Today (December 15) is International Tea Day. (It’s also celebrated on May 21.)
Cappuccino’s my drink. Please, no tea!
Don’t bring green, black, or white. Leave me be!
No, I DON’T long for oolong.
I KNOW not to brew long.
Happy “Tea Day” to all, except ME!
A fellow who’s known as a lush
Was downing his drinks in a rush.
“If I’m late,” he proclaimed,
“She who shall not be named
Says from now on she’ll ‘only serve mush!'”
I couldn’t resist using the new-to-me word “guttle” in a limerick. (It means “to eat or drink greedily and noisily.”)
Said a gal to her husband, “You guttle!”
She entreated him, “Try to be subtle
When drinking and chewing.
It’s rude what you’re doing!”
“Well at least I don’t fart!” — his rebuttal.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PUNCTUATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PUNCTUATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 21, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SINK/SYNC-rhyme limerick:
I’m teetering right on the brink,
And it feels like my life’s out of sync.
I’m off of my feed.
So what do I need?
A shrink? Or another stiff drink?
And here’s my PUNCTUATION-themed limerick:
“You’ve a problem: You drink too much, pop.”
That comma’s essential – full stop!
Cuz without it the drinker
Is any old stinker…
And the bev’rage? Non-alcohol slop.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Many people are prone to get frisky
The minute they guzzle some whiskey.
But it’s worse, you’ll agree,
When while off on a spree,
Their behavior’s (tsk-tsk) rather risky.
Happy World Whiskey Day! (3rd Saturday of May)
While I don’t drink stout (or any sort of beer, ale, lager, etc.) I couldn’t resist celebrating “International Stout Day” with a limerick:
A patient whose ailment was gout,
Was informed that he drank too much stout.
The fellow turned pale,
As he yelled “I need ale!
“Downing beer is what living’s about.”
Today is a big day for bourbon,
But my taste for it doesn’t need curbin’.
Now tequila and wine
And cognac are fine.
But the flavor of bourbon? Disturbin’!
Happy National Bourbon Day! (June 14)
For some inexplicable reason, today’s “Take A Cruise Day,” which is my excuse for this limerick:
While a fellow was off on a cruise,
He smoked grass and kept knocking back booze.
“When I’m seasick,” he said,
“Weed and hootch soothe my head.
And I’d rather be woozy from wooze*.”
* “Wooze” is slang for the combination of weed and booze.
Few inventions inspire my awe,
But I’m rather impressed with the straw.
Sucking liquid through tubes
Is suggestive of lubes…
Although straw men still stick in my craw.
(National Drinking Straw Day is celebrated on January 3, in honor of Marvin Stone’s January 3, 1888 patent.)
Never Tease Me With Teas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I never drink hot or iced tea.
I just bag it as naught but debris,
Though it might pack a punch
Were it spiked, say with brunch.
But please leave out the tea-taste — that’s key!
NOTE: While studying up on today’s holiday, National Iced Tea Day, I was surprised to learn that tea in the U.S. was originally booze-laden.
Bar Talk Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man had enjoyed a good year
And was trying to spread some good cheer.
But others whose luck
Had been worse said, “Hey schmuck,
Just stop talking and pay for our beer.”
Happy International Beer Day! (First Friday in August)
Limerick Ode To The Cocktail
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We celebrate cocktails in May:
May 13th is “World Cocktail Day.” Yay!
But I hope you won’t laugh
When I say on behalf
Of its worshippers: Why just one day?
(On May 13, 1806, The Balance and Columbian Repository, an upstate New York newspaper, published the first known definition of the word “cock-tail,” as “a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters.”)
Two back-to-back Italy-inspired limericks! What the heck’s going on with that country?
Another “Food” I Won’t Be Trying (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s something that sounds quite incredible:
A beer you can eat cuz it’s spreadable.
Since I don’t even think
That beer’s tasty to drink,
Beer on ice cream or toast sounds inedible.
(Here’s yesterday’s limerick about those poor Italian husbands who can no longer afford an apartment for their mistresses. And here’s the news story about Italy’s latest culinary concoction: spreadable beer.)
I wish I were making this London singles event up, but apparently not:
You like pub crawls? Then here’s some great news
For singles who care about loos
And do not mind their scent:
There’s a singles event—
Toilet dates. I’d prefer just the booze.
Those Smashing French Language Police (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Le Binge Drinking’s” been outlawed in France.
They’re maintaining a very strict stance–
Not against all that drinking.
No! What were you thinking?
It’s their “dump English verbiage” dance.
A new phrase that has Frenchified grace
Must henceforth be used to replace
Such Anglicized words,
Discarded like turds:
“Beuverie express” — drink at fast pace.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal was disturbed by a line …*
or
A man was disturbed by a line …*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Lining Up For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal was disturbed by a line
That stretched round the block to buy wine.
“Beaujolais Très Nouveau”
Read the sign. She said, “No!
I need grapes fully weaned from the vine.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
