Posts Tagged ‘Limerick Contest’
Sunday, May 5th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRANK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INTIMIDATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INTIMIDATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 19, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 18, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my CRANK-rhyme limerick:
James Patterson snarfs up the space
On shelves at a breath-taking pace.
The fellow can crank
Out best-sellers. His bank
Account brands him a book-making ace.
And here is my INTIMIDATION limerick:
If your bite is much worse than your bark,
The fear you instill can be stark.
So be careful in wielding
Your power; unyielding
Displays ain’t a walk in the park.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Best Sellers, Book Humor, Book Limericks, Competition Limerick, Fear, Intimidation, James Patterson, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 106 Comments »
Sunday, May 5th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
On vacation, I paddle and grin
In warm seawater up to my chin —
But if I were a cuke,
I’d be wanting to puke
And would wail: “What a pickle I’m in!”
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special POLICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Trooper Jenna’s a cop who will nail ya
While working her beat in Centralia.
If speeding’s your crime,
This would be the one time
That you don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, David Friedman, Jean McEwen, Ken Gosse, Mike Burch, Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman, Val Fish, and John Shardlow. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“GRIN or CHAGRIN” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
A gambler, his face in a grin,
Took a gal to his place for some sin.
Well-known as a joker,
He started to poke ’er
And quipped as he did: “I’m all in!”
David Friedman:
The surgeon downed three shots of gin,
As his patient looked on with chagrin.
Said he: “This small step
Is an alcohol prep,
And your surgery now can begin.”
Jean McEwen:
Last night, when my Siamese twin
Overdid it with Beefeater Gin,
She and I both got smashed.
Now, hung over, abashed,
We’ve a mutual sense of chagrin.
Ken Gosse:
Three large ships landed far from the shore,
Where some shepherds, kings, camels, and more
Paid for rooms at the inn,
Causing Joseph chagrin,
As the landlord made profits galore.
Mike Burch:
Just thinking of Trump makes me grin:
I imagine glass walls caving in
And that fat flabby ass
Exposed, belching gas
That ignites and devours his kin.
Sharon Neeman:
As I walk my big dog through the city,
The joy on her face is so pretty!
The expression it’s in
Is… well, not quite a grin:
It’s more like a Smile of Great Pittie.
Brian Allgar:
Donald Junior displays, with a grin,
Yet another dead animal skin.
It is really too bad
That it isn’t his Dad
That the murderous creep has done in.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone, for her Acrostic Limerick:
Lose that sadness and put on a grin
And set out to feel joy from within.
Under stress, you’ll pull through,
Getting pleasure anew.
Have a chuckle. Chill out. It’s no sin.
Tim James:
A Republican flunky named Flynn
Stoked a mob with a lunatic grin.
“Lock her up!” was his cry
As the lies he let fly.
When does HIS stretch in prison begin?
Val Fish:
With his sermon about to begin
The priest had to hide a huge grin,
Cuz just minutes ago
Out the back with a pro
He’d committed a cardinal sin.
Lisi Nortman:
My good pal always wears a wide grin.
He says “Life is just one big win-win.”
“Start each day with a smile,
Knowing all of the while
That you’ll end it with Beefeater Gin.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (POLICE-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
When you’re drunk, heading back from the bar,
And a trooper pulls over your car,
There’s no point in insisting
You’re sober; resisting
Arrest just won’t get you that far.
David Friedman:
There once was a Chief of Police
Who tried to spread love and have peace…
And if you buy that tale,
I’ve swampland for sale
And a couple of golden egg geese.
Brian Allgar, who says: “Fake News, I’m sorry to say.”
The Donald loves copping a feel:
“Grab a pussy, and hear how they squeal!”
But he’s now doing time
For a sexual crime;
He was feeling a cop – no appeal.
John Shardlow:
It seems Superman’s got a new hobby;
He robs guests in the Radisson lobby.
He dons a red cape
And make his escape,
Pursued by an Oxford Street bobby.
Tim James:
A cop pulled me over, it’s true,
When I’d had a martini or two.
(Maybe three…maybe five…)
I said, “I’m drood to guyve!”
Now alas, like that trooper, I’m blue.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Ken Gosse, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mike Burch, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Val Fish, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (321)
Saturday, April 20th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POLICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POLICE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 5, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 4, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my GRIN-Rhyme limerick:
“You’re meeting my folks, so be nice.
Please pretend that you’re sugar and spice.
That’s a smirk; not a grin.
Can’t you smile? Lose the gin
And behave, or you won’t see them twice.”
And here’s my POLICE-Themed limerick:
A fellow was sick of the grind
And desp’rate to go and unwind.
But relaxing was hard;
He was always on guard,
Cuz a cop never knows what he’ll find.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Cop Limerick, Dating Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Police Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Dating Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Police Humor | 143 Comments »
Saturday, April 20th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“I am not apathetic,” said Lydia.
“That is not why I have to get rid o’ ya.
So don’t be confused
If I seem unenthused;
It’s cause YOU fucking gave me chlamydia!”
Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special LEMON-Themed Limerick Award for this clever acrostic limerick:
Low in fat, rich in vitamin C,
Especially good with iced tea;
Must try it on fish
Or a nice salad dish.
Not to worry; lots more on the tree!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sim Smailes, Tim James, Robert Schechter, Lisi Nortman, Fred Bortz, Ken Gosse, Kirk Miller, Steve Benko, Kat Irving, Alan Hochbaum, Brian Allgar, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FUSED/CONFUSED” RHYME DIVISION)
Sim Smailes:
Led Zepp’lin could not be accused
Of letting themselves be abused.
Yet one angry fan
Let fly with a pan
And left them all “Dazed and Confused.”
Tim James:
A dude was extremely confused
When he heard the term “cowpuncher” used.
He thought: “Punch? Is that how
I get milk from that cow?”
So he tried it. That bull’s not amused.
Robert Schechter:
I went to sleep happy. It’s done!
The end of Trump’s day in the sun!
I was shocked and confused
When I woke and perused
The papers. The bastard had won!
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Sweet Granny was very enthused
And eager to read “The Accused.”
When I said, “It’s online,”
She remarked, “That sounds fine;
But where is the book? I’m confused.”
Fred Bortz:
“Your Honor,” he said, “I’m confused;
Was there something I missed while I snoozed?
The attorneys are boring.
That’s why I was snoring.”
So the judge glared and said, “You’re excused.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“EYES” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
I looked deep into Stephanie’s eyes,
And I knew she’d been telling me lies.
’Twas a blow to my pride
That she felt, deep inside,
I fell short of her standards for size.
Ken Gosse:
I become quite confused when I write,
Once my brain cells have fused for the night.
But that’s not a surprise,
Since the blur in my eyes
Comes from lemonade, whiskey, and Sprite.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My old teacher was not very wise;
She would drink and steal all the supplies.
And as blitzed as could be,
She insisted that we
Dot our t’s and then cross all our eyes.
Kirk Miller:
Said a young buxom gal to two guys,
“What I say should be no big surprise.
Here’s what I would like best
To get off my chest:
It’s simple — your four staring eyes.”
Steve Benko:
We made contact at first with our eyes,
Then in bed came her passionate cries;
By this Hollywood star
I got blown in my car.
What? You think that I’m telling you lies?
Kat Irving:
As she dances, I watch my sweet prize.
She has tender, young breasts; meaty thighs.
I’m a cannibal, me,
And all I can see
Is a truly great feast for the eyes.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LEMON LIMERICK DIVISION)
Alan Hochbaum:
Oh, let me not stammer nor hedge
’Bout my clunker that froze like a veg;
When I next need a lift
My new model will shift…
And that, folks, is my lemon pledge.
Tim James:
She sliced lemons to rub on her chest,
Neck and shoulders, then made a request
Of her man: “Be a peach;
Rub the parts I can’t reach.”
It’s a task he’s approaching with zest.
Brian Allgar:
“Them ‘oranges’ Darwin invented?
The guy musta been quite demented.
His theory is feces –
‘The Lemons of Species’
Would make as much sense,” Trump dissented.
Dave Johnson:
I owned a mid-Seventies car;
It managed to show me how far
(With handles that broke
And performance a joke),
That Mustang had lowered the bar.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My favorite flavor of Jell-O
Is orange; it makes me feel mellow.
The name of that fruit
Is its color (how cute!)
So why ain’t a lemon called “yellow?”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alan Hochbaum, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Fred Bortz, Kat Irving, Ken Gosse, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Robert Schechter, Sim Smailes, Steve Benko, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (320)
Sunday, April 7th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FUSED/CONFUSED or EYES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.) (Yes, I’m allowing TWO different rhyme schemes in this contest because fused/confused has fewer rhyme words than usual.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LEMONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LEMON-related limerick. (For those outside of the U.S., who may possibly not know this, LEMONS can be much more than a citrus fruit.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 21, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 20, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick, which uses both rhyme schemes:
I stared at a painting, confused;
Yes, bewildered, perplexed, and bemused.
“It’s insightful!” “It’s wise!”
“He paints with his eyes!”
(Said by fans — I surmise they were boozed.)
And here’s my LEMON-themed limerick, a two-verser:
A fellow was beaming with pride
Cuz he’d purchased a flashy new ride.
But he speedily found
That his car wasn’t sound
And was facing a recall world-wide.
When he drove it, the engine soon died.
Then he learned its transmission was fried.
His lemony car
Made him go way too far…
And for murder he soon shall be tried.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Art Humor, Art Limerick, Car & Driving Humor, Car Limericks, Competition Limerick, Lemon Humor, Lemons, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Painting Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 130 Comments »
Sunday, April 7th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to THOMAS VINCENT, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick:
Tough love may be fine when you’re grown,
But for children, best leave it alone;
If you raise kids or chard
With a heart that is hard,
You will soon reap just what you have sown.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special DIVORCE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A newlywed couple I know
Will divorce in a few weeks or so.
What’s the cause of their split?
He’s not yet found her clit.
If he can’t make her come, then she’ll go.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Brian Allgar:
Said King Henry, “I’m dying to wed
Anne Boleyn – she gives really great head.
So first I must ditch
My last wife – frigid bitch!
But the Pope says ‘You’re married till dead.'”
“I’ve begged him until I am hoarse,
But he simply won’t budge. Well, of course,
I am nobody’s dope –
I’ve outsmarted the Pope
By inventing a thing called ‘Divorce.'”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, David Reddekopp, Steve Benko, Margie Nairn, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Robert Schechter, Roger Haugen, Jean McEwen, Kat Irving and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“GROWN or GROAN” RHYME DIVISION)
Sue Dulley:
When ice cream is sold in a cone
That can’t hold a scoop on its own,
Let alone two or three
I’ll say “Kids’ size for me,”
And ignore how much up I have grown.
David Reddekopp:
I’ve made lim’ricks an art all my own
And as time has gone on, it has shown
That my poetry runs
With many more puns
As my lim’rick collection has groan.
Steve Benko:
My children are now fully grown,
But I still don’t much care for their tone.
By me they’re embarrassed,
And visits? The rarest,
Except when in need of a loan.
Margie Nairn:
She hopped from the bed with a groan:
“Where’s that condom? It seems to have flown!”
“Don’t be daft,” said her mate.
“But please rush! Oops, too late,”
He said with a smile and a moan.
Tim James:
A misogynist let out a groan
At how “ugly” he found an old “crone.”
No one’s told the big creep
Beauty’s only skin deep;
As for stupid, that goes to the bone.
Brian Allgar:
When Trump showed the hooker his bone,
She giggled. “Think THAT can be blown?”
Returning his dough,
She said “You’d better go –
Come back when your dick’s fully grown.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
That document sure made me groan;
It’s wording, to me, was unknown.
So I saw Rabbi Hunt,
And he read back to front.
Then explained The Reverse Mortgage Loan.
Dave Johnson:
A stripper club dancer is known
To bring down the house on her own.
Her circle of fans
Never sit on their hands;
She’s seen how its members have grown.
Robert Schechter:
A pun’s like a seedling that’s sown,
So fragile, its future’s unknown.
Most die in the ground,
But sometimes it’s found
That a pun will survive till full groan.
Roger Haugen:
The athlete delivered a groan
When struck in the crotch by a stone;
Like all macho jocks
He’s proud of his rocks:
“They’re the most precious things that I own.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DIVORCE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
He’s made off with the dogs and the house,
Yet he still feels empowered to grouse
That I wouldn’t condone
His crass cheating (well known)–
As if I, and not he, were the louse.
Robert Schechter:
Our love for each other was true.
We were married. Our love only grew.
But the day she said “MAGA!”
Our amorous saga
Was over. Our marriage was through.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
For years I was suff’ring with grief.
I’ll tell you my story, real brief:
I got wed (then remorse),
So I got a d-i-v-o-r-c-e,
And that is how I spelled relief.
Steve Benko:
Said Henry the Eighth, “My new church
Leaves no man with a plan in the lurch.
If your wife gives you grief,
You can turn a new leaf
And be free while for pussy you search.”
Kat Irving:
He cried when the judge looked his way.
“Divorce me?” he groaned in dismay.
Then the judge wiped his tear
With my checkbook. It’s clear
That my Ex won the jackpot that day.
Kirk Miller:
Though both of the Cyclops did try
Hard to make marriage work, theirs did die;
Said the new divorcee,
“We just couldn’t agree
At all. Didn’t see eye to eye.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Jean McEwen, Kat Irving, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Margie Nairn, Robert Schechter, Roger Haugen, Steve Benko, Sue Dulley, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (319)
Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DIVORCE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DIVORCE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Whenever a fellow would nap
His collie would leap on his lap.
Then he’d groan and he’d moan.
(The dog was full-grown.)
How he longed for a dog-warning app.
And here’s my Divorce-themed limerick:
Although “civil,” it’s certain to vex
And is rarely divorced from bad sex.
It takes courtrooms and cash,
Zealous Esqs who are brash:
It’s converting your spouse to an ex.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animals, Animals Poetry, Competition Limerick, Divorce Humor, Divorce Limerick, Dog Humor, Dog Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 133 Comments »
Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Two pencils set off on erase,
Looking sharp as they scratched out a pace;
The number one led,
Then the two got ahead,
But it ended a draw for first place.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Conductor-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
An ancient conductor named Tim
(Not me) met that Reaper most Grim.
He was well past his prime
Up on stage, beating time,
Till today, when time fin’lly beat him.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz, Thomas Vincent, Kat Irving, John Edwards, Lisi Nortman, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RACE or ERASE” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
When the demagogue entered the race
Scary changes began to take place.
People took great delight
Showing hatred and spite,
Meeting two definitions of “base.”
Fred Bortz:
“It’s time that we cut to the chase,”
Said the lad in a sweaty embrace.
“Your body’s so supple.
I’m eager to couple.”
She replied, “Wait, this isn’t a race.”
Thomas Vincent:
When viewed from a ship out in space,
Humanity’s such a disgrace.
If evolving’s the test,
And Trump is the best,
We surely aren’t winning the race.
Kat Irving:
I’m in love with a dashing young fellow
Who plays an enormous red cello.
When he picks up the pace,
My heart starts to race.
And I swoon when his touch becomes mellow.
Tim James:
He was awed by her body and face,
So he went with her, back to her place,
Where he found out that “she”
Was hung better than he.
That’s an image he’d like to erase.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CONDUCTOR LIMERICK DIVISION)
John Edwards:
To a cellist, a maestro from Datchet
Said, “This is the tempo – please match it!
Your instrument lies
Between your two thighs;
And you just seem to sit there and scratch it.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
The conductor seemed very forlorn:
He told me, “I’m terribly torn;
Though this job is first-rate,
Today wasn’t great
Cause Ms. Dinah would not blow my horn.”
Brian Allgar:
“That flautist!” recalled the conductor.
“She was hot, and I tried to instruct her
In ‘playing the flute,’
But my flute had gone mute,
So, regrettably, I never … what’s the phrase I’m looking for?”
John Edwards:
The conductor stepped onto the stand.
A lady said, “Isn’t he grand!
He looks pretty slick
With his cute little stick.
And he waves it in time with the band.
Fred Bortz:
I’m thinking of writing these tomes:
For building things, “Bucky’s Great Domes”;
For Quantum Mechanics,
“Why Schrödinger Panics”;
For conductors, “There’s No Law Like Ohm’s.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Musicians will often expound
A philosophy, very profound:
“The conductor’s unkind,
But we do keep in mind
That at least that damn stick makes no sound.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, David Friedman, Fred Bortz, John Edwards, Kat Irving, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest Filed under Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, March 9th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RACE or ERASE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONDUCTORS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONDUCTOR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 24, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 23, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Though his conduct has been a disgrace,
He’s reformed and he hopes to erase
His transgressions from searches,
Cuz Google besmirches;
He’s harmed by each truth-telling trace.
And here’s my conductor limerick:
When audience members still cheer
A conductor whose meter’s unclear
And whose gestures and cues
Mislead and confuse,
Count on this: He looks cute from the rear.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Classical Music Humor, Competition Limerick, Conductor Limerick, Conductors Humor, Google, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Music Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Reputation, Search Engines, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 134 Comments »
Saturday, March 9th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
He gave scullers a recommendation
That they ought to use synchronization
To improve their boat’s speed,
Because what rowers need
Is a great deal of co-oar-dination.
Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the Special POULTRY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My chicken was glum in her coop;
She was coughing and had a bad croup.
So we called Doc Elixir,
Who told us to fix’er
By giving her hot people soup.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Charles Simmons, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Lisi Nortman, Tim James, Victor Hood, John Shardlow, Thomas Vincent, Brian Allgar, Kat Irving, Michael Moulton, Jean McEwen, and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED” RHYME DIVISION)
Charles Simmons:
A knight galloped up on his steed
To rescue a maiden in need.
But his horse hit a rut,
He lit on his butt,
And the fair damsel laughed till she peed.
Dave Johnson:
A baker’s assistant must heed
Instructions to get up to speed.
Now here’s my advice:
Be direct and concise;
Then give them the dough that they knead.
Fred Bortz:
My Prof warned, “There’s one thing you need
In order to be PhDed:
Your thesis committee
Must grill without pity.
It’s time that you be third-degreed.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
In “Defense Class” the ladies agreed
To follow the famed Kick-Box Creed:
“Keep real careful watch,
Go right for the crotch,
And make sure he is properly kneed.”
Tim James:
A guy with a strong carnal need
Told the girls who showed up for the deed:
“What I want, I don’t know.
Let’s just go with the flow.”
Since the gals were Trump hookers, they peed.
Victor Hood:
She said to me, “I’m in great need
Of a very large dose of some speed.
Though my body is yours,
To get into my drawers
The deal is the speed for the deed.
John Shardlow:
The Lord said to Onan, “Indeed,
I’ll slay you for spilling your seed.”
He replied “There’s no waste;
It’s wallpaper paste.
It happens when I feel the knead.”
Thomas Vincent:
An indigent baker named Reid,
Made loaves with some illegal weed.
Soon the profits did grow;
He was rolling in dough.
Not bad for a baker in knead.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (POULTRY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
Doctor Spooner had verbal bad luck,
For his tongue all too often got stuck,
And he gave them a shock
At the rest’rant “Thai Wok” –
He’d intended to order Fried Duck.
Kat Irving:
The handsome young rooster was loosed
On the young of the brood. He seduced
A hen called Matilda.
The shock nearly killed her!
His chickens will come home to roost.
Mike Moulton:
A handsome young chicken named Fred
Tried to charm all the hens in the shed;
He said “I’m a great cock.”
But the hens in the flock
Saw that he was a capon and fled.
Tim James:
The detective, his face in a scowl,
At the murder scene let out a growl:
“These dead turkeys and chickens ―
The sight of them sickens!
Indeed, this is murder most fowl!”
Brian Allgar:
I enjoy a nice partridge or pheasant;
Though small, they are tasty and pleasant.
But when I am starving,
I’d rather be carving
A swan, which I’m eating at present.
Jean McEwen:
As a vegan, I follow a creed:
I shall never eat poultry; indeed,
Even eggs are taboo,
So I’ve really no clue
Why those fowl all cry foul when I feed.
Tim James:
My poultry plant foreman averred
That I’m worthless. He spat out each word:
“If that hen you just plucked
Isn’t spotless, you’re f*#%ed!
Give it here!” So I flipped him the bird.
David Friedman:
The chicken was mad and it showed:
“I’m old and forgetful,” it crowed.
“Forgotten have I
The whole reason why
I crossed this proverbial road.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Charles Simmons, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Fred Bortz, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Kat Irving, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mike Moulton, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Victor Hood, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (317)
Saturday, February 23rd, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POULTRY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POULTRY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
I’m in pain, so I need you to knead
All my muscles. Then get me some weed.
I was kneed in the back
By some guy at the track,
And it feels like I fell off a steed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Back Pain, Competition Limerick, Grass, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limerick, Horse Humor, Horse Racing, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marijuana, Poetry & Prompts, Weed Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 153 Comments »
Saturday, February 23rd, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny verse, which is both a Deal-rhyme limerick and an Argument-themed limerick:
Though the guy had seduction in view,
She had argued the whole evening through.
At the end of the meal,
She explained: “Here’s the deal –
If you want me, my girl-friend comes too.”
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ARGUMENT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
People argue online quite a bit;
Many tweets are just quarrelsome shit.
I have one thing to say
About Twitter today:
The emphasis lies on the “Twit.”
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN and CRAIG DYKSTRA, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Sharon Neeman:
“Let’s play cards,” said my date. “Look, I’ll deal
One card each; if you lose, you must peel.”
He drew ten; I drew nine;
He snapped “Well?” I said “Fine!” —
And prepared all the spuds for our meal.
Craig Dykstra:
Then he said “I propose something greater:
To your sexual whims I will cater.
Skip the kitchen ordeal,
We’ll make love with great zeal –
And if time allows, cook taters later!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Lisi Nortman, John Shardlow, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Thomas Vincent, Doug Harris, Victor Hood, Robert Schechter, Byron Miller, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Judith H. Block, Jean McEwen, and Margie Nairn. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ARGUMENT LIMERICKS)
Sharon Neeman:
“I’ll make dinner all week,” said my spouse,
“If you let me off cleaning the house.”
“Are you crazy? No deal!
Your idea of a meal
Is cold hot dogs! Start scrubbing, you louse!”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone, for her acrostic limerick:
A tiff can be quite an ordeal.
Remember it takes time to heal.
Get a bottle of wine;
Uncork — don’t decline.
End your fight and go have a nice meal.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL” RHYME DIVISION)
John Shardlow:
A money mad girl from Great Billing
Was for coins of the realm always willing;
For just three pence, the deal
Would give you a feel.
Now think what she’d do for a shilling!
Tim James:
You think Stone has cojones? Get real.
He’ll take one look at Mueller and deal.
When he’s finished, this crook
Will have written a book
With the title “The Art of the Squeal.”
Brian Allgar:
The hooker gave Donald her spiel:
“Oh, your penis is simply ideal!
What a wonderful dick!
Not too long, not too thick!”
(Thinks: “It’s more of a snack than a meal.”)
Thomas Vincent:
The truth has become an ordeal,
And the facts have all lost their appeal.
Like Salvador Dali,
You betcha by golly,
Reality’s turning surreal.
Doug Harris:
“Two-for-one on new lenses, a steal,”
The optometrist said with appeal,
Through his monocle stare.
“I buy mine by the pair,”
I replied. “So it’s hardly eye-deal!”
Victor Hood:
The neophyte gambler had zeal,
So he said to the dealer, “Just deal!”
With his purse soon consumed,
He said as he fumed:
“This game has lost all its appeal.”
Robert Schechter:
I have heard people say, “Wheel and deal,”
And I know the word “deal” to be real.
In commonplace jargon
It just means to bargain,
But what does it mean when we “wheel”?
Tim James:
Achilles got quite the raw deal:
He got shot in the foot. The appeal
Went from Greece to on high:
“O you gods! Will he die?”
The response from Olympus: “Yes, he’ll.”
Byron Miller:
Social media’s such an ordeal;
It compels me to tweet how I feel.
Now I can’t sit alone
Without holding my phone
And I won’t face a book that is real.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ARGUMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman:
The toilet roll’s really a wonder
When properly pulled from way under.
But John turned it around,
So it dropped to the ground,
And that is what tore us asunder.
Dave Johnson:
They went to a party last night
That led to a late-evening fight.
His wandering eyes
Earned a painful surprise:
“The couch!” as she reached for the light.
David Friedman:
Ann Marie argued daily with Joel,
Who would leave the seat up on the bowl.
Joel had to leave town
On the day Ann sat down
And got her ass wedged in the hole.
Judith H. Block:
The bistro had soft candle lighting.
Her smile was come-hither, inviting.
But her throat got a lump
When he praised Donald Trump,
And they ended up angry and fighting.
Jean McEwen:
Do you think I should marry my beau?
There are arguments — both con and pro.
He’s obnoxious and loud,
But he’s SO well endowed,
And it’s hard to resist all of that dough.
Dave Johnson:
They sometimes may quarrel at night;
Declaring who’s wrong and who’s right.
But then he will say
“Let’s just call it a day.”
He would much rather dicker than fight.
Margie Nairn:
I’m done with the Sunday talk shows
That feature political foes.
They will argue and spin
Over which one will win,
When the truth is that nobody knows.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Craig Dykstra, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Doug Harris, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Margie Nairn, Robert Schechter, Sharon Neeman, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Victor Hood, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (316)
Saturday, February 9th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ARGUMENTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ARGUMENT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 24, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 23, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
I just had a nightmare — so real,
That it felt like the dreadful ordeal
Had been suffered while waking;
A hand I’d been shaking
Turned into a slippery eel.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Nightmare Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Poetry, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 145 Comments »
Saturday, February 9th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I’m a pessimist. Let me explain,
So I don’t have to say it again:
In the tunnel, my friend
Is a light at the end –
Which belongs to an oncoming train.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special LIGHTING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
All was darkness. Then “Let there be light!”
Earth was formed, and the darkness took flight.
If in light we’re created
As Scripture has stated,
Then why isn’t Man very bright?
Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special ACROSTIC Limerick Award, given occasionally to a clever acrostic limerick:
Please don’t be afraid on my plane.
It is safe. You’ll be fine. Just remain.
Leave the flying to me.
OFF WE GO! And you’ll see
That tomorrow, we’ll all be in Spain.
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
What a marvelous thing is a dimmer!
On the days I feel older and grimmer,
I just turn it down low,
Make my wrinkles all go,
And look younger and slimmer and trimmer.
If there’s something to mend, fix or tie,
I can just turn the dimmer up high
And produce enough light
To set anything right
And ensure I’ll get by if I try.
Yes, the dimmer is grand altogether,
For both higher light levels and nether –
But I’d be more content
If kind souls would invent
Me a dimmer to tether the weather.
Congratulations to MARK KANE and DIANE GROOTHUIS, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Mark Kane:
Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
With their will to abstain on the wain,
They soon met in the loo
For a slow urgent screw,
Then toasted their lust with champagne.
Diane Groothuis:
The passengers thought it was plain
That sobriety was on the wane
When they stood in the queue
To go to the loo,
Hearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.
Mark Kane:
They heard banging again and again,
As they waited inside to deplane.
And once out of wine,
With their lust in decline,
They were scared, so they chose to remain.
(Mark and Diane’s limerick exchange continued into several more verses. You can read the entire limerick repartee exchange here.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Judith H. Block, Fred Bortz and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LIGHTING LIMERICKS)
Brian Allgar:
Says Trump, “What’s that light in the sky?
It’s too bright, and I’m starting to fry.”
“It’s the sun,” they explain.
“That’s a lie! I maintain
That my son is no brighter than I.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
A fellow who lived in Champaign
(That’s a town on an Illinois plain)
Said, “This place ain’t all that.
It’s cold and it’s flat
Like my ex ― but costs less to maintain.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
La Guardia! Where is our plane?
We thought we were going to Spain!
We slept on the floor,
Heard obnoxious jerks snore.
Next vacation. To Disney. By train!
Tony Holmes:
All these people are boarding this train
For two weeks in the sunshine of Spain.
What they haven’t been told
Is it’s wet and it’s cold;
But that’s fine, cuz they like to complain.
Jane Hoffman says:
The cows have lined up to complain
That the bulls are too hard to restrain.
The cows want a pen
Without any men…
To give them a chance to abstain.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
We looked up at the sky. (Was it rain?)
It went fast, and our eyes felt a strain.
Was it Superman? NO!
Was it birds? (Not in snow.)
There it IS! Oh my GOD! It’s a PLANE!
Tim James:
A couple got onto a plane;
Airborne nookie they yearned to attain.
Neither one had a clue
How to screw in a loo.
So they winged it, to mutual gain.
Tony Holmes:
“Drunk again?” is her constant refrain.
She derides all attempts to explain.
It were better, I think,
To forswear further drink,
Than to suffer that woman’s disdain.
Tim James for his Acrostic:
It’s becoming increasingly plain:
Donald Trump’s so-called “very good brain”
Isn’t all it should be.
On the contrary, he
Tweets and rants like a man gone insane.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIGHTING LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
“Soft music, dim lighting, and you…
You’re the love of my life. It is true,
When I see you, I’m dazed,”
Murmured Trump as he gazed
In the mirror, his favorite view.
Jean McEwen:
Thank goodness this room’s dimly lit
So my boyfriend can’t quite see the zit
On the tip of my nose
That through makeup still shows.
(If he saw it, then surely he’d split.)
Dave Johnson:
With agents and flashlights galore,
Now Roger is part of the score.
Since Mueller’s so near,
Trump just might need to fear
That 6 A.M. bang on the door.
Judith H. Block:
It seems that some guys need enlightening;
Their view is dismaying – needs brightening.
Beauty comes in all sizes.
They’re in for surprises;
Small gals can give pleasure quite heightening.
Fred Bortz:
The spotlights illumine the stage
Where the despot will soon stand and rage.
But the nation takes note,
And soon we will vote
That the time’s come to turn a new page.
Val Fish:
He’d attempted to set the right mood;
Soft music, the lighting subdued.
But it all went to pot
With chili, too hot;
Several trips to the toilet ensued.
Dave Johnson:
Trump’s shutdown is all about him
Kowtowing to fright-wingers’ whim.
Fed workers are stuck
All because of this schmuck,
Whose bulb runs no brighter than dim.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Kane, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Val Fish, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 1 Comment »
Saturday, January 19th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LIGHTING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIGHTING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 10, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When a girl told her mom she was bored,
Her mother grew angry and roared:
“How dare you COMPLAIN!
Can’t you see I’m in pain?
Go play house, or I’m cutting the cord.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Badly Behaved Children, Boredom, Child Humor, Children Limerick, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Mom Limerick, Mother Humor, Parent Humor, Parental Humor, Parenting, Parenting Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 247 Comments »
Saturday, January 19th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The pirates, a larcenous horde,
Took over while storming aboard.
A boat crew of nine
Bound together with twine
Held fast; they were all in a cord.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special TREE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Said Trump to the hooker, “You’ll see
That my wood is the size of a tree!”
But when he was nude,
She said “Don’t think me rude –
It looks more like a bonsai to me.”
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN and FRED BORTZ. Each of them wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Sharon Neeman:
Now we’re old, with bad joints and sore feet,
We find bus rides more bitter than sweet,
For we struggle to board
Or reach up for the cord,
And few youngsters will give us a seat.
Should we drive? No, that’s hardly a lark:
Trees take scary new shapes in the dark.
They cavort in the rain,
And it’s hard to explain
Why we hit one whenever we park.
Taking cabs is a strain on the purse,
Makes our budget and blood pressure worse –
No, I think we’ll stay in
Where it’s warm, play some gin,
Drink some scotch, and write crotchety verse.
Fred Bortz:
As hist’ry will sadly record,
A basket of those she deplored
Did Hillary in,
Giving Donald the win
With votes that could not be ignored.
His electoral victory scored;
He baited his bigoted horde
With alternate facts
That justified acts
Of hatred and evil, untoward.
There still may be time to reward
This land that we all have adored.
In the year twenty-twenty,
Let’s cast votes aplenty.
The outcome must not be encored.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Judith H. Block, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, John Shardlow, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TREE LIMERICKS)
Fred Bortz, for his “The Old Oak”
The couple, in ardent accord,
Their initials in tree bark had scored,
Leaving evidence, oaken,
Of love never broken.
They’ve aged, yet they know they’re adored.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD” RHYME DIVISION)
Judith H. Block:
He thought that his faux pas was minor.
Then he saw all her clothes were designer.
All the hints he ignored;
He sure struck the wrong chord
When he took her to eat at a diner.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
“Dear Teacher, I tripped on a cord,
Then got cut on my brother’s sharp sword.
So no homework today,
And oh, by the way,
I chased after a bull and was gored.”
Tony Holmes:
I would never admit that I snored,
So my wife made recordings – I’m floored!
Beyond doubt, she was right,
But the future is bright –
We’ve discovered a new major chord.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
In the 50’s Dad got an award!
(His intelligence never ignored)
Cuz all on his own
He upgraded our phone,
By getting a much longer cord.
Dave Johnson:
The cost of their service has soared;
So now I am cutting the cord.
We can still watch TV,
Once I do it for free
By the shed where the woodpile is stored.
Tony Holmes:
I’ve discovered I’m now in accord
With a viewpoint I’ve always deplored.
I am shocked! What has changed?
Am I sick or deranged?
No, it’s worse – I got lazy and bored.
Tim James:
I knew a composer who scored
An op’ra most people ignored
’Bout an Army man struck
By a half-track and truck.
A-flat major’s its dominant chord.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (TREE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
Those trees that were blocking his view
Are suddenly lying askew.
Officials resist
His attempts to insist
That the wind just selectively blew.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Even though you might feel a nice breeze,
Never park your car under the trees!
Cuz when you return
You’ll undoubtedly learn
That the birds have done more than just sneeze.
Brian Allgar:
His offspring, I’m sure you’ll agree,
Are as crooked as President T,
Grabbing ill-gotten loot –
Which just shows that the fruit
Never falls very far from the tree.
Diane Groothuis:
I checked on my own fam’ly tree
To find who’s related to me.
Well I come from good stock,
But it came as a shock
That Dad’s branch didn’t want me to be.
Fred Bortz:
There’s a tree that I love in the park.
I can find it at night when it’s dark.
Dogwood’s blossoms and fruit
Bring delight to my snoot,
But what’s best is the sound of its bark.
John Shardlow:
You gardeners, please make this pledge:
Whenever you’re planting a hedge,
Using laurel is dandy,
But shun the leylandii;
Between neighbors it’s driving a wedge.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone: (With Apologies To Joyce Kilmer)
I’ve seen metal that’s also a knee,
And a card that is also a key.
But I really must say
That there’s no goddamn way
That a poem is also a tree.
Jean McEwen:
Please don’t slander my poor hemlock tree.
It’s not poisonous — trust me! You see,
It is not like the plant
That’s called hemlock; it can’t
Ever hurt you — so no need to flee!
Dave Johnson:
In Florida, palm trees will sway,
With sunbathers basking all day;
Some willing and proud
To be showing the crowd
What others should never display.
Diane Groothuis:
I think that I never shall see
A poem so nice as a tree.
Providing good shade,
In Heaven they’re made
And useful to dogs when they pee.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 3 Comments »
Saturday, January 5th, 2019
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TREES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TREE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on Sunday, January 20, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 19, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A poet, quite broke, who felt stuck
Had a muse who was running amok.
So he got a large board
And some thick, heavy cord,
Then wrote: “Terrible Verse for a Buck.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poems About Poems, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Writing & Publishing Humor | 238 Comments »
Saturday, January 5th, 2019
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:
Men are taken with all types of tits –
And with buttocks. They’re perfect for mitts.
Why would anyone peer
At a face? It’s unclear,
But bosoms and buns? They’re huge hits.
Why are bosoms so cute to us chaps?
It’s the thrill of releasing the straps.
And the hooks, eyes, or lace,
Till we come breast to face
With the sight that turns men into saps.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special Jewelry-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The love of my life was called Pearl,
A delightful, intelligent girl.
But she left me – I’d “dissed” her
By giving her sister,
The sexy young Ruby, a whirl.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Sharon Neeman, Diane Groothuis, P Diane Schneider, Byron Miller, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Peer or Pier or Appear” RHYME DIVISION)
Bob Dvorak:
Well, what to my eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and some deer.
I truly must stop
Downing tasty brown slop,
Ere I end up flat down on my rear.
Brian Allgar:
Said the hooker, “Your Lordship, I fear
There is nothing that I can do here.
Your ducal regalia
Is frankly a failiah –
I’m sorry, I must diss a peer.”
Tim James:
A yachtsman had drunk too much beer,
And it rendered his vision unclear.
He rammed into the dock,
Which collapsed from the shock.
As a seaman he’s quite without pier.
Sharon Neeman, for her limerick she calls “How Melania Trump Returned Safely from Africa:”
Said the cannibal chef with a sneer,
“Things are not always what they appear.
That one’s flesh has no taste;
Cooking her’s just a waste —
So don’t bring that Melania here!”
Diane Groothuis:
A woman consulted a seer
To see if her hubby was queer.
And the seer said “He’s gay.
Get yourself a new lay.
Don’t wait for his peer to appear.”
P Diane Schneider:
The jury box stifled a jeer,
And kitty cat shuddered in fear.
There’s word in the air
This trial is not fair;
No canine here looks like a peer.
Byron Miller:
My kitchen sink’s leaking. Oh dear!
And an overweight tradesman is here.
The one thing with a plumber
That’s always a bummer
Is having his butt crack appear.
Tony Holmes:
It is time I revealed what took place
On the day I was whisked into space.
They don’t probe, poke, or peer,
Or indeed, interfere;
But they push pretty hard for first base.
Lisi Nortman:
In the afterlife, I shall appear
As a ghost to some “pains in the rear.”
I know who I’ll haunt
And certainly taunt.
My list’s getting longer each year.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A big fellow who drank lots of beer
Took pride in his skill as a pee-er.
His incredible aim
Gained the man bar room fame,
Till he once hit a cop in the rear.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (JEWELRY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
Jake gave Cindy a ring set with jade,
Not with diamonds–so Cindy, dismayed
Gave to Jake, in return,
An asparagus fern.
(Seemed a pretty fair balance of trade.)
Dave Johnson:
“I know what to say when they call me.”
Says a popular gal from Snoqualmie.
She told her friend Mike:
“We can smooch, if you like;
Bring bling if you’re looking to ball me.”
Brian Allgar:
The Professor would constantly whine:
“How I loathe all those students of mine!
It is hell everlasting
To spend my life casting
Fake pearls before genuine swine.”
Sharon Neeman:
Clooney offered fair Bridget a necklace
If she’d come to his bed and be reckless.
“Why, begorrah, it’s glass!”
Cried the sweet Irish lass;
“Get ye gone, now — ye’ll always be feckless!”
Tony Holmes:
Her best friends are all diamonds, it’s said;
She has one for each time she’s been wed.
By a very old trick,
Without shovel or pick,
She has mined all her carbon in bed.
Tim James:
She has rings on her fingers and toes;
There are studs in her ears, tongue and nose.
But her guy doesn’t mind.
And there’s more bling to find
If down’s the direction he goes.
Lisi Nortman:
To find the right man, I’ve been told,
He should not be too young or too old.
But regardless of age,
My dear mother the “sage,”
Said “Honey, just go for the gold.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, P Diane Schneider, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (313)
Sunday, December 16th, 2018
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Peer or Pier or Appear at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Jewelry, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Jewelry-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 6, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 5, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
We ordered some wine and a beer
And waited for both to appear.
But neither drink came.
Empty noggin to blame?
We got eggnog … instead of good cheer.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bar Humor, Beer Humor, Beer Limerick, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, wine and spirits, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 267 Comments »
Sunday, December 16th, 2018
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said Poe, “I am sick to the core
Of this raven that knocked on my door,
Squawking one stupid word –
I shall strangle the bird,
And I’ll hear “nevermore” nevermore.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SPICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“Our love life is lacking in spice,”
Said the husband. “It sure would be nice
To have three in this bed.”
“Get the cat!” his wife said ―
Not the pussy he’d hoped to entice.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Michael Moulton, Carolyn Henly, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman, Alan W. Webb, Byron Miller, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, and John Shardlow. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR” RHYME DIVISION)
Mike Moulton:
Said Trump, to the national corps,
“The Paris Accord’s out the door.
Some say that’s unwise,
Due to sea-level rise,
But I live on the fifty-eighth floor.”
Carolyn P Henly:
There’s a nurse whose named Kissy DuMor,
And the medics all think she’s a whore.
Says she, “I’m no tart;
If you look in my heart
You will see that I’m good to the corps!”
Tim James:
My date didn’t like the decor
Of my place. From the ceiling to floor ―
Carpets, furnishings, art ―
She just picked it apart.
So the last thing I showed her? The door.
Jean McEwen:
My shrink said, “Let’s get to the core
Of what ails you. Methinks there’s much more
To your handwash compulsion
Than merely revulsion
To dirt; it’s your MOM you deplore.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Have you ever seen Aunt Em’s decor?
It’s like something from “Ole Days Of Yore.”
There’s a couch there for “fainting,”
The place need repainting,
And Uncle Lou’s stuffed on the floor.
Alan Webb:
Her nasty words cut to the core.
I fell to my knees on the floor,
Cause when I get cussed out
It drives all the lust out…
And I ain’t coming here anymore.
Byron Miller:
Our team mascot is hard to ignore,
For his shite coats our changing room floor.
But we don’t plan on stopping
His guano from dropping:
It adds to the “osprey decor.”
David Friedman:
A johnless gay hooker, Gerard,
Complained that his work was too hard:
“I entered the corps
Thinking I would get more,
But shouldn’t have joined the rear guard.”
Dave Johnson’s “James Bond reminiscing at the old spy’s home:”
“She thrilled me right down to my core,
With visions of what was in store.
Her name said it all,
Always there to enthrall;
I can’t forget… Lucy Galore.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPICE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
When the owner of spice shops expands
Way too fast, he then soon understands
That he must have a sale
Or his business will fail,
’Cause he’s got too much thyme on his hands.
Tony Holmes:
Someone said, ‘Girls are sugar and spice.’
And back then, that was all very nice.
Not today; sugar’s bad.
And it may make you sad,
But you’re best off avoiding that vice.
Sharon Neeman:
Wednesday Addams thought “Who can scream louder?”
She put pepper in Grandmama’s chowder;
In Uncle’s fish stew;
Dad’s shaving cream, too;
Pugsley’s mouthwash; and Mom’s talcum powder.
Lisi Nortman:
Don’t get married, my friend, cuz of strife.
You really do not need a wife;
She will nag you to death
Till your very last breath.
They are known for unspicing your life.
John Shardlow:
I am just off the ward feeling fine,
But that matron’s a bit of a swine;
The green herb colonic
She gives as a tonic
Means I’m busy just passing the thyme.
Dave Johnson:
A weird little fellow named Walt
Has a penchant for pepper and salt.
They chuckle and point
In the hamburger joint
When they notice he seasons his malt.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alan Webb, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Carolyn Henly, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mike Moulton, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (312)
