Say “NO!” To “Yes, Dear”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s something most husbands should fear:
Wives’ reactions on hearing, “Yes, dear.”
It’s a phrase to avoid
Cuz we’re not just annoyed,
But enraged. Guys could lose precious “gear.”
Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Humor’
Say “NO!” To “Yes, Dear”
Wednesday, April 30th, 2014Life With Mark Kane
Tuesday, April 29th, 2014(All dialogue guaranteed true)
Mark: “Now that I’ve won, I can go to sleep.” (gazing down, admiringly, at his laptop’s “free cell” screen at 10 pm)
Me: “Remember that Walter Kirn book I mentioned the other day?”
Mark: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” (still looking down)
Me: “The one about the impostor…”
Mark: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” (still looking down)
Me: “I just started reading it.”
Mark: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” (still looking down)
Me: “You’re not listening to me.”
Mark: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” (still looking down)
Me: “I said you’re not listening to me!”
Mark: “Huh??? Yes, I am.”
Me: “What am I talking about?”
Mark: “Uh…”
Me: “Remember? The Kirn book? I was telling you about it the other day.”
Mark: “Oh yeah.” (surreptitiously typing.)
Me: “You’re looking up “Kirn” in Google aren’t you?”
Mark: “Of course not! I remember you talking about Bruce Kern.”
Me: “I’ve never even heard of Bruce Kern. Stop trying to cheat with Google.”
Mark: “I’m not trying to cheat.”
Me: “Yes you are. I’m talking about WALTER Kirn’s book about the Rockefeller impostor.”
Mark: “Oh, yeah. Jay Rockefeller and the Hamptons.”
Me: “No! “CLARK Rockefeller. Driving a crippled dog from Montana to Manhattan.”
Mark: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Me: “I give up!”
Astrology Duet ( 2-Verse Limerick)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2014Astrology Duet (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s crap
And frivolous pap.
I’ll critique you precisely on cue.
Now my spouse is a “home and hearth” guy.
When asked why, he’ll respond with a sigh:
“It’s a Cancer-type trait.
“Love my mate plus a plate
“Of home-cooking — stuff money can’t buy.”
Update: International Astrology Day is celebrated yearly on the first full day of Aries (on the Vernal Equinox.)
Happy National Grammar Day (March 4)
Tuesday, March 4th, 2014Happy National Grammar Day (March 4).
Grammar Gripes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A grammar-fanatic would gripe
To his wife about language, and snipe:
“Your syntax is bad!”
She’d respond, really mad:
“I’ll divorce you if down you don’t pipe.”
Limerick Ode To National Grouch Day
Tuesday, October 15th, 2013Happy National Grouch Day! (October 15)
Limerick Ode To National Grouch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cranky and grumbly old grouch
Would complain day and night from the couch
About money, TV
And his back, neck and knee.
That fellow’s divorced, I would vouch.
Limerick Stews (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, April 14th, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who frequently stews…*
or
A woman who frequently stews…*
or
A fellow who likes to eat stews…*
or
A woman who likes to eat stews…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Stews
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A bootmaker grouses and stews
And grumbles while guzzling his booze.
He’ll beef day and night:
Seems his wife loves to fight,
And her meat dishes taste just like shoes.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Ill-Bred Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, March 31st, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was rather ill-bred…*
or
A gal who was rather ill-bred…*
or
A fellow who liked to bake bread…*
or
A woman who liked to bake bread…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Ill-Bred Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was rather ill-bred
Often hogged nearly all of the bed.
Then he’d flare up with pique
At his wife (who was meek)
When she noisily fell on her head.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Bold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, March 24th, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And since the calendar claims that spring has begun, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to spring, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spring-related limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge: I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was terribly bold…*
or
A man who was terribly bold…*
or
A woman who frequently bowled…*
or
A fellow who frequently bowled…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Bold Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was terribly bold
Phoned her mate, who would soon be paroled:
“I discovered I’m gay
While you were away,
So our sex life’s remaining on hold.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Happy “Worship Of Tools Day” (Limerick)
Monday, March 11th, 2013I’m celebrating National Worship Of Tools Day (March 11th) with this limerick:
Happy Worship Of Tools Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my husband’s pet phrase, as a rule,
Fueled by trying a fix
With his personal mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.
Coming Clean About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, January 20th, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow had planned to come clean…*
or
A fellow who hated to clean…*
or
A woman had planned to come clean…*
or
A woman who hated to clean…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Coming Clean About Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow had planned to come clean
About actions he knew were obscene,
Till he noticed the knife
In the hand of his wife,
Well positioned for venting his spleen.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Remorseful Limerick
Thursday, November 29th, 2012Remorseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was feeling remorse
About taking an ill-advised course:
He’d married a gal
Who was also his pal,
Before he’d secured a divorce.
Limerick Mate (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, August 26th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was peeved at her mate…*
or
A fellow was peeved at his mate…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Mate
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was peeved at her mate
Cuz he’d constantly carp and debate.
He was very suspicious
And frequently vicious,
It’s no wonder that fellow’s now late.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Face Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, July 22nd, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who fell on her face…*
or
A fellow who fell on his face…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
The Face Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who fell on her face
When she tripped on her wedding gown lace,
Brought a lawsuit immense.
Here’s the gown shop’s defense:
“A trip down the aisle ain’t a race.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Shooting The Breeze With Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, June 3rd, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was shooting the breeze…*
or
A fellow was shooting the breeze…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Shooting The Breeze
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a man who was down on his knees.
He’d planned to propose
But got bored, so he rose
And explained he’d been looking for keys.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Wedded Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, May 27th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was planning to wed…*
or
A woman was planning to wed…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Wedded Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was planning to wed
A gal rather awful in bed.
When he gave her a sex book,
Her answer was textbook.
So he married the author instead.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Worldwide Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, November 5th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was famous worldwide…
or
A woman was famous worldwide…
Here’s mine:
Worldwide Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was famous worldwide:
His two wives had suspiciously died,
And wife number three,
Catching on to his spree,
Turned him in. Now he’s fit to be tried.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Slippery Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 30th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who just let it slip…
or
A woman who just let it slip…
Here’s mine:
Slippery Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip
Threw their marriage off course
And was sued for divorce.
Maybe next time he’ll zip up his lip.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Fair Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, July 10th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was lovely and fair…
Here’s mine:
Fair Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had a spouse who’d gone heaven knows where.
She suspected foul play.
She’s the victim, I’d say:
An affair in his lair caused her scare.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Married To Acrostic Limericks
Tuesday, July 5th, 2011In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve become hooked on writing acrostic limericks, largely due to prompts from Acrostics Only.
Married To Acrostic Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Asunder we never shall be,”
Promised Dean to his bride-to-be Bree.
At the altar his vow
Reassured her, but now
They’re divorced via legal decree.
Wedded To Acrostics (Acrostic Limerick)
Thursday, April 7th, 2011I’ve never written an Acrostic poem before, let alone an Acrostic Limerick. But writing this was fun, in a mind-puzzle kind of way.
Now if I understand the basic acrostic rules, the first letter of each line must spell out whatever your poem is about. Acrostic Only has a lot more info and a generous assortment of acrostic prompts.
Wedded To Acrostics (Acrostic Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Enlarging our guest list again?
Let me see it,” said bride-to-be Gwen.
“Oh no! What a slew!
Pa, this simply won’t do!
Eloping tomorrow, at ten.”
*****
Author’s Note: I updated this post to change line five’s first word from “Eloping” to “Escaping.” Any thoughts on which one is better? I can’t decide. Thanks!
Update: Thanks to feedback here and on Facebook, I changed it back to “Eloping” and also got rid of the bold first letters. Thanks everyone!
Update 2: I’ve changed the title, so as to not give the game away.
