Posts Tagged ‘Nan Reiner’
Sunday, September 9th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Craig Dykstra, Bruce Niedt, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):
A fellow who tended to preen
Flashed a grin at the Jumbo-tron screen
And said, “What nominee?
This is all about me.
I’ll be running in 2016.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who tended to preen
Was found dead. Cops were called to the scene.
Her spouse cried, “My wife
Did NOT take her life!
She would never be caught dead in green!”
Craig Dykstra:
For her boyfriend, she started to preen,
Stating “I have the legs of a queen!”
Then she asked “In this light
Which looks best – ‘left’ or ‘right’ ?”
He said “I’m more a fan of ‘between’. “
Bruce Niedt:
A fellow who tended to preen
Picked up gals from the singles bar scene.
But he’s now in the pen
Where he does five-to-ten –
His last conquest was only sixteen.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A charmer was starting to preen,
As he sweet-talked the lovely Alene.
“May I stay?” “Yes, you may.”
Then he learned, as they lay,
That Alene was a Turing machine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 5th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A physicist known for her flash
Is bold, she is brassy and brash.
The men at the helm
She MUST overwhelm.
She loves to find Adams to smash!
Congratulations to both Craig Dykstra and Mark Kane who are tied for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
Craig Dykstra’s Ode to The Man in Black:
“Despite all the money you flash
Your Czechoslovakian bash
Won’t be held here – that’s right,
Johnny C’s on tonight
So we won’t allow Czechs, only Cash.”
Mark Kane:
A star who was known for her flash,
Wore a dress which was barely a sash.
Displaying her flair,
While practically bare,
She showed off her ass with panache.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty), and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Bob Dvorak:
A man who was known for his flash-
In-the-pan antics tried something brash —
Braising food in his shed.
It caught fire; he fled.
So what’s left? Just a pane in the ash.
Johanna Richmond:
A madam well known for her flash
Cut her price to a dollar per lash,
But it flopped – business waned:
Masochistics complained –
How’s a prick to feel pain with that slash?
Scott Crowder:
A gal who was known for her flash,
With Paul was a rock and roll smash.
She no longer sings,
She has other Wings,
And Heather Mills has all the cash.
Craig Dykstra:
On her webcam, her boobs she would flash
And her viewers would tip her with cash
But her cam worked the best
Pointed just at her chest
And away from her bushy mustache.
Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):
A gal who was known for her flash
Pulled a stunt that was bound to abash.
“’Twas a wardrobe malfunction,”
She cooed with some unction,
Then winked as she raked in the cash.
Tim James:
A man who was known for his flash
Chose a park for his disrobe-and-dash.
But he tripped and he stumbled,
In poison oak tumbled.
The result, like his action, was rash.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Nan Reiner, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, July 7th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A moody young deb with a ‘tude
Found regattas could lighten her mood:
“Strokes and coxswains galore –
Each will put in his oar –
One can be so deliciously crewed!”
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A prudish young woman with ‘tude
Almost never was in the right mood.
Finding headaches passé
Her excuse was to say
“Doggie-style, when not yoga, is lewd.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jamie Hutchinson, Marla Turner, VerseBender, Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty, Edmund Conti, Jason Talbott, and Jane Auerbach. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jamie Hutchinson:
The sexy librarian’s ‘tude
Had a way of improving your mood:
You’d hand her a book
And receive such a look
That you felt both checked out and renewed.
Marla Turner a/k/a Uhave2laff:
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Had a curfew she really eschewed.
Her mother said, “Ten!”
She laughed and said, “Men?”
Then sat back as her mom came unglued.
Versebender:
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Would string along dude after dude.
She’d flirt and she’d tease
As if eager to please.
But the lady stayed coyly unscrewed.
Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty:
A moody young woman with ‘tude,
In line for the john, ballyhooed,
“Yo there, bride and your groom:
Get yourselves a real room.
There are others who want to be loo’d.”
Edmund Conti:
An earnest young poet with ‘tude
Said, I know I’m about to be screwed
For posting so late
On Madeleine’s slate.
My poem won’t be liked or be viewed.
Jason Talbott:
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Once complained that he hated the food
Which was served at his school.
But the lunch lady’s rule:
You complain, you’ll be one hungry dude.
Jane Auerbach:
A moody male model with ‘tude
Was chagrined when the audience booed.
On a catwalk he’d tripped,
And his pants front had ripped,
Shredding padding on parts best unviewed.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Auerbach, Jason Talbott, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marla Turner, Nan Reiner, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, July 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was putting on airs
At society ballroom affairs:
“I’m seeing a gent
From the point-one percent;
It’s beneath me to date millionaires.”
Congratulations to Bob Dvorak who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was putting on airs
And padding her modest upstairs.
The guy on her date
Found this all out too late.
‘Twas a package of buyer B-wares.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Jason Talbott, Craig Dykstra, Patrick McKeon, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
An attorney was putting on airs
To impress his new right-wing confrères:
“Screw the ACLU!
I’m preparing to sue
In high court for my right to arm bears!”
Jason Talbott:
A fellow was putting on airs
As a master of plumbing repairs,
But his ego was crushed
When the toilet was flushed
And the payload still flowed down the stairs.
Craig Dykstra:
A pro bowler was putting on airs:
“I love women – alone or in pairs.
When I see one I like
I can score with one strike,
And I’m quite good at picking up spares.”
Patrick McKeon:
A woman was putting on airs
As she slowly ascended the stairs
But her cover was blown
When the glass floor had shown
That the dress is quite all that she wears.
Johanna Richmond:
Jan Brewer is putting on airs.
It’s a win for the states, she declares!
The republican style
(Ignore facts with a smile)
Suits this queen of right-wing derrieres.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A hunter was putting on airs.
He’d shot moose and he’d wrestled with bears.
Then a tiny grey mouse
Appeared in his house
And he fled to the top of the stairs.
Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty
A fellow was putting on Airs,
But his wife flashed disparaging stares.
“Get the shoes if you like,
But you won’t play like Mike
Even if you buy fifty-nine pairs!”
Jamie Hutchinson:
Viagra is putting on airs
With old couples who dash up the stairs.
Why, the ladies, you’d think
Had grown a new pink
And the gents had developed new pairs!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jason Talbott, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Patrick McKeon, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, April 29th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was off on a quest
To give her poor backbone a rest.
Got her 36-Es
Sculpted into pert Cs
And said, “Glad I got THAT off my chest.”
Further congratulations are in order to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for very same limerick which received the most Facebook “likes. (This is the first time the same person won both awards.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) J Cosmo Newbery, Robert Basler, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, VerseBender, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, and Kathy El-Assal. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
J Cosmo Newbery:
A fellow was off on a quest
To find a young lady, undressed.
As his opening line
Was “Your place or mine?”
The ladies were far from impressed.
Robert Basler:
A fellow was off on a quest,
For the best food in all Budapest.
His wife said, “Eureka!
“Such tasty paprika!”
Her husband said, “Shirley, you jest.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman was off on a quest
To protect every thing she possessed.
Should she put it in stock?
In a safe with a lock?
Or would under her mattress be best?
Versebender:
A fellow was off on a quest
To give his libido a test.
So he took on a bunch
Of ladies who lunch,
But all he wants now is some rest.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was off on a quest,
To put office rumors to rest.
“I was showing the Boss,
The right way to floss,
And that stuff on my lips was just Crest.”
Craig Dykstra:
A big-breasted gal had a quest:
To, in lieu of a bra, wear a vest.
But the cargo unloaded
As buttons exploded,
Surprising her dinner date guest.
Kathy El-Assal:
A fellow was off on a quest
To put climbing skills to the test.
He mounted his bride
And went for a ride,
Then said, “I’ve just peaked, now I’ll rest.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, J Cosmo Newbery, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Basler, Scott Crowder, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal who was very uptight
Found her Chinaman mate no delight,
But she relished the sin
When his brother joined in,
Shrieking gaily, “Two Wongs make it right!”
Congratulations to Robert Basler who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A gal who is very uptight
Won’t take off her clothes when it’s light.
The chick only strips
In a solar eclipse,
Or perhaps in a blackout, she might.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Rosemary Nissen-Wade, and Edmund Conti. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A poet named Frost was uptight.
A fork in the road was his plight.
“If I choose to go left
It might leave me bereft.
But then again, left may be right.”
Rosemary Nissen-Wade:
A gal who was very uptight
Gave her boyfriend a hell of a fright.
She lay there so rigid,
He thought, “Is she frigid —
Or perhaps she has died in the night?”
Edmund Conti:
A Brit who was very uptight
Found the islands laid back, a delight.
On the Island of Man
You may do what you can.
But, wait a sec, that isn’t Wight!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Edmund Conti, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Rosemary Nissen-Wade, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, March 11th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was partial to gin,
Was on the beach, looking at skin,
When he heard from his wife,
“If you value your life,
You’ll keep that damned tongue of yours in!”
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A gal who was partial to gin
Eschewed food and soon grew very thin.
Her early demise
Was not a surprise.
She sipped from a straw and fell in.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, Kathy El-Assal, Robert Schechter, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mark Megson:
A gal who was partial to gin
Drank dry every bar she was in.
She’d drink without tonic
At speeds supersonic,
And boy did the bartenders grin.
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman was partial to gin,
Bridge, canasta: her drive was to win.
A game of strip poker–
Now that nearly broke her–
Reduced her to panties and skin.
Robert Schechter:
A man who was partial to gin
Said, “The thing is that when I begin
I find I can’t stop
Till the world is a top
And I’m dizzily watching it spin.”
Craig Dykstra:
A gal who was partial to gin,
‘Cause it gave her a license to sin,
Finally gave up on men,
And swore “Never again!”
Since the last one turned out to be kin.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A gal who was partial to gin
Played often, but she couldn’t win.
So her boyfriend, a joker,
Suggested strip poker.
With just a few hands he was in.
Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty:
A man who was partial to gin
Performed a contortionist spin.
When asked how he stuck it,
Said “I’m from Nantucket,”
And flashed a lascivious grin.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Nan Reiner, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, March 4th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was a-ponderin’ Newt, Mitt, and Rick:
“Which-a these millionaires
Can pretend that he cares
About me? That’s the slicker I’ll pick.”
Today I’m introducing a new and experimental award category: Congratulations to Mark Kane who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was making his play with some chick.
He said “Babe don’t be nervous,
I’m here for your service,
And I promise I’ll never be quick.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Linda Evans Hofke, Ira Bloom, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Neal Pattison:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Built a privy of mortar and brick.
When he bragged to his kin,
6 or 7 moved in.
Now they do 1 and 2 in the crick.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was adept with the carrot and stick;
“On the hill in DC
Was the college,” said he,
“Where I learned this political trick.”
Linda Evans Hofke:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Met up with a rich city chick.
He thought “No Chance In Hell”
With this mademoiselle,
But it turned out that opposites click.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was defamed in an internet trick,
With no shred of decorum.
(Just google “santorum,”
To see what they said about Rick!)
Johanna Richmond:
Santorum says (aping a hick):
Education is merely a trick
To indoctrinate all;
What he means is “The gall
Of you joining our one percent clique!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter.
Thanks!
Tags: David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Evans Hofke, Mark Kane, Nan Reiner, Neal Pattison, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
