Posts Tagged ‘Phil Graham’
Sunday, September 27th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KATHY EL-ASSAL, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever Acrostic Limerick:
Culled by Carly, the workers got canned.
And at H.P., her tenure was panned.
Re-emerging to fight,
Lobbing zingers far right,
Yessiree, she could F up the land.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Phil Graham, Diane Groothuis, and ROBERT SCHECHTER. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
Dr. Frankenstein searched through the land
For each muscle, limb, organ and gland.
Yet his beast makes no fist;
Both arms end at the wrist.
Ain’t he great, folks? Let’s give him a hand!
Dave Johnson:
A bottle was found in the sand
With a note from a far-away land.
“We’ll come to your shore
Like so many before…
But not ’till The Trumpster is canned.”
David Reddekopp:
The gift that we gave her was grand.
She no longer relied on her hand.
On the sofa sat Alice
With vibrating phallus,
And Alice was in Wonderland.
Phil Graham:
Just a banjo, no need for a band,
As the embers of justice he fanned.
Folk music’s more meager
Since losing Pete Seeger;
He “hammered all over this land.”
Diane Groothuis:
He came with his hat in his hand,
Apology practiced and planned:
“I am sorry my dear
For bruising your ear.
That blowfly was trying to land.”
Robert Schechter:
In farms found throughout this great land,
There’s a rule that all cows understand,
And it’s so fundamental!
When milking, be gentle.
Don’t yank on the mammary gland.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Diane Groothuis, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phil Graham, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (232)
Saturday, August 29th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Poor Dorothy, youthful and rash,
Took a lover with plenty of cash.
But re-Morse she soon showed
For this breach of her Code;
“I’m sorry,” cried Dot, “I must Dash!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz, Adam Stern, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Allen Wilcox, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
The Mexicans, hoping to dash
All our hopes, caused this stock market crash!
Their designs we must fear!
It’s been ever so clear
Since I got into Donald Trump’s stash.
Fred Bortz:
In Asgard, when Norse heroes clash,
They settle their feud with a brash
Track and field competition.
Their personal mission
Is to win the well-known Baldur Dash.
Adam Stern:
I placed first in the hundred-yard dash.
(Left the slow-pokes behind with panache.)
But my joy evanesced
When I found out the best
Received praise, but not one cent of cash.
Brian Allgar:
She was sprawled with her feet on the dash,
And the couple were starting to thrash.
They’d forgotten the brake,
Ended up in the lake –
In the papers, they made quite a splash.
Carolyn Henly:
Exclamation points have some panache,
While the question mark’s not very brash.
The ellipsis had dropped,
While the period stopped,
And the hyphen said “I’ve got to dash.”
Allen Wilcox:
The five-liner form is not rash.
The meter and rhyming don’t clash.
It has rules we adore,
But I might note one more –
A lim’rick can’t end with a –.
Phil Graham:
By the goal posts she waved from her Nash.
I thought, “Great! Gonna get me some gash!”
I arrived, loins on fire
But ’twas just a flat tire.
What a waste of a hundred yard dash.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Adam Stern, Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phil Graham, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (228)
Saturday, August 1st, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
I was dating three sisters named Boone;
Young April was cold: “It’s too soon,”
And May, though quite hot,
Told me “No, you may not,”
But the good times were coming in June.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Pedro Poitevin, David Reddekopp, Daisy Mae Simon, Phil Graham, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
In a penthouse suite down in Cancun,
Lives a slovenly mobster each June.
All you tourists should know
That the world down below
Is his 24/7 spittoon.
Tim James:
A scribe and his editor, June,
Did the nasty, one fine afternoon.
She had gotten quite pissed
With the deadlines he’d missed;
But this ONE time, he finished too soon.
Will T. Laughlin:
Go ahead, Tin Pan Alley, and croon
A tune in which “moon” rhymes with “June”.
Sing of stealing a kiss
From a lissome young miss –
Just don’t sing it to me. I’m immune.
Pedro Poitevin:
I’m shagging a young picaroon
Who loves to show off his harpoon.
He’s too quick with the trigger
And lacking in vigor,
But he arrrs when I whisper “jejune.”
David Reddekopp:
The timing is quite opportune
For an off-color rhyme that’s jejune.
A short penis joke will
Always get a cheap thrill,
But the verse, like my dick, ends too soon.
Daisy Mae Simon:
When he’d walk in from work, he’d call, “June!”
Dressed in pearls and her apron, they’d ‘spoon.’
When her batter he’d lick
She’d get lightheaded quick,
But when Ward asked for Beaver, she’d swoon.
Phil Graham:
A menage à trois started at noon.
The lone man got surprised fairly soon;
With all three going strong,
He thought something was wrong
When May didn’t come before June.
Fred Bortz:
She delivered her baby in June,
Six months past the wedding — too soon —
The result of some merriment —
Condom experiment —
’Twas only a trial balloon.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Daisy Mae Simon, David Reddekopp, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Pedro Poitevin, Phil Graham, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (224)
Saturday, July 25th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Said Irene to Eileen, “Am I late?”
Said Eileen to Irene, “I’m irate!
I lean in the lane
All alone in the rain –
Oh what wicked wet weather to wait!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Kirk Miller, Dave Johnson, Pedro Poitevin, Will T. Laughlin, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
They had lent at so monstrous a rate
That it couldn’t be paid by the date,
For the interest fee
Was twice GNP,
So the bankers now own the Greek state.
Tim James:
A guy found a lady first-rate,
So he asked if she’d go on a date.
But she snapped, “You chew gum,
And it makes you look dumb!”
So he’ll stay home and just mast…icate.
Kirk Miller:
Though the woman heard goose was first rate
At the bistro, supposedly great,
The cook carelessly plucked
The main course; it was mucked.
She felt down in the mouth when she ate.
Dave Johnson:
A mistress grew very irate;
Her lover was chronically late.
One night, he would find
Her gift left behind:
A patient, inflatable mate.
Pedro Poitevin:
Behold my inflatable mate:
Her buttocks are truly first-rate!
I think that I must
Release all my lust
Before I begin to deflate.
Will T. Laughlin:
Donald Trump, at the Heavenly Gate
(Where Saint Peter had asked why he’d rate
An entrance therein),
Said, “If Pride is a sin,
Then it’s God’s fault he made me so great!”
Phil Graham:
I’m hoping to finally sate
My sex drive before it’s too late.
All the dollars I’ve paid
To those whores to get laid
Have my wife acting very irate.
When we last bared our bodies to mate,
Can’t remember just how it did rate.
But my wife blew her chance
For steamy romance.
If she’d blown something else, I’d be great!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Pedro Poitevin, Phil Graham, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, July 11th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Fred Bortz:
The authorities turned up the heat
On the ladies who walk on the street:
“You must lower your rates
For your bus’nessman dates.
How else can our city compete?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat,
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next,” said the cop on the beat.”
Sue Dulley:
I’m a glutton for glutinous wheat;
As a treat, toast and jam’s hard to beat,
And I flee when I see
Food that’s tagged “gluten-free.”
(There, I said it. Please don’t give me heat!)
Dave Johnson:
They went to a swingers’ retreat
And saw lots of couples in heat.
There was a big dance
Where no one wore pants;
The members all swung to the beat.
Diane Groothuis:
When sales-people turn up the heat,
I do what I can to retreat.
They’re trying their luck
To make a quick buck.
As for me, I just vote with my feet.
Phil Graham:
A woman turned white as a sheet
When her cop friend was not too discreet.
She said, “Show me your Glock.”
What he heard, though, was “cock.”
So he proved he was packing some heat.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phil Graham, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, June 20th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
On Craig’s List, Chris posted his lust
For a tryst with a lass to be trussed.
Alas, though: Chris missed
His delicious truss tryst.
He was tied up at work. How unjust!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Robert Schechter, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Fred Bortz, Lisi Nortman, Kaye Roberts, Phil Graham, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
She withdrew from the Savings & Trust
All her cash. It’s not much; now she must
Choose ’twixt breast augmentation
And West Coast vacation.
The choice: California or bust.
Robert Schechter:
The essence of love is to trust.
So trust me. I’m able to thrust
Without letting go.
Believe me! . . . Uh oh . . .
Remember that son we discussed?
Brian Allgar:
He stuffed her with thrust after thrust
Like a man half-demented with lust,
Then he bound her with string,
Legs and breast, everything,
Till the Thanksgiving turkey was trussed.
Jon Gearhart:
As I cussed and discussed in disgust
My mistrust with my siblings, we fussed
How the lawyer had still
Not found part of Dad’s will.
My disgust rose from my misplaced trust.
Fred Bortz:
Chez Marquis de Sade is a must
To couple with parry and thrust.
There maidens will tryst
While bound at the wrist,
As long as you’re someone they trussed.
Lisi Nortman:
A marriage is based upon trust,
But if driven by wild carnal lust,
You’ll probably cheat.
So be very discreet.
Don’t come home with your hairdo all mussed.
Kaye Roberts:
Ev’ry man she’d encountered with lust
Had betrayed her, demolished her trust.
So she found a belle chère
And began lez affaire
And left all les hommes in the dust.
Phil Graham:
A ski racer you couldn’t trust
Would consume pork and beans ’fore he shussed.
And to go a bit faster
He’d use his ass blaster
And gain MPH from each gust.
Allen Wilcox:
He was proud that they showed him the trust
To move “David” to clean off the dust.
It fell and it shattered.
He cried, bruised and battered,
“I can only say ‘This was a bust’.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kaye Roberts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman, Phil Graham, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, June 14th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
She had warts, but she wasn’t half bad,
So they made the short hop to his pad.
His intention to jump ’er
Is now in the dumper:
She laughed ’cause his pole’s just a tad.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phil Graham, Fred Bortz, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phil Graham:
A fam’ly of dwarves was quite glad
To be told a developer had
Built a home for them, small,
Costing nothing at all!
It was called “The Stay-free Mini-pad.”
Fred Bortz:
“Before we make love, don’t be mad.”
He responded, “I’ve felt your bra pad.”
She replied with a laugh,
“Hah! You don’t know the half.
The fact is my birth name was Brad.”
Brian Allgar:
Canaan, Cush, Phut and Mizraim would pad
Through the paddy-fields feeling quite sad.
Eating nothing but rice
Isn’t terribly nice
When ‘Ham’ is the name of your dad.
Dave Johnson:
When you’re young & you’re told you were bad,
Just write it all down on a pad.
After years have gone by,
You can read it and try
To re-live all the good times you had.
Tim James:
Many women, all scantily clad,
Have been seen coming out of his pad.
You can call him a rake,
But since rubber can break,
He now goes by another name: Dad.
Will T. Laughlin:
As my way through the city I pad,
I notice this theater ad:
BROKEBACK MT — SWEET NOVEMBER
A WALK TO REMEMBER.
I call that a Marquee de Sad!
Robert Schechter:
My spark plugs just told me they’re sad.
I asked them, “But what is so bad?”
“We’re homeless, you see,
But why should this be
When even the brakes have a pad?”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phil Graham, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
