Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)
Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.
A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.
The Astute Dad (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dad who was very astute
Always yearned for good Father’s Day loot,
But for decades got ties
That were hard on the eyes.
He exchanged forty ties for a suit.
(Linked at Poetry Jam, which asks us to celebrate.)
St. Valentine’s Day,
Okay for loving couples.
Much sweeter for stores.
(My Valentine’s Day limerick and another haiku are here. And here’s my Valiant Guys Guide To Valentines Day humor column.)
Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.
And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.
But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”
WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and
WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:
GIFTS FOR WIFE:
1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.
2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
