Something I’ve Noticed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This notice can fill you with dread,
When it comes from your office-place head:
Not the “blue slip,” you smarty–
The “holiday party!”
I’ll bet you’d feel safer in bed.
Posts Tagged ‘December Holidays’
Something I’ve Noticed (Limerick)
Monday, December 8th, 2014Charlotte’s Ruse
Monday, July 7th, 2014Charlotte’s Ruse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Ms. Charlotte was trying to fix
Choc’late brownies by using a mix.
Then she buried the box
Under undies and sox,
And declared them homemade. (They were bricks.)
Happy World Chocolate Day! (July 7)
December 8 is “National Brownie Day.”
Resolution Disclaimer (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 1st, 2014Resolution Disclaimer (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
A Pessimist’s Ode To “Look On The Bright Side Day”
Saturday, December 21st, 2013I was disturbed to hear that today (December 21) is “Look On The Bright Side Day.”
Please don’t tell me to “look on the bright side.”
This merely exposes your trite side.
Neither wise, nor delightful,
It makes me feel spiteful.
Quote that maxim? I’ll max out my smite side.
Regifting Gone Wrong (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 19th, 2012Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)
Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.
A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.
A Limerick For National Chocolate Day
Saturday, October 27th, 2012Tomorrow, October 28th, is National Chocolate Day. (Okay, every day is chocolate day in my house. But still…)
A Limerick for National Chocolate Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, no! Did I make a mistake
While baking that chocolate cake?
An ingredient doubled?
Or tripled? I’m troubled!
I should have bought something from Drake.*
* Drake’s a baking company, now a subsidary of Hostess.
UPDATE: If you need a further excuse, I’ve just learned that December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day.
Yet Another Excuse To Eat Chocolate (Limerick)
Thursday, October 11th, 2012Just what we all need — yet another reason to eat chocolate!
Eat chocolate, win a Nobel Prize?
It may sound far-fetched, but a new study suggests it might not be bad advice.
The results show countries that eat the most chocolate also have the highest number of Nobel laureates per capita.
Yet Another Excuse To Eat Chocolate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you want yet another excuse
To engage in some chocolate abuse,
It seems eating those sweets
Will create smart elites
And can Nobel Prize winners produce.
UPDATE: If you need a further excuse, I’ve just learned that December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day.
New Year’s Resolutions Haiku
Thursday, December 29th, 2011Foretell the future?
Easy! Just predict that you’ll
break resolutions.
*****
Why bother making
fresh New Year’s resolutions?
Re-attempt last year’s.
*****
The first haiku was prompted by Theme Thursday’s future prompt.
Drunken New Year’s Limerick
Saturday, January 1st, 2011I wrote this limerick right after Mark and I finished celebrating the new year with lots of champagne. Nice to know that I can write a limerick (more or less) while under the influence:
Drunken Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
And speaking of “under the influence,” never forget this important adage: Let he who is without gin blast the first groan.
New Year’s Eve Limerick
Friday, December 31st, 2010New Year’s Eve Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Year’s Eve is upon us. Hooray!
Wish you all lots of joy night and day!
And to each of my friends
As the current year ends,
I promise more limerick play.
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
Saturday, December 25th, 2010A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
We Jews Need A Christmas Limerick, STAT!
Saturday, December 25th, 2010When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”
We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.
So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
No Hallelujahs Here For Handel’s Messiah
Thursday, December 23rd, 2010I don’t want to sound negative (I try to save the negativity for my political blog) but I hate Handel’s Messiah.
It’s not that I have anything against Handel. His Water Music and his Royal Fireworks Music are very enjoyable. And he wrote some lovely oboe sonatas.
But the Messiah? Hearing just a measure or two is enough to drive me nuts. And not just because of its really boring Hallelujah Chorus. Or the fact that you can’t get through the Christmas holidays without roughly a gazillion choral societies singing the damn thing.
Handel’s Messiah is dull enough to turn almost anyone into an atheist. And that’s why I wrote this haiku and limerick:
Haiku:
Sacrilege, I know.
But to Handel’s Messiah
I say, “Bach! Humbug!”
Limerick:
I sigh when I hear the Messiah.
It’s a work that just doesn’t inspiah.
Give me Bach any day.
Rather see the ballet!
So enough Hallelujahs! Oh, myah!
Update: My pal Bill Nothstine points me to this Flash Mob performance of the Messiah’s Hallelujah Chorus. And I have to agree with him — if you’re going to see any of the Messiah, this is the way to do it.
Holiday Office Party Haiku
Saturday, December 18th, 2010Last week I wrote a series of holiday office party haiku before and after my husband’s office Christmas party. Having survived the festivities, I figured I’d post what’s turned into a trilogy here. (Note: I added one in 2014, turning it into a quartet.)
Holiday party
At husband’s office tonight.
Note to self: Behave.
Trying not to smile–
must conserve facial muscles
for office party.
Friendly note from pals:
“Enjoy the office party.”
Never a good plan.
Ev’ryone behaved
At the office Christmas bash.
Now safe to have fun.
(You can find more of my office party humor here.)
Limerick Ode To Ludwig Van Beethoven
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Oh, joy! I just realized that today is Beethoven’s birthday. How Pathétique of me to almost forget the birth date of this Eroica fellow. After all, I’m so Appassionata about his music, the least I can do is make a concerted effort to remember his birthday.
But I did manage to orchestrate a limerick opus in Beethoven’s honor:
It’s Beethoven’s birthday today.
Born in 1770 — Yay!
His nine symphonies — great!
None compare — no debate.
Happy birthday, dear Ludwig. Hooray!
