“Oh my goodness, my gosh, and my heavens,”
Said an addled young man known as Evans.
He repeated this twice,
As he juggled some dice,
Adding “Yikes! I’m at sixes and sevens.”
Posts Tagged ‘Idiom Limerick’
Limerick Confusion
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021Exit Interruptus
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”
(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)
Wage Madness (Limerick)
Monday, November 22nd, 2021The driver made such a loud fuss
Over new jitney wages, each cuss
As he bitched about pay
Could be heard blocks away…
So the man was thrown under the bus.
A Hampered Relationship (Limerick)
Saturday, November 20th, 2021“Wet clothes in the hamper? That’s foul!”
Said a gal to her spouse, with a scowl.
“What is wrong with you men!?
If you do it again,
I’ll divorce you and throw in the towel.”
A Sardonic Bloke (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2021An angry, sardonic young bloke
Lost his job and was utterly broke.
He tried standup, but failed
To get laughs, so he bailed.
Yelled the ‘comic,’ “You can’t take a joke!”
Yet Another Hairy Limerick
Thursday, November 11th, 2021A pissed patron returned to Pierre’s
And demanded free haircut repairs:
“Your stylist destroyed
My look. Fire Floyd!”
The reply? “Kindly stop splitting hairs.”
(Hairstylist Appreciation Day is April 25, and National Hair Day is October 1.)
Longing For A Bong (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 10th, 2021Happy Bong Day! (November 10)
A singer who longed for a bong
(Though it’s bad for her voice and so wrong)
Called a seller she knew.
They met up at the zoo,
Where a bongload was bought for a song.
The Shiftless Chef (Limerick)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2021The restaurateur was irate
Cuz his chef was, as usual, late.
“You must clean up your act,
Or expect to be sacked.
It’s time you step up to the plate!”
Indifferent Limerick
Sunday, November 7th, 2021If you utter the sentence “So what?”
Your meaning is open and shut.
“I don’t care” is the gist
Of those words — can’t be missed.
So brace for a fist and a “But.”
Timeless Limerick
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021Bought a grandfather clock — famous brand.
(It is lauded throughout our great land.)
But the time it displays
Has been faulty for days.
That’s the last time I buy secondhand.
Operatic Limerick
Monday, October 25th, 2021Happy “World Opera Day!” (October 25)
“Sustaining high notes can be hard,”
Said an opera singer who starred
In Norma; she claims
That it’s not fun and games,
But a contest of wills, no holds barred.
Woe-Ridden Gambler (Limerick)
Sunday, October 24th, 2021A gambler who lost lots of dough
On a horse race, was stunned by the blow:
“Woe is me! I’m a chump!
That damn horse took a dump
Mid-race; he was rarin’ to ‘go.'”
Heirs Apparent (Limerick)
Saturday, October 23rd, 2021When their granddad discussed his affairs,
He declared they’d be heirs with large shares
Of investments extensive
And assets expensive.
It turns out he was putting on airs.
Missing Musicians (Limerick)
Thursday, October 21st, 2021“We have lost sev’ral members, I hear,”
Said the maestro. “Some key ones, I fear.
It’s too late for auditions
To find new musicians.
I guess we must play it by ear.”
Messy Limerick
Wednesday, October 20th, 2021A gal, an industrious knitter,
Showed a huge heap of knits to her sitter:
“It’s a mess, I confess.
If you sort it, dear Tess,
I shall give you the pick of the litter.”
(Worldwide Knit In Public Day is the 2nd Saturday of June.)
Secret Affairs (Limerick)
Monday, October 18th, 2021Two women, good friends, worked backstage.
Each was “dating” a man half her age:
A man on the crew.
Which one? Neither knew.
It turns out, both were on the same Page.
Handy Limerick
Tuesday, October 12th, 2021At the piano the man’s an old hand;
He is one of the best in the land.
But he still has regrets
And never forgets:
Having more than one hand would be grand.
Sketchy Artist (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 6th, 2021A sketch artist’s drawings were raw
And flawed, rarely gazed at with awe.
Yet he won an award
For his “Gourd With A Sword.”
Fellow artists swore: “Luck of the Draw!”
Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)
Monday, October 4th, 2021Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:
As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BREAD or BRED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 16, 2021)
Saturday, October 2nd, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BREAD or BRED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SELF-CONTROL, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SELF-CONTROL-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 17, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 16, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BREAD or BRED-rhyme limerick:
A fellow with plenty of bread
Held a fete on his boat — a big spread.
Near the end of the bash
He dropped much of his cash
In the toilet. Wealth’s gone to his head.
And here’s my SELF-CONTROL-themed limerick:
I’m beginning to notice a lag in
Restraint from a pal who’s been braggin’
That he’s wholly off beer.
But I’m starting to fear
That my trucker friend fell off the wagon.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
