Recently, I’ve been playing around with new-to-me words. And that’s how I ended up writing a limerick using “bumptious” (self-assertive to an irritating degree) and “gumptious” (enterprising and industrious.)
(I was actually familiar with “gumption,” but for some reason didn’t connect it with “gumptious.”)
“I insist that you eat this. It’s scrumptious,”
Said a chef who was gumptious and bumptious.
“You must do it right now!”
“Sir do NOT have a cow,
And kindly stop being presumpt’ous.”
I couldn’t resist using the new-to-me word “guttle” in a limerick. (It means “to eat or drink greedily and noisily.”)
Said a gal to her husband, “You guttle!”
She entreated him, “Try to be subtle
When drinking and chewing.
It’s rude what you’re doing!”
“Well at least I don’t fart!” — his rebuttal.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LITIGATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LITIGATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 6, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 5, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD-rhyme limerick:
Don’t make me eat chard that’s been charred.
Even non-charred, I find it quite hard
To eat and digest.
At my tastebuds’ behest,
Be on guard against chard. It’s been barred.
And here’s my LITIGATION-themed limerick:
The litigants reached an accord;
One that none of the parties adored.
“That’s as it should be,”
Said the judge. “I decree
This case closed. None too soon! I was bored.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TIME or THYME at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INVESTMENT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INVESTMENT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 28, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 27, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TIME/THYME-rhyme limerick:
My husband Mark’s cooking? Sublime!
But my kitchen ineptness? A crime!
Don’t believe me? How’s this
For ignorant bliss:
Can’t distinguish paprika from thyme.
And here’s my INVESTMENT-themed limerick:
An investor who frequently strains
Our credulity always maintains
That he’s made lots of bread,
But rumors have spread
That pounds are the guy’s only gains.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Happy Chia Day! (March 23)
Gastric issues? Some recommend chia.
It might help; at least that’s the idea
To avoid constipation.
But measure your ration
Cuz ALSO not fun: DIARRHEA!
I would love a good chocolate bar,
But most of it tastes under par.
Are my standards too strict?
I confess, I feel licked;
Find a bonbon unmarred? None so far!
Happy National Chopsticks Day! (February 6)
Eating East Asian food drives me nuts.
The reason? Alas, I’m a klutz
And am dreadful with chopsticks;
I frequently drop sticks…
So must stick to a fork like a putz.
Happy National French Fries Day (July 13.)
Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I am not a big fan of French fries.
I don’t find them a sight for sore eyes.
(A sore stomach, perchance.)
Belgium fries, though, entrance.
But neither is wise for one’s thighs.
Heated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Chipotle says no packing heat
When you come to their rest’rants to eat.
This makes sense, cuz their food’s
Hot enough. Gals and dudes
Should save gunplay for home and the street.
This limerick seems appropriate for International Hot & Spicy Food Day. (January 16)
Hot & Spicy Couple (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever we’re ordering food,
We’re likely to be in the mood
For dishes quite spicy.
We hate to hear, “Dicey!
Our chef is a trifle unglued.”
Note: Mark and I love hot and spicy food. And most chefs will accommodate us, once we convince them that we don’t mean merely “American spicy.” But sometimes we’re warned that the chef is a prima donna who takes “extra spicy” requests as a personal affront.
And while this is most likely to happen when the chef’s French, I still vividly recall this Manhattan Mexican restaurant incident: The waitress said, “Don’t ask for ‘extra spicy,’ or the chef will punish you.”
We ignored her and, alas, she was right.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day.
I’ve decided to post an extra challenge this week, just in case my Limerick-Offs aren’t keeping you busy enough. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write an ACROSTIC poem that has something to do with FOOD, in any form you choose, be it limerick, haiku, quatrain, tanka, etc.
What’s an acrostic poem?
In an acrostic poem, the first letter of each line should, taken together, spell out the topic of your poem. Please note that it’s NOT enough to spell out a word; Your limerick or other poem must describe or otherwise directly relate to that word.
I’ll illustrate with an acrostic limerick, bolding the first letter of each line, for emphasis:
Acrostic Spice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes people like food that is bland.
Perhaps some enjoy cooking that’s canned.
I, in case I can’t savor
Cuisine that lacks flavor,
Embellish the dishes, by hand.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day and August 19 is Hot And Spicy Food Day.
The hot dog throwing incident almost made me feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Of course, if Tiger Woods sang Italian opera, it would have been fruit.
Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
By Madeleine Begun kane
An inventive new golf misdemeanor
Is attack Tiger Woods with a wiener.
Yes, a hot dog was thrown
And a frank critique shown.
It could have been worse: Orangina?
My addiction to writing acrostic limericks continues apace:
Greedy Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gorging gleefully all through his meal,
Ramming relish on meatloaf with zeal,
Energetically, endlessly,
Eating tremendously —
Done? Not so long as there’s veal.
Raw Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Raw veggies are healthy, they say.
We’re advised to eat tons ev’ry day.
Plus dairy, grains, fruit,
Fish or chicken to boot.
The last two not raw — Hip Hooray!
(Written for the Sunday Scribblings’ raw prompt.)
Some Dishy Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“We’re discussing our favorite dish,”
Said the gal. “Please chime in if you wish.”
“You mean Paris and Trump
And that singer’s big rump?”
“Oh my no, sir! Our topic is fish.”
(You can find more of my food and drink limericks and humor here and my Donald Trump humor here.)
A Lamb On The Lam (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A lamb on the lam in the City
Of New York, which most clearly has pity:
The lamb escapee
Said, “You ain’t eating me!”
He was pardoned, and so ends this ditty.
I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. Animal lovers will be glad to know that instead of being returned to the market, it was delivered to an animal sanctuary.
(You can find more of my animal humor and verse here and more of my food humor and poetry here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
