Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “Lovable Lawyers Day.” Whee!
But this day isn’t greeted with glee.
It seems most people say:
“Love a Lawyer? No Way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?
*****
Alternative Version for “Love Your Lawyer Day” (1st Friday in November)
“Love Your Lawyer Day” most will agree
Isn’t greeted with gusto or glee.
Many clients would say:
“Love my lawyer? No way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?
Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.
Okay, this isn’t a major holiday, but still…
Happy Birthday To “Happy Birthday” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Happy Birthday To You” has a birthday.
Yes, today is its notable mirth day.
But “Good Morning To All”
Was its lyric. Don’t bawl!
I’ll concede it’s less key than, say, “Earth Day.”
The song “Happy Birthday To You” has a strange and complicated history. Its melody was first published on June 27, 1893 as “Good Morning to All,” with lyrics that have nothing to do with birthdays. And its copyright ownership has been the subject of numerous lawsuits. Despite its advanced age, it somehow remains under copyright protection.
A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A scrappy young felon liked rhyme,
So he promised himself — no more crime.
He’d instead be a rapper.
But here is the capper:
His “confessional tunes” got him time.
So limerick writers, take heed.
Your rhymes may be next. They could feed
A detective’s suspicions,
Who deems them admissions.
Then indictment — your verse his first lead.
Note: Legal experts are currently debating the surprisingly widespread use of rap lyrics in criminal cases.
May 1st is Law Day, which means I’m legally required to write a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Law Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A day meant to celebrate law
Sounds just lovely, except for this flaw:
Fair play takes some doing;
It’s tough as pursuing
A needle in large stacks of straw.
This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”
His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”
On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.
As you know, I’m legally required to honor odd holidays with a limerick. And so, I dedicate this Litigious Limerick to Love Litigating Lawyers Day. Don’t forget to celebrate it tomorrow, August 31st.
Litigious Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An agnostic who’s very litigious
Files lawsuits both large and prestigious.
He’s a lawyer by trade
And prodigiously paid
To try cases with fervor religious.
As you can tell from this 3-verse limerick, my legal career had a rather inauspicious start:
A Lawyer’s Tale (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I once worked for a sleazy attorney.
(Let’s just call him “Unethical Earnie.”)
I rebuffed him when ordered
To do things that bordered
On iffy and worse. What a journey!
I quit just as soon as I could —
Found a new lawyer job — knock on wood.
He flipped out when I left
And he left me bereft,
Ripping off all my cash really good.
Decades later, I just got the news
That this fellow who’s garnered my boos
Lost his license: Disbarred!
No more lawyering card!
Schadenfreude — I virtually ooze.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to find…*
or
A woman was thrilled with her find…*
or
A man was irate — he’d been fined…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Finding Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who found she’d been fined
Worked hard at escaping her bind.
She got tied up in knots
Cuz the court system rots:
It seems justice and law ain’t entwined.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was hit by a suit…*
or
A woman was filing a suit…*
or
A fellow was wearing a suit…*
or
A gal rented space built to suit…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Suit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was hit by a suit
From his neighbor, and this one’s a beaut.
The core of the case:
“His trees have no grace.”
So the suit failed to bear any fruit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sipping some port…*
or
A woman was sipping some port…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was proud of his skill…*
or
A woman was proud of her skill…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Skill
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was proud of his skill
In drafting the hand-crafted will:
“I’ve perfected this science,”
He’d brag, but his clients
Took ill at the sight of his bill.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A teachable moment: When committing crimes, be sure to use spell-check:
Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man may end up in a cell
Cuz his parking permit had a tell:
There was one extra letter
In “parking.” It’s better
When forging to learn how to spell.
(This is based on an actual news story: A driver in Hoboken, New Jersey forged a parking permit on his home computer. He might have even gotten away with his scam, had he not spelled “parking” as “parkting.”)
This woman is clearly a creative criminal:
DENVER — A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said.
Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2”, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.
The Critical Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some critics can be rather tough
On art they don’t like, even rough.
But to rub your nude ass
On it seems rather crass.
Her defense? She was trying to buff.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was telling a tale…
or
A woman was telling a tale…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was telling a tale
Of the time that he landed in jail.
It was mostly untrue,
But he told it on cue
Cuz he thought that it made him sound male.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
One of my favorite limerick challenges is writing acrostic limericks. Here’s my latest:
Courting Acrostic Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Come one and come all to this site:
Oaths are sworn here, and litigants fight.
Understand that our laws
Rest on humans with flaws,
Tilting “justice” t’wards those who have might.
(Inspired by Acrostic Only.)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was in a bad mood…
or
A woman was in a bad mood…
Here’s mine:
Moody Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was in a bad mood
Cuz he’d just been informed he’d been sued.
He’d posted online
A libelous whine
And would soon be a very poor dude.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
First off, this limerick (despite its name) has nothing to do with macaroni. I’m not suffering from Passover pasta-withdrawal. Nor do my dreams (or nightmares) ever feature anything of a noodle nature.
So why the title? I just learned, from the delightfully informative Miss Rumphius, about the rare and usually comic form called macaronic verse. What the heck is macaronic verse? We’re told that it’s a usually absurd and nonsensical “poem in a mixture of two languages, one of them preferably Latin,” and that “the poet usually subjects one language to the grammatical laws of another to make people laugh.”
So naturally I had to try it, mixing legal terms (mostly Latin) in with standard limerick English:
Macaronic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The corpus is AWOL. Oh my!
I attest that I left it hereby.
What a bona fide mess.
My mentis has stress.
It’s de facto I mortemed that fly.
(Linked at We Write Poems pairings prompt.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
