Limerick Ode To Holiday Fasters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To those who are fasting right now,
It is best not to think about chow.
And I hope that this tip
Doesn’t strike you as flip:
Though it’s stressful, please don’t have a cow.
Posts Tagged ‘Holiday Humor’
Limerick Ode To Holiday Fasters
Friday, October 3rd, 2014Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day
Friday, July 4th, 2014Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The East Coast, alas, is awash
With Hurricane Arthurly slosh,
Bringing wind gusts and rain
And flooding — the bane
Of saluting the 4th with panache.
Passover Verse
Monday, April 14th, 2014May your seder be lovely,
A holiday treat.
May it not be too late
Till you finally eat.
Happy Passover to all who celebrate it!
Presidents Day Limerick
Monday, February 17th, 2014Presidents Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Presidents Day. Zut alors!
Does anyone know what it’s for?
I’m not sure, but I’d guess
It’s meant to address
The need for more sales at each store.
Note from Mad Kane: I blame the champagne.
Beached Plans (Limerick)
Friday, May 24th, 2013I sure hope your Memorial Day weekend weather’s better than ours, here in New York.
Beached Plans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Memorial Day is upon us,
Winter clothing continues to don us.
So I plead and beseech:
Kindly stop talking “beach.”
New York media’s trying to con us.
Crawling With Gift Ideas (Limerick)
Thursday, February 14th, 2013Crawling With Gift Ideas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s too late for a Valentine’s broach?
Need a holiday gift plan to poach?
Well, here’s something new
From the helpful Bronx Zoo:
Give your sweetie her name on a roach.
From the Bronx Zoo, a strange and limited Valentine’s Day Offer:
Can’t decide on what to get that special someone for Valentine’s Day? Sometimes the answer is all around us, and right where it’s been for millions of years—like cockroaches!
Naming a Madagascar hissing roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. You’re not afraid to say, “Baby, you’re a roach!”
WCS’s Bronx Zoo has 58,000 of these brown, iridescent beauties, and most go humbly by “whatchamacallit.” With a $10 donation, you can name one for your sweetie, and send a truly unique certificate of honor.
Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
Tuesday, November 27th, 2012You know it’s the Christmas season, when you read about a Black Friday brawl breaking out over panties at Victoria’s Secret. This mall melee at the Roseville Galleria Mall in California was all captured on video.
Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Pantie shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.
While we’re on the subject of undie shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Secret Shopper is an old humor column about shopping for panties with my late mother. (It was her favorite column featuring her antics.)
Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012February 22, 2012 is National Margarita Day! (Perversely enough, it’s also World Thinking Day.)
But I’d rather write a limerick about margaritas:
Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Margarita Day’s here, so Olé!
Send agave tequila my way.
Don’t need worms or a mix
For a spirited fix.
Add some juice, triple sec. Make my day!
Happy New Year Edition (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, January 1st, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
As the new year approaches, men swear…*
or
As the new year approaches, gals swear…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick For The New Year
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll finally end their affair.
They’ll diet, work out,
Learn to ski, buy some grout.
What’s their chance of success? Not a pray’r!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Dear Merchants (Limerick)
Friday, November 25th, 2011Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
Ode To Breakfast (and a Caffeinated Haiku)
Friday, March 25th, 2011Did you know that today, March 25th, is International Waffle Day? Me neither. And if you feel compelled to celebrate waffles twice each year, National Waffle Day and the waffle iron patent are celebrated on August 24th.
So why am I telling you this? Because I’m obediently rising to the challenge of writing a poem about breakfast. And I stumbled upon all this waffle nonsense while doing some poetic procrastination.
*****
Ode to Breakfast
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oatmeal breaks my fast
when I arise,
though it tastes like paste
in breakfast guise.
Why not something else
I don’t despise?
Cuz I hate each choice
those chefs devise.
Waffles, eggs, French toast
grits — some may prize.
But hot oatmeal’s quick.
So enough with the “whys.”
*****
While I’m at it, here’s a haiku about my favorite morning (and afternoon and pretty much all day) beverage:
Coffee never tempts,
but denied cappuccino
then call me verklempt.
*****
UPDATE: October 29 is National Oatmeal Day.
Limerick Ode To World Poetry Day — March 21st
Saturday, March 19th, 2011So far, March has been a big month for celebratory limericks. I’ve already limericked about International Women’s Day, Daylight Savings Time, Pi Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. And now it’s time for a two-verse limerick celebrating World Poetry Day, which falls on March 21st:
Limerick Ode To World Poetry Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On World Poetry Day write some verse,
Or in poetry reading immerse.
Try a lim’rick, haiku,
Sonnet, ode, clerihew —
Something witty, or languid, or terse.
On World Poetry Day have some fun:
Compose quatrains, blank verse, or haibun.
Double dactyl, sestina —
The poet’s arena
Will even permit you to pun.
UPDATE: I discovered and corrected some serious errors on Wikipedia’s World Poetry Day page (Google’s top entry for the World Poetry Day topic.) The most glaring error was made more than a month ago, on February 15th, by someone who apparently was manipulating Wikipedia on behalf of a UK-based “global grocery and general merchandising retailer” named Tesco. All references to UNESCO, which had declared March 21st to be World Poetry Day, had been changed to TESCO.
I was stunned that nobody was monitoring Wikipedia well enough to catch and correct this error, and that it took me, an infrequent Wikipedia user, to fix it.
So let that be a lesson to people who rely on Wikipedia. While it’s often useful, it’s far from the gospel. And if you find errors there, be a good Internet citizen and fix them.
One more thing — I urge all poets and writers who are at all publicity-minded, to create their own Wikipedia page. Here’s mine.
UPDATE 2: Commenter Tilly Bud inspired me to combine my two limericks, turning them into a two-verse limerick. Thanks, Tilly!
Limerick Ode To St. Patrick’s Day — March 17th
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011Limerick Ode To St. Patrick’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On St. Patrick’s Day join in the fun.
We’re all Irish that day — yes, each one.
So wear green, find a pub,
Eat some cabbagy grub,
And until you’ve drunk beer, you ain’t done.
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
Saturday, December 25th, 2010A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
Happy National Vodka Day — October 4th!
Monday, October 4th, 2010Wow! It’s almost midnight on October 4th. And that means I almost missed National Vodka Day. Must celebrate with a limerick:
Happy Vodka Day!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Which liquor’s remembered today?
Not tequila or rum or Lillet.
I’m afraid you don’t win
If you guess that it’s gin,
Cuz it’s vodka. Start pouring, okay?
How To Plan A Trip (Humorous How-To)
Thursday, September 14th, 2006A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. Sounds a lot like work, right? Which is why so many vacations go something like this:
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense. Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more … leaving out the sleep part. (How To Plan A Trip is continued here.)
