MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Jeff Davis was angered to read
Not so much that the slaves had been freed,
But that Unionists were
On the To-line—O slur!—
And secessionists only cc’d.

Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Marty McCullen, who tied to win this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Sue Dulley:

A student, while trying to read
In the bathroom (the book was “Candide”)
Heard “Come play this game
Testing balance and aim!”
So he put down his novel and Wii’d.

Marty McCullen:

A fellow was trying to read
The Bio of great Sammy Snead,
But he would just stutter
When using the putter.
At best he was fit to be teed.

Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

A fellow was trying to read
And make sense of instructions decreed
In the cookbook: “With glove on
“Take joint from the oven.
“To now baste the meat you will need.”

At your peril true meaning ignore.
Do not do what he did, I implore!
At the critical point
He took out the joint
And a rolling pin out of the drawer.

With common sense no more than fleeting
And eager to improve on the eating,
In mistaken belief
This would tenderize beef,
He gave it an out-and-out beating!

So there is the beef, on its platter
Misshapen, askew (and much flatter.)
He should at this point
With its juices anoint
The roast dinner – to “baste”, not to “batter”!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Will T. Laughlin, Sue Dulley, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Nelderini. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was trying to read
Of a man who was trying to breed
On someone’s behalf
(and here you can laugh)
Intercede? Yes indeed. Enter seed.

Will T. Laughlin:

The Bishop was trying to read
The words of the Catholic Creed.
But the words “unum Deum”
Came out, “Iam Gayum” –
A stunning confession indeed.

Sue Dulley:

In a joke I once happened to read:
Descartes and a friend drank some mead.
Said the friend: “One more, eh?”
“I think not,” said René,
Then vanished with infinite speed.

Colleen Murphy:

My stepson was wanting to read,
An abnormal desire indeed,
Until I discovered
The girls were uncovered.
Seems his “book” met a less learned need.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow was trying to read
The book “What to Do When You’re Treed.”
He looked down at the bear
And he thought, “Do I dare
Ask HIM for the glasses I need?”

Johanna Richmond, who sends a “get well” limerick to our friend and fellow Limerick-Offer, Steve Whitred:

Dear Steve, I’m so sorry to read
You’ve been ill — that’s a pity indeed.
Wishing speedy relief;
Hope your absence is brief
Or our lim’rick-off might go to seed!

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A farmer was trying to read
Of hybrids, a skill he might need.
“Two plants get together
But will I know whether
Each seed will be glad to con-seed?”

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A woman was trying to read
The stocks that may lag or may lead.
Said she: “I don’t care
For the bull or the bear,
As long as I’m in the stampede.”

Nelderini:

A woman was trying to read
The number of caplets she’d need
To clear her congestion.
“‘How bany?’s da question
To stob wit da cough an’ da sneed!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!