Posts Tagged ‘Craig Dykstra’
Sunday, February 24th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal:
At least spare every frame.
But their team had no name,
So we don’t know for whom the Tells bowl.
Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman is playing a role.
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal.
The simple idea:
Advance her Korea,
Making bucks while she’s selling her Seoul.
And congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Johanna Richmond, who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for their limerick exchange:
Craig Dykstra:
I just couldn’t get on a roll.
This week I fell short of my goal,
Which is: “Be so damn funny
That Mad gives me money.”
(Or at least get the ol’ gal to LOL.)
Johanna Richmond:
Craig D says he’s not on a roll,
But be careful, Craig, show some control:
Might get only *one win*
For committing the sin
Of calling our lovely host ol’!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Gary Hallock, Edmund Conti, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, John Peter Larkin, and David McCormick.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Gary Hallock:
A woman frets over her roll:
“Fine dining,” she says, “took its toll.
Over par at each course,
For I eat like a horse.
Now I look like I’m ready to foal.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was playing a role
Of being a merry old soul,
But found he’s not very
Inspired as merry
And asked, “Would you settle for droll?”
Jamie Hutchinson:
Some fossil requested a roll
Of film from a digital soul,
A green little brat,
Who said, “Batt’ry with that?
Or’s your camera powered by coal?”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman tossed in a fresh roll
When she hadn’t the change for her toll.
It jammed the machine.
She was chased from the scene,
But she then buttered up the patrol.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
An actor was playing the role
Of nasty pugnacious old troll
By shaking his spear
At everyone near
With Shakespeare his ultimate goal.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was eating a roll
While trying to pay a bridge toll.
The car hit a bump,
Which made his arm jump,
And that’s why he swallowed it whole.
David McCormick:
When a singer’s rehearsing a role,
“Know every song backwards!” he’s tol’.
That is why tenors hunger
For “Springtime Than Younger”
And basses for “River Man Ol’.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David McCormick, Edmund Conti, Gary Hallock, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, February 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Found my dog in her pretty bow tie
Fast asleep near a half-eaten pie.
I said “Fifi, confess!
It was you made this mess!”
But you know how those sleeping dogs lie.
Congratulations to Edmund Conti, who wins the Special Valentine’s Day-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I don’t have a Valentine card,
Though I searched on the whole boulevard.
There were none on the shelf,
So I wrote this myself
And I’m hoping I won’t be dis-bard.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A man who was wearing a tie
Thought he looked good enough to get by.
He got taken away
By the ol’ TSA
“’Cause you’re not wearing pants, sir – that’s why.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Edmund Conti, Lois Douthitt, Ira Bloom, Bob Dvorak, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
A tourist was wearing a tie.
She wanted to look like a guy.
So why did we fail
To see her as male?
She asked for directions, that’s why.
David Lefkovits:
A man who was wearing a tie
Remarked, with a gleam in his eye:
“Although I’m well-dressed,
I’m not as repressed
As these regiment stripes would imply.”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was wearing a Thai
Round his neck and was wondering why.
Can it be that all these
Unrestrained Siamese
Have trouble just saying “Good-bye”?
Lois Douthitt:
As the pirate was trying to tie
Up his wench, she refused to comply.
“Prone again on the bed?
I want face-up instead!
We will—arrgh!—never see aye-to-aye.”
Ira Bloom:
A jarhead, while wearing a tie,
Put his hand on a young lady’s thigh.
He was somewhat a louse,
As she wasn’t his spouse:
“Always ready” but not “semper fi.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was wearing a tie:
Very long, it ran down to his fly.
Ask him why, he just sighs
And then gently replies,
“Comes in handy, to wipe her mouth dry.”
Craig Dykstra:
I got asked by a guy in a tie
Where my sexual preferences lie.
Was I straight? Was I gay?
“Well I guess I would say
That I do just enough to get bi.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lois Douthitt, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, January 6th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman had made a long list
Of scents that were hard to resist.
She doused and she sprayed,
But never got laid
Cause a bath was a step she had missed.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins the Special New Year’s-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
New Year’s Eve is a time to reflect
On the things we would like to perfect,
So I vow, here and now,
If my lim’ricks don’t wow,
Then at least they will leave you erect.
This week, we have a Facebook Friends’ Choice Award tie between Jane Shelton Hoffman and Craig Dykstra. So congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, whose scent-filled limerick gets this additional recognition. And congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who co-won this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:
The guests had been checked off the list.
Vows were read, bride and groom had been kissed.
Said the priest: “With these kisses,
You’re legally Mrs.
As of now, you are hereby dis-Miss’d.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, Chris Doyle, Steve Whitred,
Jamie Hutchinson, and Doug Harris. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
A five-year-old read through his list
And noted what Santa had missed:
“No laptop computer,
Nor motorized scooter.”
Then thought, “Does he really exist?”
Konrad Schwoerke:
As Santa was checking his list,
He discovered a thing he had missed.
“Financiers, as a whole,
Should receive only coal.”
Read the latest North Poll — folks are pissed!
Chris Doyle:
Chubby Checker was making a list
Of the groupies he’d more than just kissed.
He grew wistful recalling
One evening of balling–
His very first Peppermint Tryst.
Steve Whitred:
There’s a new actuarial list
For some claims that will soon be dismissed.
In fact, now we are told
The disease “getting old”
Is among those we know pre-exist.
Jamie Hutchinson:
Said a doc, “At the top of my list—
My greatest success, I insist—
Was the time, with my knife,
When I saved a young life
By removing a man from a cyst.”
Doug Harris:
2012 left your body abused —
Cholesterol-ridden and boozed.
Can’t invent evolutions
Of new resolutions?
Use last year’s — still wrapped and un-used!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Doug Harris, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, December 30th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The technician connects the wrong port
And the motherboard’s fried by the short.
His client, in shock,
Commences to squawk:
“I’ll sue you in high circuit court!”
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Irv Leavitt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Tom Harris, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Steve Whitred:
A fellow was sipping some port,
When his partner yelled “Quick look athwart!”
He looked up and around
Then surprisingly found
That his wine glass was two fingers short.
Irv Leavitt:
A young lawyer was sipping some port
By the side of the racquetball court.
He offered a drink
To his partner in pink
With a prior intent to cavort.
Colleen Murphy:
A mother was sipping some port
(Her kids were the challenging sort),
Then tried to make dinner
Which wasn’t a winner:
Her soup was a few noodles short.
Craig Dykstra:
While on shore leave, a sailor in port
Got arrested and hauled off to court.
Seems he had a few beers
And then stole girls’ brassieres —
He got busted for lack of support.
Tom Harris:
The woman said mine was too short,
Of the dull, microscopic type sort.
“You’re not a sex symbol
With that little thimble.”
Perhaps if she’d had some more port.
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was sipping some port
When her mom-in-law said with a snort,
“He was raised on filet,
But my son has a way
Of attracting the casserole sort.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Irv Leavitt, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Tom Harris, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (94)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In our chimney, old Santa was blue.
He was stuck, and not sure what to do.
My son, filled with dread
Asked “Is Santa Claus dead?”
“No, he just has a bad case of flue.”
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal. who wins a Special Limerick Award for her limerick about the Newtown massacre:
Founding Fathers just couldn’t foretell
That “militias” might lead to this Hell.
Though to laws we defer,
We plainly prefer
The “right to bare arms” like Michelle.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Our forefathers roll in their grave
When they see how our people behave.
Their doctrine amended
Was never intended
To murder our youth, but to save.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
A gazelle is alone, feeling blue,
As he paces his pen at the zoo.
He’s been wondering if he
Will get up a stiffy
And ever go wooing a gnu.
Scott Crowder:
A woman who always wore blue
Didn’t manage to get to the loo,
And now can be seen
Wearing panties of green,
As blue mixed with yellow will do.
Craig Dykstra:
The sign on the door was in blue:
“Shoes and shirts, or we cannot serve you.”
But that waitress looked pissed
So I’m thinkin’ that list
Maybe shoulda had “pants” on it, too.
Jamie Hutchinson:
The regatta announcer felt blue
And his face turned a scarlet-tinged hue
When he slipped: “Team One’s sloop
Is the best of the group,
But as sailors go, I like Two’s crew.”
And a 2-verse limerick from Johanna Richmond:
Ain’t it lovely when out of the blue,
Someone’s kindhearted words pull you through?
How you all make me laugh!
That and half a carafe,
And I’m suddenly feeling brand new.
But truly, you masters of jest
Have brightened my world –you’re the best.
Should have known all the while
Where to go for a smile –
Love you all! Now I’ll give it a rest.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, December 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who needed a Doc
For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
But they didn’t stop till
Doc presented his bill
Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who needed a doc
Displayed palpitations & shock.
Said the doctor: “I fear
That the fiscal cliff’s near,
And you really need H&R Block.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, and Bob Dvorak. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Elaine Spall:
A fellow in need of a doc
In emergency suffering from shock
Mocked his wife’s Asian cooking:
When he wasn’t looking
She struck his head hard with her wok.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow was rushed to the doc,
After getting shot up with a Glock.
The surgeon, quite nice,
Gave the guy sage advice:
“Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”
Craig Dykstra:
On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
So I make one, then say:
“Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”
Diane Groothuis:
A lady who needed a Doc
Had her foot bitten off by a croc.
Said “My dip in the sea
Made it cheaper for me:
I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.
Colleen Murphy:
A two-year old went to the doc:
When his brother was playing with caulk
He tried to seal shut
The crack in his butt
Creating a structural block.
And a 2-verse limerick from Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who needed a doc
For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
Told his flunky “Get writing,
And make it exciting.
With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”
But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
Tiny type, midst the muck,
Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
And that guy is now working the dock.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Diane Groothuis, Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, December 9th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A king who was rather urbane
Decreed that, throughout his domain,
The marching brigades
Must practice their trades
If they want to parade on his reign.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My accountant is smart and urbane.
He knows tricks that can hide any gain.
His skills are so clear
That he’s known around here
As the Master of Ledger-demain.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Bob Dvorak, Jamie Hutchinson, Kirk Miller, and KC Browncoat Sloan. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A baker from France, so urbane,
Decided to open a chain
Of stores selling bread,
But it sounded instead
Like he sold S&M: “Au Bon Pain.”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
My dog who is rather urbane
Thinks trips to the woods are a pain,
Just tree trunks and bugs
with NO hydrant plugs.
He lifts up his leg in disdain.
Colleen Murphy:
The British folk, mostly urbane
Thought England’s Prince Harry inane
For clearly not knowing
The parts he was showing
Would not just in Vegas remain.
Kathy El-Assal:
There once was an artist urbane,
Avant-guard in the past, now mundane.
To reignite interest,
He posted on Pinterest
A shock-value, cock weathervane.
Bob Dvorak:
A man who was rather urbane
Thought his lim’ricks did better in Spain.
But sea air wouldn’t do,
So to Paris he flew.
In the end they just found him… in Seine.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A rancher who’s very urbane
Gives his cattle a sip of champagne
From a glass, not a trough,
Before sending them off
To the slaughter by passenger train.
Kirk Miller:
A man who is rather urbane
Is balding and wants to attain
More hair on his head.
A sculler friend said:
The elegant method: Row-gain.
KC Browncoat Sloan:
A man who was rather urbane,
From drinking would often abstain.
When friends asked him why,
He would say, with a sigh,
“Well, the shakes make me spill my cocaine.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Kathy El-Assal, KC Browncoat Sloan, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, December 2nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Was talking while sleeping last night,
‘Til his wife yelled “You Cad!
Who the hell is Miss Mad?
And why must your meter feel right?”
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
And he answered with pride,
“K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Beth Parsons, Johanna Richmond, Tim O’N., and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
Take them both for a spin.
She said “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two Wongs make a right.
Robert Schechter:
A vampire who wasn’t too bright
Confused early morning for night.
He went from undead
To dead-dead instead
When he stepped out in dawn’s early light.
Kirk Miller:
Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
They’re depressed, and why not?
In despair they are caught,
Because always the end is in sight.
Beth Parsons:
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Said her red state would surely vote ‘right.’
When she picked up the papers
She swooned from the vapors:
Her state had turned blue overnight.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow maliciously bright
Found a new way to act on his spite.
He was simply an ass
Till his wife wanted sass;
Then he smilingly switched to polite.
Tim O’N.:
‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
That’s the view that you have of me, right?
Well, you’d best think again
When you see that Mad Kane
Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.
Tim James:
A woman who isn’t too bright
Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
There’s a lyrical thing
About thoughts taking wing.
With Snooki, they canceled that flight.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Beth Parsons, Craig Dykstra, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Tim O'N., Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 25th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Franks, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man was disturbed by a line
On a mirror– cocaine, ground up fine.
“It’s Satan’s own powder.”
His tirade grew louder:
“It’s nothing to sniff at, you swine!”
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
I find I’m disturbed by the line,
“Your troubles are yours and not mine.”
For the truth is that if
We do fall off the “cliff,”
Our problems will all intertwine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jamie Hutchinson, Jim Sullivan, Craig Dykstra, Kathy El-Assal, Robert Schechter, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jamie Hutchinson:
His moves breached her Maginot Line
As he bid her, “Surrender, you’re mine.”
But her forces regrouped
And advanced as she whooped:
“The Allies are crossing the Rhine!”
Jim Sullivan:
A fish had encountered a line.
It seemed to the creature a sign
That was sent from Above.
“This worm? From God’s love!
I must seize, not deny, the Divine!”
Craig Dykstra:
The villainess hired from a line
Evil henchmen until she had nine.
When she reached number ten
Sent him back home again
Saying “You sir, are no fiend of mine.”
Kathy El-Assal:
Some socialites cross the fine line
And trip on a media mine.
They explode on the scene
When pundits prove mean
And their climbing days hit a decline.
Robert Schechter:
A man was disturbed by a line
That he read by the famed Gertrude Stein.
“A rose is a rose
Is a rose? Heaven knows,
To say it just twice would be fine!”
David McCormick:
Burns’ old teacher, disturbed by a line
She’d read in his verse, ‘Auld Lang Syne’
Sighed, “Isn’t it rotten?
‘Forgot’ for ‘forgotten’!
“And we all thought that lad would do fine!”
Tim James:
A man was disturbed by a line
Of chorus girls, not very fine.
He found their resounding
Loud stomping and pounding
Exceedingly elephantine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Franks, David McCormick, Jamie Hutchinson, Jim Sullivan, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, November 18th, 2012
I found reading your entries a treat
And picking the winners a feat.
But judge them I must,
Or I’m bound to be trussed
Up for failing to pick the elite.
And so … it’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
A settler who died in the heat.
The one who would win
Got the head to the shin,
While the loser accepted de feet.
And congratulations once again to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Jamie Hutchinson, Mark Mironer, Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves,
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to an ironing feat.
He would start at the dawn;
All day long he’d “press” on.
He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
As he started to chew
The snap-crackle-pop goo,
The abstract became the concrete.
Mark Mironer:
A woman would frequently treat
Dave Petraeus to sex in his suite.
But his penchant for play
Meant goodbye, CIA
When he had to give up on deceit.
Jane Hawes a/k/a Oudiva:
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a meal of fine meat.
One time on a dare
He took his lamb rare,
But gagged when it started to bleat!
Johanna Richmond:
Said the man while preparing a treat
For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
“To make things enticing
Let’s first spread the icing.
Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”
David McCormick:
A woman would frequently treat
E D in her men with red meat;
Then she’d strip to the waist …
Sorry folks, for good taste,
This limerick must stay incomplete.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman would frequently treat
Human “friends” as the friends to delete.
Frequent trips to the vet’s
Showed her preference for pets,
And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently treat,
Himself to the odd and off-beat.
This Renaissance man
Liked his wine in a can,
And his favorite Beatle was Pete.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, David McCormick, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Hawes, Johanna Richmond, Judging Humor, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Mironer, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (88)
Sunday, November 11th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Daniel Ari, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A farmer would frequently quote
Romantic Age poets of note.
He’d whisper sweet verses
In ears large as purses
Whenever seducing his shoat.
Congratulations to Daisy Mae Simon, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An atheist needed a quote
For her lovemaking joy to connote.
“Oh God” didn’t work.
‘Twas a term she did shirk.
But “Oh Science” felt far too remote.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Johanna Richmond, Jesse Levy, Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
Downtown there’s a guy who would quote
From the bible – he’d preach and emote.
He’d still be there today
But they took him away
Since he had on no pants ‘neath his coat.
Scott Crowder
A fellow would frequently quote
A line he remembered by rote.
To the girls he would quip,
“I’ll go down with the ship,
Or at least with the man in the boat.”
Johanna Richmond:
It’s hard not to sound off and quote
All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
Or to shout,”You unsightly
Extremist nuts, bite me!”
But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.
Jesse Levy:
A fellow would frequently quote
A bird with a shiny black coat.
After tapping the door
He would say, “Nevermore.”
Twas the best poem Poe ever wrote.
Colleen Murphy:
A hooker would frequently quote
Her regular rate and she’d gloat:
“I charge a top dollar
To make a man holler.
It’s extra for rocking his boat!”
Tim James:
On the TV the pollsters all quote
Statistics regarding the vote.
It’s not that I’d rather
Give heed to their blather;
It’s just I can’t find the remote.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A pastor would constantly quote
From a textbook that he himself wrote
And just happened to sell.
“It will save you from hell!”
Even better it paid for his boat.
Jamie Hutchinson:
“I’m on deadline, just gimme a quote,”
Wasn’t said to a person of note
By a writer of news,
But instead to the muse
By a poet who couldn’t emote.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Daisy Mae Simon, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, October 28th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes.
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats,
And the parts in between simply froze.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The nudists would frequently pose
In group shots without any clothes.
But the photos they’d crop,
Leave the waist to the top
To hide any parts that arose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Reinhard, Jazzbumpa, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Craig Dykstra:
So this model is striking a pose.
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently pose,
For wifey, without any clothes.
And to make him look hung,
As when he was young,
She’d zoom in as far as it goes.
Phyllis Reinhard:
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question — what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
JazzBumpa:
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jazzbumpa, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Reinhard, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, October 21st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was very refined
Served Chianti to guests as they dined.
“If our friendship gets strained,”
Mr. Lector explained,
“You may give me a piece of your mind.”
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The duchess was not so refined
As to say that she’d terribly mind
If her manservant came
In the front door—no shame—
While the duke himself entered behind.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, and Patience (of Patience and the Prodigal.) Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A guy who was not too refined
Took a friend out to hunt and unwind.
He took aim at a deer,
Capped his friend in the rear.
(He shot the wrong version of hind.)
Bob Dvorak:
A gal who was very refined
Took her pal up the hill, where she pined,
“I’ve no notions of guilt;
Do with me what thou wilt.
From this angle I’m highly inclined.”
Craig Dykstra:
A teacher was not too refined
And had quite a lascivious mind.
He used to be trusted
But finally got busted
For feeling a little behind.
Chris Doyle:
A woman who’s very refined
Is inclined to be less so when wined.
With sufficient Chablis,
She might even agree
To a Gypsy Rose Lee bump and grind.
Colleen Murphy:
A woman, both rich and refined,
Toward those with less fortune was blind.
But Karma made sure
In time she’d grow poor,
So others could pay her no mind.
Patience: (of Patience and the Prodigal)
A gal who was very refined
Refused to break wind when she dined.
The gas overloaded,
And then she exploded.
Her manners were all they could find!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patience, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Saturday, October 6th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Carolyn Henly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A waitress trés prone to dismay
Had a beautiful tray to display.
But she tripped on a peel,
Went head over heel,
And ended up wholly distrait.
Congratulations to Jesse Levy who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow expressed his dismay
At having to work every day.
His doctor said stress
Would harm him much less
If he sat back and lit up a jay.
Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Daniel Ari, RJ Clarken, Johanna Richmond, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Marty McCullen, John Sardo, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Daniel Ari:
A fellow displayed his dismay:
“I came all this way to the Bay.
But I can’t understand
The lay of the land
That they said was the land of the lay.”
RJ Clarken:
A clergyman showed his dismay
At his obvious naiveté
Since a ‘lady’ he met
Conned him. Now deep in debt,
He’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.
Johanna Richmond:
Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
“I don’t want to be snipped!”
“That’s OK,” hubby quipped.
“When I need you I’ll take the back way.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman displayed her dismay.
Her hotel john had just a bidet!
Trepidatious at first,
Though she thought she might burst,
She tried it and stayed there all day!
Marty McCullen:
A fellow displayed his dismay
At why all his hair had turned gray.
He wasn’t that old,
Or so he was told,
But hair seems to have the last say.
John Sardo:
A fellow betrayed his dismay
At his wife who would quickly display
Her elegant charms
In friends’ eager arms:
He said, “Honey, at least make them pay.”
Bruce Niedt:
Young Hester displayed her dismay
That her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
“They think that I’m sultry.
Inured in adult’ry –
It’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’.”
And congratulations to Johanna Richmond and Craig Dykstra who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow displays his dismay
With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
A woman, however,
Is likely to sever
Your schnitzel and let you decay.
Craig Dykstra:
As a guy, I express my dismay
At the lim’rick I read here today.
Though YOU think it’s clever
That schnitzel you sever
Is an image that won’t go away!
Johanna Richmond:
I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
It was meant in a figur’tive way:
If it festers, why dance?
Just go straight for the lance —
There’s no need for a verbal ballet.
But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
Please forget what I said;
Insert this jab instead:
“A swift kick to your cocky caboose.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, Daniel Ari, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, John Sardo, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty McCullen, RJ Clarken, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, September 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At teaching his dog a command.
But he slurred just a bit,
And when he said “Sit,”
He got a bit more than he planned.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Brendan Beary, Richard Diakun, Carolyn Henly, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.
Tim James:
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires
For clients’ desires;
Supply was outstripped by demand.
Brendan Beary:
A fellow was trying his hand
On the Tokyo stage, but was canned —
The director yelled, “Cut!”
Then reproached him with, “What
Part of Noh do you not understand?”
Richard Diakun:
The lady again played her hand,
And this time the pot was a grand.
She got quite a rush
As she showed off her flush.
Her cleavage distracted as planned.
Carolyn Henly:
A poet was trying her hand
At a lim’rick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was trying his hand
At making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell
To know I can grow on-demand.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Beary, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, September 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was planning a spread
“For the birthday,” she said, “of my Fred.
He’s a sorry schlemiel
Without much appeal,
But surprisingly useful in bed.”
Congratulations to Susan Taylor, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A rich man was planning a spread
Of ads full of lies to be read.
“We’ll swing the election!
Evade all detection!
It’s free speech, the High Court has said.”
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this special Limerick Repartee Award for her limerick written in response to Craig Dykstra’s Limerick of the Week winner from last week. To fully appreciate Johanna’s verse, you need to read Craig’s and Johanna’s limericks back to back. So here they are:
Craig Dykstra:
The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman, caressing her spread,
To the squirt at the Sealy store said,
“Queen indeed, but I fear
You can’t satisfy, dear:
Extra firm’s what I like in my bed.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Carolyn Henly, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A fellow was planning a spread;
“A barbecue’s coming!” he said.
But a shortage of beef
Gave him all kinds of grief.
Now no one can find Mr. Ed.
Carolyn Henly:
A woman was planning a spread,
But she wasn’t quite right in the head.
The theme of her gig
Was “A Night in the Brig.”
She served nothing but water and bread.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
While a rancher was checking his spread,
He found a lone cow in a shed.
“The bull is out wooing.
I don’t feel like screwing.
I really don’t want to be bred!”
Daniel Ari: (For an extra laugh check out his limerick link.)
I, Daniel, am planning a spread
Of humus, falafel and bread;
And since my own pate
Is smooth as a plate,
I’ll serve it on top of my head.
Jamie Hutchinson:
When a shepherd boy laid out a spread
For his lover, she turned tail and fled.
“What was it, my pet,
That spoiled our duet?
The haggis? Or something I said?”
Colleen Murphy:
A dingbat was planning a spread,
But mixed up her plans in her head.
She mashed the tomatoes
And sliced raw potatoes,
Then stuffed the fresh duck in the bread.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Daniel Ari, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Susan Taylor, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 11 Comments »
Sunday, September 9th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Craig Dykstra, Bruce Niedt, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):
A fellow who tended to preen
Flashed a grin at the Jumbo-tron screen
And said, “What nominee?
This is all about me.
I’ll be running in 2016.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who tended to preen
Was found dead. Cops were called to the scene.
Her spouse cried, “My wife
Did NOT take her life!
She would never be caught dead in green!”
Craig Dykstra:
For her boyfriend, she started to preen,
Stating “I have the legs of a queen!”
Then she asked “In this light
Which looks best – ‘left’ or ‘right’ ?”
He said “I’m more a fan of ‘between’. “
Bruce Niedt:
A fellow who tended to preen
Picked up gals from the singles bar scene.
But he’s now in the pen
Where he does five-to-ten –
His last conquest was only sixteen.
Jamie Hutchinson:
A charmer was starting to preen,
As he sweet-talked the lovely Alene.
“May I stay?” “Yes, you may.”
Then he learned, as they lay,
That Alene was a Turing machine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nan Reiner, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 26th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was very obsessed
With being a tidy houseguest.
She was not asked agin,
Though as neat as a pin,
For she’d cleaned out their medicine chest!
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra and Scott Crowder, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Craig Dykstra:
Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
That her negligee should have been pressed:
“Are you try’na be cruel
You near-sighted old fool?
I have already gotten undressed!”
Scott Crowder:
A fellow was very obsessed,
And he just couldn’t get any rest,
‘Til the meter was right,
The rhyming was tight,
And the syllables properly stressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jim Delaney, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was very obsessed
With the size of the feminine breast.
When he’d speak with a lady
His glance was so shady
“Up here!” was the oft-heard request.
Bill Klein:
A fellow was very obsessed
With funds he had chanced to invest.
But alas, Facebook stock
Promptly dropped like a rock.
Thus, so did the egg from his nest.
Bruce Niedt:
A father was very obsessed
With the way that his teenage girl dressed:
“You inveterate flirt,
That’s a belt, not a skirt,
And your blouse reveals most of your chest!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A fellow was very obsessed
With a very old house he possessed
On the Oregon coast,
Even had its own ghost.
It’s the spirit that settled the West!
Jim Delaney:
A woman was very obsessed
With her health, as she later confessed.
Scared of losing her wits,
She kept checking her tits
To make sure she was keeping abreast.
Colleen Murphy:
“My poodle is very obsessed
With mating,” his owner confessed,
“The Great Dane next door.
But prospects are poor
‘Cause he’s barely a foot high at best.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Bruce Niedt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, August 19th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gard’ner was asked to explain
How he’d won the 1st Prize once again:
“Well, perhaps you should know
I use Miracle-Gro
Plus a generous dash of Rogaine.”
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
There’s only one way to explain
(Though I really don’t mean to complain)
Why the Lim’rick-Off Monday
Gets posted by Sunday:
It’s the “madness” of Madeleine Kane!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Patrick McKeon, Colleen Murphy, Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Scott Crowder, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Patrick McKeon:
A fellow was asked to explain
His decision to hijack a plane:
“I’ve got golf with my mate
And I mustn’t be late,
Else I’d surely have stolen a train.”
Colleen Murphy:
The medalist tried to explain
Why she stood on the stand in disdain:
“I should not have faulted
Last night when I vaulted.
It’s not that I’m rude, only vain.”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was asked to explain
What he’d do if he had half a brain.
He replied with a laugh,
“I’d give up on that half,
And then vote for that rich guy from Bain.”
Craig Dykstra:
My silo guy tried to explain
The glass panel that keeps out the rain.
“If it’s not kept intact
Your crop rots – that’s a fact:
It’s a case of No Pane, then No Grain.”
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was asked to explain
A rather embarrassing stain:
“My umbrella’s so small,
It topped only one ball
And the rest was left out in the rain.”
Scott Crowder:
My woman was asked to explain,
Just why she was so inhumane.
She screamed, “IT’S BECAUSE,
OF THIS DAMNED MENOPAUSE!”
I thought she was merely insane.
Diane Groothuis:
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he spent every night with Helene:
“She’s sexy, she’s smart
And ignores when I fart,
And I know that she’ll never abstain”.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrick McKeon, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, August 5th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A physicist known for her flash
Is bold, she is brassy and brash.
The men at the helm
She MUST overwhelm.
She loves to find Adams to smash!
Congratulations to both Craig Dykstra and Mark Kane who are tied for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
Craig Dykstra’s Ode to The Man in Black:
“Despite all the money you flash
Your Czechoslovakian bash
Won’t be held here – that’s right,
Johnny C’s on tonight
So we won’t allow Czechs, only Cash.”
Mark Kane:
A star who was known for her flash,
Wore a dress which was barely a sash.
Displaying her flair,
While practically bare,
She showed off her ass with panache.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty), and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Bob Dvorak:
A man who was known for his flash-
In-the-pan antics tried something brash —
Braising food in his shed.
It caught fire; he fled.
So what’s left? Just a pane in the ash.
Johanna Richmond:
A madam well known for her flash
Cut her price to a dollar per lash,
But it flopped – business waned:
Masochistics complained –
How’s a prick to feel pain with that slash?
Scott Crowder:
A gal who was known for her flash,
With Paul was a rock and roll smash.
She no longer sings,
She has other Wings,
And Heather Mills has all the cash.
Craig Dykstra:
On her webcam, her boobs she would flash
And her viewers would tip her with cash
But her cam worked the best
Pointed just at her chest
And away from her bushy mustache.
Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):
A gal who was known for her flash
Pulled a stunt that was bound to abash.
“’Twas a wardrobe malfunction,”
She cooed with some unction,
Then winked as she raked in the cash.
Tim James:
A man who was known for his flash
Chose a park for his disrobe-and-dash.
But he tripped and he stumbled,
In poison oak tumbled.
The result, like his action, was rash.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Nan Reiner, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
