Posts Tagged ‘Jon Gearhart’
Sunday, November 16th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
His feathery ass was at stake,
And about to get reamed in the lake:
“Get off of my back,
You near-sighted quack.
I’m not a damn hen, I’m a drake!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Jon Gearhart, Allen Wilcox, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
I was trying to swallow the steak
For the love of my marriage’s sake.
But my teeth couldn’t weather
The texture of leather.
It’s one thing I just couldn’t fake!
Brian Allgar:
A fellow was driving a stake
Through Count Dracula’s heart – piece of cake! –
When he felt – what the heck? –
A sharp pain in his neck.
“Surprise!” said the Count, “I’m awake!”
Robert Schechter:
As a vegan, I never eat steak.
But I also hate “meat” that is fake.
At dinner I’m left
Feeling hungry, bereft,
Till dessert when I fill up on cake.
Jon Gearhart:
With the fate of the world’s oil at stake,
We attacked the Mideast. Now we take
Our time to help build
Up new business. They’re thrilled
When we ask, “You want fries with that, Shaik?”
Allen Wilcox:
Eve and Adam were munching on steak,
When along came a devilish snake.
When his fruit they dismissed,
It grew angry and hissed,
“Oh, please take a bite for God’s sake.”
Tim James:
I dine her on lobster and steak
While her eyes flash a lust that’s not fake.
Then she promises more
As her clothes hit the floor.
And at that exact moment — I wake.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 2 Comments »
Saturday, October 18th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAWN EPSTEIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman expected to fret
When her husband brought home a Corvette,
But she soon was elated;
The car had inflated
His under-extended pipette.
Congratulations to KEVIN AHERN, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The fisherman now will not fret.
He’s in love with a lovely coquette
And knows that this lass
Will help him catch bass
Cuz he learned that her name is Annette.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Kirk Miller, Byron Ives, Tim James, Way2fractious a/k/a Noisemaker, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
“There is really no reason to fret,
Your retriever is fine,” said the vet,
“But I fear you are not,
For your nose is quite hot
When it ought to be chilly and wet.”
Kirk Miller:
If the turf on your lawn dies, don’t fret.
Simply go to a sod farm. I’ll bet
They will have what you need.
You don’t have to plant seed.
Instant grassification you’ll get.
Byron Ives:
Mr. Favre told his players, “Don’t fret
We’re down by eight points, but I’m BRETT.
We’ve less than a minute
But we’re gonna win it,
As soon as I sext that brunette.”
Tim James:
A trapeze artist tended to fret
’Cause as partners he only could get
Gals named Nancy and Claire.
As he spun through the air,
He so wanted to work with Annette.
Way2fractious:
At the opera, Mame started to fret
That she may have misplaced her lorgnette,
But the music she heard
Sounded really absurd.
Was that 8-track or maybe cassette?
Will T. Laughlin:
Though Republicans claim that they fret
At the size of the National Debt,
Just promise one more
Irresistible war
And observe how excited they get.
Allen Wilcox:
A fellow was starting to fret
That his memr’y was starting to get
A bit odd now and then,
Especially when
He forgot what he hoped to forget.
Jon Gearhart:
Fingers press the right string to each fret;
Strumming lightly, our love song you’ll get.
Such melodious tones
Harmonize with your moans
As I tickle your G-string, my pet.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Diane Epstein, Jon Gearhart, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Way2fractious, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, October 11th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JAMIE HUTCHINSON, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse, as well as the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick:
My mouth is shut tight—not a crack—
Till my dentist can prove he’s no hack.
Then I see his degree
On the wall, and then we
Each say “Ah!” at the other one’s plaque.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, Jon Gearhart, Bob Dvorak, Byron Ives, Robert Schechter, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, Tim James, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
In the kitchen, came ants through the crack,
So the homeowner tried to fight back.
The Formica he sprayed;
Their advance was delayed.
Then the ants made a counter-attack.
Brian Allgar:
The dentist made many a crack
Concerning his hygienist’s rack.
He was put in his place
With a punch in the face;
Now his teeth are displayed on her plaque.
Diane Groothuis:
A dancer was trying to crack
A role in “Le cygne du lac”
But the swan flew away
Just turning to say
“The trouble with me is I’m black.”
Jon Gearhart:
Sexual stresses could cause you to crack
When you’re called to perform in the sack.
If you can’t raise your todger
To give her a roger,
You’ll soon know of a lass and a lack.
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow tripped over a crack,
Which caused him to land with a thwack.
This unabashed nut
Took a look at his butt;
Said, “I cracked it!” (Aww. Cut him some slack.)
Byron Ives:
My windshield just suffered a crack
From a dove with a now broken back,
Broken wing, beak, and neck
So I thought, what the heck…
Then I skinned him and grilled me a snack.
Robert Schechter:
My captors believed I would crack
When they stretched out my bones on the rack,
But I did not break
Till they threatened to make
Me eat a McDonald’s Big Mac.
Will Laughlin:
“So what if the aquifers crack,
And the water turns smelly and black?
So what if we’re killing
The earth with our drilling?
We honestly don’t give a frack!”
Allen Wilcox:
The dentist discovered a crack
In a tooth that was way in the back.
He said its small size
Wouldn’t win me a prize,
But he gave me a plaque for my plaque.
Tim James, in Chaucerian mode:
A gallant olde knyghte took a crack
At slaying a dragon. Alack!
For the fyre-breathing beest,
In the mood for a feest,
Made the fellow a well-toasted snack.
Johanna Richmond:
Bottom-line, your selected word “crack”
Has me itching, by god, to talk smack!
Poised to bring in the rear,
I may butt in right here
With this cheeky announcement: I’m baaaccckk!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, October 4th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
As companies downsize and trim,
The outlook for some folks is grim.
Those in theater? Don’t be
Too surprised if you see
That it’s curtains for you (likely scrim.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Way2fractious a/k/a Noisemaker, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Fred Bortz:
When he went to the mohel for a trim,
He avowed, “My conversion’s no whim.
It’s for wedding night pride.”
Said the mohel, “Bless your bride!”
The groom winked and replied, “It’s for him.”
Kirk Miller:
When some branches of bushes I trim,
I am hit in the eye by a limb.
The impact imparts
A whacking that smarts.
I’ve been bushwhacked. I’m feeling quite grim.
Brian Allgar:
She was elegant, pretty and trim;
I was bursting with sexual vim,
But my hard-on regressed
When the hooker undressed
And I found that the “her” was a “him.”
Byron Ives:
Crazy Kim was out painting her trim
When a sheriff showed up, very grim:
“Since you shot at John Dunn
With a blank starter gun,
You’ll be charged with a race crime, Miss Kim.”
Way2fractious:
Her body was svelte, sleek and trim,
For herself (and to look good for him),
Lest her frame become dense
And he stray o’er the fence–
Such domestic noblesse that we limn!
Allen Wilcox:
The pilot was trying to trim,
And the margin of error was slim.
He leveled off ’round
Twenty feet underground –
A landing admittedly grim.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Way2fractious, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, September 27th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The comic made jokes that were lame.
“I’ll tell you why Caesar’s my name:
I was set in a whirl
By this beautiful girl —
I saw her, I conquered, I came.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Jon Gearhart, Brendan Powers, Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
Mother’s sister is just a bit lame,
But she has quite a powerful frame.
She encountered a mugger
And laid out the bugger.
Since then she’s been called “Auntie Maim.”
Byron Miller:
If while hunting, you leave your prey lame,
Please don’t make it your new claim to fame.
It’s not cool when you brag
About wounding a stag…
Unless aiming to maim is your game.
Jon Gearhart:
Do you want to know what I think’s lame?
I’m sick of our Congress’s game.
Are political folk
In all countries a joke?
I’ll bet Poland has more of the Sejm.
Brendan Powers:
My boss, he tells jokes that are lame.
“You’re so funny!” I falsely proclaim.
That’s the way it must go
Until I’m CEO
And can give him a dose of the same!
Fred Bortz:
Brigitte’s lingerie isn’t lame,
But that’s what her posts oft proclaim.
I declare here today
That she’s hot in lamé.
It’s the “accent aigu” that’s to blame!
Kirk Miller:
My TV has a setting that’s lame.
It’s a shame they mislabeled the name.
I set “brightness” to “max”
And then gave a few whacks,
But intelligence stayed just the same.
Tim James:
A fellow, incredibly lame,
Cried in rapturous joy when he came:
“I love you, Liz, madly!”
It ended quite badly
’Cause Elizabeth wasn’t her name.
Sue Dulley:
The earliest lim’ricks were lame:
“There once was a man (insert name)
Who did (such-and-such,
Not amounting to much)…”
And line 5 as line 1 was the same.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Powers, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, September 20th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Will T. Laughlin:
So why’d the cathedral collapse?
I’m afraid it’s a clear story, chaps:
Some knave with a phone
(For reasons unknown)
Attempted to download the apse.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Brian Allgar, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jim Delaney, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
Into deep coma sleep he will lapse
After waking at 5, so perhaps
He should go hit the head
Right that minute instead
Of him peeing at 6 while he naps.
Brian Allgar:
A girl who loved sitting on laps
Was a tease who would tantalize chaps.
As she squirmed and she wriggled,
“What’s this, then?” she giggled,
“A gun in your trousers, perhaps?”
David Lefkovits:
There once were some lanky old Lapps
Who ate what they caught in their traps;
They’d fry Finnish fritters
From all of those critters
And fashion the furs into caps.
Jim Delaney:
A man on the verge of collapse
Asked advice from some medical chaps:
“Will I live through the night?”
They confounded his fright
With a calm, reassuring, “Perhaps.”
Allen Wilcox, whose limerick can be read either as written, or in numerical order. He notes that “the numbers refer to the ‘real’ line order.”
1. My memory’s suffered a lapse.
5. To recover I have to take naps.
4. I start feeling deranged.
3. The lines are exchanged.
2. I have limerick line order gaps.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, David Lefkovits, Jim Delaney, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, September 13th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
At the cheese plant, we all had to flee
From explosions they didn’t foresee.
At the end of the day,
Heard a newscaster say
That the only thing left was de Brie.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jon Gearhart, Will T. Laughlin, Kirk Miller, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
Her brain was the size of a flea,
And she couldn’t think how it could be
That she needed to pay
For the toilet that day,
With the lock on the door showing FREE.
David Lefkovits:
There once was a Francophone flea
Who perched on a pooch in Paris.
Not a bit would he shrink
From what others may think:
“Une petite parasite? Oui, je suis!”
Jon Gearhart:
All my dogs have had many a flea.
If I bug fleas or dogs, they’ll bite me
I have learned that it’s best
To let sleeping dogs rest
And to also let leaping bugs be.
Will T. Laughlin:
The audience threatened to flee
When I broke into Rose of Tralee.
“Well,” said I, with a sneer,
“What would YOU like to hear?”
Then they all shouted: 4’33.”
Kirk Miller:
U.S. settlers forced natives to flee
And declared this the land of the free.
Gave them parcels of land,
Then revoked it as planned.
We were Indian givers, you see.
Byron Ives:
Here is when he decided to flee:
He’d slipped his hand up past her knee
And intended to nail her,
Then found her impaler.
Good God! She was longer than he!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, David Lefkovits, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 2 Comments »
Saturday, September 6th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The fellow was robbing their nest
Of their eggs, and the hens were distressed.
They were out of their wits,
So they pecked him to bits–
He’d forgotten his pullet-proof vest.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Holiday-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Mad gave us a seven-day stay,
A Labor Day verse to assay.
I may sound like a jerk,
But that’s way too much work!
I’ll bear down when they pass Goof-Off Day.
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
With my daughters now out of the nest,
There’s an issue that need be addressed:
Before it’s too late
I must work with my mate
To rekindle the zest we’ve repressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, Bill Klein, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Randy Mazie, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Byron Ives:
The triplets got kicked from their nest,
Two boys and a girl, dispossessed.
They walked, but she faltered,
Her huge boobs, un-haltered.
The brothers then each walked abreast.
Bill Klein:
A woman who’d seen that a nest
Had been built ‘twixt her left and right breast,
Cried “Alas and alack!
There are birds on my rack!”
And with zest swept the pests from her chest.
Jon Gearhart:
I invited her back to my nest
For Monopoly, purely in jest.
But she jumped at the Chance,
Thrust her hand down my pants,
So I grabbed her Community Chest.
Kathy El-Assal:
An eagle took flight from his nest.
“Catch a fish” was his hunger’s request.
Averting bird famine,
He snatched up a salmon
And ere long that fish he fin-essed.
Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage:
Our children have all flown the nest.
Now my wife and I walk ’round undressed,
Which may sound quite benign,
But it isn’t so fine
When a kid is an unannounced guest.
Konrad Schwoerke:
What’s that syndrome when kids leave the nest,
And your wife will not give you a rest?
I’m no specialist, though
From what little I know
Nymphomania seems to fit best.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Randy Mazie, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The King found it more to his taste
That his wives have their noggins displaced,
So when Anne Boleyn said
“May I offer thee head?”
Henry grinned, and assured her “Thou may’st.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Edmund Conti, Frank Osen, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Susan Settje, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
The meal had a savory taste
And the cooking-show judges embraced
And enjoyed ev’ry course
With no clue it was horse.
Did it win? It did not, but it placed.
Edmund Conti:
You’re finding you’re using poor taste
In composing these lim’ricks post-haste.
Don’t get angry, get Mad.
She’ll critique just a tad
And adjust a syl-LA-ble misplaced.
Frank Osen:
A fellow with terrible taste,
Said, when asked why he ate only paste:
“Well, I used to make stews
From the stuff in my loos,
but I found that a horrible waste.”
Colleen Murphy:
The gigolo thought he should taste
For a bit, what it’s like to be chaste.
But with minutes gone by
He then asked himself why
He would put his fine package to waste.
Fred Bortz:
That Congressman left a bad taste
Of obstruction, corruption, and waste.
“So he lost?” You’re mistaken.
He brought home the bacon,
So he beat each opponent he faced.
Susan Settje:
As a school girl, I sought out the taste
in that sweet little jar of white paste.
Then I caught my first scent
Of some rubber cement
And all thoughts of that paste were erased.
Jon Gearhart:
The recipe’s terrible taste
Was in need of a change, and posthaste.
I found that the dish
Had the taste of bad fish,
So I found a good fish and re-plaiced!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Edmund Conti, Frank Osen, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Susan Settje, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 16th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
James Bond found his bride to be cold,
An ice queen to have and to hold.
She would hector and nag,
So he ditched her, the hag.
He’s the spy who came in from the scold.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My girl-friend complained of the cold
(“Solar heating” – that crap I’d been sold!)
But although it was snowing,
I soon got her glowing
By time-honored methods of old.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jason Talbott, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jason Talbott:
It is getting a little bit cold.
Uncomfortably so, truth be told.
The consignment shop coat
Keeps me warm waist to throat,
But I sure miss my pants (which I sold.)
Brian Allgar:
Her feet were so bitterly cold
In midwinter; she found when she strolled
That the snow hurt her toes.
Well, no wonder they froze,
For the shoes that she’d bought were not soled.
Byron Miller:
“Wrap your scarf so you don’t catch a cold.”
Every year, by my wife, I’m retold.
Though I’ve tried to tell Iris
Colds come from a virus,
For her, this just never gets old.
Jon Gearhart:
My wife can be wickedly cold,
Domineering, and strikingly bold,
But she doesn’t scare me
Cause I’m totally free
To always do just what I’m told!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Jason Talbott, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 9th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A psychic impaled on a post,
Who was weary of being a host,
Said: “I’m not at all mad;
It’s a boon to me, Vlad,
Cuz I’m ready to give up the ghost.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Allen Wilcox, Byron Ives, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
The bugler had played the Last Post,
And they’d drunk a memorial toast.
But they heard a faint shout
From the grave: “Lemme out!”
For the Colonel was far from a ghost.
Fred Bortz:
The priest was removed from his post
For creating a fraudulent host.
The substitute cracker
With nary a backer
Was leftover stale garlic toast.
Allen Wilcox:
A woman decided to post
Facebook pictures revealing the most
Private parts of her bod
With no text – why, how odd?
She was way, way too bashful to boast.
Byron Ives:
With zits like a knotty pine post,
She repulsed all her peers, at least most.
But brainy Jerome
Held her hand, walked her home.
She had netted much more than she grossed
Jon Gearhart:
My wife may be dumb as a post,
But that’s not what matters the most.
Her heart’s golden pure,
She’s loyal for sure,
And spreads quicker than butter on toast!
Brian Allgar:
“You’ll find I’m as stiff as a post,”
Was the hopeful Lothario’s boast.
But the girl, unimpressed,
Said “You’re just like the rest,
Except that you’re shorter than most.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, July 26th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In building, like love, don’t be rash
By beginning to screw in a flash.
First, be gentle and drill
Tender holes with your Skil,
So you won’t split that nice piece of ash.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Konrad Schwoerke, Scott Crowder, and Shannon Tucker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
Dear Jilted, do not act too rash
By tossing his goods in the trash.
Though your heart may be hurting,
It’s eased by converting
His better belongings to cash.
Brian Allgar:
His back had developed a rash
Where his mistress had wielded the lash.
“Killer bees!” he tried lying –
His wife wasn’t buying,
And bundled him out with the trash.
Christopher Finch Reynolds:
Our approach to the climate is rash:
As rain forests burn in a flash,
Our future ambition,
“Less carbon emission,”
Is forgotten when we want more cash.
David McCormick:
“Dear Sirs, Your new ointment ‘STOP RASH!’
Removed all my pubes! It’s just trash!” …
“Dear Madam, Our pills
‘GET PUBES!’ fix such ills” …
“Dear Sirs, Now I’ve grown a moustache!”
Konrad Schwoerke:
There are some who will think that it’s rash
Saying super type heroes are trash
In the sack, but it’s true.
They’re not better than you,
If they’re coming as quick as the Flash.
Scott Crowder:
A gal was upset by a rash
That was six inches south of her sash,
But happened to learn
it was just whisker burn,
So she made her man shave his mustache.
Shannon Tucker:
A beech and a birch were quite rash,
And the beech said, “I’ll bet you some cash
“That sapling is mine.”
Said the birch, “I decline.”
Said the woodpecker, “Nice piece of ash!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Colleen Murphy, David McCormick, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Shannon Tucker, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, July 13th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The barkeep’s wife, Tilley, I’d drill
Ev’ry chance I could get — what a thrill!
But I took it too far
Having sex in the bar;
I got caught with my hand in his Till.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Okay ladies, you know the drill:
No diaphragm, condom, or pill
Will be bought by employers
Who have the best lawyers
Like Hobbyin’ Lobbyists will.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Allen Wilcox, Kathy El-Assal, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
My hillbilly gal knew the drill;
She would make the best moonshine until
Fed’ral agents one day
Came and took her away.
Now she’s gone, and I yearn for her still.
Allen Wilcox:
The delegates – they knew the drill.
As they lined up to sign, they were still.
To declare they were free,
Which soon they would be,
They stood tall and were all dressed to quill.
Kathy El-Assal:
In cat houses, girls know the drill:
It’s giving their clients a thrill.
With mirrors revealing
What clothes were concealing,
The need for blue pills will be nil.
Brian Allgar:
Said Shakespeare “Thou knowest the drill.
’Tis said every Jack shall have Jill.
’Twixt thy legs I shall lay me —
Seek not to gainsay me,
For where there’s a way, there’s a Will.”
Colleen Murphy:
The young man repeated the drill
He did with incredible skill.
(He perfected this knowledge
By going to college.)
Pour the beer, chug it down, then refill.
Fred Bortz:
The surgeon perfected the drill.
He made each incision with skill.
He created a hole
Where there once was a pole,
And Ms. Willa was no longer Bill.
Byron Ives:
In boot camp, Will sure knew the drill.
To shoot on the range was a thrill.
He’d never been shot,
But it made his sack taut
When the sergeant yelled, “FIRE AT WILL!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, June 28th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse, which he calls “HEIDI-HO.”
Attracted by Hollywood vice,
Men swarmed to her brothel like mice.
So, what kept them staying?
You know the old saying:
“Time’s fun when we’re all having Fleiss.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The Captain gave friendly advice:
“Drink up, folks, it’s all in the price!”
The party was manic
Aboard the “Titanic”;
The guests were all breaking the ice.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, KONRAD SCWOERKE, BRIAN ALLGAR, and WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Chris Doyle:
“Writing lim’ricks, my love, is a vice,”
Says my wife, “And you’ll pay a stiff price.
Spending all of your time
Crafting meter and rhyme
Means that I’m growing colder than ice.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
Writing lim’ricks just might be a vice,
And will seldom add amorous spice,
But my wife is sure glad
I’m not out being bad
Like the past, where I had (once or twice).
Brian Allgar:
Just tell her that you’d never cheat her,
But honestly, nothing is sweeter
For limerick-writers
Than spending all-nighters
With girls who admire your meter.
Will T. Laughlin:
Gee, Brian: it could be my age,
But I seem to have bypassed that stage.
If I’m hoping for action,
I don’t get much traction
From words that I put on a page.
I’ll ask my wife, “What do you think
Of this verse I just wrote?” First she’ll blink;
Then she’ll hand me some cash
From her personal stash,
And say, “Find some loose women. Or drink.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Kevin Ahern, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, and Paula R. Moore. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Konrad Schwoerke:
Truth be told, I have only one vice,
A small quirk that, for me, adds some spice.
It’s not thousand foot drops,
Or a fistfight with cops;
What I love is to skate on thin ice.
Kevin Ahern:
The dog pound gives out this advice
In a clever attempt to entice:
“Leasing dogs is a way
To test out a stray.
You should check out our low cur rent price.”
Brian Allgar:
Miranda knew nothing of vice,
And her swimsuit was modestly nice.
But the guys queued for fucks:
“Special offer, five bucks!”
She’d forgotten to take off the price.
Fred Bortz:
My inner boss has this advice.
You may limerick-off once or twice.
Any more and he curses:
“I’ll choke your vice, verses!”
I can’t let my book pay the price.
Jon Gearhart:
Politicos share the same vice.
It’s power, whatever the price.
They’ll cater their views
Depending on who’s
In the crews they must schmooze and entice.
Paula R. Moore:
A fellow had bought a device
Which was sold to make gold out of rice.
He cooked it and milled it
And blanched it and grilled it.
No gold, but it did entice mice.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kevin Ahern, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Paula R. Moore, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, March 22nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In the convent, once matins are done,
Comes the time before terce is begun.
That’s when Scrabble is played,
‘Cause the abbess has made
Entertainment a sine qua nun.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The fragrance of Spring fills the air!
Birds sing, and the weather is fair;
The sky’s a bright blue
Of a dazzling hue,
And I’m frankly too busy to care.
From their beds the first crocuses climb,
And the early narcissus. While I’m
All alone in the gloom
Of my dimly-lit room
As I make these “Spring” limericks rhyme.
Congratulations to Robert Basler, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow cried, “What have I done!
“I’ve been having hot sex with a nun!
“Yes, I got in the habit —
“Oh my God, oh dagnabbit!
“My sin’s been confessed as a pun!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Joel Wasinger, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Will T. Laughlin, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A gal got a bit overdone
When she lounged in the buff in the sun.
It imparted a glow
(Please don’t ask how I know)
To the tats on each well-toasted bun.
Joel Wasinger:
“These lim’ricks already cite Donne;
They’ve taken my angle and fun.”
My wife says, “Who cares?
Just add yours to theirs.
‘OverDonne’ is a workable pun.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
The big cowboy’s fly was undone.
She thought that she might have some fun.
She wiggled her hips,
Then moistened her lips,
But all that stuck out was his gun.
Brian Allgar:
She protested “My fish isn’t done,
And I’m cold at this table for one.”
Removing her flounder,
The waiter soon found her
An excellent plaice in the sun.
Jon Gearhart:
A woman was feeling undone,
Alone as a party of one.
She tried PC Date
To help find a mate.
Her ‘inbox’ is now overrun.
Will T. Laughlin:
It’s Spring! Let the greenery grow!
And the blossoms, in colorful show,
Explode into flowers!
Because in twelve hours
They’re going to be buried in snow.
Brian Allgar:
“In Springtime”, the naturalist boasted,
“There’s many a field trip I’ve hosted.
We love, as we ramble,
To see the lambs gambol,
And love them still more when they’re roasted.”
Tim James:
It’s cold, and the skies are all gray
And the forecast says sleet’s on the way.
My spirits are sinking;
I think I’ll start drinking
And wait for when Spring starts, in May.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
Here I romp with my love twixt the heather
With my kilt hiked up high in spring weather.
Neath sun-swirled highland mist
On warm moss, by dew kissed,
We’re exploring those regions called nether.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Chris Doyle, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Joel Wasinger, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, March 9th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
Father Fine teaches art and design
At St. Joe’s and is known to use wine
To get lads to undress
And caress him. So yes,
I would guess every good boy does Fine.
Congratulations to Mark Kane and Fred Bortz, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the limerick receiving the most Facebook “likes.”
Mark Kane:
A comic worked hard to design
A routine which allowed him to shine.
He’d set out a bowl,
Spike the juice, then cajole
Out the laughs from his loaded punch line.
Fred Bortz:
A scandalous spying design
Led to President Nixon’s decline.
His brash overreach
Caused the House to impeach
And led Tricky Dick to resign.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle and Brian Allgar, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange about Edward Lear, widely recognized as the “father” of the limerick:
Chris Doyle:
Who’da thunk Edward Lear would design
A new verse form we had to refine
So as not to repeat,
Word for word, the three feet
At the start in the terminal line?
Brian Allgar, speaking for Edward Lear:
Mr Doyle, my splendid design
Pleases many, so why do you whine?
I regret that your taste
For the new has debased,
Mr Doyle, my splendid design.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Tim James, Sallie McKenna, Will T. Laughlin, Chris Doyle, Brian Allgar, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
A woman worked hard to design
An After Ten dress to define
Her nice set of cones
And erogenous zones,
But her date ripped it off before nine!
Tim James:
Our language is strange in design.
If the plural of “cow” can be “kine,”
Then explain to me how
Just one swine’s not a “swow”
And a bride doesn’t take wedding vine?
Sallie McKenna:
A woman worked hard to design
A new look for her scruffy canine;
She tied ribbons and bows,
Then she tweeted a pose.
In a trice, he got four dates online!
Will T. Laughlin says:
So now we see Putin’s design.
His beady eyes narrow and shine:
“Send bombers! Send tanks!
Send troops on both flanks
(This’ll keep Pussy Riot in line)!”
Chris Doyle:
The proctologist knows the design
Of my colon, but still I’ll decline
The exam he’ll suggest
‘Cause his mother knows best:
That’s a place where the son doesn’t shine.
Brian Allgar:
A woman asked God to design
A companion who’d treat her just fine.
But the spare rib – bad luck! –
Was a pig’s, so she’s stuck
With another male chauvinist swine.
Kevin Ahern:
I think you should know the design–
Why we toast to the great pinot shrine:
“The wine,” said a sage
“May get better with age”
“But it’s age that gets better with wine.”
Will T. Laughlin:
We workers in graphic design
Have a precept we’d like to enshrine:
Should the customer want
Comic Sans as his font,
We will pickle his noggin in brine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Sallie McKenna, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, January 26th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A bibbed patron sat eating deep-fried;
Battered chicken was piled high and wide.
I said, “Gawd, are you big,
You Falstaffian pig!”
(My remark was, of course, an aside.)
Congratulations to Scott Crowder and Craig Dykstra, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Scott Crowder:
A man who liked food that was fried,
In time became so thick and wide,
That according to lore,
When he went to the shore,
He would have an effect on the tide.
Craig Dykstra:
This new gal gets my head kinda fried.
Every time I want sex, I’m denied!
You would think it would suck
That she don’t like to … you know …
But she’ll happily swallow my pride.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Yt cai, Jesse Levy, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
In my youth I’d eat anything fried;
It’s disgusting, the stuff that I tried.
Cookies, Twinkies, and dough
Mixed with cola … God no…
Those are mem’ries I’ve tried to elide.
Yt cai:
A seamstress’s nerves were all fried
From dealing with one kinky bride.
She finished the dress
Under utmost duress
As the patron was fit to be tied.
Jesse Levy:
A fellow was totally fried.
He jumped off a building’s top side.
But he was still tripping
Through gravity’s gripping.
His last words were: “Look, Ma. I flied!”
Jon Gearhart (whose limerick is an acrostic):
A woman shunned food that was fried
Precisely because she has tried
Reducing the rise
In her increasing size.
Look left and her name I’ve supplied.
Tim James:
Those White Castle burgers are fried
‘Til the grease is all soaked through inside.
Those “sliders” incense me.
Good taste, though, prevents me
From saying just where ’tis they slide.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, Craig Dykstra, Jesse Levy, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest, Yt cai
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, December 15th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In the time I’ve grown old, I’ve grown round.
But here’s a dilemma I’ve found:
The young people swear
That I’ve also grown *square*.
The geometry doesn’t seem sound!
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this news-related limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The story is getting around
And it’s bound to offend and dumbfound:
That interpreter guy
At Mandela’s goodbye?
A phony! How very unsound!
Congratulations to Mark Kane and Diane Groothuis, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Mark Kane:
We’re eager to both fool around
At a private discreet picnic ground.
So we lie on a table,
Although it’s not stable,
And push past the risks that abound.
Diane Groothuis:
There’s a problem with fooling around
At that somewhat discreet picnic ground.
You forgot about Tom,
The creep peeping scum
Who watches not making a sound.
Mark Kane:
As we rolled onto Tom, round and round,
He then squealed with a very loud sound!
Had he stayed out of sight,
Until day changed to night,
We might well have resumed on the ground.
(This is only a taste of a lengthy picnic limerick exchange on Facebook, including more limericks by Mark and Diane and a limerick by Fred Bortz.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Fred Bortz, Tim James, Sue Dulley, Jon Gearhart,
Kathy El-Assal, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
The Beach Boys sang, “I Get Around.”
It fit with the rest of their sound.
They went, “Wah wa ooo.”
Yeah, their lyrics were poo.
No one claimed they were ever profound.
Fred Bortz:
The limerick judge came around,
Saw my bribe, and declared I’d be crowned.
But I didn’t ponder
Her double entendre
‘Til her clop on my kopf did resound.
Tim James:
Rush Limbaugh is running around
Spouting nothing but fury and sound.
In view of his “talents”
The budget would balance
If bullsh*t were taxed by the pound.
Sue Dulley, whose limerick relates to this news item:
“Some women whose contours are round
In yoga pants should not be found.”
Goodbye Mr Chip!
This shot from your hip
Was by any stretch rather unsound.
Jon Gearhart:
The circus fat lady is round.
Her walking can punish the ground.
She’ll rise to great fame.
Rotunda’s her name.
Makes tons cause she’s paid by the pound.
Kathy El-Assal:
Affluenza is going around
Amongst those with a wealthy background.
Its symptoms? Not caring,
Great riches not sharing,
And finding that Ayn Rand’s profound.
Will T. Laughlin:
Sarah Palin? Why’s she still around?
She opens her mouth to expound,
And the nonsense spills out
In a meaningless rout,
Like a car never fully unclowned.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Jamie Hutchinson, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Robert Basler, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CRAIG DYKSTRA, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“I am telling you, Brother Jabbar,
As a terrorist you will go far.
Simply put on this vest,
We’ll take care of the rest.”
They found bits of Jabbar in Qatar.
Congratulations to both IRA BLOOM and EDMUND CONTI, who in a tie, each win a Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, given to limericks receiving the most Facebook “likes.”
Ira Bloom:
A pirate walked into a bar,
After pillaging towns near and far.
“Are you here for a raid?”
Asked a buxom barmaid.
“Nay, me wench,” he said, “just arrr and arrr.”
Edmund Conti:
A rabbi walks into a bar
With a priest and an old commissar,
A Hindu, of course,
Plus a man on a horse–
Damn! There goes my whole repertoire.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Jim Delaney, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A fellow who works at a bar
Has proved himself quite under par.
He doesn’t know Jack,
His White Russians are black,
And he thinks Cabernet is a car.
Jim Delaney:
This young fellow, though called to the bar,
As an advocate isn’t a star.
In the courtroom he stands
In his wig and his bands,
While his clients wear feathers and tar.
Colleen Murphy:
A man bellied up to the bar,
But could push in his stool just so far.
From a lifetime of beers,
The man’s belly appears
Like the roof of a Volkswagen car.
Jon Gearhart:
A dancer who stretched at the barre,
Once stretched just a little too far.
You can tell cause he walks
With a limp, and he talks
Twice higher than Pat Benatar.
Tim James:
A waitress who worked in a bar
With drunken old letches would spar.
She said, “This is so not
What I planned when I got
My art hist’ry degree from Bryn Mawr.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jim Delaney, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
