It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to HILDY ZAMPELLA, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Each evening, as darkness approaches,
See them scurry about, all the roaches.
What a friendly old dump;
Even rats nice and plump
Come on out just to say “buenas noches.”
Congratulations to STEVE BENKO, who wins the Special Cuisine-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My girlfriend and I in the kitchen
Make a sauce that we both find bewitchin’.
In this recipe French
She behaves like a wench,
And I peel off her layers of stitchin’.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Tim James, Tim Gray, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Kirk Miller, Kim Norman, Dave Johnson, Bruce McGuffin, David Friedman, and John Edwards. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DUMP” RHYME DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
He placed his gargantuan rump
On the solid-gold toilet. Said Trump,
On inspecting the haul,
“That’s the greatest of all!
Bette Davis was right: What a dump!”
Sharon Neeman:
As we jogged down the street past the dump,
I heard a most ominous thump:
The stench of decay
Made my partner first sway,
Then stagger, then fall on his rump.
Jean McEwen:
I have frequently wondered how Trump,
Who, possessed of a sizable rump
And comportment so haughty,
Approaches the potty
When driven to take a large dump.
Tim James:
A guy who was dumb as a stump
Took his gal to a landfill to hump.
She had too much panache
To make love among trash.
The result: he got dumped at the dump.
Tim Gray:
The Tower of one Mr. Trump
Is having a bit of a slump.
Tenant treatment’s appalling,
And values are falling.
Is it slowly becoming a dump?
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CUISINE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
When dining in China, I’m faced
With a quandary: Whether to taste
The still-squiggling fish
That they’ll plop on my dish,
Or head for McDonald’s post-haste.
Lisi Nortman:
Eating “whole foods” and seeds made me quake.
Grains and seaweed sure gave me an ache.
And when I first tried flax
I just couldn’t relax;
Turning vegan was one huge missed steak!
Sharon Neeman:
Mark looked at her glass and said “Gad!
What an awful drink YOU almost had!
The French may cook frogs;
Balinese may roast dogs —
But you just can’t drink ladybugs*, Mad!”
* And yes, I came very close to swallowing a ladybug. Fortunately, I noticed it swimming in my glass of water, just as I was about to take a large sip.
Kirk Miller:
By making some food in a flurry,
The cook got a raise in a hurry
From her Indian boss
For a fabulous sauce.
And she did it by favoring curry.
Kim Norman:
When people go vegan, they shout it.
Their food’s never butchered; they sprout it.
With tofu and grains,
They’ve unfettered their veins.
If only they’d shut up about it!
Dave Johnson:
The White House is lacking in flair
When champion sports teams are there.
It’s Big Macs and fries
For just some of their guys;
The rest skipped the whole, dumb affair.
Bruce McGuffin:
To eat with your feet is just rude.
It’s barbaric, revolting and crude.
But I’ve got to try it
As part of my diet.
Instead of meat, I’ll eat toe food.
David Friedman:
Said Anton, a consummate foodie,
“My dishes are things of great beauty;
They’re gorgeous, nutritious,
Gourmet and delicious,
But always just end up as doodie.”
John Edwards:
There’s a chef who likes venting his spleen
On TV, whilst preparing cuisine.
And his language I fear
Means no knighthood next year.
You CAN’T say “F… off” to the Queen.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
