This Invention Doesn’t Pass The Smell Test (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m vexed and a little perplexed
By the concept of smells sent by text.
I do not mean to vent,
But don’t send me a scent,
Or our friendship is apt to be exed.
(Harvard engineering professor David Edwards and co-inventor Rachel Fields have invented an aromatic mobile messaging device called an oPhone that sends and receives scents.)
When I’m looking for limerick ideas, I sometimes visit idiom list sites, like this one. Then I’ll select an idiom that might work meter-wise and that ends with a common rhyme sound.
And so today, I challenged myself to write a limerick that contains the phrase “dry run.” Unconsciously inspired, perhaps, by the inept roll-out of Obamacare, I wrote these two lines:
A software firm held a dry run
But the coding, alas, wasn’t done…
I swiftly thought up an acceptable “B-rhyme,” but then got stuck at line 5. The best I could come up with was an ending that employed yet another idiom: “under the gun.” But I still couldn’t think of a line 5 that was even slightly clever.
And then I got an idea: create some wordplay by revising another line, adding specificity to the subject matter. Here’s the result:
Limerick Dry Run
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A software firm held a dry run,
But the arms-tracking code wasn’t done.
It failed test after test,
Till the owner confessed:
“I’m too stressed to work under the gun.”
Happy Information Overload Day! (October 20, 2015)
Limerick Ode To Information Overload (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Too much data is haunting my dreams–
Excess info and too many memes.
Overloaded with news,
My brain has the blues:
“I’m cluttered with tidbits,” it screams.
So what’s the solution pray tell
That will free me from info-stress hell?
Turn off ev’ry machine
And device? That sounds mean
And quite limiting. Not a good sell!
Is there anything else I can do?
I suppose I could hide in the loo.
But alas and alack,
That room has a stack
Of old weeklies — a factoid fondue.
***
Update: The first Friday of March is the National Day of Unplugging.
Do we really need a beer-brewing robot that lets you make beer with your iPhone?
I’m Not Swallowing This App (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Innovations can certainly rock,
But at times they compel me to mock;
I’m feeling a jeer brewing:
IPhones and beer brewing?
How ’bout using an iPhone to talk?
It seems that artificial intelligence has a pun and joke-writing branch called computational humor. For instance, a computer software program called Standup:
Though it’s not quite Louis C. K., the Standup program, engineered by a team of computer scientists in Scotland, is one of the more successful efforts to emerge from a branch of artificial intelligence known as computational humor, which seeks to model comedy using machines.
Some Jokes Just Don’t Compute (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Computational humor is here:
Oddball software whose goal’s the frontier
Of punning and jokes.
But so far, I’d say folks
Who are funny have nothing to fear.
Limerick Rut
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was stuck in a rut.
She’d tripped, falling down on her butt.
She was wedged in so tight,
She might be there all night.
Seems its risky to text while you strut.
My Telemarketer Hang-up (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My name’s on the “do not call” list,
But our phone rings non-stop, and I’m pissed.
“How’s my energy plan?”
Says a voice — not a man,
But a bot, energetic’ly dissed.
In-Box Overload (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My in-box is filled to the brim.
The sight of it’s making me grim.
And my virtual box
Is likewise a pox.
Mail has stamped out my zip and my vim.
(Prompted By One Single Impression’s “Inbox.”)
Related Post: Email Hell
Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.
Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:
Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.
Out Of Sync Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A writer was trying to sync
Her laptop, which seemed on the blink.
So much data was lost,
That she cursed at the cost:
“I should never have stopped using ink.”
(Author’s Note: I’m happy to report that this limerick isn’t based on personal experience.)
(Linked at Funny Bunny Fridays)
Fickle Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A popular gal who was fickle
Found herself in a terrible pickle:
A fellow she spurned
Launched a web site that turned
Her long wooers-list into a trickle.
Creative Keys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you’re whipping your verse into shape
And are caught in a verse-challenged scrape,
The delete key is handy.
Assisted by brandy,
And last, but not least, try escape.
(Prompted to escape)
When Facebook makes changes, they usually annoy me. But I must admit that I mostly like Facebook’s new format and profiles, now that I’m getting used to them.
However, I do have one limerick-worthy peeve which you may have experienced — the now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t line of five photos that (sometimes) sits near the top of our pages.
So I bring you my Ode to AWOL Faces on Facebook:
Ode To AWOL Faces On Facebook
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes lines of five photos appear
Near the top. Then they vanish. Oh, dear!
Facebook’s done it again.
I will have to try Zen
To cope with this format’s premiere.
My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch.
But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Fight Firewalls With Kindle
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re at work, but on break — want to read.
But your boss did a dastardly deed:
Your fav’rites are blocked.
Your net access is locked.
But he can’t stop a Kindle blog feed.
My News: I’ve created Kindle versions of both my blogs. So if you’d like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here. And if you’d like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
Attention Fellow Bloggers: If you’d like to publish your own blog on Amazon Kindle, Amazon makes it pretty easy and has a helpful Kindle Blog FAQ here. You can also find some useful info over at Mashable and some Kindle badges and icons here.
Warning: Reading blogs on Kindle isn’t free, except for the 14-day free trial for each blog. Monthly Kindle blog subscription fees are controlled by Amazon and priced at either $0.99 per month or $1.99 per month. Moreover, only 30% of the revenue goes to the blogger.
And Now For The Sales Pitch: Each of my two blogs is priced at $0.99 per month.
So if you’re a Kindle owner, I hope you’ll give the Kindle version of this humor blog and/or the Kindle version of my political satire blog a try.
Many prestigious and popular sites just took a huge Google PageRank hit. For instance, The Washington Post, Forbes, The Chicago Sun-Times, and SFGate.com have all dropped from a 7 to a 5.
Search engine experts and webmasters are speculating that Google is punishing these and numerous other sites because of their advertising practices. And that brings me to my latest haiku:
Is Google at war,
Smiting ad revenue streams
That bypass Google?
(You can find more of my technology, computer, and search engine humor here and my news haiku here.)
How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
