Posts Tagged ‘David Lefkovits’
Sunday, March 3rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Ira Bloom, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gay fellow often will drone,
How his Android, on ‘vibe,’ makes him groan.
“As in ‘moan?'” asks his guys,
“Also ‘large'” he replies.
“‘Groan’ and ‘grown;’ it’s a fab homophone.”
Congratulations to Tim James and Sue Dulley, who jointly win the Special Oscar-Themed Limerick Award for their respective funny limericks:
Tim James:
Though “Lincoln” showed craft and élan,
And by critics was much smiled upon,
Despite all the spinning
Its chances of winning
Argoing, Argoing, Argone.
Sue Dulley:
The nominees, spruced up and styled,
Past red carpet cam’ras have filed.
They sit in their places
With faux-serene faces,
While the audience goes Oscar-wild.
Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick.
A fellow would constantly drone
On and on in the same monotone.
And to make matters worse,
He would do it in verse
In the voice of Sylvester Stallone.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) SisterAE, Jim Gallagher, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Robert Schwarztrauber, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sister AE:
A fellow who’d constantly drone
On the bagpipes when he was alone,
Had offended his girl
With the squeak and the skirl.
But he now tries his best to atone.
Jim Gallagher:
The airman maneuvered the drone
At his desk in an office, alone.
He struck them all dead
In an impulse of dread,
While he ordered Chinese on the phone.
Craig Dykstra:
Met this prig who just tended to drone
About surveys that “clearly have shown”
True New Yorkers have class,
But this wannabe ass
Really drives in each day from Bayonne.
Jamie Hutchinson:
Bend an ear to the paperclip drone:
By hook or by crook there’s a tone.
Those hairpins are bound
To report with some sound.
Why else would the French say “trombone”?
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who’d constantly drone
Of all the wild seeds he had sown
Increasingly found
That, as an old hound,
It’s harder to dig up a bone.
Robert Schwarztrauber:
A fellow who felt like a drone,
Rang the President up on the phone.
Said he wanted to spy
On his neighbor from high
When she’s out by the pool all alone.
Steve Whitred:
A woman would constantly drone
To her sis “Get a beau of your own”
Because, if she arose
To go powder her nose,
She’d return, and her date would be blown.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Jim Gallagher, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schwarztrauber, Sister AE, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 16 Comments »
Sunday, February 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Found my dog in her pretty bow tie
Fast asleep near a half-eaten pie.
I said “Fifi, confess!
It was you made this mess!”
But you know how those sleeping dogs lie.
Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins the Special Valentine’s Day-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I don’t have a Valentine card,
Though I searched on the whole boulevard.
There were none on the shelf,
So I wrote this myself
And I’m hoping I won’t be dis-bard.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was wearing a tie
Thought he looked good enough to get by.
He got taken away
By the ol’ TSA
“’Cause you’re not wearing pants, sir – that’s why.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Edmund Conti, Lois Douthitt, Ira Bloom, Bob Dvorak, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
A tourist was wearing a tie.
She wanted to look like a guy.
So why did we fail
To see her as male?
She asked for directions, that’s why.
David Lefkovits:
A man who was wearing a tie
Remarked, with a gleam in his eye:
“Although I’m well-dressed,
I’m not as repressed
As these regiment stripes would imply.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was wearing a Thai
Round his neck and was wondering why.
Can it be that all these
Unrestrained Siamese
Have trouble just saying “Good-bye”?
Lois Douthitt:
As the pirate was trying to tie
Up his wench, she refused to comply.
“Prone again on the bed?
I want face-up instead!
We will—arrgh!—never see aye-to-aye.”
Ira Bloom:
A jarhead, while wearing a tie,
Put his hand on a young lady’s thigh.
He was somewhat a louse,
As she wasn’t his spouse:
“Always ready” but not “semper fi.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was wearing a tie:
Very long, it ran down to his fly.
Ask him why, he just sighs
And then gently replies,
“Comes in handy, to wipe her mouth dry.”
Craig Dykstra:
I got asked by a guy in a tie
Where my sexual preferences lie.
Was I straight? Was I gay?
“Well I guess I would say
That I do just enough to get bi.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lois Douthitt, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 10th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who’d been recently canned
Was steamed to be dealt a bad hand.
After stewing inside,
He went out & got fried,
And ended up pickled as planned.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred who wins the Special Super Bowl-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The Super Bowl’s finally here.
Seems the hype has been building all year.
And while some think the game
Is exceedingly lame,
They’ll use any excuse to drink beer.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was recently canned
Had squeezed a gal’s mammary gland.
He’d tried to insist
That he had just missed.
“I thought I was shaking her hand.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Elaine Spall, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Steve Whitred, Bruce Niedt, Sue Dulley, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jim Gallagher:
My cat cannot bear food that’s canned,
Out of season, unseasoned or bland.
She won’t have a nibble
Or soupçon of kibble.
But gophers are gruesomely grand.
Johanna Richmond:
A senior home worker was canned
For thoughtfully lending a hand
To the ladies — their files
He kept in two piles:
“Still stressed” and “sufficiently manned.”
Elaine Spall:
Chef Ramsay, when served something canned
In a rest’rant he once thought was grand,
Showed his utter disdain
Using words quite profane.
Both the language and food should be banned.
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was recently canned
For being too high paid a hand.
And as he was fired,
A new man was hired.
And that’s how a Walmart is manned.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A limericker recently canned
As a stock clerk had one last demand:
She said she would need her
Handheld barcode reader
To ensure that her poetry scanned.
Steve Whitred:
To paraphrase Donald, “You’re canned!”
Pointing finger, mock pistol in hand.
It’s no TV show lout
That he’s talking about,
But his face in the mirror all tanned.
Bruce Niedt:
Says Charlie, who’s recently canned,
“It’s a fate that I do understand,
Though my hour is darkest,
I once worked for Star-Kist —
We tuna are much in demand.”
Sue Dulley:
A gambler was recently canned
And banned from the MGM Grand.
He made all his wins
Masquerading as twins,
While holding a queen in each hand.
Diane Groothuis:
An elephant had to be canned
For refusing to go on the stand.
He embarrassed the clown,
Disappointed the town,
And squirted green slime at the band.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Gallagher, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, February 3rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A mother steps out in the hall
As she breast-feeds her teenager Paul.
Well aware of the glares
And disparaging stares,
She declares, “Hey, you can’t wean ’em all!”
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for a different limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
If a specter is haunting your hall
Or a wraith has you climbing the wall,
There’s a Ghostbuster crew
With a liquified goo
That will dampen your spirits—just call!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jamie Hutchinson, Chris Doyle, Tim James, Ann Martin, Johanna Richmond, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A young thief was attempting to haul
The loot he’d obtained at the mall.
But he wasn’t too wise
Cause police know that guys
Won’t be pregnant and wearing a shawl.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Said a corpulent fellow named Hall,
Who was portlier than he was tall:
“It’s a myst’ry to me
How I came by E.D.;
In fact, I can’t grasp it at all.”
Jamie Hutchinson:
The mayor was out in the hall,
Getting high on his back by the wall.
“To judge from his manner,”
Suggested the planner,
“He won’t try to stop herb-and-sprawl.”
Chris Doyle:
A chorine who performs in a hall
In Paree has no booty at all.
She’s a kicking machine
And a dancer who’s lean.
(In the can can, your can can be small.)
Tim James:
Larry Craig entered Congress’s hall,
Backing right-wing designs above all.
But it stopped his advance
When he took a wide stance.
His career then went into a stall.
Ann Martin:
A student stepped into the hall
For he claimed he must heed Nature’s call;
But he whipped out his cell,
Phoned a friend: “Can you tell
The precise date of dear old Rome’s fall?”
Johanna Richmond:
An elderly bride in the hall
Married “Stretchy Tri-testicle Saul.”
’Twas her last day — they say
One went down the wrong way;
Well, at least she died having a ball.
Sue Dulley:
I’ve given up pacing the hall
And now I’ll just stare at the wall.
I have no Aleve
To help me conceive
A verse fit to share with you all.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Chris Doyle, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, January 13th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
At beriths, Rabbi Cohen would claim,
“I’m not in this for fortune or fame.
Though a mohel takes joy
In each circumcised boy,
It’s the kid who has skin in the game.”
Congratulations to Boysan Faletusi, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow would frequently claim,
“I’m hung and you’re not, what a shame.”
His friend said, “Don’t brag,
Your hag is a ‘drag,’
And mine is a fine-lookin’ dame!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Bill Klein, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman would piously claim
That her husband was easy to tame.
No more Internet porn
Or gambling he’d sworn,
But he kept it up using her name.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A hunter would frequently claim
“Always making clean kills is my game.”
As a kid, a pet kitten
He’d grievously smitten–
Since then, he has been anti-maim.
Bill Klein:
A woman would loudly exclaim
At great volume whenever she came.
But her man was a fool
Who thought her a jewel
‘Til that night she cried out the wrong name.
Colleen Murphy:
My three-year old often would claim
He tinkled with accurate aim.
When asked why the potty
Was always so spotty,
He said that his dad was to blame.
Scott Crowder:
A woman would frequently claim.
Her husband was lazy and lame.
I’m sorry, my dear,
Now fetch me a beer,
And let me get back to the game.
Steve Whitred:
A fellow would frequently claim
That all women he knew were the same.
Always early, he’d wait
With concern for each date,
And thank god if they finally came.
Tim James:
Some athletes would frequently claim,
“I’d never use steroids! That’s lame!”
They resembled in bulk
The Incredible Hulk.
Too bad there’s no Drug Hall of Fame.
David Lefkovits:
Mr. Christie had put in a claim
For a hurricane (Sandy, by name),
Which his buddy, the Speaker,
Delayed by a week or
A month, to his evident shame.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Our mother would frequently claim
That my brother and I were to blame.
“You boys broke what encloses
My painting of roses.”
Together we cried: “It’s a frame!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Boysan Faletusi, Byron Miller, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, December 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who needed a Doc
For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
But they didn’t stop till
Doc presented his bill
Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who needed a doc
Displayed palpitations & shock.
Said the doctor: “I fear
That the fiscal cliff’s near,
And you really need H&R Block.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, and Bob Dvorak. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A fellow in need of a doc
In emergency suffering from shock
Mocked his wife’s Asian cooking:
When he wasn’t looking
She struck his head hard with her wok.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow was rushed to the doc,
After getting shot up with a Glock.
The surgeon, quite nice,
Gave the guy sage advice:
“Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”
Craig Dykstra:
On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
So I make one, then say:
“Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”
Diane Groothuis:
A lady who needed a Doc
Had her foot bitten off by a croc.
Said “My dip in the sea
Made it cheaper for me:
I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.
Colleen Murphy:
A two-year old went to the doc:
When his brother was playing with caulk
He tried to seal shut
The crack in his butt
Creating a structural block.
And a 2-verse limerick from Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who needed a doc
For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
Told his flunky “Get writing,
And make it exciting.
With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”
But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
Tiny type, midst the muck,
Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
And that guy is now working the dock.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Diane Groothuis, Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, December 9th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A king who was rather urbane
Decreed that, throughout his domain,
The marching brigades
Must practice their trades
If they want to parade on his reign.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My accountant is smart and urbane.
He knows tricks that can hide any gain.
His skills are so clear
That he’s known around here
As the Master of Ledger-demain.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Bob Dvorak, Jamie Hutchinson, Kirk Miller, and KC Browncoat Sloan. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A baker from France, so urbane,
Decided to open a chain
Of stores selling bread,
But it sounded instead
Like he sold S&M: “Au Bon Pain.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
My dog who is rather urbane
Thinks trips to the woods are a pain,
Just tree trunks and bugs
with NO hydrant plugs.
He lifts up his leg in disdain.
Colleen Murphy:
The British folk, mostly urbane
Thought England’s Prince Harry inane
For clearly not knowing
The parts he was showing
Would not just in Vegas remain.
Kathy El-Assal:
There once was an artist urbane,
Avant-guard in the past, now mundane.
To reignite interest,
He posted on Pinterest
A shock-value, cock weathervane.
Bob Dvorak:
A man who was rather urbane
Thought his lim’ricks did better in Spain.
But sea air wouldn’t do,
So to Paris he flew.
In the end they just found him… in Seine.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A rancher who’s very urbane
Gives his cattle a sip of champagne
From a glass, not a trough,
Before sending them off
To the slaughter by passenger train.
Kirk Miller:
A man who is rather urbane
Is balding and wants to attain
More hair on his head.
A sculler friend said:
The elegant method: Row-gain.
KC Browncoat Sloan:
A man who was rather urbane,
From drinking would often abstain.
When friends asked him why,
He would say, with a sigh,
“Well, the shakes make me spill my cocaine.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Kathy El-Assal, KC Browncoat Sloan, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, October 28th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes.
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats,
And the parts in between simply froze.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The nudists would frequently pose
In group shots without any clothes.
But the photos they’d crop,
Leave the waist to the top
To hide any parts that arose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Reinhard, Jazzbumpa, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Craig Dykstra:
So this model is striking a pose.
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently pose,
For wifey, without any clothes.
And to make him look hung,
As when he was young,
She’d zoom in as far as it goes.
Phyllis Reinhard:
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question — what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
JazzBumpa:
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jazzbumpa, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Reinhard, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At teaching his dog a command.
But he slurred just a bit,
And when he said “Sit,”
He got a bit more than he planned.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Brendan Beary, Richard Diakun, Carolyn Henly, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.
Tim James:
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires
For clients’ desires;
Supply was outstripped by demand.
Brendan Beary:
A fellow was trying his hand
On the Tokyo stage, but was canned —
The director yelled, “Cut!”
Then reproached him with, “What
Part of Noh do you not understand?”
Richard Diakun:
The lady again played her hand,
And this time the pot was a grand.
She got quite a rush
As she showed off her flush.
Her cleavage distracted as planned.
Carolyn Henly:
A poet was trying her hand
At a lim’rick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was trying his hand
At making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell
To know I can grow on-demand.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Beary, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, September 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was planning a spread
“For the birthday,” she said, “of my Fred.
He’s a sorry schlemiel
Without much appeal,
But surprisingly useful in bed.”
Congratulations to Susan Taylor, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A rich man was planning a spread
Of ads full of lies to be read.
“We’ll swing the election!
Evade all detection!
It’s free speech, the High Court has said.”
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this special Limerick Repartee Award for her limerick written in response to Craig Dykstra’s Limerick of the Week winner from last week. To fully appreciate Johanna’s verse, you need to read Craig’s and Johanna’s limericks back to back. So here they are:
Craig Dykstra:
The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman, caressing her spread,
To the squirt at the Sealy store said,
“Queen indeed, but I fear
You can’t satisfy, dear:
Extra firm’s what I like in my bed.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Carolyn Henly, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A fellow was planning a spread;
“A barbecue’s coming!” he said.
But a shortage of beef
Gave him all kinds of grief.
Now no one can find Mr. Ed.
Carolyn Henly:
A woman was planning a spread,
But she wasn’t quite right in the head.
The theme of her gig
Was “A Night in the Brig.”
She served nothing but water and bread.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
While a rancher was checking his spread,
He found a lone cow in a shed.
“The bull is out wooing.
I don’t feel like screwing.
I really don’t want to be bred!”
Daniel Ari: (For an extra laugh check out his limerick link.)
I, Daniel, am planning a spread
Of humus, falafel and bread;
And since my own pate
Is smooth as a plate,
I’ll serve it on top of my head.
Jamie Hutchinson:
When a shepherd boy laid out a spread
For his lover, she turned tail and fled.
“What was it, my pet,
That spoiled our duet?
The haggis? Or something I said?”
Colleen Murphy:
A dingbat was planning a spread,
But mixed up her plans in her head.
She mashed the tomatoes
And sliced raw potatoes,
Then stuffed the fresh duck in the bread.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Daniel Ari, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Susan Taylor, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 11 Comments »
Sunday, September 2nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Bill Klein who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A farm wife was peeved at her mate
And his personal hygiene of late.
The stench so extended,
The pigs were offended
And threatened to move out of state.
Congratulations to Jim Delaney who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was peeved at her mate,
So she packed all his stuff in a crate
In the dark before dawn,
Set it out on the lawn,
And abandoned it all to its fate.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Richard Diakun, Stephen Fleming, Johanna Richmond, Jim Sullivan, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Richard Diakun:
A woman was peeved at her mate,
Who thought when she said she was late
That all of their lovin’
Left one in the oven,
Instead of her plane at the gate.
Stephen Fleming:
A woman was peeved at her mate
For constantly putting on weight.
But “the bigger the cushion,
The better the pushin’,”
He said as he cleaned off his plate.
Johanna Richmond:
A woman’s been peeved at her mate
Since their date back in seventy eight
When a finger of rum
Shot his plan not to come;
Now she rues the words “I’ll take it straight.”
Jim Sullivan:
A woman was peeved with her mate,
An actor who loved to orate.
She said, “Clint, if you dare
Yell at one more damn chair,
Pack your bags, and I’ll show you the gate!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was peeved that her mate
Spent their cash at a scandalous rate.
“It isn’t the cars
Or the Cuban cigars;
It’s the tips for the strippers I hate!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A husky was peeved at a mate.
He growled, “She’s not pulling her weight.
I was shocked at the sight
As she crept out last night
And went with a Wolf on a date!”
Bruce Niedt:
A woman was peeved at her mate,
A Saudi oil-rich potentate:
“We had a big fight
‘Cos he’s drilling tonight,
But by that he means wife number eight!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Jim Delaney, Jim Sullivan, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Richard Diakun, Stephen Fleming, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 26th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was very obsessed
With being a tidy houseguest.
She was not asked agin,
Though as neat as a pin,
For she’d cleaned out their medicine chest!
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Scott Crowder, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Craig Dykstra:
Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
That her negligee should have been pressed:
“Are you try’na be cruel
You near-sighted old fool?
I have already gotten undressed!”
Scott Crowder:
A fellow was very obsessed,
And he just couldn’t get any rest,
‘Til the meter was right,
The rhyming was tight,
And the syllables properly stressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jim Delaney, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was very obsessed
With the size of the feminine breast.
When he’d speak with a lady
His glance was so shady
“Up here!” was the oft-heard request.
Bill Klein:
A fellow was very obsessed
With funds he had chanced to invest.
But alas, Facebook stock
Promptly dropped like a rock.
Thus, so did the egg from his nest.
Bruce Niedt:
A father was very obsessed
With the way that his teenage girl dressed:
“You inveterate flirt,
That’s a belt, not a skirt,
And your blouse reveals most of your chest!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A fellow was very obsessed
With a very old house he possessed
On the Oregon coast,
Even had its own ghost.
It’s the spirit that settled the West!
Jim Delaney:
A woman was very obsessed
With her health, as she later confessed.
Scared of losing her wits,
She kept checking her tits
To make sure she was keeping abreast.
Colleen Murphy:
“My poodle is very obsessed
With mating,” his owner confessed,
“The Great Dane next door.
But prospects are poor
‘Cause he’s barely a foot high at best.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, July 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was putting on airs
At society ballroom affairs:
“I’m seeing a gent
From the point-one percent;
It’s beneath me to date millionaires.”
Congratulations to Bob Dvorak who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was putting on airs
And padding her modest upstairs.
The guy on her date
Found this all out too late.
‘Twas a package of buyer B-wares.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Jason Talbott, Craig Dykstra, Patrick McKeon, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
An attorney was putting on airs
To impress his new right-wing confrères:
“Screw the ACLU!
I’m preparing to sue
In high court for my right to arm bears!”
Jason Talbott:
A fellow was putting on airs
As a master of plumbing repairs,
But his ego was crushed
When the toilet was flushed
And the payload still flowed down the stairs.
Craig Dykstra:
A pro bowler was putting on airs:
“I love women – alone or in pairs.
When I see one I like
I can score with one strike,
And I’m quite good at picking up spares.”
Patrick McKeon:
A woman was putting on airs
As she slowly ascended the stairs
But her cover was blown
When the glass floor had shown
That the dress is quite all that she wears.
Johanna Richmond:
Jan Brewer is putting on airs.
It’s a win for the states, she declares!
The republican style
(Ignore facts with a smile)
Suits this queen of right-wing derrieres.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A hunter was putting on airs.
He’d shot moose and he’d wrestled with bears.
Then a tiny grey mouse
Appeared in his house
And he fled to the top of the stairs.
Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty
A fellow was putting on Airs,
But his wife flashed disparaging stares.
“Get the shoes if you like,
But you won’t play like Mike
Even if you buy fifty-nine pairs!”
Jamie Hutchinson:
Viagra is putting on airs
With old couples who dash up the stairs.
Why, the ladies, you’d think
Had grown a new pink
And the gents had developed new pairs!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jason Talbott, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Patrick McKeon, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, April 22nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man was recounting his woes
After leaving his gal in the throes.
“If I’d known,” he did sob,
“She was part of the mob,
I’d still have ten fingers and toes.”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Bambi told Thumper his woes
When he found out his sisters were ho’s.
“They confirm they’re not queer
When the bucks all stop here –-
They’ll do dese, but they will not do does.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, VerseBender, Ira Bloom, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and John Sardo. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A gal was recounting her woes
As she dressed in her old running clothes,
“Now my races are short
I am sad to report
But there IS a long run in my hose!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A man was recounting his woes
Of nights with Colombian hoes:
“In old Cartagena,
The hookers are plainer
Than agents were led to suppose.”
Versebender:
A man was recounting his woes
As pushing his mower, he mows.
Then he tripped on a root
And ran over his boot.
So now he’s recounting his toes.
Ira Bloom:
A man was recounting his woes,
As he guzzled expensive Bordeaux:
“On my capital gains,
Taxes caused me such pains,
That this year I can’t buy more van Goghs.”
David McCormick:
The Queen was recounting her woes;
“One’s 23rd time in Tussaud’s!
And each time they’ve sculpted
More wrinkles!” she gulped, “It
Quite makes one reluctant to pose.”
John Sardo:
A gal was recounting her woes
She invested in stock that soon froze.
It soared with the bubble,
Then crumbled to rubble.
So that’s how the market wind blows.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Ira Bloom, John Sardo, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, April 8th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A mother was trying to show
All her kids what it takes to make dough.
When the bread was all baked
The youngest one quaked,
“Oh where did my baby tooth go?”
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman was trying to show
The podiatrist her little toe;
“Could I ask,” the nurse said,
“If you’d stand on your head?
He once was a dentist, you know.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Robert Schechter, Johanna Richmond, Neal Pattison, Edmund Conti, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A small woman was trying to show
She had sizeable assets, and so
Every night, before rest
She applied to her chest
Several packets of Miracle Gro.
Robert Schechter:
A Buddhist was trying to show
He could chill out and go with the flow;
He could empty his brain
Of depression and pain;
But he freaked when I stepped on his toe.
Johanna Richmond:
To the fellow who’s trying to show
He’s “Mensa,” not any Joe Blow,
Let me give him a clue:
If you’re stuck on IQ,
You’re a member more ways than you know.
Neal Pattison:
A mom who was trying to show
Her kid how to bat, catch and throw,
Adjusted his stance
And cried, “Hike up your pants!
Now wiggle your bum to and fro.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to show
How to eat only one Cheerio.
And when he was done
I said, “That isn’t one.
It’s zero, my friend. Tally O.”
David Lefkovits:
A fellow was trying to show
His daughter the right way to mow;
He’d point, as he showed ‘er,
By kicking the rotor,
But now he’s got only one toe.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, March 25th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who tended her brood,
Followed hens who had eggs to extrude.
When a randy old rooster
Ran up and then goosed her,
She cried, “What a foul interlude!”
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman who tended to brood
Decided to have her hair blued
When she heard someone say,
“She ought to stay gray
Because that color matches her mood.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Robert Schechter, Jim Delaney, Patience and the Prodigal, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who tended to brood
On the right to be seen in the nude
Appealed to the court
With no briefs in support,
So they didn’t know what to conclude.
Robert Schechter:
A fellow who tended to brood
When a lion considered him food,
Declared, “I’m so sorry
To leave your safari,
But lions are best when eschewed.”
Jim Delaney:
A fellow who tended to brood
Had the notion to start up a feud.
Soon his lust for vendetta
Outclassed operetta
For plots that were petty, but skewed.
Patience and the Prodigal:
A fellow who tended to brood
Checked the price of a barrel of crude:
“To the devil and hell
With Exxon and Shell.”
For the rest of his life he canoed!
RJ Clarken:
A fella who tended to brood
On affairs of the heart, did conclude
That perhaps if he tried
A somnambulant bride
She would not run away when pursued.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patience and the Prodigal, RJ Clarken, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 13 Comments »
Sunday, March 4th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was a-ponderin’ Newt, Mitt, and Rick:
“Which-a these millionaires
Can pretend that he cares
About me? That’s the slicker I’ll pick.”
Today I’m introducing a new and experimental award category: Congratulations to Mark Kane who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was making his play with some chick.
He said “Babe don’t be nervous,
I’m here for your service,
And I promise I’ll never be quick.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Linda Evans Hofke, Ira Bloom, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Neal Pattison:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Built a privy of mortar and brick.
When he bragged to his kin,
6 or 7 moved in.
Now they do 1 and 2 in the crick.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was adept with the carrot and stick;
“On the hill in DC
Was the college,” said he,
“Where I learned this political trick.”
Linda Evans Hofke:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Met up with a rich city chick.
He thought “No Chance In Hell”
With this mademoiselle,
But it turned out that opposites click.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was defamed in an internet trick,
With no shred of decorum.
(Just google “santorum,”
To see what they said about Rick!)
Johanna Richmond:
Santorum says (aping a hick):
Education is merely a trick
To indoctrinate all;
What he means is “The gall
Of you joining our one percent clique!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter.
Thanks!
Tags: David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Evans Hofke, Mark Kane, Nan Reiner, Neal Pattison, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 5th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The chairman was trying to lead
An attack upon corporate greed,
But his own compensation
Would fund a small nation —
Not quite the credentials you need.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, Bruce Niedt, Edmund Conti, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Neal Pattison:
A fellow was trying to lead
A life filled with daring and deed.
To his friends, who all hooted,
He said, “I’m well suited,”
As he buttoned his Seville Row tweed.
Bruce Niedt:
A salesman was trying to lead
His date to a sexual deed.
But when he unzipped
She took one look and quipped,
“Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed!”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to lead
His wife to the mens’ room (Great need!)
Said his wife, “Not a chance!
We’re going to dance.”
So they danced on and on while he peed.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who wanted to lead
The nation in turning from greed,
Found most in agreement,
When thinking that he meant
The other guy’s greedy misdeed.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to lead
His small pup (newly bought, pedigreed).
The son of a bitch
Would rather just ITCH
Than be led to the vet and deFLEAed.
Phyllis adds this Limerick Note:
In my rhyming I have this strange vanity
That my jokes not depend on profanity.
That small dog with the itch
Was the offspring of bitch.
To rely on swear-words is insanity!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a ERROL NIMBLY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A husband who’d stepped on some toes,
Always staying out late with some hos,
Woke to breakfast in bed
And a short note, which read:
Here’s your sausage, I hope it regrows.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Matty, RJ Clarken, Gordon Richmond, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
When competing with ballroom dance pros
Displayed in his jive,
While broadcasting live,
What a slip of the zip might expose.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had created a large group of foes.
So in spite of his drive
His career took a dive
And he ended up stocking at Lowes.
Matty:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had an ego as big as his nose,
Until one day his bride
Shot a hole in his pride
And told him the sex really blows.
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who stepped on some toes
And garnered political woes
Told more lies and then cheered
When opponents got smeared
While the public got led by the nose.
Gordon Richmond:
A woman who’d stepped on some toes
By writing her triple X prose
Was sent off to jail
And denied any bail;
Now she lives with the rest of the hos.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
Said a sultan who’d stepped on some toes,
“In a harem, that’s just how it goes:
With my wives all entangled
A few may get mangled —
It’s best to arrange them in rows.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, David Lefkovits, Gordon Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall,
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Drew Nicholson, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Kathryn El-Assal:
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
Edmund Conti:
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was frequently prone
To be licking and chewing a bone.
When he started to nibble
Some leftover kibble
The doghouse was where he was thrown.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Drew Nicholson:
A guy who was frequently prone
To refusing to spend time alone
Said “My name’s Herman Cain.
I suspend my campaign,
But I’ll take VP offers by phone.”
John Peter Larkin:
A guy who was frequently prone
Was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
But she gave him the go
When he found her erogenous zone.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Drew Nicholson, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kathryn El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 5 Comments »
