The foul smell of a burning cigar
Is so dreadful, it’s something I’d bar
(If I could) ev’rywhere
It’s still legal. So there!
Now you know what I’d do, were I czar.
Posts Tagged ‘February Holidays’
Just In Time For “Cigar Day” (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 27th, 2024A Cooked Up Complaint? (Limerick)
Thursday, February 9th, 2023A lawyer whose molar was aching
Lambasted a bakery’s baking:
Said his tooth had been marred
By a dangerous shard—
A shakedown, methinks, in the making.
(National Toothache Day falls on February 9.)
Limerick Ode To The Printed Book
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022I’m celebrating “Printed Book Day” (February 23) with my Limerick Ode To The Printed Book:
An occasional e-book is fine,
And I love reading columns online.
But I cherish the feel
Of a book that is REAL.
My ideal? Printed pages and spine.
Digital Madness (Limerick)
Monday, February 21st, 2022Tomorrow’s unique! Here’s a clue:
Zero-Two/ Twenty-Two/ Twenty-Two.
So start spreading the news:
Due to all of its twos,
There’s innumerous “Twosday” ado.
Happy Twosday!
Unnoteworthy Limerick
Tuesday, February 8th, 2022“The soprano attempted a note
That is out of her range,” went the quote
From the Op’ra Review.
“It was shrill, like a shrew.” —
A critique that still sticks in her throat.
(Opera Day is celebrated on two different days: February 8 and October 25.)
Happy “Read Aloud Day!” (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022I’m a big believer in reading one’s limericks aloud to check for errors. And since it’s “World Read Aloud Day” (celebrated on the first Wednesday of February) I have a good excuse to post this limerick:
Reading lim’ricks aloud can be useful.
You may find that your meter’s abuseful.
Have you broken rhyme-laws?
(Your eye can miss flaws.)
So try it, and don’t be excuseful.
This Insult Won’t Fly (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022Today is “World Ostrich Day.” And according to the Reid Park Zoo, the “second of February (2/2) was chosen to celebrate these unique birds because they only have two toes per foot!”
And the other interesting thing about ostriches, is that the whole “bury their head in the sand” thing is a myth. And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:
The ostrich’s rep has been bruised,
And ostriches aren’t amused.
We have all been misled;
They don’t bury their head
In the sand. They are falsely accused.
So if someone you know tends to hide
From the facts, shield the ostriches’ pride.
It’s time to adapt;
Find an insult more apt
Than “ostrich” with which to deride.
Happy Quiet Day! (Limerick)
Saturday, February 25th, 2017I’d hoped that a “Quiet Day” tude
Might mend my disquieted mood.
But alas, there’s no movement —
No sign of improvement.
The culprit? That bad White House Dude!
In My Humble Opinion (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017Here’s a statement that strikes me as rot:
“I am humbled.” We hear it a lot
From pols getting named
To some honor. It’s aimed
To make them seem modest. They’re not!
Happy Be Humble Day!
Thoughtful Limerick
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017If you’d like to come off as well read
And appear to have thoughts in your head,
Say “Je pense, donc je suis.”
One more thing, and it’s key:
Be prepared to explain what you’ve said.
Happy World Thinking Day.
Limerick Ode To Leap Day
Monday, February 29th, 2016It’s “Leap Day,” a day that is rare,
Which strikes me as rather unfair;
Leap Days fall just in years
Deemed “bissextile.” No leers
Please at “sex” in that term. Don’t you dare!
Limerick Ode To Bowling
Thursday, February 25th, 2016A woman who never had bowled
Married into that sport-loving fold.
Forced to play — what a pickle!
But luck is so fickle;
Once beleaguered, she’s relishing gold.
(February 25 is Go Bowling Day, and the second Saturday in August is National Bowling Day.)
QUIET!!! (Limerick)
Thursday, February 25th, 2016It’s “Quiet Day.” Kindly don’t yell.
Noise is stressful. It’s time that we quell
All the racket and clamor.
Stop pounding that hammer.
Don’t expound with ALL CAPS WHEN YOU SPELL!
Today, February 25, is Quiet Day.
Brushing Up On Your Holidays
Wednesday, February 24th, 2016This holiday surely has bite.
People honor it night after night
And each morning, I hope;
At least those who use soap
Should adore “Nylon Toothbrush Day,” right?
Nylon Toothbrush Day is celebrated on February 24th because on February 24, 1938, the first nylon bristle toothbrush, manufactured by DuPont under the name “Dr. West’s Miracle Toothbrush,” went on sale.
“Be Humble Day” Limerick
Monday, February 22nd, 2016I humbly apologize for almost forgetting to mention “Be Humble Day.” (February 22)
Dear pol, please don’t call yourself “humble.”
It’s an obvious falsehood and fumble.
Your ambition belies
Such humility cries,
And I hope your campaign takes a tumble.
Limerick Ode To The Thumb
Thursday, February 18th, 2016Thumbs are handy for women and men;
So convenient when we have a yen
To shake hands, hitch a ride,
Grab and lift, move that slide.
I just wish I had fewer than TEN.
Happy Thumb Appreciation Day. (February 18)
Happy Innovation Day (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 16th, 2016Innovation does rate an ovation,
But from change I request a vacation.
So much newness unending
Is stressful, mind-bending.
For salvation I crave a cessation.
Happy National Innovation Day. (February 16).
A Not-So-Romantic Limerick For “Propose Day”
Monday, February 8th, 2016A fellow named Bill lost his will
To propose to a gal who was shrill;
While down on his knees
He’d started to sneeze,
And she said, “You are making me ill!”
Happy Propose Day! (February 8)
Dear Would-Be Ballerina (Limerick)
Sunday, February 7th, 2016Just in time for Ballet Day (Feb. 7):
Please forget the ballet! There’s no place
On the stage for a gal lacking grace.
All your leaps and pliés
Are debasing displays.
So shoo! You’re a huge waste of space!
