Posts Tagged ‘Daniel Ari’

Limerick-Off Award (284)

Sunday, October 29th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

My two titties were built like a tank.
I had dear Mother Nature to thank.
But I’m way past my prime
And can thank Father Time
For the ultimate crime – they both sank.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special Vegetable-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Did you hear about Ruthie Ann Rickles?
She used cukes for her intimate tickles,
’Til poor Ruthie (all heedless
Of sticking to seedless)
Gave birth to a jarful of pickles.

Congratulations to SUE DULLEY, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

One veggie that I love to hate: (oh,
Apart from the cherry tomato) –
More bland than wax beans
And less tasty than greens,
Is the boring-as-hell mashed potato.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Will T. Laughlin, Marty Gerendasy, Daniel Ari, Randolph Wagner, Sue Dulley, Steve Whitred, Suzanne Heymann, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “TANK” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO VEGETABLE LIMERICKS)

Sharon Neeman:

“Your Honor,” said bank robber Reggie,
“My wife said we had to go veggie.
She threw out my steaks
And fed me kale shakes,
Which I guess made me feel kind of edgy.

Then she took all my cash and my plastic,
So I had to go do something drastic.
I **did** rob that bank —
Just so I could tank
Up on roast beef — and it was fantastic!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TANK” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

Said the hooker to Trump: “I’ll be frank;
Though you claim that you’re built like a tank,
It’s a tank with a belly
That shakes like a jelly,
And a weapon whose charges are blank.”

Will T. Laughlin:

“I’ve the Second Amendment to thank
For keeping me safe,” hollered Hank.
“It’s my right to bear arms,
So who cares who it harms?”
Then he drove off to church… in his tank.

Marty Gerendasy:

After spending the night with a skank,
He awoke with the drunks in the tank.
Blinked his eyes, said “Oh dear,
What am I doing here?
Guess it must have been something I drank!”

Daniel Ari:

A robber fresh out of the tank
Walked into First National Bank.
“We’ve met,” said the greeter.
The con pulled his heater
And said, “I’m not drawing a blank.”

Sharon Neeman:

A conceited new sergeant named Hank
Took a selfie while driving his tank.
Pride precedeth a fall —
He steered into a wall…
Thirty days and demotion in rank.

Randolph Wagner:

A saucy pert lass, when alerted
To breezes blown nippingly, flirted.
Her bearing was frank
As she donned a sheer tank:
It was pointedly quite extroverted.

Sue Dulley:

I tried to put gas in my tank
But the screen showed no numbers, just blank.
Then my credit card stuck
’Til a tourist (such luck!)
Pulled it out – all it took was a Yank.

Steve Whitred:

Once again in the hoosegow or tank.
How I got here is somewhat a blank.
But I know that in part
I blame René Descartes;
I am and so therefor I drank.

Sue Dulley, for her “Atheist’s Lament”

I’ve plenty of gas in the tank
Of my car, and some cash in the bank;
Some fabric for stitchin’,
And food in the kitchen
But no idea whom I should thank.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (VEGETABLE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

“I am sick of my vegetable diet,”
The bimbo complained. “I don’t buy it –
It’s protein I need!”
And her doctor agreed:
“Just blow me, and I can supply it.”

Suzanne Heymann:

Why can’t vegetables taste more like candy?
Why, that sure would be dandy and handy!
If I pull a few strings,
Let us see what that brings –
I’ll just cook the damn things in some brandy!

Dave Johnson:

Organic is better, they say;
For some, there is no other way.
Still, others resist,
It’s not on their list;
They really don’t care what you spray.

Steve Whitred, who says: “Don’t ask how I know.”

With cucumber coitus take care.
Fresh corn cobs and carrots forswear.
Those little zucchinis
Resembling weenies
Or peppers; don’t put ’em up there!

David Reddekopp:

There once was a man from Beirut
Who was paralyzed, deaf, and a mute.
He was also quite gay,
So the bigots would say
“He’s a vegetable, and he’s a fruit.”

Stephen Whitred:

This rumor is true folks, I swear it:
A brand new Vegas line, let me share it.
You can gamble on who
Has the higher IQ.
Is it Tillerson (Rex) or a carrot?

Tim James:

My new diet’s all veggies. I make
The best seaweed and pressed tofu cake.
It’s quite easy to do it:
You have to … oh, screw it!
Won’t someone please make me a steak?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 4 Comments »

Limerick-Off Award (253)

Saturday, May 28th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

My gal’s faithful and true and won’t stray
And she’s there at the end of the day
With a warm, loving kiss.
In addition to this,
She can sit, fetch, roll over and stay.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special SCIENCE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

The scientist wrote many theses
On cloning unusual species.
What challenged the most
Was the right-wing talk host;
For that one, you’d have to use feces.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Randolph Wagner, Fred Bortz, Ian Graham, Brian Allgar, Daniel Ari, Marty Gerendasy, Tim James, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STAY” RHYME DIVISION)

Randy Wagner:

When that plucky Miss Muffet would stay
On the tuffet, the spider would say,
“If you choose to remain,
Let me clearly explain:
Spiders bite! Go ahead, make my day.”

Fred Bortz:

A “fabulous” drag queen would say,
“My very large organ must stay.
It earns me a ten
When I’m bedded by men
Who joyously find that I’m gay.”

Ian Graham:

Though straitlaced, she said, “Well, OK.
“We’ll play – once I’ve loosened my stay.”
Said he in a daze:
“I suppose you mean ‘stays’?”
She said, “No, just the one for today.”

Brian Allgar:

He invited the bimbo to stay
For the night. She replied “Well, okay;
But I need to be sure
You don’t think I’m a whore.”
“Don’t worry,” he said, “I won’t pay.”

Daniel Ari:

A couple who lived by the bay
Engaged in some furry role play.
Said the girl to her chum,
“You won’t hear me say ‘come,’
’Til you’ve learned to roll over and stay.”

Marty Gerendasy:

She begged of me, “Don’t go away,
’Cause I really would like you to stay.”
What followed was pleasure
That’s too great to measure,
And for once I did not have to pay.

Tim James:

She had wanted the farmhand to stay
In the barn for a roll in the hay.
Then she cringed in disgust:
He was covered in dust.
It’s a truism: grime doesn’t pay.

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly

When the farmhand suggested she stay
In the barn for a roll in the hay,
She said, “Sit on my stool
And I’ll straddle your tool–
I can finish the milking that way.”

Suzanne Heymann:

The roof of his cabriolet
Got stuck on a cold rainy day.
She’d fret, get upset
As her hairdo got wet,
And he just couldn’t get her to stay.

A convertible’s only okay
If the sun in the sky’s on display.
But if snow, rain or ice
Comes, then take my advice;
Get her flowers and nice lingerie.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SCIENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

“Evolution is fact!” said the right.
“Climate science? We’ve now seen the light!”
After that, Heidi Klum
Showed up, nude, in my room.
‘Twas one hell of a dream Friday night.

Brian Allgar:

Creationists place great reliance
On bibles, and little on science.
As they slurp countless beers,
They say “Six thousand years
Is the world’s age!” with drunken defiance.

Fred Bortz:

The physicists had a huge spat
In their quantum entanglement chat.
One delivered this lesson:
“If you are caught messin’,
You’ll end up like Schrödinger’s cat.”

Then Heisenberg entered the fray.
“I’m uncertain it’s true what you say.
You have no compunction
To use your wave function.
My matrices carry the day.”

Was one of them on the right track?
I admit I was taken aback
When Pauli was puzzled
And both men were muzzled.
He said, “We must query Dirac.”

“Let’s add Relativity here,”
The Englishman said to a cheer.
But his math raised a clatter.
“What is this? Antimatter?
Outlandish, and yet it is clear.”

The squabbling continues today.
Quantum weirdness is true. It must stay.
The results provide traction.
That famed “spooky action”
That Einstein decried won’t go ’way.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »

Virtual Blog Tour: Welcome To My Mad World

Friday, July 25th, 2014

A wonderful poet, Daniel Ari, honored me with his invitation to participate in the Virtual Blog Tour. And if you’re not familiar with Daniel’s poetry, you owe it to yourself to pay his blog and his blog tour post a visit. Actually … many visits.

Wait. Where are you going? I didn’t mean for you to visit him right this very minute. You have to at least pretend to read my post first.

Okay, now that I’ve recaptured your attention, I should probably explain the concept behind the Virtual Blog Tour. As best as I can figure out, it’s a method of introducing our readers to other bloggers we admire. Every participant answers the same quartet of questions about his/her writing process. And, in theory at least, we all gain some new readers.

So, on to Question 1: What am I working on?

In theory, I’m pulling together three different humor books: a limerick collection, a humor column collection, and a third book that’s so hard to describe, it’s unlikely to ever happen.

Aside from my books-in-progress, I write tons of limericks every week. Okay, maybe not tons, but A LOT! I also write light verse in other forms, even sneaking humor into haiku. (Of course when I write funny haiku, I get yelled at for not calling them senryu.)

Additionally, I spend a good chunk of time running a weekly limerick contest: Mad Kane’s Limerick-Offs. You can always find the current contest here and the most recent winners here. (Everyone’s welcome to participate both here on my blog and on my Facebook page.)

Question 2: How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Well, for one thing, it’s written by an oboist turned lawyer turned humor writer. And for another, I stretch the boundaries of limericks by writing them about every topic imaginable: marriage, politics, taxes, death, petty aggravations, serious problems, etc., in a tone which varies from bawdy to satirical to serious, to silly — frequently writing multi-verse limericks. And if I want to be extra hard on myself, I sometimes even attempt acrostic limericks.

By the way, although I post most of my limericks on this blog, I have a second blog reserved for political limericks. Why a separate Political Madness Blog? Because many readers who enjoy this blog, hate my politics. Separate blogs help limit the bloodshed.

Question 3: Why do I write what I do?

Like most writers, I write what I write because I have to. There was a period when I had to write humor columns. Next there was a period when I had to write a satirical George W. Bush diary and political song parodies. And right now I seem to be in my have-to-write-limericks period.

(There was also a 14 year period when I had to write legal briefs. But trust me, you don’t want to hear about that.)

Question 4: How does my writing process work?

I’m always writing limericks — often at inconvenient times, like while showering … or sleeping. Unfortunately I have an awful memory, and can’t trust myself to remember anything. So jotting down ideas immediately is key. Deciphering those notes? Another matter altogether.

While much of my limerick inspiration seems to arrive out of the blue, I’m always actively on the hunt for limerick ideas. I make a point of doing lots of daily news reading, headline scanning, and visiting “what’s trending now” on Twitter, Facebook, and sundry search engines.

I read several political sites a day in my quest for politicians to mock and political issues to have fun with. I also check out several sites specializing in oddball news items, as well as Salon, Slate, Huffington Post, and other possible sources of quirky news items that might inspire me. (Dave Barry’s blog is an unusually good source of such items.)

Limerick inspiration often comes from stories about silly lawsuits, oddball inventions, strange holidays, and weird trends.

Family members, especially my husband Mark, can be a constant source of humor inspiration. (Fortunately Mark enjoys being the subject of limericks and humor columns.)

If I’m really lucky, a limerick just comes to me whole cloth. When that happens, it’s just a matter of writing it down and doing a quick edit. But other limericks present more of a challenge, especially when it comes to news-oriented and political limericks, where I have to pack a lot of info into the limerick and still follow the rules and make readers laugh. (Speaking of rules, you can find my article on how to write limericks here.)

I often start with a single line — either the first line or the last. And in framing that line I usually try to end it with a word that has lots of rhymes. After all, the more rhyme word choices I have, the better the odds of my managing to polish off an amusing limerick.

What happens when I can’t make a limerick work? I add it to an ever-growing digital document jam-packed with hundreds of limericks (and partial limericks) I can’t bear to give up on. And often, months later, I manage to rescue some of them. On the other hand, many have been languishing in that file for years, taunting me to fix or delete the damn things.

I should probably mention some tools I find handy: Rhymezone, while far from perfect, can be very useful. The Syllable Dictionary is helpful as well. And then there’s the wonderful Memidex Dictionary which, among other things, has an excellent audio component. I can’t imagine how I ever survived without it.

*****

So that’s it for my answers to the Virtual Blog Tour questions. At this point, I’m supposed to recommend three other poet bloggers who promise to answer the same four questions. But alas, everyone I invited (1) had already participated in this tour; (2) didn’t feel they had the time to commit to the tour; or (3) didn’t feel they could persuade three other poet bloggers to participate.

However, if you’re still hungering to be introduced to other limerick writers, please do check out my weekly Limerick of the Week Posts. While, most of the weekly winners don’t blog, they’re a funny group of limerick writers you’re sure to enjoy.

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Posted in Limericks, Personal, Writing & Publishing Humor | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (87)

Sunday, November 11th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A farmer would frequently quote
Romantic Age poets of note.
He’d whisper sweet verses
In ears large as purses
Whenever seducing his shoat.

Congratulations to Daisy Mae Simon, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

An atheist needed a quote
For her lovemaking joy to connote.
“Oh God” didn’t work.
‘Twas a term she did shirk.
But “Oh Science” felt far too remote.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Johanna Richmond, Jesse Levy, Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

Downtown there’s a guy who would quote
From the bible – he’d preach and emote.
He’d still be there today
But they took him away
Since he had on no pants ‘neath his coat.

Scott Crowder

A fellow would frequently quote
A line he remembered by rote.
To the girls he would quip,
“I’ll go down with the ship,
Or at least with the man in the boat.”

Johanna Richmond:

It’s hard not to sound off and quote
All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
Or to shout,”You unsightly
Extremist nuts, bite me!”
But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.

Jesse Levy:

A fellow would frequently quote
A bird with a shiny black coat.
After tapping the door
He would say, “Nevermore.”
Twas the best poem Poe ever wrote.

Colleen Murphy:

A hooker would frequently quote
Her regular rate and she’d gloat:
“I charge a top dollar
To make a man holler.
It’s extra for rocking his boat!”

Tim James:

On the TV the pollsters all quote
Statistics regarding the vote.
It’s not that I’d rather
Give heed to their blather;
It’s just I can’t find the remote.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A pastor would constantly quote
From a textbook that he himself wrote
And just happened to sell.
“It will save you from hell!”
Even better it paid for his boat.

Jamie Hutchinson:

“I’m on deadline, just gimme a quote,”
Wasn’t said to a person of note
By a writer of news,
But instead to the muse
By a poet who couldn’t emote.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (82)

Saturday, October 6th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Carolyn Henly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A waitress trés prone to dismay
Had a beautiful tray to display.
But she tripped on a peel,
Went head over heel,
And ended up wholly distrait.

Congratulations to Jesse Levy who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow expressed his dismay
At having to work every day.
His doctor said stress
Would harm him much less
If he sat back and lit up a jay.

Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Daniel Ari, RJ Clarken, Johanna Richmond, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Marty McCullen, John Sardo, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Daniel Ari:

A fellow displayed his dismay:
“I came all this way to the Bay.
But I can’t understand
The lay of the land
That they said was the land of the lay.”

RJ Clarken:

A clergyman showed his dismay
At his obvious naiveté
Since a ‘lady’ he met
Conned him. Now deep in debt,
He’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.

Johanna Richmond:

Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
“I don’t want to be snipped!”
“That’s OK,” hubby quipped.
“When I need you I’ll take the back way.”

Veralynne Bosko Pepper:

A woman displayed her dismay.
Her hotel john had just a bidet!
Trepidatious at first,
Though she thought she might burst,
She tried it and stayed there all day!

Marty McCullen:

A fellow displayed his dismay
At why all his hair had turned gray.
He wasn’t that old,
Or so he was told,
But hair seems to have the last say.

John Sardo:

A fellow betrayed his dismay
At his wife who would quickly display
Her elegant charms
In friends’ eager arms:
He said, “Honey, at least make them pay.”

Bruce Niedt:

Young Hester displayed her dismay
That her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
“They think that I’m sultry.
Inured in adult’ry –
It’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’.”

And congratulations to Johanna Richmond and Craig Dykstra who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow displays his dismay
With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
A woman, however,
Is likely to sever
Your schnitzel and let you decay.

Craig Dykstra:

As a guy, I express my dismay
At the lim’rick I read here today.
Though YOU think it’s clever
That schnitzel you sever
Is an image that won’t go away!

Johanna Richmond:

I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
It was meant in a figur’tive way:
If it festers, why dance?
Just go straight for the lance —
There’s no need for a verbal ballet.

But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
Please forget what I said;
Insert this jab instead:
“A swift kick to your cocky caboose.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (79)

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman was planning a spread
“For the birthday,” she said, “of my Fred.
He’s a sorry schlemiel
Without much appeal,
But surprisingly useful in bed.”

Congratulations to Susan Taylor, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A rich man was planning a spread
Of ads full of lies to be read.
“We’ll swing the election!
Evade all detection!
It’s free speech, the High Court has said.”

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this special Limerick Repartee Award for her limerick written in response to Craig Dykstra’s Limerick of the Week winner from last week. To fully appreciate Johanna’s verse, you need to read Craig’s and Johanna’s limericks back to back. So here they are:

Craig Dykstra:

The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”

Johanna Richmond:

A woman, caressing her spread,
To the squirt at the Sealy store said,
“Queen indeed, but I fear
You can’t satisfy, dear:
Extra firm’s what I like in my bed.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Carolyn Henly, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A fellow was planning a spread;
“A barbecue’s coming!” he said.
But a shortage of beef
Gave him all kinds of grief.
Now no one can find Mr. Ed.

Carolyn Henly:

A woman was planning a spread,
But she wasn’t quite right in the head.
The theme of her gig
Was “A Night in the Brig.”
She served nothing but water and bread.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

While a rancher was checking his spread,
He found a lone cow in a shed.
“The bull is out wooing.
I don’t feel like screwing.
I really don’t want to be bred!”

Daniel Ari: (For an extra laugh check out his limerick link.)

I, Daniel, am planning a spread
Of humus, falafel and bread;
And since my own pate
Is smooth as a plate,
I’ll serve it on top of my head.

Jamie Hutchinson:

When a shepherd boy laid out a spread
For his lover, she turned tail and fled.
“What was it, my pet,
That spoiled our duet?
The haggis? Or something I said?”

Colleen Murphy:

A dingbat was planning a spread,
But mixed up her plans in her head.
She mashed the tomatoes
And sliced raw potatoes,
Then stuffed the fresh duck in the bread.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 11 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (71)

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A hooker was starting to rue
What she said to her John she would do.
“His kink’s not exciting.
He has me reciting
The writings of Albert Camus.”

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A limericist started to rue
His endeavors the past week or two.
All that clever invention
Got nary a mention.
(Perhaps I should switch to haiku.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sally Franz, Johanna Richmond, Bob Dvorak, Mike Dailey, Scott Crowder, Patrick McKeon, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Sally Franz:

A woman was starting to rue
All the pounds she had gathered anew.
Seems she’d taken a cruise,
Grazed on chocolate and booze.
Now her scale read: one please, and not two.

Johanna Richmond:

Too many have gone on to rue
Delaying a trip to the loo.
Hear this, one and all:
When the urge comes to call
Piddle not; ‘taint a thing to poo poo!

Bob Dvorak:

A woman was starting to rue
That she’d told Bill the Builder, “I do.”
She found that male dolts
Comprehend nuts and bolts
But they don’t understand “gentle screw”.

Mike Dailey:

A critic was starting to rue
The play he was there to review.
The actors were nudist,
The language the crudest,
And his grandmother starred in it too.

Scott Crowder:

A fellow was starting to rue
His claims climate change is not true.
Now he feels like a jerk,
As he paddles to work
On what used to be I-92.

Patrick McKeon:

A woman was starting to rue
The shine that she put on her shoe.
With her skirt on in town
All the men would look down,
Enjoying the excellent view.

Craig Dykstra:

Un soir as I walked down la rue
A chat noir et blanc came in view.
I knelt down to pet it,
But soon I’d regret it.
Le chat? It was Pepé Le Pew!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (65)

Sunday, June 10th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A congressman shooting the breeze
With an intern said, “Look at this sleaze!
The press keeps on beating
My colleague for cheating —
Perhaps you should get off your knees.”

Congratulations to Bruce Niedt who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was shooting the breeze
With the man on the flying trapeze,
But her chat with her friend
Had a very sad end —
You can’t text while you hang from your knees.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Richard Schear, Jason Talbott, Linda Fuller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Richard Schear:

A fellow was shooting the breeze
With talk of the birds and the bees.
His wife overheard,
But said not a word,
For she knew he had no expertise!

Jason Talbott:

A woman was shooting the breeze,
Speaking French with her man overseas,
Never once disagreeing,
The main reason being:
Her boyfriend speaks only Chinese.

Linda Fuller:

A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a winsome young thing named Louise,
Whose looks were deceiving.
The chap yelled while leaving,
“You win some, I lose some, you tease!”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow was shooting the breeze,
But he missed and shot down sev’ral trees.
Friends asked, “Man, are you blind
Or just out of your mind?”
He yelled, “Y’all heard me tell it to freeze!”

Colleen Murphy:

A woman was shooting the breeze,
Discussing the habits of bees.
“Imagine the scene
Where I could be queen
And bring all the men to their knees!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (62)

Saturday, May 19th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gal in an overpriced store
Got stopped as she walked out the door.
“What alerted you, sir?”
“Well, you’re wearing a fur,
And it’s 98 out, if not more.”

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The Prez bought an overpriced store
Of supplies for the Middle East war.
The dealers were sharks,
The bombs missed their marks,
And the Congress declared, “Buy some more!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elizabeth Civinskas a/k/a Mrs.Smeej, Johanna Richmond, Bruce Niedt, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Daniel Ari, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Elizabeth Civinskas:

A gal in an overpriced store
Said, shocked to the depths of her core:
“With prices so high
“There should be a guy
“To carry me in from the door.”

Johanna Richmond:

A man in an overpriced store
Embarrassed his wife to the core:
While the one percent stared,
Indiscreetly he aired,
“JC Penney’s got dresses galore!”

Bruce Niedt:

A gal in an overpriced store
Found herself a nice Christian Dior,
But they thought her a lout,
And said, kicking her out,
“You pronounce it cou-TURE, not cou-TOR!”

Veralynne Bosko Pepper:

A gal in an overpriced store
Tried a dress on so tight that it tore.
Embarrassed to death
She started on meth,
And pounds! Well, she lost ‘em galore!

Daniel Ari:

A man in an overpriced store
Said, “Show me some more, I implore.
This past Mother’s Day
I forgot. Now I’ll pay
Restitution by Christian Dior.”

Colleen Murphy:

A gal in an overpriced store
Somehow slipped on a spot on the floor.
Her lawyer she dialed;
A lawsuit he filed,
Which led to an overpriced score.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 14 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (60)

Sunday, May 6th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A man had a notable knack
For catching fly balls in his crack.
Though poor with his hands,
He made many fans
In center field, facing the back.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

As your parents, we know of your knack
For strange fashion and cut you some slack.
But this has to stop.
You’ve gone over the top,
And your mom wants her underwear back.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Cara Holman, Jim Delaney, Johanna Richmond, Les a/k/a Colonialist, Kathy El-Assal, and Linda Fuller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Cara Holman:

A gal had a notable knack
For putting her back out of whack.
So she took up Tai Chi
And now she’s pain-free
And hears nary a crack from her back.

Jim Delaney:

A man had a notable knack
For making his knuckle-joints crack,
Till he popped (for more thrills)
Nitroglycerine pills.
You can tell where he lived: there’s a plaque.

Johanna Richmond:

Said the man with a notable knack
For keeping his marriage on track,
“I keep things legato
With one simple motto:
Divides can be licked in the sack.”

Les a/k/a Colonialist:

A gal had a notable knack
For earning her cash on her back,
But please do not panic –
She was a mechanic,
And it was not done in the sack.

Kathy El-Assal:

The Koch brothers have quite a knack
For taking America back
To a previous time
When to vote was a crime
If you were a woman or black.

Linda Fuller:

A gal had a notable knack
For drawing men’s eyes to her rack.
But when she desired
To be less admired
She just up and let ‘em go slack.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »