Posts Tagged ‘Mark Megson’

Limerick of the Week (52)

Sunday, March 11th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Scott Crowder who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A man who was partial to gin,
Was on the beach, looking at skin,
When he heard from his wife,
“If you value your life,
You’ll keep that damned tongue of yours in!”

Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A gal who was partial to gin
Eschewed food and soon grew very thin.
Her early demise
Was not a surprise.
She sipped from a straw and fell in.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, Kathy El-Assal, Robert Schechter, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Mark Megson:

A gal who was partial to gin
Drank dry every bar she was in.
She’d drink without tonic
At speeds supersonic,
And boy did the bartenders grin.

Kathy El-Assal:

A woman was partial to gin,
Bridge, canasta: her drive was to win.
A game of strip poker–
Now that nearly broke her–
Reduced her to panties and skin.

Robert Schechter:

A man who was partial to gin
Said, “The thing is that when I begin
I find I can’t stop
Till the world is a top
And I’m dizzily watching it spin.”

Craig Dykstra:

A gal who was partial to gin,
‘Cause it gave her a license to sin,
Finally gave up on men,
And swore “Never again!”
Since the last one turned out to be kin.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A gal who was partial to gin
Played often, but she couldn’t win.
So her boyfriend, a joker,
Suggested strip poker.
With just a few hands he was in.

Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty:

A man who was partial to gin
Performed a contortionist spin.
When asked how he stuck it,
Said “I’m from Nantucket,”
And flashed a lascivious grin.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (30)

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog, on Facebook, and on GooglePlus) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to J COSMO NEWBERY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Ate a candle and half a flashlight.
“I’m on a new diet,
I urge you to try it,
Now I’m lighter but not very bright.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Veralynne Bosko Pepper, RJ Clarken, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Mark Megson, and Pari Cooper. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Veralynne Bosko Pepper:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Stepped out, in a cape, for the night.
It was foggy and gray.
WOW! He LOVED it that way!
Let’s see now … whose neck’s the right height?

RJ Clarken:

A gal in the mood for a bite
Gets a call for a dinner invite.
Andrew Zimmern’s her date:
Bizarre food’s on the plate.
Change of mood. She says, “Fasting tonight.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Told a gal who was not very bright,
“Just give me a taste
Of your soft, little waist,
and I promise that’s all for the night.”

Mark Megson:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Found a tasty one during his flight:
The air hostess’s rear
Was deliciously near.
He gave the poor girl quite a fright.

Pari Cooper:

A gal in the mood for a bite
Thought she’d thaw something out for that night.
When she opened the freezer,
The sight didn’t please her.
In fact she lost all appetite.

When the stench from the box hit the air,
She thought she saw something like hair!
A whole body dismembered,
But then she remembered,
She’d bought Dahmer’s old Frigidaire!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick of the Week (27)

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gal who was covered in sweat
Vowed, “Girl! That’s your last pirouette!
“Admit it! You grew too
“Rotund for your tutu!
“BELLY dancing is now your best bet!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Mark Megson, Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, RJ Clarken, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

A gal who was covered in sweat
While performing a horny sextet,
Between visions impure
And a skilled embouchure,
Earned the “Rusty Trombone” sobriquet.

Mark Megson:

A guy who was covered in sweat
Was arrested for humping his pet.
“It was choking” he cried
“So the Heimlich I tried,
An action that I now regret!”

Ira Bloom:

A guy who was covered in sweat
Told his friend, while collecting a bet:
“It may seem a fiasco
To guzzle Tabasco—
I do it to get out of debt.”

Madeleine Sara Maddocks:

A guy who was covered in sweat
Made his lady loves rather upset.
As he slipped and he slithered
His ardour just withered,
Leaving appetites sorely unmet.

RJ Clarken:

A guy who was covered in sweat
Had the hots for a sexy brunette.
So he said, “It sounds screwy:
You make me feel dewy!”
That line hasn’t worked for him yet.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A guy who was covered with sweat,
Indignant, rushed Pooch to the vet.
“She encountered a rake.
What means should I take?
I’m not ready for puppies just yet!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick of the Week (22)

Sunday, August 14th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to Patrick McGuire who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A man who was lacking in wit
Had lawyers who never would quit.
The jury declared
The man should be spared
’Cause the glove at the scene did not fit.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, J Cosmo Newbery, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Mark Megson:

A man who was lacking in wit
Performed an odd comedy skit.
He stood on two logs
And juggled some frogs,
To which the crowd said “Is this it?”

J Cosmo Newbery:

A girl who was lacking in wit
Thought a penis was something that bit.
At the end of the night
She exclaimed with delight,
“It’s toothless, but knows how to spit!”

Scott Crowder:

A man who was lacking in wit,
Was stupid and didn’t know spit.
So he asked Joe the Plumber,
“Back Dumb or back Dumber?”
Joe suggested Michelle over Mitt.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.