It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“To my girlfriend,” wrote ardent Bernard
(Who considered himself quite the bard),
“You’re a treasure, sweet Jo;
You make love like a pro.”
He got dumped. Writing poetry’s hard!
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special LITIGATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I’m poor now, but boy, if you knew me
When I was still rich, that’s the true me!
I said, “I’m the king!
Bow down! Kiss my ring!”
But I shouldn’t have added, “So sue me!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Mark Mironer, Brian Allgar, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Konrad Schwoerke, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
You can use it for salads or stock;
You can smoke it like pot (that’s no crock.)
You can even bombard
Streets with petrified chard
To keep leaf blowers off of your block.
Dave Johnson:
Our nation is limping and scarred
By his criminal lack of regard.
With Trump on the way
Out the door, I do pray
That his next house is walled-off and barred.
Mark Mironer:
Poor Donnie is taking it hard
So he’s hunting for votes to discard.
Sent his crooked A.G.
On a fraud faking spree.
Certifiably Barr’ll be disbarred.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
“Would you care for a piece of my chard?”
(But by “piece” I was sure he meant “shard.”)
“Not one fragment, one sliver,”
Said I with a shiver.
(From my table these days Sade is barred.)
Brian Allgar:
The windows were padlocked and barred.
The detectives were stumped; Scotland Yard
Called a private detective
Who’d prove more effective:
“Sherlock Holmes” was the name on his card.Inspector Lestrade was quite shocked
By how quickly the case was unblocked.
Said Holmes, “Element’ry!
The burglar gained entry
By op’ning this door – it’s not locked!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LITIGATION LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tony Holmes:
Two confectioners rushed into court,
Each demanding, “You must try my torte!”
“Let the jury decide,”
Said the judge. “I’ll preside.
We’re in session. Let counsel exhort!”
Brian Allgar:
Rudy cries “I’ll continue to sue
Ev’ry state that attempts to vote blue!
And as for my face,
It’s a total disgrace,
So I’m suing those dye-makers too.”
Sharon Neeman:
It behooves the American nation,
In this era of grave infestation,
To wash hands and wear masks,
Avoid crowds and shared flasks,
And refrain from inane litigation.
Terry Marter:
It’s goodbye to that house you’re vacating
And straight to that cell block awaiting.
You can pout, you can frown,
But you’re still goin’ down.
It’s over, — no courtroom debating.
Tim James:
A man filing suit after suit
Found that none of them bore any fruit.
Plus, his client, a jerk,
May not pay for the work.
Rudy couldn’t have been less astute.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Did you kill that girl some folks called Flo?
Whose cheeks were so pink that they’d glow?”
“Well, I chopped off her head
And then left her for dead.”
“Mr. Johnson, please say, “yes” or “no.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A young con man who knew no chagrin,
Told his dad, “I’m so practiced at spin,
I should go into Law.”
“That sounds good,” said his paw.
“I was hoping you’d turn yourself in.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
I’d not promised a thing when she blew me,
So her lawyer’s curt letter sure threw me.
I don’t fathom what HE meant
By “oral agreement,”
But I’ll lick her in court should she sue me.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
