Hereinafter, herein, and hereof;
Fancy words used in law — hard to love.
Hence I try not to use them,
I never abuse them,
And hereby ban hereinabove.
Posts Tagged ‘Language Humor’
Irksome Lingo (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2021A Meaty Limerick
Sunday, September 5th, 2021It appears that my project’s dead meat.
But no worries; it’s not a defeat.
I’ll continue to thrive
Because beef that’s alive
Is something that folks rarely eat.
A Dog Of A Claim (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 1st, 2021A man whose deep pockets are boundless
Is hounded by lawsuits, most groundless.
Take the latest; a claim
About dog-bites, whose aim
Is big bucks, but the “dog owner’s” hound-less.
Fun In The Sun? (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2021“I warned you: That lotion’s been banned,
And your skin is too pale to get tanned.
No beach, I beseech you!
But words never reach you.
You bury your head in the sand.”
Breathless Gossip (Limerick)
Monday, August 30th, 2021“Here’s some gossip I’ve only just heard:
Jane’s engaged to a writerly nerd,
Who’s a Scrabble fanatic
And rather asthmatic.
It’s a secret, so don’t breathe a word.”
An Idiom To Chew On (Limerick)
Saturday, August 28th, 2021A French restaurant, once upper crust,
Got a rotten review and went bust:
“Their food can’t be chewed,”
Wrote the prominent dude.
Two weeks later, the place bit the dust.
Checkmate? (Limerick)
Friday, August 27th, 2021“Your payments have fallen behind.
Where’s my money?” the contractor whined.
“Our deal’s ‘a blank check’
To rebuild your wrecked deck.”
The reply: “Yes, that’s why it’s unsigned.”
End This Idiom! (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 25th, 2021There’s an idiom many despise.
Some believe it’s a prelude to lies.
Those who use it to sound
Smart and lofty abound.
At the end of the day, it’s unwise.
Boning Up On Homonyms (Limerick)
Sunday, August 15th, 2021Once I discovered that “humorous” has a homonym,” I vowed to use the two words in a limerick. And that’s harder than it sounds, because (for those unfamiliar with the stringent rules of limerick writing) words that are identical in sound do NOT rhyme.
When her humerus needed repairing,
The expense nearly made her start swearing.
But her problems, though numerous,
Struck her as humorous,
So she giggled, instead of despairing.
The Last Word In Limericks?
Saturday, August 14th, 2021Believe it or not, when I started writing this, I wasn’t thinking about the person you all think I was thinking about. (I was just trying to use my line 5 idiom in a limerick.)
I wondered why people deferred
To a fellow who’s coarse and absurd.
Well I’ve fin’ly learned why
They fawn over the guy:
He’s rich; hence he gets the last word.
Riffing On Rifle And Riffle (Limerick)
Thursday, August 12th, 2021At times, I’m disturbed by a piffle,
Like just now, when I started to sniffle,
On belatedly learning
This factoid, concerning:
The verb “rifle” is diff’rent from “riffle.”
(Here’s a good explanation of the differences between “rifle” and “riffle.”)
Out On A Limb (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 10th, 2021Once again, I was out on a limb.
I had climbed up a tree on a whim.
(A literal beech;
Not a figure of speech.)
Was safety in reach? Chances slim.
(Note: Even back when I was young, spry, and had good, functioning knee joints, I never climbed trees.)
On The Ropes (Limerick)
Monday, August 9th, 2021Sometimes, when my limerick inspiration is “on the ropes,” I’ll start with a random idiom. (In this case, my initial first line involved a “clothing boutique.” But when I thought of the last line, I changed the type of store for obvious reasons.)
With her laundromat shop on the ropes,
She was suff’ring a case of the mopes.
How she yearned to earn more!
And the plight of her store
Had reduced her to watching the soaps.
Why I Love The French (Limerick)
Sunday, July 25th, 2021Want a gibe that sounds charming? Don’t fret!
French phrases can help you — no sweat!
If the java tastes vile,
Simply bitch with a smile:
“This coffee is ‘jus de chaussette.'”
(I was amused to learn that the literal translation of “jus de chaussette” is “sock juice.”)
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KEY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 7, 2021)
Saturday, July 24th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using KEY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITING STYLES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITING STYLES-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 8, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 7, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my KEY-rhyme limerick, inspired by “Do-Re-Mi” from “The Sound Of Music”:
To remember the scale, here’s the key:
Think of does, golden sun rays, and me.
Try scampering fah
And sewing — VoiLA!
Then return to those does after tea.
And here’s my WRITING STYLES-themed limerick:
To people who try to seem bright
Via recondite words, you’re a blight.
It’s pretentious to wax
Lexiphanic. I’d tax
Ev’ry fancified phrase that you write.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Fun With Slang (Limerick)
Friday, July 16th, 2021At my age (seven-one) men don’t greet me
With catcalls or words that entreat me
To do something “wack.”
And I’m never called “snack.”
If I were, my response would be “Eat me!”
Save “Breedbate” From Obsolescence (Limerick)
Thursday, July 15th, 2021Here’s my plea to “Save ‘Breedbate’ From Obsolescence.”
I’m wond’ring why “breedbate’s” deemed dated.
Such a fate should at least be debated.
For the net’s filled with folks
Who start fights; breedbate-blokes
With egos that should be deflated.
The Pushy Chef (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 9th, 2021Recently, I’ve been playing around with new-to-me words. And that’s how I ended up writing a limerick using “bumptious” (self-assertive to an irritating degree) and “gumptious” (enterprising and industrious.)
(I was actually familiar with “gumption,” but for some reason didn’t connect it with “gumptious.”)
“I insist that you eat this. It’s scrumptious,”
Said a chef who was gumptious and bumptious.
“You must do it right now!”
“Sir do NOT have a cow,
And kindly stop being presumpt’ous.”
What’ll We Do About Guttling? (Limerick)
Monday, June 7th, 2021I couldn’t resist using the new-to-me word “guttle” in a limerick. (It means “to eat or drink greedily and noisily.”)
Said a gal to her husband, “You guttle!”
She entreated him, “Try to be subtle
When drinking and chewing.
It’s rude what you’re doing!”
“Well at least I don’t fart!” — his rebuttal.
Quash v. Squash (Limerick)
Saturday, June 5th, 2021As a retired lawyer, I move to quash the idea that “quash” is endangered:
Some fear that the verb known as “quash”
Has of late been supplanted by “squash.”
But lawyers still use it.
(Some even abuse it.)
In courtrooms “quash” still has panache.
(I wrote this in response to a discussion in the “A Way With Words” Facebook group about whether “squash” had largely replaced the word “quash.”)
