In the off chance that anyone cares what I look for when judging my Limerick-Off contests:
My favorite lim’ricks are clean.
(Though I’m fine if a smart lim’s obscene.)
Be it up or dystopic,
No matter the topic,
Wit and wordplay can light up my screen.
I found reading your entries a treat
And picking the winners a feat.
But judge them I must,
Or I’m bound to be trussed
Up for failing to pick the elite.
And so … it’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
A settler who died in the heat.
The one who would win
Got the head to the shin,
While the loser accepted de feet.
And congratulations once again to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Jamie Hutchinson, Mark Mironer, Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves,
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to an ironing feat.
He would start at the dawn;
All day long he’d “press” on.
He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
As he started to chew
The snap-crackle-pop goo,
The abstract became the concrete.
Mark Mironer:
A woman would frequently treat
Dave Petraeus to sex in his suite.
But his penchant for play
Meant goodbye, CIA
When he had to give up on deceit.
Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva:
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a meal of fine meat.
One time on a dare
He took his lamb rare,
But gagged when it started to bleat!
Johanna Richmond:
Said the man while preparing a treat
For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
“To make things enticing
Let’s first spread the icing.
Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”
David McCormick:
A woman would frequently treat
E D in her men with red meat;
Then she’d strip to the waist …
Sorry folks, for good taste,
This limerick must stay incomplete.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman would frequently treat
Human “friends” as the friends to delete.
Frequent trips to the vet’s
Showed her preference for pets,
And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently treat,
Himself to the odd and off-beat.
This Renaissance man
Liked his wine in a can,
And his favorite Beatle was Pete.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
American Idol — My Guilty Pleasure
By Madeleine Begun Kane
American Idol’s a show
I enjoy. Why? I really don’t know:
Awful singing, odd judging,
And, maybe, vote fudging.
I’m missing it now. Gotta go!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
