“You are so out of touch,” said the teen
To his mother, “and also you’re mean!”
“I do not like your tone,”
She said, seizing his phone.
“And now YOU’RE out of touch. No more screen!”
Posts Tagged ‘Holiday Humor’
Just In Time For Mother’s Day (Limerick)
Sunday, May 12th, 2024This and That
Tuesday, December 20th, 2022As I’m walking to the library on a (usually) quiet street, I notice 2 trucks up ahead, one blocking the other. So naturally, the one being blocked, honks.
Hmmm, a FedEx driver honking at an Amazon driver.
Where’s Alanis Morissette when you need her?
*****
I just heard that today is “World Day of Skepticism.”
But I don’t believe it.
*****
My Quarter-Year Resolution (Limerick)
Friday, April 1st, 2022I am tired of meter and rhyming!
I have HAD it with assonant timing!
No more lim’ricks! I’m done!
My new way to have fun
Will be something outdoorsy — rock climbing.
Dueling Calendars (Limerick)
Monday, September 6th, 2021Rosh Hashanah is early this year.
The calendar (Jewish) does veer
Just enough to confuse me,
Confound and bemuse me.
I must labor to get back in gear.
2020, Buh-Bye! (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2020I’m grateful the year’s end is nigh.
Good riddance — no need to say why.
Though the reasons are endless,
A whiner is friendless;
I’ll just bid it an effing goodbye!
MY Kind Of St. Patrick’s Day Celebration (Limerick)
Saturday, March 17th, 2018We’re off to a nice Bayside pub,
Where Mark will eat Irish-type grub.
I’ll eschew all the food,
But will alter my mood
Through libations — a spiritous sub.
Resolution Suggestion (Limerick)
Sunday, January 1st, 2017If your past resolutions seem old
And you’d like one that’s novel and bold,
You could vow to spend time
With more wordplay and rhyme…
And to enter the contests I hold.
My Limerick-Off challenges are always the top post on this page.
Limerick Ode To Canada Day
Friday, July 1st, 2016It’s Canada Day, so congrats.
You Canucks surely think that we’re bats.
And I have to concede
That you’re right. If I need
To flee Trump, do you have any flats?
Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Thursday, March 17th, 2016On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.
Limerick Ode To Leap Day
Monday, February 29th, 2016It’s “Leap Day,” a day that is rare,
Which strikes me as rather unfair;
Leap Days fall just in years
Deemed “bissextile.” No leers
Please at “sex” in that term. Don’t you dare!
About Those Resolutions (Limerick)
Friday, January 1st, 2016At the start of each year, it’s tradition
To draw up a vow-list, the mission
Being clean up one’s act
In some way. But in fact,
Our lapses soon lead to contrition.
Sound Familiar? (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 30th, 2015That annual moment is near,
When I notice I’ve failed to adhere
To the “vow list” I wrote;
Resolutions I’ll quote
In my NEW list. (They’re longer each year.)
Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)
Thursday, December 24th, 2015I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!
Windy St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Tuesday, March 17th, 2015Windy St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Thinking Jack Frost had split, we high-fived.
But our basking in warmth was short-lived.
Winter managed to con us–
Cold wind is upon us–
A low blow as St. Pat’s Day arrived.
(More wind poetry here.)
Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)
Monday, February 2nd, 2015There’s been a Groundhog Day rules change at the Staten Island Zoo, in the wake of last year’s groundhog death at the klutzy hands of Mayor Bill de Blasio:
Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems the zoos of New York had their fill
Of Mayor-caused Groundhog Day-kill.
Last year’s groundhog is dead,
So “no holding,” they said.
“We are Chucking your touching rights, Bill.”
Post-Christmas Lament
Friday, December 26th, 2014Post-Christmas Lament
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Christmas season’s ended,
So shopping’s at a stall.
But exchangers have descended.
When’s it safe to risk a mall?
Dear Klutzy Gift-Givers (Limerick)
Thursday, December 18th, 2014Dear Klutzy Gift-Givers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Are your fingers all thumbs? Then beware!
Please don’t try to convince her you care
By wrapping your gift.
One quick look — she’ll be miffed:
“Why’s my present been mauled by a bear?”
Something I’ve Noticed (Limerick)
Monday, December 8th, 2014Something I’ve Noticed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This notice can fill you with dread,
When it comes from your office-place head:
Not the “blue slip,” you smarty–
The “holiday party!”
I’ll bet you’d feel safer in bed.
Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
Tuesday, November 25th, 2014Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t reward greedy, cynical stores
For behaving like gluttonous whores:
If they’re open on days
Like Thanksgiving, it pays
To shop elsewhere. Don’t walk through their doors!
******
A Companion Haiku:
Stores, be on notice:
Open doors on Thanksgiving?
Brace for a boycott.
******
