It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
She was short, came from Maine, and she drank,
But by golly, in bed she could crank.
Her man’s love life was flat,
But she cured him of that.
All he needed was one little Yank.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special Intimidation-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick, which is also a Crank-Rhyme limerick:
The lenders who ran Deutsche Bank
Decided to finance a crank;
A son of a bitch
Who claimed he was rich,
Though his bankruptcy record just stank.Perhaps they were cowed by his power
And funded his ego-fueled tower.
Though they used other words,
The deal soon turned to turds,
And the stench sent them all to the shower.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Craig Dykstra, Bruce McGuffin, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jack Ritter, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Ken Gosse, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CRANK” RHYME DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
The Donald, a clown and a crank,
Played Russian Roulette as a prank.
But no harm was done
When he fired the gun —
Both his brain and the bullet were blank.
Craig Dykstra:
Looks like Mad is becoming a crank;
And her patience runs thin, to be frank.
This lim-writing geezer
Would like to appease her
But my brain keeps on drawing a … um … damn.
Bruce McGuffin:
Donald T. went on Twitter to crank
That his businesses didn’t all tank.
“For plebeians a loss
May be bad but a boss
Like me laughs all the way to the bank.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A seafaring man was a crank,
And the crew finally yelled, “Walk the plank!”
He died still complaining
Because it was raining,
While into the water he sank.
Jack Ritter:
Kane said the last word must be “crank.”
So I tried, but I just drew a blank.
You rivals, I’ve heard,
Have solved the last word.
No doubt, you will earn higher rank.
Brian Allgar:
“My sex life is over!” moaned Hank.
“I guess I forgot how to wank.”
Said his old buddy, Buck,
“Well, it’s just like my truck —
To start it up, give it a crank.”
Tim James:
A man who was known as a crank
Gave a woman a pat on the flank.
What she said was so foul
In her subsequent howl,
To convey it, I’d have to say [blank].
HONORABLE MENTIONS (INTIMIDATION-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
That Black Angus is pawing the ground
As if warning: “Beware – I’m unbound!”
But I’m simply unbowed–
Won’t be bullied or cowed
By that stare or that loud snorting sound.
Ken Gosse:
You’ll fail to intimidate me,
Though you stare while I water this tree,
Because I must make haste
In displacing the waste
Of traditional afternoon tea.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
I QUIT! I have reached the finality!
I’m lost in my quest for normality!
What intimidates me
(It’s now so clear to see)
Is ev-er-y part of reality.
Tim James:
Multitalented polyglot Sue’s
Got a math Ph.D. Her IQ’s
Genius-level, sky-high.
But that threatened her guy,
So he now dates a gal at Fox News.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
