Happy International Accounting Day, which is celebrated on November 10th. My apologies to accountants for this limerick:
Limerick Ode To An Excellent Career
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The comptroller had tried to do well
With his powerful urge to excel.
He had planned out his life
Using spreadsheets, but strife
Intervened. He’s accounting in hell.
UPDATE: October 17 is Spreadsheet Day.
Though schools remain closed,
trick-or-treat stash is untouched:
Halloween Sandy.
*****
Hurricane Sandy
sure outpaces Halloween
in sheer spookiness.
Tomorrow, October 28th, is National Chocolate Day. (Okay, every day is chocolate day in my house. But still…)
A Limerick for National Chocolate Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, no! Did I make a mistake
While baking that chocolate cake?
An ingredient doubled?
Or tripled? I’m troubled!
I should have bought something from Drake.*
* Drake’s a baking company, now a subsidary of Hostess.
UPDATE: If you need a further excuse, I’ve just learned that December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day.
One of my favorite weekly prompts is Three Word Wednesday. This week, it asks us to use the following three words in any sort of poem: Crumble, Drawn and Uneasy. Well, I managed to squeeze them all into this limerick:
A Game Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chess player, looking quite drawn,
Was caught in an uneasy yawn.
“My game skills have crumbled,”
The man weakly mumbled.
“I feel like I’m naught but a pawn.”
UPDATE: July 20th is International Chess Day, and the 2nd Saturday of October is National Chess Day.
October’s a big month for holidays. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. I’m referring to National Nut Day And National Bologna Day, October 22 and October 24, respectively. (And no, National Nut Day doesn’t celebrate politicians, although it should.)
National Nut Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a day for ‘most any old food—
Launched by salesmen, I’m forced to conclude.
October touts nuts
And bologna. Cold Cuts
Day is March, though. I plan to get stewed.
Raw Confusion Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I stare at my freezer, unglued:
I’m in “Indian leftovers” mood.
But it’s chaos in there.
Yes, from now on I swear
That I’ll label my freezer-bound food.
UPDATE: I just found out that November 29th is “Throw Out Your Leftovers Day.” And October 30th is Haunted Refrigerator Night.
Poets United prompts us to write about chocolate:
Chocolate Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear candy shop, leave out the filling.
Those rich, creamy innards ain’t thrilling.
I like choc’late that’s pure.
Milk or dark? Both allure.
Must I choose? Okay, dark gets top billing.
Update: Happy National Chocolate Day: October 28th!
Did you know that today, March 25th, is International Waffle Day? Me neither. And if you feel compelled to celebrate waffles twice each year, National Waffle Day and the waffle iron patent are celebrated on August 24th.
So why am I telling you this? Because I’m obediently rising to the challenge of writing a poem about breakfast. And I stumbled upon all this waffle nonsense while doing some poetic procrastination.
*****
Ode to Breakfast
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oatmeal breaks my fast
when I arise,
though it tastes like paste
in breakfast guise.
Why not something else
I don’t despise?
Cuz I hate each choice
those chefs devise.
Waffles, eggs, French toast
grits — some may prize.
But hot oatmeal’s quick.
So enough with the “whys.”
*****
While I’m at it, here’s a haiku about my favorite morning (and afternoon and pretty much all day) beverage:
Coffee never tempts,
but denied cappuccino
then call me verklempt.
*****
UPDATE: October 29 is National Oatmeal Day.
AWOL Angel (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I guess guardian angels are fine.
I don’t know, cuz I’ve never met mine.
If I have one, it’s hiding—
No guarding, no guiding.
What I’m missing, I can not divine.
(Written for the We Write Poems Guardian Angel prompt.)
UPDATE: August 22 is Be An Angel Day, and October 2 is Guardian Angels Day.
Slovenly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose shirt was all stained
Saw his lovely wife’s look — it was pained.
“You’re so messy with pasta,”
She chided him. “Basta!
You’re just like your dad — it’s ingrained.”
UPDATE: National Pasta Day is October 17 and World Pasta Day is October 25.
One of my most important duties is to keep you abreast of important holidays like National Vodka Day, National Punctuation Day, International Limerick Day, National Grammar Day, and the subject of today’s limerick: National Boss Day.
That’s right — our poor beleaguered bosses get their own holiday on October 16th:
National Boss Day — Who Needs It? (Limerick)
For a reason I don’t comprehend
Bosses get their own day — what a trend.
A national day
When our bosses hold sway?
How silly! Such nonsense must end.
(You can find more of my employment humor here.)
Wow! It’s almost midnight on October 4th. And that means I almost missed National Vodka Day. Must celebrate with a limerick:
Happy Vodka Day!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Which liquor’s remembered today?
Not tequila or rum or Lillet.
I’m afraid you don’t win
If you guess that it’s gin,
Cuz it’s vodka. Start pouring, okay?
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who loved doing tricks…
Here’s mine:
Tricky Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who loved doing tricks
Had begun doing magic at six.
He was jailed for his skill
Cuz he used it for ill —
Made his enemies vanish for kicks.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 24th, is Harry Houdini’s birthday. He was born was born Erich Weiss (spellings vary) on March 24, 1874 in Budapest, Hungary. Happy birthday Harry!
UPDATE 2: October 31st (the anniversary of Houdini’s death) is National Magic Day.
First (And Last) Visit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze.
So I wish you had warned
That your house is adorned
With a half-hundred cats (Siamese).
Author’s Note: This limerick is based on personal experience. Many years ago, a composer asked my chamber ensemble to rehearse at her home, so she could record a work of hers that we were getting ready to debut. I’d barely taken my oboe out of its case, when I started having trouble breathing. My attack got very bad, very quickly, and I was forced to leave without rehearsing.
I later learned that our host’s hobby was breeding cats, and that her house was packed with them. Since I’m very allergic to cats, this would have been a good thing to have been warned about.
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and more of my health humor here.
UPDATE: Happy National Cat Day! (October 29th)
Did you know that the Xerox office copying revolution was born on October 22, 1938? This led to two large drops: Mimeographic machine sales … and men’s pants.
Did you know that tomorrow, October 16th, is National Boss Day? So, are you excited yet?
I thought I’d “celebrate” National Boss Day with a pair of limericks:
Workplace Diplomacy Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please mind your own business, I said,
To a woman whose presence I dread.
She is pushy and rude,
Rather nosy and crude.
Even worse—she’s the gal my boss wed.
A Brief Beef
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My boss yelled, “I’ve got a big beef:
Your briefings are seldom … well … brief.
I want the essentials.
You give me tangentials.”
“So long,” I replied, with relief.
(You can find my National Bosses Day limerick here and more of my employment humor here.)
Here’s an oddball byproduct of global warming: New York State Park officials reopened Long Island beaches for swimming this Columbus Day weekend because of unseasonably warm temperatures.
For the first time in more than three decades, beaches on Long Island will be open for swimming in October.
It’s because of this unseasonably warm weather. The average high in October is 64 degrees. Friday’s high was 86!
So you could swim as if it were July, celebrate Columbus Day, and shop for Halloween decorations all on the same afternoon.
And speaking of Halloween, it seems that adults have stolen it from their kids.
One sign of just how much Halloween has changed and can change is the relatively rapid development of it from a children’s holiday into a largely adult holiday. Adults are spending more and more on Halloween costumes, favors, and parties. Children’s celebrations have been curtailed and eclipsed. …
And that cries out for a limerick:
Hijacking Halloween
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The holiday called Halloween
Has been hijacked by grownups. How mean!
In their masks, adults stroll,
Looking scary or droll—
Some in garb that would best suit a teen.
(You can find more of my holiday humor here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
