Posts Tagged ‘Elaine Spall’
Sunday, February 10th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who’d been recently canned
Was steamed to be dealt a bad hand.
After stewing inside,
He went out & got fried,
And ended up pickled as planned.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred who wins the Special Super Bowl-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The Super Bowl’s finally here.
Seems the hype has been building all year.
And while some think the game
Is exceedingly lame,
They’ll use any excuse to drink beer.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was recently canned
Had squeezed a gal’s mammary gland.
He’d tried to insist
That he had just missed.
“I thought I was shaking her hand.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Elaine Spall, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Steve Whitred, Bruce Niedt, Sue Dulley, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jim Gallagher:
My cat cannot bear food that’s canned,
Out of season, unseasoned or bland.
She won’t have a nibble
Or soupçon of kibble.
But gophers are gruesomely grand.
Johanna Richmond:
A senior home worker was canned
For thoughtfully lending a hand
To the ladies — their files
He kept in two piles:
“Still stressed” and “sufficiently manned.”
Elaine Spall:
Chef Ramsay, when served something canned
In a rest’rant he once thought was grand,
Showed his utter disdain
Using words quite profane.
Both the language and food should be banned.
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was recently canned
For being too high paid a hand.
And as he was fired,
A new man was hired.
And that’s how a Walmart is manned.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A limericker recently canned
As a stock clerk had one last demand:
She said she would need her
Handheld barcode reader
To ensure that her poetry scanned.
Steve Whitred:
To paraphrase Donald, “You’re canned!”
Pointing finger, mock pistol in hand.
It’s no TV show lout
That he’s talking about,
But his face in the mirror all tanned.
Bruce Niedt:
Says Charlie, who’s recently canned,
“It’s a fate that I do understand,
Though my hour is darkest,
I once worked for Star-Kist —
We tuna are much in demand.”
Sue Dulley:
A gambler was recently canned
And banned from the MGM Grand.
He made all his wins
Masquerading as twins,
While holding a queen in each hand.
Diane Groothuis:
An elephant had to be canned
For refusing to go on the stand.
He embarrassed the clown,
Disappointed the town,
And squirted green slime at the band.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, December 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who needed a Doc
For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
But they didn’t stop till
Doc presented his bill
Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who needed a doc
Displayed palpitations & shock.
Said the doctor: “I fear
That the fiscal cliff’s near,
And you really need H&R Block.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, and Bob Dvorak. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A fellow in need of a doc
In emergency suffering from shock
Mocked his wife’s Asian cooking:
When he wasn’t looking
She struck his head hard with her wok.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow was rushed to the doc,
After getting shot up with a Glock.
The surgeon, quite nice,
Gave the guy sage advice:
“Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”
Craig Dykstra:
On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
So I make one, then say:
“Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”
Diane Groothuis:
A lady who needed a Doc
Had her foot bitten off by a croc.
Said “My dip in the sea
Made it cheaper for me:
I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.
Colleen Murphy:
A two-year old went to the doc:
When his brother was playing with caulk
He tried to seal shut
The crack in his butt
Creating a structural block.
And a 2-verse limerick from Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who needed a doc
For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
Told his flunky “Get writing,
And make it exciting.
With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”
But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
Tiny type, midst the muck,
Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
And that guy is now working the dock.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Diane Groothuis, Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 19th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gard’ner was asked to explain
How he’d won the 1st Prize once again:
“Well, perhaps you should know
I use Miracle-Gro
Plus a generous dash of Rogaine.”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
There’s only one way to explain
(Though I really don’t mean to complain)
Why the Lim’rick-Off Monday
Gets posted by Sunday:
It’s the “madness” of Madeleine Kane!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Patrick McKeon, Colleen Murphy, Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Scott Crowder, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Patrick McKeon:
A fellow was asked to explain
His decision to hijack a plane:
“I’ve got golf with my mate
And I mustn’t be late,
Else I’d surely have stolen a train.”
Colleen Murphy:
The medalist tried to explain
Why she stood on the stand in disdain:
“I should not have faulted
Last night when I vaulted.
It’s not that I’m rude, only vain.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was asked to explain
What he’d do if he had half a brain.
He replied with a laugh,
“I’d give up on that half,
And then vote for that rich guy from Bain.”
Craig Dykstra:
My silo guy tried to explain
The glass panel that keeps out the rain.
“If it’s not kept intact
Your crop rots – that’s a fact:
It’s a case of No Pane, then No Grain.”
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was asked to explain
A rather embarrassing stain:
“My umbrella’s so small,
It topped only one ball
And the rest was left out in the rain.”
Scott Crowder:
My woman was asked to explain,
Just why she was so inhumane.
She screamed, “IT’S BECAUSE,
OF THIS DAMNED MENOPAUSE!”
I thought she was merely insane.
Diane Groothuis:
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he spent every night with Helene:
“She’s sexy, she’s smart
And ignores when I fart,
And I know that she’ll never abstain”.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrick McKeon, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, August 11th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jesse Levy who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow had made a mistake
When trying to use Shake ‘N Bake.
The crumbs wouldn’t stick
To his poor chicken pick
‘Cause the darn thing was still wide awake!
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman had made a mistake
Though her mom warned, “Don’t marry a rake.”
At her wedding she knew
It was likely a clue
When his mistress popped out of the cake.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Elaine Spall, J Cosmo Newbery, Patrick McKeon, Scott Crowder, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A woman had made a mistake.
Hit the gas pedal hard, not the brake.
Through the windshield, with flair
She undressed while mid-air.
Might as well skinny dip in the lake.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A fellow had made a mistake
And wed a young girl on the ‘make.’
Though she left him quite poor,
What annoyed him much more
Was that even her breasts had been fake.
Patrick McKeon:
A fellow had made a mistake
In his plan for a duck breeding lake.
He went and bought two,
But his flock never grew
Since you can’t mate a drake with a drake.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow had made a mistake,
That only a moron would make.
When a girl meets a guy,
And offers him pie,
Don’t tell her you’d rather have cake.
Jamie Hutchinson:
The thought that she’d made a mistake
Hit a lover at climax’s quake:
“Oh, God! What a stud!
But this curdles my blood:
I’m a succubus—he’s still awake!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Elaine Spall, J Cosmo Newbery, Jamie Hutchinson, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrick McKeon, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow came forth to be wed
By a judge before whom he had pled
So often that now,
When asked for his vow,
By habit “Not guilty!” he said.
Congratulations to John Peter Larkin who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was planning to wed
And visions of bliss filled her head.
But it all came to naught
When her lover was caught
With the wife he’d neglected to shed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Richard Schear, Linda Fuller, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow was planning to wed
Till he found out they’d both been misled.
She said she was Doris.
Turned out she was Horace.
And he was an Alice, not Fred!
Richard Schear:
A fellow was planning to wed
A girl who was all in his head.
He thought, “No big deal
If she is unreal.
At least she won’t nag me in bed.”
Linda Fuller:
A woman was nervous to wed
A man with a nose cherry red.
Was it booze? Inflammation?
A freaky mutation?
Or should he be pulling a sled?
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was planning to wed
And pleased when his fiance said,
“I don’t think I can swap.
I just must be on top.”
Then he found out she bought a bunk bed.
Johanna Richmond:
Mister Romney will now try to wed
Mainstream views to extreme things he’s said,
But Ayn Randian mean
Is a bitch to scrub clean;
Ain’t no hosing that tea from his bed.
Robert Schechter:
A woman was planning to wed
A man who was thoroughly dead.
“The long and the short is
I love rigor mortis,”
She winked. “It’s so useful in bed.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Elaine Spall, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Fuller, Richard Schear, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 10 Comments »
Saturday, May 12th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dyskstra who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Met a blonde in a bar with a tan;
As we danced, she purred “I’m Maryanne.”
But the bar’s in Key West
So the rest you’ll have guessed:
That my tan Maryanne was a man.
And further congratulations go to Craig Dykstra who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, but for a different limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My freckle-faced girl can’t get tan,
So she sits in the shade with a fan.
She finally learned
That she’d only get burned.
She’s a ginger, she’s not Mary Ann.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, John Peter Larkin, Linda Fuller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Robert Schechter, and Patrick McKeon. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A guy with a very deep tan
Caught his tie on a new celing fan.
Such a costly mistake:
‘Cause his colour was fake
He spray painted the walls as he span.
John Peter Larkin:
A guy with a very deep tan
Tried out to be Marlboro’s man.
But, because of his cough,
His name was crossed off,
And that was the end of his plan.
Linda Fuller:
A gal with a very deep tan
Ate nothing but oatmeal and bran.
She tie-died her clothing
And felt a strong loathing
For food that came out of a can.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy with a very dark tan
Had left his four wives in Iran.
To be very specific,
They’d been too prolific
And he couldn’t afford a big van.
Robert Schechter:
A gal with a very deep tan
Encountered a dirty old man,
So brash and obscene he
Asked, “‘Does your bikini
Hide bronze, or a lily white can?”
Patrick McKeon:
A gal with a very deep tan
Had a different last testament plan.
Since her skin just like leather
Would hold out all weather,
It was left to a tent making man.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Elaine Spall, Jane Shelton Hoffman, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Fuller, Patrick McKeon, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, April 15th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was starting to snap
His fingers and point to his lap,
When his wife snarled, “You lech,
If you want me to fetch
Like a dog, give me more than that scrap!”
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was taking a snap
Of a lady who’d had a mishap.
Something really quite drastic
Had snapped her elastic!
No wonder his face got a slap!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Robert Basler, Scott Crowder, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Elaine Spall. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to snap
The brim of his stylish golf cap.
When a gust made it fly,
“Oh, I’m glad,” said the guy,
“That the cap and not me hit the trap,”
Robert Basler:
A fellow was starting to snap.
He did not want to get a bad rap.
He was racking his brain!
Would Madeleine Kane
Allow him to use the word crap?
Scott Crowder:
A woman was starting to snap:
The corkscrew was working like crap.
Then hubby came in,
And said with a grin,
“Honey, just twist off the cap.”
David McCormick:
A dachshund was starting to snap
At the cheese in a loaded mousetrap,
When the spring went ‘KAPOW!’
And that, friends, is how
The pug first appeared on the map!
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was starting to snap.
Her boss had his hand in her lap.
As his fingers progressed
She felt really hard-pressed
To play ball or get sacked by this chap.
Elaine Spall:
A woman was starting to snap
‘Cause she just could not undo the strap:
“Sure, it gives a nice shape
But my ‘girls’ can’t escape.
This new bra, should be called ‘Booby Trap'”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brenda Bryant, David McCormick, Elaine Spall, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Basler, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 8th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A mother was trying to show
All her kids what it takes to make dough.
When the bread was all baked
The youngest one quaked,
“Oh where did my baby tooth go?”
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was trying to show
The podiatrist her little toe;
“Could I ask,” the nurse said,
“If you’d stand on your head?
He once was a dentist, you know.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Robert Schechter, Johanna Richmond, Neal Pattison, Edmund Conti, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A small woman was trying to show
She had sizeable assets, and so
Every night, before rest
She applied to her chest
Several packets of Miracle Gro.
Robert Schechter:
A Buddhist was trying to show
He could chill out and go with the flow;
He could empty his brain
Of depression and pain;
But he freaked when I stepped on his toe.
Johanna Richmond:
To the fellow who’s trying to show
He’s “Mensa,” not any Joe Blow,
Let me give him a clue:
If you’re stuck on IQ,
You’re a member more ways than you know.
Neal Pattison:
A mom who was trying to show
Her kid how to bat, catch and throw,
Adjusted his stance
And cried, “Hike up your pants!
Now wiggle your bum to and fro.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to show
How to eat only one Cheerio.
And when he was done
I said, “That isn’t one.
It’s zero, my friend. Tally O.”
David Lefkovits:
A fellow was trying to show
His daughter the right way to mow;
He’d point, as he showed ‘er,
By kicking the rotor,
But now he’s got only one toe.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever two-verse limerick:
A fellow was trying to hide
His nature (mean, callous and snide),
But it’s hard to shrug off
With a wink and a scoff
What he did to his number two bride.
So the newt did what Newt does so well:
Told his critics to all go to hell.
With a blood-thirsty base,
Best grow fangs to save face.
Can you hear Willard Romney’s death knell?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jason Talbott, Gordon Richmond, Scott Crowder, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, and Elaine Spall. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jason Talbott:
A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.
Gordon Richmond:
A fellow was trying to hide
His “size” from the young, pretty bride,
But soon she’d discover,
Once under the cover,
She’s in for a very short ride.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was trying to hide
The fact that her hair had been dyed.
But the truth would come out
And leave not a doubt
When the gal wore a swim thong poolside.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A fellow was trying to hide
From his overly amorous bride.
He said “Wait a bit!
It’s time to admit
I got sea-sick the last time I tried!”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was trying to hide
From six women, each claimed was his bride
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives.
“Rest In Pieces” was scribed when he died.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Elaine Spall, Gordon Richmond, Jason Talbott, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall,
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Drew Nicholson, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Kathryn El-Assal:
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
Edmund Conti:
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was frequently prone
To be licking and chewing a bone.
When he started to nibble
Some leftover kibble
The doghouse was where he was thrown.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Drew Nicholson:
A guy who was frequently prone
To refusing to spend time alone
Said “My name’s Herman Cain.
I suspend my campaign,
But I’ll take VP offers by phone.”
John Peter Larkin:
A guy who was frequently prone
Was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
But she gave him the go
When he found her erogenous zone.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Drew Nicholson, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kathryn El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 5 Comments »
Sunday, June 5th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the four Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAISY MAE SIMON who wins Limerick of the Week for this amusingly clever two-verse limerick:
A fellow was in a bad mood
When his girlfriend, he learned, was a prude.
As he tried to seduce her
She said “That’s ABUSE, sir!
Stop letting your penis protrude!”
Second thoughts changed her mind and her mood.
She’d really not meant to be rude.
After all, he was cute.
He had quite a salute.
But too late, he’d been verbally screwed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, VerseBender, Elaine Spall, and Martin T. Hodges. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A fellow was in a bad mood;
He had swallowed a fly with his food.
As he coughed and he spluttered
Those nearest him muttered
“Those noises are terribly rude!”
VerseBender:
A fellow was in a bad mood
As he lay there distraught in the nude.
Other women had said
He was worthless in bed,
But this was the first time one booed.
Elaine Spall:
A woman was in a bad mood
Cause she couldn’t stop thinking of food.
Then she said “Better try it…
This new sticky diet…”
And painfully had her lips glued.
Martin T. Hodges:
A fellow was in a bad mood
After seeing himself in the nude.
He was down in the mouth
As his eyes travelled south
Where the length of his age could be viewed.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Daisy Mae Simon, Elaine Spall, Limerick Of The Week, Martin T. Hodges, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, April 24th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and three Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:
A gal with a very long name
Had one quirk when she stoked a man’s flame:
Full names she desired
So lovers required
Phonetical flair when they came.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Elaine Spall, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
VerseBender:
A guy with a very long name
Made quite a remarkable claim:
I’ve a tattoo concealed
That is only revealed
When ladies consent to inflame.
Elaine Spall:
A guy with a very long name
As a Doc, earned a quick rise to fame.
So sad, the essentials
Of all his credentials
Could not be contained in a frame.
Scott Crowder:
A guy with a very long name,
was playing a dangerous game,
with the West and Mossad,
Ahmed-din-a-zhod,
may soon set the Mid-East aflame.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Sunday, April 10th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Choosing the winners was a big challenge because we had a record number of really good submissions. So I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions (four for single verse limericks and one for multiverse limericks.)
Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever, amusing verse:
A woman was fit to be tied.
Could not lose the weight though she tried.
Then she said “Better buy it,
This new “Alarm” diet,
A fridge that said “ACCESS DENIED.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Catherine Palmer and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats for their delightful limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was fit to be tied:
“How the food makers subtly misguide!
While the price has held steady
Per box of spaghetti,
There’s not as much noodle inside.”
Scott Crowder:
A fellow was fit to be tied,
At his failure to be certified.
The doc looked at his brain,
Told the judge he was sane,
And the fellow was fit to be tried.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride:
“If you’re planning to hang
With your old drunken gang
I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”
Catherine Palmer:
A man who was fit to be tied
Was mad at his beautiful bride.
She took out a saddle.
Then threatened a paddle
if he didn’t agree to a ride!
Patrice of the ManyCats:
A fellow was fit to be tied
Viewing pics that displayed his backside:
He was naked (big deal)
But bemoaned each huge meal,
For he clearly was less tall than wide.
But determined to locate a mate,
He conversed with a promising date
‘Til she saw his webpage,
Guessed his height, weight, and age
And refused further contact ~ cruel Fate.
Then inclined to decline dates and mope,
He was tempted to give up all hope.
Would all women pass? Yet
Fresh thoughts of his asset
Provided a way he could cope.
He posted, “Pull Over – Wide Load!
Sweet, snuggly, with gorgeous abode.
I’ll rock you each night,
It’ll be outta sight!
I’m a doctor.” (His stethoscope showed.)
He sat back as responses flowed in,
Then he read hers: aah, Angel of Sin.
She was smart, lovely, built.
His libido went Tilt!
Now they bare it all nightly, and grin.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. As I said, there were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best limericks was quite a challenge.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Catherine Palmer, David Lefkovits, Elaine Spall, Limerick Of The Week, Patrice Stewart, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
