Happy “Clashing Clothes Day!” (4th Thursday of January)
Said a gal to her spouse, with a frown:
“Tell me, why are you dressed like a clown?
Orange jacket? Green shirt?
Purple pants? My eyes hurt!
Just this once, can’t you wear solid brown?”
#ClashingClothesDay #NationalClashingClothesDay
Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!
I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Press or Impress or Express or Oppress at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANGER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best anger-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 12, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 11, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When job-seekers “dress to impress”
At the office, that’s helpful I guess.
But must social attire
Entail and require
Spending ev’ry last cent you possess?
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
AWOL socks are a grim laundry given;
Former pairs inexplicably riven,
Dresser drawers oddly littered
With orphans, embittered
And wond’rin’ where old mates are livin’.
*****
Yet another sock
Has escaped; it’s on the run.
AWOL! Or eaten.
May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. And December 4 is National Sock Day.
A man who was known for his rants
Was caught on the street with no pants.
He was standing half-nude
With a bellicose tude,
On par with his usual stance.
But he HAD a defense for his act
That accounts for the clothing he lacked;
The fellow’s fine mission
Was spur recognition —
“No Pants Day’s” today! That’s a fact.
Happy “No Pants Day!” (First Friday of May)
What’s my excuse for this ridiculous limerick? It’s National Hat Day. (January 15)
A woman who always wore hats
Would never be seen without spats.
Did they match? But of course!
And this clotheshorse’s course
Was to also adopt matching cats.
Guys who despise ties (and who doesn’t?) will love New York City’s new gender discrimination rule banning restaurants from requiring ties for male diners only.
A male-only necktie demand
In Big Apple rest’rants is banned.
This new rule now protects
Our poor fellows’ sore necks.
How grand that such sexism’s panned!
Not Mad About The Weather (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Each summer I bitch about heat.
Humidity too makes me bleat.
But the current one’s better
Than most — wore a sweater
One night, which beats sweat indiscreet.
(DVerse Poets wants weather about the dog days of summer.)
The U.N. has decreed June 21 to be International Day Of Yoga … which gives me a handy excuse to post this silly limerick:
A gal doing yoga while dressed
In a toga, when questioned, confessed
That her garb did not work—
Turned her poses berserk.
So instead of relaxed, she was stressed.
I find jeans to be patently uncomfortable. But I’m dutifully celebrating the birthday of its patent — granted to Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis on May 20th, 1873:
Call them denims or jeans — I don’t care–
That’s one garment I simply won’t wear.
I don’t buy the appeal
Of its look or its feel,
And I’d rather go naked. Don’t stare!
*****
National Blue Jeans Day falls on December 5th.
Limerick Ode to the Zipper (Zipper Day: April 29)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ll bet Gideon Sundback felt chipper
When designing the modern-day zipper–
An invention surpassin’
The old ways to fasten…
And a slick trick to hook a big tipper.
The Revealing Oscars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Oscars have aired
With winners declared,
While folks mostly stared
At the skin that was bared.
Posterior Advances (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Most hospital gowns can cause tears
Cuz our butt spheres so rarely get cheers.
But the med field’s revealed
Asses CAN be concealed;
New frontiers in design shield our rears.
Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.
“No Bra Day” Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is “No Bra Day.” Oh my!
But just ONE braless day? Won’t comply
With the custom of binding
Our breasts. I’m not minding
Those rules. I declare, “Let them fly!”
UPDATE: In addition to being celebrated on July 9th, No Bra Day is also celebrated on October 13.
(For more bra humor, here’s my Wonderbra Song Parody.)
Limerick Ode To Women In Trousers Day (May 28)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear damsels in pants, take a bow
Cuz it’s “Women In Trousers Day” now.
Seems in Nineteen-Two-Three
On this day, the AG
Said you must allow gals to wear trow.
Limerick Ode To Tweed Day (April 3)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though it’s “Tweed Day,” don’t rush to conclude
It’s a fabric allusion — that’s skewed,
For I’ve just gotten word
That this day, April 3rd,
Is a birthday — Boss Tweed’s — sleazy dude!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
While shopping for fantasy-wear…*
or
A woman appeared unaware…*
or
My break pads have suffered some wear…*
or
I would never buy ready-to-wear…*
or
My wife disappeared — don’t know where…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Ware
By Madeleine Begun Kane
How I wish I could choose what to wear
Without worries that people might stare.
‘Twould be lovely to skirt
The whole issue (no shirt,
Dress, or leggings) and simply go bare.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Are you planning to celebrate National Underwear Day on August 5th? Hint: It involves going out in public wearing just underwear.
Before you do anything rash, you should probably read this limerick:
Limerick Ode To The Thong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you think you look good in a thong,
Double-check — throngs are certain you’re wrong.
Take a look from all sides.
Please use mirrors as guides.
You still think so? That bong must be strong!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
