Do we really need “smart shoes” that will vibrate us in the right direction using Google Maps? Ducere Technologies thinks so.
Smarting from “Smart Shoes” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear shoemakers, please have a heart.
I do NOT want my shoes to be smart.
I just want them to feel
(both my sole and my heel)
Like they’re not out for blood from the start.
Do we really need a beer-brewing robot that lets you make beer with your iPhone?
I’m Not Swallowing This App (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Innovations can certainly rock,
But at times they compel me to mock;
I’m feeling a jeer brewing:
IPhones and beer brewing?
How ’bout using an iPhone to talk?
Do we really need this invention?
Coffee lovers may be able to get a shot of caffeine right from the toothbrush, if a patent from Colgate-Palmolive goes through.
No need for the double latte down the street: That caffeine could be administered through a patch while you’re polishing those pearlies.
According to the patent application, “The present invention pertains to an oral care implement generally, and more particularly to a toothbrush that releases a chemical into the mouth during use.”
An Invention With Bite (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can’t wait for your morning caffeine?
Need a fix before brewing that bean?
Too rushed for that rush?
Well a fancy new brush
Could replace that caffeine-filled canteen.
I refer to a new application
For a patent. If granted, your ration
Of morning caffeine
Could arrive as you clean
All your teeth with your toothbrush. Ovation!
Have I got an invention for you: Moisturizing jeans!
Yes, according to at least one jeans manufacturer, denim dries out your skin. Unless, of course, you wear THEIR product: Wrangler’s “Denim Spa” jeans.
I swear that I’m not pulling your leg.
Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dreadful news for the dungaree-set,
Of a threat that may just make you sweat:
Denim dries out your skin!
That’s where “Spa” jeans fit in:
Rehydration’s their claim — sounds all wet!
Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.
I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:
Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!
Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.
We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.
Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.
This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.
(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)
Just when you think a problem is unsolvable, a creative company comes up with a solution. I’m referring, of course, to Smarter Socks which, we’re told, “makes sorting socks child’s play” through “interaction between the socks with a communication button, the Sock Sorter and an iPhone app.”
What would Seinfeld have to say about this?
There’s An App For WHAT??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you find that your socks keep cavorting
And consorting with strangers, your sorting
Can be helped with an app:
Smarter Socks fill the gap
When your laundering skills need supporting.
UPDATE: Alternatively, you could ditch the app and celebrate No Socks Day 365 days a year.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
