Posts Tagged ‘Danielle Nowlin’

Limerick of the Week (120)

Saturday, June 29th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A peeping Venetian was fined,
So he hired a lawyer who whined:
“Your honor, that maid
Had adjusted her shade–
In effect, the Venetian was blind!”

Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow was trying to find
Why bigots can be so unkind.
It doesn’t take glasses
To see those big asses
Are more than a little behind.

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a Limerick Saga Award:

Mr. Rencible came home to find
His wife and his best friend entwined–
Man’s Best Friend, I should say,
An enormous Shar-Pei–
And the sight of it troubled his mind.

“Please stop it,” cried poor Mr. Rencible;
“Bestiality’s quite indefensible.
Oh, why go to hell
For a sin you can’t spell?
My darling, it just isn’t sensible!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Ailsa McKillop, Steve Whitred,
Tim James, and Danielle Nowlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

I frequently wish I could find
The thoughts I have stored in my mind,
But when I hit play
Each thought’s gone away.
What I need is a stop and rewind.

Craig Dykstra:

“You got banned from the dance club and fined?
For tardiness? Why would they mind?”
“No, you misunderstand me–
I said that they banned me
For feeling a little behind.”

Ailsa McKillop:

A woman was thrilled with her find–
A skirt of pure silk, fully lined!
In the thrift shop—dirt cheap!
But oh, she could weep–
‘Twas unflatt’ring, when viewed from behind.

Steve Whitred:

Quite often her fingers would find
There’s a spot where the sun rarely shined,
And she might have got blisters
If not that the sisters
Had warned her, “It makes you go blind.”

Tim James:

A woman was angered to find
When driving, and hit from behind,
That the shock of the bump
Made her breast implants jump.
So now her front end’s misaligned.

Danielle Nowlin:

A girl on an airplane did find
She was feeling quite tightly confined.
She asked, “Sir, could you sit
With your seat up a bit?”
Said he rudely, “I’m not too inclined.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (119)

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

In £ondon, a bill is a pound,
While in France, it’s the €uro that’s found.
Here in U. S. of A,
The dollar holds $way.
Whirled trade makes the money-go-round.

Congratulations to J Cosmo Newbery, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A professor would often expound
A theory, long proven unsound.
He thought a man oughta
Swim well underwater.
But sadly, in trying, he drowned.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Jeff Shirley, Bruce Niedt, Steve Whitred, Fred Bortz, Danielle Nowlin, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

With fists on the table I’ll pound.
I’ll stomp both my feet on the ground.
If you’re feeling the blues
From my terrible twos,
Just wait til my threes come around!

Jeff Shirley:

A woman who spent her last pound
Bought a plaything to tickle her mound.
When the batteries failed
“La Dee Da,” she exhaled.
“For the milkman will soon be around.”

Bruce Niedt:

A woman who lost just a pound
Looked down at her scale and then frowned.
So she quit diet planning,
Instead took up tanning–
She’s still fat, but she’s evenly browned.

Steve Whitred:

They gave the poor headboard a pound,
And the mattress collapsed to the ground.
Though they practiced safe sex
On the porch and the decks,
In the bathtub they both nearly drowned.

Fred Bortz:

If baloney is sold by the pound,
Then the costliest radio sound
Is political patter
Where facts never matter
And untruths and falsehoods abound.

Danielle Nowlin:

My professor would often expound
On deep thoughts as he roamed far around.
He declaimed as he moved,
But digressed and he proved
You can get a prof lost who’s profound.

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

The penis is barely a pound,
And typic’ly just hangs around,
But with help from tumescence
It gives of one’s essence,
A process for which it’s renowned.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!