Posts Tagged ‘Gary Hallock’

Limerick of the Week (131)

Sunday, September 15th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Dear Boss: as your ears and your eyes,
I’m one of the best of your spies.
Still… unless ficus trees
Are expected to sneeze,
They may have seen through my disguise.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Manhattan has opened my eyes
To a deli where bread is the prize.
It’s chewy, nutritious,
And truly delicious!
Try Katz’s — the site for sour ryes.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Ira Bloom, Gary Hallock, Sue Dulley, Chris Doyle, Kevin Ahern, and Bill Klein. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

A nympho with beautiful eyes
Treated men to a flash of her thighs.
With a wink and a leer
She’d say “What I’ve got here
Is a thing you should try on for sighs.”

Ira Bloom:

A woman with stars in her eyes,
Said “My art I will not compromise.
I can sing, dance and act,
A young Garbo, in fact.
By the way, would you like that with fries?”

Gary Hallock:

The vote from young men is all “ayes”
When a pole dancer gyrates her thighs.
I also should mention
They’ll stand at attention
Although, from their seats, they don’t rise.

Sue Dulley:

A woman with near-perfect eyes
On contacts and glasses relies,
The former for schmoozing,
The latter for boozing,
And specs when she wants to look wise.

Chris Doyle:

She was not, by the look in her eyes,
All that pleased by my biceps and thighs.
I got very low scores
Till she checked in my drawers
And said, “Whoa, that’s economy-size!”

Kevin Ahern:

To parents all rolling their eyes
At the questions their children devise,
Please, do not get weary;
For every query
“Because” is a word to the whys.

Bill Klein:

A woman with nearsighted eyes
Felt the moisture that dampened her thighs.
Her man, with alarm,
Said “You’re sucking my arm,”
Which cut her mood back down to size.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (102)

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal:
At least spare every frame.
But their team had no name,
So we don’t know for whom the Tells bowl.

Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman is playing a role.
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal.
The simple idea:
Advance her Korea,
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul.

And congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Johanna Richmond, who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for their limerick exchange:

Craig Dykstra:

I just couldn’t get on a roll.
This week I fell short of my goal,
Which is: “Be so damn funny
That Mad gives me money.”
(Or at least get the ol’ gal to LOL.)

Johanna Richmond:

Craig D says he’s not on a roll,
But be careful, Craig, show some control:
Might get only *one win*
For committing the sin
Of calling our lovely host ol’!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Gary Hallock, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, John Peter Larkin, and David McCormick.

Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Gary Hallock:

A woman frets over her roll:
“Fine dining,” she says, “took its toll.
Over par at each course,
For I eat like a horse.
Now I look like I’m ready to foal.”

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was playing a role
Of being a merry old soul,
But found he’s not very
Inspired as merry
And asked, “Would you settle for droll?”

Jamie Hutchinson:

Some fossil requested a roll
Of film from a digital soul,
A green little brat,
Who said, “Batt’ry with that?
Or’s your camera powered by coal?”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman tossed in a fresh roll
When she hadn’t the change for her toll.
It jammed the machine.
She was chased from the scene,
But she then buttered up the patrol.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

An actor was playing the role
Of nasty pugnacious old troll
By shaking his spear
At everyone near
With Shakespeare his ultimate goal.

John Peter Larkin:

A fellow was eating a roll
While trying to pay a bridge toll.
The car hit a bump,
Which made his arm jump,
And that’s why he swallowed it whole.

David McCormick:

When a singer’s rehearsing a role,
“Know every song backwards!” he’s tol’.
That is why tenors hunger
For “Springtime Than Younger”
And basses for “River Man Ol’.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!