Posts Tagged ‘Colleen Murphy’
Sunday, February 7th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said the Colonel “Cadet, I’ll be frank;
A blowjob is due to my rank.”
So the female cadet
Sucked his stiff ‘bayonet,’
But the charge in his weapon was blank.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special BEVERAGE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Our children are looking divine.
’Neath the chuppah, two families entwine.
But the rabbi looks stressed
As I make this request:
“Has Your Holiness more of this wine?”
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for her limerick that received the most Facebook “likes.”
Colleen Murphy:
The candidate tried to be frank,
But his stats with constituents sank.
So he gave to their ear
What they wanted to hear,
And he quickly moved upward in rank.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Tim James, Perry Plouff, Suzanne Heymann, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, David Reddekopp, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FRANK” RHYME DIVISION)
Bob Dvorak:
At art I’m not even mid-rank,
But it calms me, if I may be frank.
My brain today? Dead,
And my pencil? No lead.
At the end, I keep drawing a blank.
Tim James:
For a woman, the label is “skank,”
If not “slut,” “whore,” or [fill in the blank].
If a man sleeps around
He hears no worse than “hound.”
Double standards shame Fran, but not Frank.
Perry Plouff:
Dear Madeleine, let me be frank.
I wrote out some poems and they stank.
I just can’t complete
This poetical feat
In a manner which doesn’t turn rank.
Suzanne Heymann:
An outlaw named James, first name Frank,
Walked nervously into a bank.
Instead of a gun
He had pulled out a bun,
So his chances for wealth quickly shrank.
Will T. Laughlin:
The inspector said, “Let me be frank…”
So I pushed him straight off of the plank,
And when he fell in
To the sausage-meat bin,
I obligingly started to crank.
Fred Bortz:
A Congressman named Barney Frank
Said, “Enough! You can’t screw us, Big Bank!”
So he and Chris Dodd
Joined together, by God,
And they crafted an act of first rank.
Slings and arrows came from their right flank;
All the cranks soon declared the bill stank.
But Barney just laughed.
“Next time YOU’LL get the shaft
As the door of your jail cell goes clank.”
Alas, AIG schemer Hank
(Mr. Greenberg) avoided the tank.
To us it’s unnerving
That one so deserving
Goes free when he shoulda been sank.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEVERAGE LIMERICK DIVISION)
David Reddekopp:
A fellow named Homer had woes
Which he’d drown in his liquor at Moe’s.
Were his troubles so large
That he couldn’t tell Marge?
He’s a man of a million “D’ohs.”
Dave Johnson:
“This Chardonnay’s lovely with pork,”
He said as he fondled the cork.
She gave him a smile,
But thought all the while
“Just pour it and don’t be a dork.”
Kirk Miller:
There’s a soft drink that people say stokes them.
Don’t withhold The Real Thing; it provokes them.
You should know that for sure
They are easy to lure.
All it takes is a bottle to Cokes them.
Brian Allgar:
My doctor had told me I oughta
Drink less. Well, I’m fond of a snorter
Of rum, whisky, brandy,
Whatever is handy –
To please him, I stopped drinking water.
Will T. Laughlin:
If the Bundys continue their stint,
I think we should give them a hint
About deregulation:
Cut off their hydration,
And make them drink water from Flint.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Some might say I had gone a bit far
When I crashed through the door in my car,
Hit the wall with a thud,
And demanded more Bud:
My drunkenness razes the bar.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Perry Plouff, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, May 30th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Most lumberjacks, some say, are brutes,
Built for power from abs, pecs, and glutes.
But in math they do well.
Yes they truly excel.
Cutting logs, they compute all nth roots.
NOTE: I enjoyed the line 5 wordplay so much, that I violated my own general rule against limericks that may need an explanation. So if math humor makes you loggy, here’s Fred’s explanation:
For those who have forgotten or never learned logarithms, you can compute a square root by dividing the log of a number by two then finding the antilog of the result. Cube roots involve dividing the log by three. And in general, you can find the nth root by dividing the log by n.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Stephen Fleming, Kathy El-Assal, Kaye Roberts, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
Ten sailors were all in cahoots;
When on leave from their sea-going routes,
They would meet her to bang
As a nautical gang,
And they’d give her their ten-gun salutes.
Scott Crowder:
She never has colored her roots
Or toned-up her once perky fruits.
She’s more than okay
With her hair turning gray
And tucking her tits in her boots.
Colleen Murphy:
Said a carrot to tropical fruits,
“For sight we’re the favored recruits.”
But the kiwi replied,
“We’ve got C on our side.
So there! Now go back to your roots!”
Stephen Fleming:
I question a voter who roots
For the tally of feculent fruits
On the elephant ticket–
A baffling thicket
Of blustering arrogant suits.
Kathy El-Assal:
In Bayside, Mad put down her roots,
Then switched to word play from law suits.
Now Mark and his wife
Live a Queens-style life
With peons who bear pun-ish fruits.
Kaye Roberts:
A weight-lifter worked on his glutes.
His sinews were ropy, like roots.
Once skinny and fragile,
He’s not very agile,
But a mugger just looks, and then scoots.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A Scotsman named Ian McKloots
Played bagpipes that skirled squawky toots.
Until one day at last,
With kilt at half-mast,
He disclosed all his Manly McRoots.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Kathy El-Assal, Kaye Roberts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Stephen Fleming, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, May 23rd, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
For searching they brought out the hound,
“The best-sniffing hunt dog around.”
But instead of the punk
It uncovered a skunk,
And the stench from its spray was profound.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Scott Crowder, Allen Wilcox, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
I cursed when my stupid old hound
Went digging for bones in the ground,
For I’d cut up my wife
With a sharp kitchen knife,
And she wasn’t supposed to be found.
Scott Crowder:
On days that I miss my old hound
I wait for that imminent sound
Of neighbors despairing
And cursing and swearing
Whenever they step in a mound.
Allen Wilcox:
That crazy old dog went around
And around, and he howled like a hound.
Every day without fail
He went out chasing tail –
It was only his own that he found.
Dave Johnson:
She continued to hector and hound;
He recoiled from the unending sound.
Now technology wins;
He just sits there and grins.
New ear buds will keep him around.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, May 16th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SUE DULLEY, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Whether healthy and hearty and hale
Or feeble and fragile and frail,
If a cold makes you cry
And you think you’ll soon die
It’s a hundred to one that you’re male.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A fisherman, typically male,
Set a hook for his co-worker, Gayle.
What a catch, for the win!
After reeling her in,
He found out she was bait — for the jail.
Brian Allgar:
The Judge had released him on bail,
But his kids – seven female, six male –
Screamed and fought all the time,
So he planned a new crime
And returned to the peace of the jail.
Colleen Murphy:
I thought I could learn how to sail
With instructions I got in the mail
But for trimming and tacking
The guidelines were lacking.
At least I could manage to bail.
Dave Johnson:
The party was hardy and hale;
And he was a red-blooded male.
The women were hot
But the ending was not;
He awoke with his head in a pail.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, May 9th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Two businessmen plying their trade
Got caught up in an IRS raid.
Seems these ten-year-old crooks
Hadn’t kept proper books:
They were bootlegging pure lemonade.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Michael Alan Rosson, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
She was lying quite nude in the shade
When the soldiers marched by on parade.
One came to attention.
I’d better not mention
The weapon he proudly displayed.
Colleen Murphy:
The troops had conducted the raid
But their targets withstood, unafraid.
Though the Boy Scouts rehearsed,
Foes would not be coerced,
For the Daisies were truly first grade.
Dave Johnson:
They’re down in the county of Dade;
To Haulover Beach they have strayed.
Clothing-optional’s where
They’ll wander and stare
At the boobies and butts on parade.
Fred Bortz:
“Our Mother’s Day special parade
Will be canceled,” he said, “I’m afraid.
But our scheduling guy
Was a little bit high,
And his calendar left us dis-Mayed.”
Michael Alan Rosson:
’Round the house the old man was dismayed
When his semi-nude wife would parade.
He did not so much care
What she did/did not wear–
He just hated the brass band that played.
Dave Johnson:
A bagpiper — Angus Kincaid
Had his moment at this year’s parade.
He was over a vent,
Way up his kilt went;
Three ladies then rushed to his aid.
Will T. Laughlin: (for his BAD DATE)
“Sigh. I’ll bet he wants nookie in trade
For the horrible meal that he made…
I’ll lay odds ten to one
That he’ll grin when he’s done
Like he wants me to throw a parade!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Michael Alan Rosson, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, May 2nd, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
His face was beginning to slide;
Transformation could not be denied.
As each blotch and each freckle
Appeared, Dr Jekyll
Had nowhere to turn but to Hyde.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Will T. Laughlin and Judith H. Block. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
My favorite waterpark ride
Is where folks are propelled down a slide.
It tickles my heart
To see man and suit part,
Then scramble to cover his hide.
Sue Dulley:
As a student of Pure and Applied
Mathematics, I had to decide
Which of these two would Rule
While I stayed at that school –
I regret that I let them both Slide.
Brian Allgar:
Our host showed us slide after slide
Of the day that he married his bride,
Till a bang and a spark
Put us all in the dark —
Thank the Lord, his projector was fried.
Jon Gearhart:
My last girlfriend was music’ly tied
To a brass group, and when she applied
Her whole mouthpiece just right,
She could trombone all night
Making use of each inch of your slide!
All her musical talents aside
She was s’posed to become my young bride.
But alack and alas
Such a fine piece of brass
Always keeps other mates on the slide.
Will T. Laughlin:
A coy Early Music fan sighed
For a man with a very long slide.
“Oh please,” cried the miss,
“Won’t you give us a gliss?”
“My sackbut’s Baroque,” he replied.
Judith H. Block, who also illustrates her limerick:
He stared at the Waterworld slide:
“This is something I’d never abide,
Unless smoking some herbal,
For I am a gerbil!
On dry land is where we reside.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, April 18th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SHANNON TUCKER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Shannon Tucker:
I begged of her, “Please let me stick
“My tongue deep inside it real quick.”
She replied with a wink,
“Of course!” and turned pink
Cotton candy t’ward me for a lick.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Will T. Laughlin, Stephen B. Fleming, Konrad Schwoerke, and Nate Levin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
If Jack wasn’t nimble or quick
When vaulting that flame-yielding stick,
He’d have damaged his pride,
Disappointed his bride,
And there’d be no Jack Junior or Nick.
Dave Johnson:
She met a new fella named Nick
Who wanted to show her a trick.
With a pill called Cialis,
His two-minute phallus
Turned into a four-hour stick.
Tim James:
A proton attempted a trick:
He pulled others close-in to him, thick.
That’s a problem, because
It breaks physical laws.
Not to worry: the charges won’t stick.
Brian Allgar:
I was proud of my magical trick,
And her clothes disappeared double-quick.
Then I pulled out my wand,
But she laughed, that young blonde,
At my minuscule conjurer’s stick.
Will T. Laughlin:
After shooting the bear, hunter Vic
Stood poking the beast with a stick.
What would happen, we said,
If it wasn’t quite dead?
And Vic replied, “Don’t be ridic–”
Stephen B. Fleming:
A reply to a hot, friendly chick
Who asked for ride to a flick
Was much misconstrued
And considered quite lewd
When I asked, “ Can you handle a stick?”.
Konrad Schwoerke:
There once was a caveman named Glick
Who in rage gave a tree a swift kick.
To the ground fell a bough
That he grabbed yelling, “Yow!
Dudes, come quick—me invented the stick!”
Nate Levin:
All that mud thrown at Hill, will it stick?
Is she raving, quite power-mad, sick?
Well with iron for skin,
Raining barbs won’t dig in–
She’s hard-baked to repel every brick!
Will T. Laughlin:
Poor Jack is too nimble and quick
Finding places his candle to stick.
Now his candle is burning…
He’s finally learning
Where not to be dipping his wick.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nate Levin, Shannon Tucker, Stephen Fleming, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, April 4th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
They were sunbathing out on their deck,
Tanned all over, not wearing a speck.
Through binocular glasses
I ogled their asses,
And soon had a very stiff … neck.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, Stephen Fleming, Dave Johnson, Kaye Roberts, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
The woman had wanted to deck
The fellow who wrote her a check.
“For one, I’m a looker,
But clearly no hooker
And two, that’s the price for a peck!”
Scott Crowder:
My right cheek is burning like heck.
It’s red all the way to my neck.
I misspoke a word,
Or perhaps she misheard
When I asked her to sit on my deck.
Stephen Fleming:
A captain was striving to check
His foundering seafaring trek,
As his mutinous crew
Formed a startling queue
To punch him out square on the deck.
Dave Johnson:
While out on a wilderness trek,
They’ll sleep on a cold, craggy deck.
But at home she will say
“I’m hurting today;
Our mattress is lumpy as heck!”
Kaye Roberts:
A gambler once salted the deck
With aces, thus risking his neck.
But he won all the cash
Which he put in his stash
And gen’rously picked up the check.
Will T. Laughlin:
Poor Cap’n Jack’s barge is a wreck:
He tried to say, “All hands on DECK…”
But the order that Jack sent
Was spoiled by his accent.
They thought he was saying… (oh, blecch!)
Old Cap’n Jack’s eyes, they grew large
When he saw what went on in his barge.
I’m told upon landing
The misunderstanding
Resulted in seaman discharge.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Kaye Roberts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Stephen Fleming, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (208)
Saturday, March 7th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
I’ve a fetish for moisture: a moat,
Or some pond, or a pool gets my vote.
Any sex is way better
When things are way wetter;
It’s water that’s floating my boat.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kevin Ahern, Fred Bortz, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Allen Wilcox, Scott Crowder, Will T. Laughlin, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kevin Ahern:
It’s with sorrow I send you this note.
The repairmen has said and I quote,
“The TV’s in danger;
With no channel changer
Its recovery chance is remote.”
Fred Bortz:
Santorum is known to emote,
“First man-on-man, then man-on-goat!”
Said a goatherd named Thomas,
“If that is a promise,
Then Rick will be getting my vote!”
Brian Allgar:
The actress could never emote;
On the screen, she recited by rote.
But the girl was no slouch
On the old casting-couch,
So they chose her by popular vote.
Colleen Murphy:
My five-year old left us a note:
“I’m heading to places remote
Cause father and mother
You gave me a brother
And no one considered my vote.”
Allen Wilcox:
With chances of winning remote,
The head of the party took note,
“Put away all your tissues;
Can’t win on the issues,
So let’s try suppressing the vote.”
Scott Crowder:
I asked her last night and I quote,
“Where the hell is that fucking remote?”
It soon came to pass,
It’s so far up my ass,
I change channels by clearing my throat.
Will T. Laughlin:
We got in our vessel to float
Far away to an island remote
Where there’s no damned TV.
Hold it — who’s this I see?
Is that Gilligan? BACK TO THE BOAT!
Steve Whitred:
She said “Dear, we’ve become so remote,
And I fear on the nanny you dote.”
He said “Darling, I swear
I’ve not touched the Au Pair,
But I have been beguiled by the goat.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Kevin Ahern, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Saturday, February 21st, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
An agent with humor too droll
Has been dumped and is out on the dole.
Ninety-nine and The Chief
Are both filled with relief
To know Maxwell is out of control.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Edward von Muir, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Brian Allgar, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
At the bridge I expected a troll,
But two beautiful gals took the role
Of collecting the fare.
Who’s in charge over there?
You should ask not for whom the belles toll.
Edward von Muir:
While driving my Nissan Patrol,
I hit, near the boreal pole,
Some old geezer in red,
And I left him for dead,
So for Christmas I only got coal.
Colleen Murphy:
The guard on the bridge was a troll.
He told me he wanted my soul,
But I said, “It’s too late!
Valentino, my mate,
Has already levied that toll.”
Jon Gearhart:
South Korea, right after patrol,
I went into this watering hole.
I told tales and had drinks.
They served food that I think’s
Best summed up as the filly of Seoul.
Brian Allgar:
The golfer was built like a troll
And a fine hole in one was his goal.
But he fumbled the stunt,
And the player in front
Told him “Ouch! You’re in quite the wrong hole!”
Will T. Laughlin:
Don’t respond to the Internet Troll:
If you do, he’ll succeed in his goal.
To his lair in the deep
CAPS-LOCH Ness he will creep,
Bearing with him a piece of your soul.
Will T. Laughlin:
Oh joy. I’ve defeated the Troll,
And discovered a magical scroll.
Though my character’s plungin’
Deep into the dungeon,
My love life’s a much deeper hole.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Edward von Muir, John Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, February 7th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A race home between tortoise and hare
Is essentially not very fair.
Though the hare is quite quick,
It’s a shell game. That prick,
The tortoise, is already there!
Congratulations to JONATHAN JENSEN, on winning the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:
When I look at the gray in my hair,
I never give way to despair.
Though I long for a ’do
With a more youthful hue,
I’m mostly just glad it’s still there.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Lisi Ardissone, Konrad Schwoerke, Byron Ives, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Val Fish, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
For the fancy-dress ride, what to wear?
Her husband said “Go as a bear.”
But Godiva misheard,
So she mounted and spurred
And rode forth wearing only her hair.
Colleen Murphy:
Said the hunter, “I won fair and square
And with no double-counting, I swear.
It is not a mistake.
When they tallied my take,
They told me I’d won by a hare.”
Lisi Ardissone:
I altered the shade of my hair
To give it a little more flair.
When my husband came home,
He said, “Oh, Marone!
Are you planning to have an affair?”
Konrad Schwoerke:
A new ’do? Why the hell would I care
What you do to your own freakin’ hair?
Though I do wish you’d learn
That my only concern
Is it’s not an obstruction down there.
Byron Ives:
She sported long, sexy, blonde hair
And worked at the fresh produce fair.
I reckoned her peaches
Were out of my reaches,
But jeepers, she had a nice pear!
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
With a toss of her silvery hair,
She said to him: “Now then, mon cher;
While we wait for your phallus
To go and Cialis,
There’s much you can do below there.”
Val Fish:
Last night, I shaved off all my hair.
No, not on my head, but ‘down there.’
When faced with the sight,
My hubby took flight.
My bald patch was too bare to bear.
Allen Wilcox:
The fruit vendor’s wife was a bear:
“Shape up and get out of my hair.”
He took it in stride,
Although, puzzled, he sighed,
“But why did she say ‘get a pear?’”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jon Gearhart, Jonathan Jensen, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Ardissone, Val Fish, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Saturday, January 31st, 2015
It’s time to announce the TWO-HUNDREDTH Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to PATRICE STEWART A/K/A PATRICE OF THE MANYCATS, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The crew was refusing to clap
For the actors and muttered, “What crap.
We feel sick – lunch was bad!
We’re not sure what we had.”
And were told, with disgust, “It’s a wrap.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Tim James, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A gal heard a thunderous clap
And felt something warm in her lap.
She’d found, so it seems,
The man of her dreams,
But sadly, awoke from her nap.
Colleen Murphy:
I really had wanted to clap
When the speaker stopped moving her yap,
But her speech was so boring
I guess I was snoring.
She’d lectured me into a nap.
Jon Gearhart:
Sherlock Holmes was inspecting the gap
Twixt the legs of yo mama when, “Snap!”
Her legs clamped around him.
That’s where Watson found him;
He died in “The Case of the Clap.”
Brian Allgar:
“How on earth did I pick up the clap?”
She beseeched a young medical chap.
“If you really don’t know,”
He said, “Well, let me show
You this human anatomy map.”
Fred Bortz:
Said Ludwig, “Four notes make a clap
Of thunderous fate that will wrap
Your soul in a tower
Of musical power.”
Said his musical rival, “What crap!”
Tim James:
A paradigm shift’s when you scrap
All your old preconceptions as crap.
With Mad’s new rhymes appearing,
It’s akin to my hearing
Rice Krispies go pock, snapple, clap.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
It’s considered uncultured to clap
At the symphony during a gap.
When the fiddlers pause
Just hold your applause
And don’t wake me up from my nap.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrice Stewart, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, January 24th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ALLEN WILCOX, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying to pass
A lass who was swinging her ass
Side to side (super-sized).
He was quite hipnotized,
And his privates went public en masse.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
For my birthday, my son bought a pass
To go fishing. They stock them en masse.
They’ll replaice what you like.
We caught walleye, carp, pike,
But they cut us off, right at the bass.
Colleen Murphy:
A student who struggled to pass
Had trouble with volume and mass.
“Fill it in, fill it up?
Is it pounds or a cup?
I’m too dense for this matter, alas.”
Scott Crowder:
A man made an unfruitful pass
At a gal in his calculus class.
And now he knows why
When you’re solving for pie,
You don’t want to mention her mass.
Jon Gearhart:
When a quarterback drops back to pass,
The refs need a spy on his ass
To make sure that his balls
Are the right size. If all’s
Not the same, they’ve been letting off gas!
Konrad Schwoerke:
A fellow who made a lewd pass
Has confirmed for his wife he’s an ass
And a two-timing prick,
So she severs his dick–
Now it lies, like a snake, in the grass.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, January 18th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man fell in love with a tart
@ lonely dot com backslash heart.
He craved her affection,
Yet used no protection,
And now his computer won’t start.
Congratulations to Allen Wilcox on winning the Limerick Saga Award for his clever 3-verser:
A man fell in love with a tart
Who thought that tattooing was art.
He, being quite daft,
Let her practice her craft
And proceed on his most private part.
As you might well imagine, the tart
Needed firmness before she could start.
So she used an injection
For proper erection
And pain pills brought in by the cart.
Her masterpiece finished, the tart
Explained that her tatting might smart,
And whenever he “sinned,”
He would always break wind,
Which made it a true work of fart.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Ron B., Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
The waitress had brought him a tart,
But Count Dracula fancied her heart.
So although at this venue
Blood’s not on the menu,
He just served himself à la carte.
Ron B.:
A fellow had picked up a tart
– At least so he thought at the start –
Until gasping for air
He announced with despair,
“’Twas a quiche with an art…uh…choke heart.”
Jon Gearhart:
Are philosophers’ words sweet or tart?
“I think so I am,” said Descartes.
Berkeley said, “If I am,
So is God.” “Life’s a sham.
Yes, it is. No it’s not.”– Jean-Paul Sartre.
Colleen Murphy:
If ever you’re dating a tart,
Precaution with sex would be smart.
You don’t know where she’s been.
To ignore’d be akin
To battling a gun with a dart.
Fred Bortz:
Marge Simpson was baking a tart
For Homer and Lisa and Bart.
She cried out, “Oh, no!
I’ve no yeast for the d’oh.”
But at least it gave Pesach a start.
Ron B.
Men madly will fall for a tart
Who, shallow of mind and of heart,
Will claim her vows taken
Have long been forsaken
By death never doing its part.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Ron B., Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, January 3rd, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
There’s a cop with a dog that is mine
At my door, which could be a bad sign.
“By the roadside,” he said,
“Dog gave birth.” Why my dread?
I’ll be getting a littering fine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Allen Wilcox, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
This new hot, kinky girlfriend of mine
Has a fetish for feet, which is fine.
She likes squatting on toes,
And you’re right to suppose
That for her I’ll be toeing the line.
Colleen Murphy:
A well-to-do uncle of mine
Still active at aged ninety-nine
Finds women adore him;
For dates they implore him,
Allured by his big dollar sign.
Sue Dulley:
The depths of my psyche I’ll mine;
I’ll even resort to red wine
To dredge up a verse,
Be it florid or terse,
With an actual rhyme in each line.
Jon Gearhart:
If I had a big diamond mine,
I’d make your life truly divine.
If our love life went daft,
I’d get stuck with the shaft,
But my rocks would remain wholly thine.
Byron Miller:
“My diction’s just fine, in the mine,”
Thought Eliza, repeating her line:
“Dr. Iggins’ all weht,
And I’ll mike you a beht
That it doh even rine up in Spine.”
Allen Wilcox:
“I play football. My future is mine.
My knowledge of logic is fine.
I now will give voice
To my difficult choice;
I’ll either resign or re-sign.”
Tim James:
At times, sweet indulgence is mine;
With a French gal I get to entwine.
It’s always a pleasure,
No matter the measure.
(In metric, it’s still sixty-nine.)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, December 27th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A panda, with gun, chowed down peas
From a waitress, then shot at her knees,
Gnashed a bug in his fur,
Then left in a blur.
In essence, he eats, shoots, and fleas?
Congratulations to Mark Kane and Byron Ives, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Mark Kane:
Hot, spicy, wasabi-dried peas
With some cold icy sake might ease
My fair, fussy spouse
To unbutton her blouse,
And let me proceed as I please.
Byron Ives:
So you think hot, wasabi-dried peas
Will get you in good with your squeeze?
A PajamaGram, dude,
Will set the right mood.
Add good scotch and enjoy the striptease!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Carolyn Henly, Ron B., Steve Whitred, Tim James, and Jon Gearhart, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
The hiker had tried to appease
A ravenous tiger with cheese,
But the tiger said, “No.
I’d much rather go
With the man and his hand if you please.”
Kathy El-Assal:
“NRA types are hard to appease,”
Said a pacifist sending out pleas.
Trading humor for guns,
He resorted to puns:
“Your aim should be shooting the breeze!”
Carolyn Henly:
An old printer ran short on his p’s,
But the fruit man he wanted to please.
So he turned all aroun’
And then flipped upside down
And spelled “apple” by using two d’s.
Ron B.:
A mom told her kids, “Eat your peas.
Don’t let them roll down on your knees.
Don’t mash them to mush,
Don’t slash them to slush,
And swallow them first, if you sneeze!”
Steve Whitred:
To my daughters I said “Eat your peas,
Use your manners; say thank you and please.
Always pull your own weight,
And when out on a date
Clasp a quarter real tight with your knees.”
Tim James:
With soft words I will try to appease
My drunk gun-totin’ neighbor, ’cause he’s
Seeing Martians advance
As pink elephants dance.
He’s outside right now, shooting the breeze.
Jon Gearhart:
When Santa sets forth to appease
The kids of the world with gifts, he’s
Said to fly in his sleigh
For the length of a day
And give good kids all gifts with great ease.
I think that the reason that he’s
Been able to do this with ease
Is that most kids are naughty
With mouths spouting potty;
Thus, no gifts delivered to these!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Ives, Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Ron B., Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, December 14th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brian Allgar, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The hooker was playing her grand
While caressing her customer’s gland.
When he asked “How d’you do it?”
She said “Nothing to it —
It’s a piece by Ravel for Left Hand.”
Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, C. Adams, Fred Bortz, Robert Schechter, Richard Diakun, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, Ron B., and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Byron Ives:
He told her he’d charge just a grand
For a castle, built just as she planned.
She scowled, “You’re a leech,
Get off of this beach!
Take your bucket and cups and pound sand!”
C. Adams:
A woman had hopes that were grand.
Get rich, that is what she had planned.
She became a celeb,
From some pics on the web.
I must stop now. Can’t type with one hand.
Fred Bortz:
To Creationists, mankind is grand.
At life’s pinnacle, that’s where we stand.
But I say if it’s true
We’re the best God can do
Then the deity needs to re-brand.
Robert Schechter:
There’s just one piano, the grand,
Upon which I’d deign lay a hand.
Don’t think for a minute
I’d play a damn spinet.
Such keyboards are banned from my band.
Richard Diakun:
I owed my old bookie nine grand
The games didn’t go as I planned
Now, Tony wants bank
Or his boys break my crank–
It’s useless since they broke my hand!
Will T. Laughlin, for his acrostic limerick:
“We the Jury (not trial, but Grand)
Have decided to NOT reprimand.
In fact, you might say
That we functioned today
Exactly the way we were planned.”
Colleen Murphy:
He claimed the ring cost him a grand.
“The finest in all of the land.”
But I felt some distrust
When is started to rust
And it left a green mark on my hand.
Ron B., for his “No Grander Philanderer:”
A man whose delusions were grand
expected that just as he planned
his wife and his lover
would gladly discover
that neither could meet his demand.
Konrad Schwoerke:
“For your hit, I was paid fifty grand.
Do you want to know what I’ve got planned?”
“No, oblivion’s best;
I don’t want to be stressed.”
So I buried his head in the sand.
And congratulations to Jon Gearhart and Jonathan Jensen, who jointly win a special Political Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Jon Gearhart:
Aren’t those bendy contortionists grand?
I’ve seen one that for 6 years can stand
With one foot in his mouth,
His head stuffed up down south,
Still golfing and leading our land!
Jonathan Jensen:
Oh, political potshots are grand,
But your mindset I don’t understand.
It’s not “44”
Who took us to war
And laid waste to a far distant land.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, C. Adams, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Jonathan Jensen, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Robert Schechter, Ron B., Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, November 22nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The Republicans now see the light!
Executive orders aren’t right!
Yet when I remind them
That Ron Reagan signed them,
They answer, “But Reagan was white!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Robert Basler, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, and Fred Bortz, for his four-verse science saga. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A criminal pun came to light
When a bedbug decided one night
To hold a church wedding
Right there in the bedding:
An example of mite making rite.
Colleen Murphy:
“The trouble with traveling light
Is I won’t know which outfit is right,”
Said my daughter while packing.
No clothes was she lacking,
As she filled up two bags for one night.
Brian Allgar:
Though his needs for nutrition were light,
The vampire felt peckish that night,
And invited a maid
Who had foolishly strayed:
“My dear, do you fancy a bite?”
Robert Schechter:
My girlfriend is so impolite!
In the course of one glorious night
Of unbridled ardor,
She said, “Were it harder,
Perhaps you’d be doing it right.”
Robert Basler:
A music motif that is leit
Is a common Wagnerian sight.
It’s a theme that’s recurring
In opera, all during–
If you miss it, you can’t be too bright.
Jon Gearhart:
A damp cellar can make the heart light
As an entymological site
For a group that elects
To study in sects
With their peers, a combined show of mite.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Our waitress is such a delight,
But the diners are sometimes a fright.
One tried copping a feel;
Now he’s wearing his meal,
So we think she has served the guy right.
Fred Bortz:
Though Planck’s math used quanta of light,
He still did not think that was right.
Young showed light behaves
Exactly like waves.
Then Maxwell’s math made that case tight.
Herr Einstein, of course, saw the light:
In photoelectrics, you might
Need only one quantum
(Or more if you want ’em)
To eject an electron. That’s right!
Then deBroglie declared that if light
Is both wavelike and grainy, you might
Find electrons the same,
And when Schrödinger came,
We saw Quantum Mechanics take flight.
Though limericks make this tale light,
The science behind it is quite
A profound undertaking
And foundation-shaking.
That’s why we call physicists bright.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, November 16th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
His feathery ass was at stake,
And about to get reamed in the lake:
“Get off of my back,
You near-sighted quack.
I’m not a damn hen, I’m a drake!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Jon Gearhart, Allen Wilcox, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
I was trying to swallow the steak
For the love of my marriage’s sake.
But my teeth couldn’t weather
The texture of leather.
It’s one thing I just couldn’t fake!
Brian Allgar:
A fellow was driving a stake
Through Count Dracula’s heart – piece of cake! –
When he felt – what the heck? –
A sharp pain in his neck.
“Surprise!” said the Count, “I’m awake!”
Robert Schechter:
As a vegan, I never eat steak.
But I also hate “meat” that is fake.
At dinner I’m left
Feeling hungry, bereft,
Till dessert when I fill up on cake.
Jon Gearhart:
With the fate of the world’s oil at stake,
We attacked the Mideast. Now we take
Our time to help build
Up new business. They’re thrilled
When we ask, “You want fries with that, Shaik?”
Allen Wilcox:
Eve and Adam were munching on steak,
When along came a devilish snake.
When his fruit they dismissed,
It grew angry and hissed,
“Oh, please take a bite for God’s sake.”
Tim James:
I dine her on lobster and steak
While her eyes flash a lust that’s not fake.
Then she promises more
As her clothes hit the floor.
And at that exact moment — I wake.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 2 Comments »
Saturday, November 8th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
I hear that this tavern serves grub,
So I’d rather go find a new pub.
Though I’m thoroughly drunk,
And I’m not a damned punk,
Eating larvae is something I snub.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mary JeTrois, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Tim James, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mary JeTrois:
At midday I stopped for some grub
At my neighborhood griller and pub.
I said, “How is your meat,
So spicy and sweet?”
He responded, “Therein lies the rub.”
Colleen Murphy:
My father tried making some grub
After spending all night in the pub,
And it’s true that some Comet
Will cause you to vomit,
As he used it as cheese on his sub.
Brian Allgar:
I was feeling in need of some grub,
So I strolled to my neighboring pub.
But the food was no good,
I was chewing on wood;
The “club sandwich” was made from a club.
Tim James:
A guy, sitting down for some grub,
Said, “Is this thing a hero, or sub?
Or a po’ boy? I’ve heard
It’s a ‘hoagie.’ Strange word.”
It’s a *sandwich*. Just eat it, you schlub.
Robert Schechter:
To wash down my dinnertime grub
I stopped in at a fine Irish pub
Where the Guinness I downed
Made a sizzling sound
As I sprayed it out back in the shrub.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mary JeTrois, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
