Posts Tagged ‘Kevin Ahern’

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Limerick of the Week (110)

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A chicken quite frequently stews
About stews that to her are bad news:
“There went sister and mother.
I WON’T be another!
If I’m called to be served, I’ll refuse!”

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

An actor I know often stews
That his videos don’t get more views.
Then he did a drunk dance,
But forgot to wear pants–
Now he’s featured on CNN News.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Kevin Ahern, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, Colleen Murphy, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Fred Bortz:

A restaurant served only stews
With many odd flavors to choose.
But business went down
When folks in the town
Discovered their zoo’s down two gnus.

Kevin Ahern:

A creator of books about stews
Went to Sicily partly to schmooze.
This lazy ass bum
Thought he might become
An author they couldn’t refuse.

Craig Dykstra:

Two French painters, but one often stews.
To the other he offers his views:
“Oh Monsieur Lautrec
All I paint is such dreck!
I fear I’ve got nothing, Toulouse.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A gourmand who likes to eat stews
Posed the question, “What meat did you use?”
Since the menu director
Was Hannibal Lecter,
Missing persons list might give some clues.

Ira Bloom:

A fellow who comes when he stews,
Makes a point to date nothing but shrews.
Asked if he could abide
With a nun he replied:
“I don’t mind, if she has a short fuse.”

Colleen Murphy:

I’ve a girlfriend who frequently stews,
Says her son’s in the terrible twos.
I, a witness, attest,
He’s a toddler possessed,
And a reason I’ll birth control use!

Steve Whitred:

A fellow who likes to make stews,
Using chuck steak and horse meat and ewes,
Serves his hash on a raft
With a micro-brew draft
And he calls his place ‘Cruise, Booze, and Chews’

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 7 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (105)

Sunday, March 17th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins both Limerick of the Week and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny verse:

A farmer was trying to raise
The volume of what his hen lays.
He read via Twitter
To feed the gal glitter.
Now the poor thing just lays Fabergés!

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who win the Special Anniversary-Themed Limerick Award for her lovely limerick celebrating 104 Limericks of the Week:

Well, it’s magical: one hundred four —
2 times fifty-two, four and five score!
As for me, I keep time
Working lim’rick-off rhyme
After rhyme till I can’t rhyme no more.

And that brings me to my presentation:
Though I happened here sans invitation,
‘Twas like finding a home
Where the funny folk roam
When the funny farm goes on vacation.

I spent years, Mad, before you, in truth,
Sitting ‘round, growing long in the tooth.
So I thank you, Ms. Kane,
For, through you, once again,
I’m the fun-loving me of my youth!

Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Sue Dulley:

My veggie consumption to raise,
I sometimes eat out at buffets.
There’s red meat of course,
Which I hope isn’t horse,
But I’m there for the greens and the graze.

Will T. Laughlin:

Oh, Sue? when you go to buffets,
The meat that you see in the trays
Doesn’t come from a horse.
There’s a much cheaper source:
It’s employees who asked for a raise!

Sue Dulley:

Will T, are you trying to raise
My hopes when I go to buffets?
Not sure if I’d rather
Not-eat someone’s father
Or not-eat a beastie who neighs.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Kevin Ahern, Bob Dvorak, Nelderini, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Carolyn Henly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A gal who was catching some rays
Doffed her pants and lay prone on her chaise.
She displayed herself vainly.
We have to speak plainly:
She moons. (It may just be a phase.)

Kevin Ahern:

A woman was catching some rays
As part of a new diet craze.
Her face turned to pale
When she got on the scale
Cuz it worked in mysterious weighs.

Bob Dvorak:

A fellow who wanted a raise
Worked long nights and still longer long days.
‘Til his boss, late one night,
Said, “Your wish I’ll requite.”
Then she added, “Let’s find other ways.”

Nelderini:

A fellow who wanted a raise
Scanned the want ads in kind of a daze.
He moaned with a sob,
“I could find a new job–
Just not one that actually pays!”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

Some goldfish were catching the rays
In a garden well-known as Monet’s.
“We’ve tried to be part
Of impressionist art,
But his sight isn’t that good these days.”

Carolyn Henly’s Ode to Spring Training

A fellow who wanted to raise
The crowd to its feet between plays
Hollered: “Come on, you guys,
Lift your hands toward the skies
And shout out those Y-M-C-A’s!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions and for helping to making this such a fun two Limerick-Off years!

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (104)

Sunday, March 10th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A woman once tried to take flight
From a randy Bohemian knight.
But the Czech in the mail
Wouldn’t verge from the trail
And his lance at a glance was upright.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A Kitty Hawk gal dreamed of flight,
How she wished she could soar like a kite.
Then she met Orville’s brother
And soon would discover
She’d finally met Mr. Wright.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Josie Two Shoes, Tim James, Steve Whitred, Kevin Ahern, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Jim Gallagher. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Josie Two Shoes:

A fellow whose mind oft’ took flight
Found himself in a bit of a plight.
He arrived at the dance,
But forgot to wear pants.
His dance card was full the whole night.

Tim James:

A woman was taking a flight
In a sports car, at ninety, one night.
As her ticket was written,
She watched the cop, smitten,
A clear case of love at first cite.

Steve Whitred:

Hosts of angels, wings beating in flight
Held celestial bodies just right.
Physics pulled back that curtain,
But I’m still uncertain
How ‘quantums’ can shed any light.

Kevin Ahern:

The lass in the back of the flight
Kind of liked flying into the night
Cuz her boyfriend beside her
No light would provide her.
On a date darkness is a de-light.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A vampire was planning his flight
And whom he would visit to bite.
He thought of a Czech
Who had a fat neck.
“But perhaps some Italian tonight?”

Jim Gallagher:

With an S on his chest he takes flight
In the battle of wrong versus right.
But when mano a mano
The man sings soprano,
His fetching red briefs are too tight.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (102)

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal:
At least spare every frame.
But their team had no name,
So we don’t know for whom the Tells bowl.

Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman is playing a role.
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal.
The simple idea:
Advance her Korea,
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul.

And congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Johanna Richmond, who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for their limerick exchange:

Craig Dykstra:

I just couldn’t get on a roll.
This week I fell short of my goal,
Which is: “Be so damn funny
That Mad gives me money.”
(Or at least get the ol’ gal to LOL.)

Johanna Richmond:

Craig D says he’s not on a roll,
But be careful, Craig, show some control:
Might get only *one win*
For committing the sin
Of calling our lovely host ol’!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Gary Hallock, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, John Peter Larkin, and David McCormick.

Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Gary Hallock:

A woman frets over her roll:
“Fine dining,” she says, “took its toll.
Over par at each course,
For I eat like a horse.
Now I look like I’m ready to foal.”

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was playing a role
Of being a merry old soul,
But found he’s not very
Inspired as merry
And asked, “Would you settle for droll?”

Jamie Hutchinson:

Some fossil requested a roll
Of film from a digital soul,
A green little brat,
Who said, “Batt’ry with that?
Or’s your camera powered by coal?”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman tossed in a fresh roll
When she hadn’t the change for her toll.
It jammed the machine.
She was chased from the scene,
But she then buttered up the patrol.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

An actor was playing the role
Of nasty pugnacious old troll
By shaking his spear
At everyone near
With Shakespeare his ultimate goal.

John Peter Larkin:

A fellow was eating a roll
While trying to pay a bridge toll.
The car hit a bump,
Which made his arm jump,
And that’s why he swallowed it whole.

David McCormick:

When a singer’s rehearsing a role,
“Know every song backwards!” he’s tol’.
That is why tenors hunger
For “Springtime Than Younger”
And basses for “River Man Ol’.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »

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