbye, CIA
When he had to give up on deceit.
Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva:
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a meal of fine meat.
One time on a dare
He took his lamb rare,
But gagged when it started to bleat!
Johanna Richmond:
Said the man while preparing a treat
For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
“To make things enticing
Let’s first spread the icing.
Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”
David McCormick:
A woman would frequently treat
E D in her men with red meat;
Then she’d strip to the waist …
Sorry folks, for good taste,
This limerick must stay incomplete.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman would frequently treat
Human “friends” as the friends to delete.
Frequent trips to the vet’s
Showed her preference for pets,
And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently treat,
Himself to the odd and off-beat.
This Renaissance man
Liked his wine in a can,
And his favorite Beatle was Pete.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David McCormick, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Hawes, Johanna Richmond, Judging Humor, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Mironer, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (88)
Sunday, October 28th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes.
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats,
And the parts in between simply froze.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The nudists would frequently pose
In group shots without any clothes.
But the photos they’d crop,
Leave the waist to the top
To hide any parts that arose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Reinhard, Jazzbumpa, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Craig Dykstra:
So this model is striking a pose.
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently pose,
For wifey, without any clothes.
And to make him look hung,
As when he was young,
She’d zoom in as far as it goes.
Phyllis Reinhard:
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question — what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
JazzBumpa:
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jazzbumpa, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Reinhard, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, October 14th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal was involved in a feud
With a horsey guy, one who had wooed
Her to be his new bride.
She had snorted, replied
“I would rather be bridled and shoed!”
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An actress was ready to feud.
Her play had been badly reviewed.
So she added a song.
It was detailed and long,
Giving names of the critics she’d screwed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jamie Hutchinson, Don Fitzpatrick, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jamie Hutchinson:
Two neighbors fell into a feud
When up came a bubblin’ crude
On the property line.
“It’s all mine!”—”No, it’s mine!”
Ask Iraq and Kuwait what ensued.
Don Fitzpatrick:
A man was involved in a feud
With his neighbours who said he was lewd
For displaying they say
A hard-on each day,
Whilst parading around in the nude.
Johanna Richmond:
Mitt Romney’s concerned that our feud
With Russia’s been far too subdued.
(When lost in the thicket,
Nostalgia’s the ticket.)
The cold war is history, dude!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Don Fitzpatrick, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, September 2nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Bill Klein who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A farm wife was peeved at her mate
And his personal hygiene of late.
The stench so extended,
The pigs were offended
And threatened to move out of state.
Congratulations to Jim Delaney who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was peeved at her mate,
So she packed all his stuff in a crate
In the dark before dawn,
Set it out on the lawn,
And abandoned it all to its fate.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Richard Diakun, Stephen Fleming, Johanna Richmond, Jim Sullivan, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Richard Diakun:
A woman was peeved at her mate,
Who thought when she said she was late
That all of their lovin’
Left one in the oven,
Instead of her plane at the gate.
Stephen Fleming:
A woman was peeved at her mate
For constantly putting on weight.
But “the bigger the cushion,
The better the pushin’,”
He said as he cleaned off his plate.
Johanna Richmond:
A woman’s been peeved at her mate
Since their date back in seventy eight
When a finger of rum
Shot his plan not to come;
Now she rues the words “I’ll take it straight.”
Jim Sullivan:
A woman was peeved with her mate,
An actor who loved to orate.
She said, “Clint, if you dare
Yell at one more damn chair,
Pack your bags, and I’ll show you the gate!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was peeved that her mate
Spent their cash at a scandalous rate.
“It isn’t the cars
Or the Cuban cigars;
It’s the tips for the strippers I hate!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A husky was peeved at a mate.
He growled, “She’s not pulling her weight.
I was shocked at the sight
As she crept out last night
And went with a Wolf on a date!”
Bruce Niedt:
A woman was peeved at her mate,
A Saudi oil-rich potentate:
“We had a big fight
‘Cos he’s drilling tonight,
But by that he means wife number eight!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Jim Delaney, Jim Sullivan, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Richard Diakun, Stephen Fleming, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 26th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was very obsessed
With being a tidy houseguest.
She was not asked agin,
Though as neat as a pin,
For she’d cleaned out their medicine chest!
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Scott Crowder, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Craig Dykstra:
Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
That her negligee should have been pressed:
“Are you try’na be cruel
You near-sighted old fool?
I have already gotten undressed!”
Scott Crowder:
A fellow was very obsessed,
And he just couldn’t get any rest,
‘Til the meter was right,
The rhyming was tight,
And the syllables properly stressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jim Delaney, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was very obsessed
With the size of the feminine breast.
When he’d speak with a lady
His glance was so shady
“Up here!” was the oft-heard request.
Bill Klein:
A fellow was very obsessed
With funds he had chanced to invest.
But alas, Facebook stock
Promptly dropped like a rock.
Thus, so did the egg from his nest.
Bruce Niedt:
A father was very obsessed
With the way that his teenage girl dressed:
“You inveterate flirt,
That’s a belt, not a skirt,
And your blouse reveals most of your chest!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A fellow was very obsessed
With a very old house he possessed
On the Oregon coast,
Even had its own ghost.
It’s the spirit that settled the West!
Jim Delaney:
A woman was very obsessed
With her health, as she later confessed.
Scared of losing her wits,
She kept checking her tits
To make sure she was keeping abreast.
Colleen Murphy:
“My poodle is very obsessed
With mating,” his owner confessed,
“The Great Dane next door.
But prospects are poor
‘Cause he’s barely a foot high at best.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
