Posts Tagged ‘John Ramos’

Limerick of the Week (145)

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Found a cup at some joker’s yard sale;
Pewter — pierced, so it seemed, by a nail.
When I offered to dicker
He said, read the sticker:
“This goblet’s a real holey grail.”

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

There’s a call girl whose love is for sale
And a jokester who’s hot on her trail.
It’s considered the case
Of the wit and the chase:
He’s the wag who is dogging the tail.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Scott Crowder, John Lawrence Ramos, Fred Bortz, Sancho Panza, Jesse Levy, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A rich guy who’d frequently sail
Lost it all in a stock market fail.
Though it isn’t his wish,
He now guts and cleans fish.
And his sal’ry? He’s working for scale.

Scott Crowder:

A woman went out for a sail
With a fine and appreciative male.
They jibed fore and aft
On the deck and life raft.
His dinghy, she knows in detail.

John Lawrence Ramos:

Ahab Junior, had no urge to sail,
But instead roamed his yard with a pail.
“My old man died at sea,”
He remarked, “but not me—
I’m hunting a tiny white snail.”

Fred Bortz:

Don’t allow Jewish guilt to assail
When your muse moves you outside the pale.
No topic’s off base
Or should cause you disgrace,
Except if your limerick’s stale.

Sancho Panza:

A lady went out for a sail
With a handsome and seafaring male.
She returned on the tide
With the semen inside—
A humpback is more than a whale.

Jesse Levy:

A fellow was pleased with the sale
To a Sheik of his wife in a veil.
Now she can bug him
To go to the gym
And eat dinners made only of kale!

Will T. Laughlin:

The Cap’n decided to sail
Straight into the worst of the gale;
Sighed the mate, “This’ll hap’n
Each time that the Cap’n
Gets into the cargo of ale.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (143)

Sunday, December 8th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to John Peter Larkin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow who’d frequently crab
Complained that his life was too drab.
Though he wasn’t too bright,
I’d say he was right.
Cuz even his house was pre-fab.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Said Brutus, “I don’t mean to crab,
But, dear Caesar, your toga is drab.
You need someone who knows
How to pick out your clothes.
Would you mind if I gave it a stab?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Kathy El-Assal, John Lawrence Ramos, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Steve Whitred:

A gal who was rather a crab
In the bedroom was totally fab.
So, despite all her grousing,
We did so much ‘spousing’
That grey shaded novel seemed drab.

Kathy El-Assal:

Like lobster, its cousin the crab
Is a gourmet delight, so chefs nab
These seafood crustaceans
For bisque-like creations
So rest’rants can soup up their tab.

John Lawrence Ramos:

Three bedbugs, two lice and a crab
Convened for a post-feeding gab.
One thought he had seen
A new tick on their teen,
But turned out, it was only a scab.

Chris Doyle

I’m a gal who does not like to crab,
But your ad said your body was fab.
So explain to me how
What I’m looking at now
Is a guy with a six-pack of flab.

Fred Bortz:

They added the genes of a crab
To a Doberman’s eggs in the lab.
Now here is the clincher:
That dog bore a “Pincher”
With claws on its paws that could grab.

Byron Miller:

He moves sideways at night, like a crab,
While he’s looking for prey he can nab.
So don’t walk home alone;
He’s a dog; you’re the bone;
And he’s quick with his gift of the grab.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (142)

Sunday, December 1st, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to John Lawrence Ramos, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A colonial thief took a fall
When caught with a big sphagnum haul.
He was trying to clear
A large debt to Revere.
In short, he robbed peat to pay Paul.

Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

On a dark, dreary midnight one fall,
He awoke to a scavenger’s call.
But wouldn’t you know it,
That second-rate poet
Never heard, “Nevermore!” Not at all!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, John Lawrence Ramos, Will T. Laughlin, Chris Doyle, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

I’ve been seeing this girl since last fall.
In the bedroom, she sure does it all!
I’m one testicle shy
But I still can’t deny
That this gal is the Belle of the Ball.

John Lawrence Ramos:

A progressive young man took a fall
When he tripped on a curb at the mall.
He felt like a cad,
For he hated to add
To the problem of more urban sprawl.

Will T. Laughlin:

The Knowledge that came from the Fall
Was not what’s reported at all.
‘Twasn’t Evil and Good;
Rather, both understood
Adam’s penis was laughably small.

Chris Doyle:

A great deli has had a great fall,
Serving meats now that truly appall.
Their pastrami, paté,
And corned beef all dismay.
And their wurst? It’s the worst of them all!

Craig Dykstra:

When the debutante took a bad fall,
The resulting unladylike sprawl
Made it clear in a flash
That the “belle” of that bash
Wasn’t even a lady at all!

Will T. Laughlin:

A boy had a terrible fall –
In the fountain he fell in a sprawl
(For this is what comes
From doing one’s sums
While walking on top of a wall).

Whatever the future may bring,
We’ve now seen a marvelous thing:
I think you’ll agree
How rare it must be
For a summer to fall in the spring!

Johanna Richmond:

Submissions on holidays fall,
While you geniuses shop at the mall.
Just WATCH how I slip in
And give you a whippin’.
You can’t put a price on sheer gall.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (141)

Sunday, November 24th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

If you’re tired at the wheel, I suggest
That you stop at a trooper’s behest.
And if ordered to nap,
Don’t refuse, because . . . zap!
You’ll be tased for resisting a rest.

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

I know I just said, not in jest,
That I planned to give lim’ricks a rest,
But that promise won’t mute me:
I’m back! OK, shoot me—
I’m wearing my bullet-proof vest.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) John Lawrence Ramos, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Chris Doyle, Steve Whitred, Johanna Richmond, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

John Lawrence Ramos:

At the diner, a man would ingest
His romaine without pants, shirt or vest;
When the waitress looked pained,
He politely explained
He preferred his green salad undressed.

Brenda Bryant:

A woman was speaking in jest
When she said, “All my sins are confessed.”
She’d forgotten a few.
That’s what girls tend to do
When their past simply can’t pass the test.

Chris Doyle:

A beekeeper tells me in jest
That he plans, when he’s laid to his rest,
To give all that he owns
To his Queen and her drones,
Thus completing his final bee-quest.

Steve Whitred:

I once knew a girl who’d suggest
She was better in bed than the rest.
I said “Don’t mean to boast,
But I’m better than most.
We should challenge ourselves to a test!”

Johanna Richmond:

Don’t you hate it when folks say,”I jest!”
After putting your pride to the test?
Hell, “I Jest!” just won’t do
When “How was it for you?”
Is rejoined by “You looked better dressed!”

Craig:

My gal went out joggin’ but jest
Wasn’t close to approprit’ly dressed.
Guys would run along side her
As soon as they spied her—
‘Cause her top failed at keepin’ abreast.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (140)

Sunday, November 17th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Ann Martin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A dad who just planned to relax
Didn’t have all the relevant facts;
When his daughter named Lizzie
Said “Dad, are you busy?”
He said, “No, dear, but why do you ax?”

Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Her compliance with rules was so lax,
That Mad gave her lim’rick the ax.
With mission aborted
And craftiness thwarted,
Would syntax require a sin tax?

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Chris Doyle, John Lawrence Ramos, Sue Dulley, Kevin Ahern, Will T. Laughlin, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

Seeking breast augmentation? Relax!
I give cougars like you some great stacks.
So the young men you seek
Will go weak with one peek –
And I call my shop “Oedipus Racks.”

Chris Doyle:

The far right says: “The U.S. is lax,
Letting immigrants slip through the cracks.
Line the border with moats
Filled with crocs big as boats,
And we’ll stop our Hispanic attacks!”

John Lawrence Ramos:

The neighborhood children were lax
In sidestepping boulevard cracks;
By the end of the day,
When they wrapped up their play,
They’d broken twelve mothers’ poor backs.

Sue Dulley:

Once weekly we sit and relax
With a bowlful of buttery snacks.
It is just me and thee
Watching Public TV:
Last Tango in … (wait!) Halifax.

Kevin Ahern:

Marie Antoinette was quite lax,
So the public made HER face the facts.
Her biggest mistake
Was talking of cake,
And for this, they just gave her the ax.

Will T. Laughlin:

To the concert I went, to relax;
But the orchestra’s made up of hacks.
They murdered the fragile
First bars of “Tintagel,”
So I shot ’em all in the Bax.

David Lefkovits:

The Weight Watchers CFO’s lax
In responding to shareholder FAQs.
When a fat guy complains
Of unwanted gains,
He asks: “Is that net or pretax?”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 1 Comment »

Limerick of the Week (138)

Sunday, November 3rd, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Ah’m a-huntin’ for deer in my truck,
But this air rifle’s brung me no luck.
Grab a shotgun instead,
Shoot a twelve-pointer dead.
Get a little more bang for my buck.

Congratulations to Bruce Niedt, who wins the Special Halloween-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“A Halloween full moon is neat,”
Thought the werewolf, “I’ll go trick-or-treat!
They’ll think it’s a mask,
So they won’t even ask–
I’ll come home with a bag full of meat!”

Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

She hired Two Men And A Truck
When her marriage had run all amok.
As they set up her bed,
To the movers she said,
“Would you under the covers me…tuck?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Jamie Hutchinson, Steve Whitred, Chris Doyle, John Ramos, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Will T. Laughlin:

The immigrant hid in a truck
And over the border he snuck,
Lured by promise of wealth
And good care for his health.
You guessed it. He’s now a Canuck.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A croc said that she’d have no truck
With a toothless old muckety-muck:
“When the waterfowl light
And the time’s right to bite
A good bull puts his rows in a duck.”

Steve Whitred:

Being born in the back of a truck
Up in Canada isn’t bad luck:
In the fall they haul hay.
In the snow, they’re our sleigh.
And in summertime that’s where we … (I’m not writing that word on Mad’s blog.)

Chris Doyle:

“Try the brownies out back in my truck.
They’re the bomb; you’ve no need for Cold Duck,”
Said the host with a wink
To a gal with a drink.
“There’s a reason this party’s potluck.”

John Ramos:

A positive thinker named Steve
Stalked his victims on All Hallows’ Eve;
“To you, it’s an ax,”
He explained between whacks,
“But to me, it’s a goal to achieve.”

Kathy El-Assal:

For Halloween, at her new school,
Should she dress as a zombie or ghoul?
A vampire, a ghost?
Or maybe just boast,
“I’m Coultergeist, Tea Party tool!”

Kirk Miller:

“Anonymous writers don’t like
The wages they’re offered,” said Mike.
“If they don’t get more green,
Then on this Halloween
The ghost writers threaten to strike.”

Craig Dykstra:

I got cookies from guys dressed like genies,
And some Snickers® from girls in bikinis.
But I didn’t want food
From that politics dude–
Carlos Danger was handing out weenies.

Kirk Miller:

I’m spreading the Halloween news
Concerning which party to choose.
Mine’s bound to be dandy
With free food and candy,
But people should bring their own boos.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »